AN: I bet you all thought I'd given up on this story, didn't ya? Jarod caused me writer's block for a while, but I'm beyond that now. Yea! But... the problem now is I'll have two weeks less of Christmas break to write- I have to go back when the kids do because I'm student teaching next semester. I'm going to write as much as I can before then. Thank you all so much for your support. I really appreciate it. You have helped me become a better, more aware writer (as you can clearly see when you read a Whiter Shade of Pale and it's rewrite that I'm also working on- Tell No Secrets, Tell No Lies). Love you guys. ;cD

This is just a small part- more to come, but I thought everyone might need time to reread the story before we really get back into it.

Just a reminder: this takes place after Jarod found his father but before he found his sister.

LJP: I have a whole case of pens for you as I'm sure you'll need them in the upcoming chapters. ;) The Adama of the tP-verse wasn't mentioned at all that I'm aware of until Island of the Haunted and I had forgotten about the Adama of BG. Sorry about any confusion there!

NYT: Family, indeed! A Lorelei Gilmore quote comes to mind: "Nothing screws up a family like a family". And it does seem as though Daddy Parker has pegged Lyle as the evil (disposable) twin. I wouldn't be surprised if the old coot issues a Z3 file on his son before this is all over with! ;c)

Gemini: Thank you kindly. But I do hope to be getting out longer chapters for you all.

Phi4858: Ah, welcome back! I've missed you and hope all is well. I'm glad you're still reading.

Miravisu: Hey! Someone caught the Nikita tribute- yea! Lol Unfortunately for Mia it was anything but a test. We'll see the whole scenario in detail soon. And I am so happy that you like Mia (making a good OC is tough work!), thank you for letting me know. Adama certainly does mean trouble... big time.

Mahalo nui loa to everyone reading and reviewing. :)

Lyrics by Evanescence

Illusions of Reality

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside. Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow. Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

What little light that was trapped in the room with him fought to survive within the strangling darkness just as he did.

Drip... drip... drip...

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone. Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold. Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

I can't hold on to me, Wonder what's wrong with me.

In the corner of the room, to the left of the tub he had been submerged in, the light gathered its photons together. He watched this curious display through red, burning eyes sapped dry by the tears that had stopped falling several hours before.

As the light tried to converge into a long lean silhouette, he tried to lift his head. He cried out as blinding pain ripped through his body, but no sound came forth; his vocal cords were sore and useless from the screams they had forced from him for hours before.

Drip...drip...drip...

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside. Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

The silhouette was more defined now with features and expressions visible even to his blurry sight. The illuminated figure seemed to be staring at him inquisitively. He shuddered under that watchful gaze, unnaturally afraid of the fantasy.

It drew closer and the light fell away, leaving a person behind. He closed his eyes tightly, ignoring the searing anguish of lids closing over dehydrated eyes. The person continued to close in on him, gingerly cross the icy concrete floor. It stop briefly to take in the surroundings and brushed its hair from its face, revealing delicate feminine features.

Drip... drip...drip...

Don't want to let it lay me down this time. Drown my will to fly. Here in the darkness I know myself. Can't break free until I let it go. Let me go.

Exhaustion overcame him and his head fell involuntarily to the side forcing his eyes open. From the corner of those eyes, he saw beads of dark liquid dropping to the floor. He knew that fluid, but his brain could not process what it was.

Drip... drip... drip...

Her movement caught his attention and he saw her floating above him. He drew in a sharp breath of panic.

No! No! No... his mind cried when he saw her face. This isn't fair! Haven't I suffered enough?

He wished for vainly for someone else to be with him in his chamber of horrors- his sister, his wife, Jarod even... but not her.

He tried to resist looking into her eyes; he did not want to see the disappointment, disgust, and fear of him in her eyes.

His breath began to gasp out in uneven spurts.

Drip... drip.. drip...

She sat on the edge of the bedframe where he was lay immobilized, perplexed that her presence distressed him so. She reached out a thin hand to touch his cheek, to calm him, but just before contact he began to whimper.

Go away, he begged silently. Please just leave me alone.

From somewhere in the room came a rude snicker that caused him tremble more.

Drip...drip...drip...

"Bobby...?"

He twitched violently and his eyes snapped open at the name only living person called him by. What bothered him more than the name used was the kindness entwined into it. He looked up, finally locking gazes with her.

Of all the reactions she might have to him that he conjured up at one time or another, he had never anticipated this one. For every imagine response, he had a retort, a rebuff, a cutting remark, but now he was rendered speechless by this unforeseen turn- by her concern for him.

He had never been one who knew how to responded to compassion nor how to respond in kind. He was being forced to learn with his wife, but it was not something that came naturally to him; if anything it went against his nature, against all his training, against everything he had been imprinted with.

He watched in bewildered disarray as tears filled her eyes. There a strange tenderness in her expression- a tenderness that seemed reserved for him alone. Why would she cry for him?

Drip... drip... drip...

Darling, I forgive you after all. Anything is better than to be alone. And in the end I guess I had to fall. Always find my place among the ashes.

Save it! He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to push away her hand and tell her: Save it for your daughter, the one you really love!

Her expression changed slightly, the tenderness was now twinged sadness. It was as if she could somehow read his mind and his callous thoughts were the reason for her sorrow. Guilt slugged heavily in the stomach.

I didn't mean it! He tried unsuccessfully to verbalize. The snickering grew louder in his ears.

She leaned in close to him and lovingly stroked his hair with a touch so light he could not feel it, then, with a linger look, stood to leave. As she turned her back on him, he panicked.

"Mo-o-" He tried to form the word, to say the name that was so oft a baby's first word. But the feel, the sound, was too foreign, too unfamiliar on his lips that he got no more that half of the syllable out.

Drip...drip...drip...

I can't hold on to me, Wonder what's wrong with me.

She turned back to him with a smile that conveyed all a mother's love and understanding. I know, she seemed to say, why you are the way you are, why don't know me, and I don't hold it against you.

The small beams of light returned to cling here, making it difficult to see her.

No! Don't go! Don't leave me! Please...

The liquid droplets that continued to fall distracted him momentarily and when he looked back, she was nearly gone. He thought if he could concentrate solely on her and not the maddening dripping, she would stay with him. He tried abjectly to ignore drip, drip, drip of the aqueous beads, to shut out the maniacal laughter that haunted him, but he could not. All he could hear and see was the drip... drip... drip...

Of his blood... blood... blood...


Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside. Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, ...stay in love with my sorrow. I'm gonna let it go.