Chapter 26: Clichéd Dungeon mission

Cairne Bloodhoof and Thrall had stopped before a dividing path…

"The path sets off in different directions…" says Cairne.

"Well, geez, that was so freaking obvious! This is so cliché! I suppose we split up now?!" complains Thrall. "Don't answer that, Cairne, Blizzard isn't smart enough to think of better more original situations…"

"So are we splitting up?"

"You do know either of these paths could stretch for miles and miles?"

"No way, Blizzard can't be bothered to make a decent working cluster rockets, they can't be bothered to make miles of terrain…" says Cairne.

So the troops split up: Over-powerful Taurens on one side and Human-owning Orcs on the other, and start following the path which is obviously filled with traps, weak cliché creeps and easy unoriginal quests.

"Good luck then, I hope you die of some underground mad cow disease!" says Thrall, leaving the chieftain.

NOTICE: Thrall's Far sight spell isn't available underground! Not that'd you care though; it's a crappy spell anyway.

So they fight through lots of underground creatures, like oversized rats, walking skeletons and fire breathing lizards. Well, they also fought a few interesting enemies like mole people and the hidden society of Covenant hating Heretics, which were too busy fighting another alien named Arbiter to fight them… So they keep fighting until they get to a statue. The statue messes with Thrall and makes him talk in a tree-humping elf's voice.

"I am Azsune, ancient queen of the tree-humping children, none may pass until they find my heart!" says Thrall.

"Holy crap, HE'S HEARING VOICES AGAIN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" screams the hyperactive troll.

Thrall then shakes his head and starts talking normally. "The statue has demanded its heart and it will let us pass! Listen, big badass statue, let us pass or you find where your heart is supposed to be placed!"

The statue messes with Thrall's head again…

"Oh, look at me, I'm Thrall, smartass chieftain of the orcs! I spend my ENTIRE LIFE on a wolf and never have to use the toilet! I'm so badass I can ZAP STUFF!" screams Thrall in Azsune's voice. "(returning to normal) FINE! We'll find your goddamned heart… fuck--- statue… (Azsune's voice) I heard that! (normal voice) GO TO HELL BITCH!!! (Azsune's voice) I already am in hell asshole!"

Anyways, moving on from this very disturbing scene… After getting back the heart from harpies (special UNDERGROUND harpies) stealing some poor red dragon (special UNDERGROUND dragon (wtf? Flying units underground)), they finally bring back the heart to the bitchy statue…

"FINALLY! Took you long enough!" says the statue, taking its heart and placing it on her hand.

"You know I read the description of the item for once, and it says you have to search for it every day because it get stolen all the time… try putting it where your heart should really go, not in your hands…" points out Thrall.

"Holy… wow, never thought about it that way… Thanks, smartass warchief!" thanks the statue.

Thrall turns around. "Wow, a lava pit. That was worth destroying the barrier..."

"Mon, hopefully, Cairne will find a way to make a bridge appear here…" says the witch doctor.

BAM! Goes the door behind them, revealing Cairne and his cattle.

"AH! The spectral bridge of… yeah a bridge, the path to the oracle is revealed!" says Cairne.

(long silence)

"Anytime now…"

(REALLY long silence)

"Oh you're kidding me… OPEN THE DAMNED BIRDGE!" screams the tauren chief. The bridge magically pops out of existence and the troops walk to the other side, when they get surprised by Jaina!

"Orcs! I knew we were being followed! Defend yourselves!" orders Jaina.

"STOP!" says DA PROPHET, appearing in cheesy music and effects. "There shall be no violence here!"

"What is this? A church?! HEY' you're the crazed prophet from chapter 1! YOU TRICKED US!" points out Thrall. "Archmage, lets pwn the bastard!"

"Hell yeah!"

"HA! I'm invulnerable! Anyways, now that I've VERY cleverly lured you here, I can tell you of your crappy destiny!" says DA PROPHET. "Thrall, this is Jaina Proudmoose, leader of the survivors of lollyron… they've been obliterated by the Burning Legion and your friend Hellcream has already been hired by the IRS! You have to unite together the pwn the Legion!"

"Unite with them? Are you mad?" asks Jaina.

"Actually, yeah, after 10000 years your mind plays tricks on you… Anyway, you're gonna work together whether you like it or not!"

Cairne interrupts: "You know, with all the clichéd shit Blizzard was throwing at you, it should have been obvious you were going to unite, besides the 100-year-old hatred" points out the tauren.

"Shut up, stupid cow" says Jaina.

"GODDAMNIT, I'M NOT A—"

"Yeah, Cairne, shut the hell up" says DA PROPHET.

"(sigh)…"

MEANWHILE….

Contrarily to what people would think, Timmy wasn't seeking revenge. No, he was invited on Dr. Master Chief (Nothing to do with Dr. Phil whatsoever), hosted by me where I take heavy psychological issues and show it to the world.

"So, Timmy, what has the plasma pistol incident woken up in you?"

"\/Y 337 r3\ZY -45 R37R\3) \/\/0r53 7-3\ 3\/3R!" manages to blurt out the L337 F00tm4n.

"Uh, Timmy, no one understands things like that but me, so I'll translate with subtitles from now on…"

"0 4Y" says Timmy. He keeps talking and magic subtitles appear… "You know I was born with this, and its hard not being understood… And it takes much longer to say something while using letters and symbols you know… and now you shot and its back, and even though I don't hold grudges, it's really (BLEEP) pissing me off"

"I just realized, you're a freaking footman, no one cares… NEXT!"

So the footy gets rejected and is replaced by Varimathras, who is coming because he's the only one that survived the Expansion pack's massacre…

NEXT TIME: SOMETHING