Chapter Three (just to let you know, in this chapter there are a few pairing. KokirisxFuneral, MariaxMido's-Ideals, Zelda-FansxLinkxAfatufivomany, SariaxCamper-Vans, IvanxMarshmallow, Random-OwlxTrash-Can-Music, Deku-ScrubsxWooden-SpoonsxRubber-Chickens, and NavixSanity. Enjoy!) (Don't worry, it's nothing wrong…) :D
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Legend of Zelda: OoT' or Windex or Marshmallows or numbers or I.Q. or death or life or sanity or insanity or the Scrubs band (no wait…I do own that) or the (etc.)
Cherry-sama: Hi! Sorry for the long update!
Navi: Why don't you update more offen?
Cherry-sama: Cause my sister is typing up the whole script thingy for the story and she is the only thing that keeps me from updating.
Sister-of-Cherry-sama (SoC): Yeah, well, I'm lazy so sorry.
Navi: …ATTACK THE SISTER!
Malon: Yes!
Ruto: CHARGE!
Link: (joins the OoT cast in beating up SoC)
Cherry-sama: Yay! It wasn't me this time! n.n
Saria: … Please read the story…
What would happen if Saria owned a camper van?
Wonder no more! You will see over and over again how continuous boo-boos mess up the storyline (badly).
Where we last left Link and Navi, they were running from the really random owl.
(Link ran away from the random owl and took shelter in the Kokiri village)
"What would Saria say if she found out we were going to save Princess Zelda's jewels?" Navi asked Link as they ran over to the bridge.
"Either she would one: think we had too much caffeine, or two: she and the other Kokiris would mob us." Link answered.
"Ohh… Okay."
(Link ran into the village and saw that all the Kokiris were gone! (insert dramatic music) Link went over to the dead great Deku tree and saw the Kokiris having a funeral)
"I wonder what they are doing?" Navi asked, floating above Link's head.
"They must be having a funeral." Link answered as he stood there, looking at all the Kokiris dressed in black.
"Let's get the stone before they bury him!" Navi exclaimed as she flew up and down.
"Okay. Hey guys! STOP!" Link yelled as he ran over.
(Kokiris looked over at Link and stopped what they were doing.)
"Hi! We need the Spiritual Stone of the forest! It should be somewhere in the Great Deku Tree's leaves so we need to get it!" Link explained.
"WHAT! YOU WANT TO CLIMB THE SACRED GREAT DEKU TREE'S CORPSE! Of all the blasphemous things in this sorry excuse for a world, this has got to be the absolute worst! You can't possibly be serious! If the Great Mido knew—" The-blonde-Kokiri-girl-with-her-hair-in-buns (that my sister and I named Maria) said, ranting insanely with the shock of what they were asking.
"Pweeease…" Navi pleaded making big puppy-dog eyes.
"…How can I even see those puppy eyes? Fairies don't even have eyes…" Maria paused.
"Please Maria!" Link pleaded.
"Hmph, fine. Just make it snappy!" Maria snapped.
"Thanks!" Link exclaimed as he walked to the base of the Great Deku Tree.
(Link started climbing up the dead Great Deku Tree's corpse, then fell to the bottom)
"Aiiieeee! Zit! Ouchie…" Link yelled as he rubbed his head.
"Link! Why in Hyrule do you say that mumbo-jumbo whenever you fall and land on you feet?" Navi yelled in Link's ear when he got up.
"Because it hurts…" Link mumbled as he tried climbing the Deku Tree again.
(Link got into the leaves of the Treat Deku Tree. Link searched as fast as he could but Maria was sooooooooooooo impatient that she had to make rude remakes. Meanwhile the other Kokiri looked at Link like he was a Deku Scrub with pink polka dots on him)
"LINK! CAN YOU HURRY UP!" Maria yelled with great volume.
"Just wait!" Link yelled back as he grabbed something. "I think I got it—! AHHHHHH!"
(Link hit the ground again, yelling in pain much louder this time.)
"Hurry up Link!" Navi yelled in his ear.
"We're TRYING to have a funeral here!" Maria nagged.
"Man… Maria… You sound so much like Mido…" Link whimpered as he got up.
"Well of course! I'm now head Kokiri since he's dead!" Maria stated.
"But you could try to be nicer than him…" Link whimpered as he climbed back up.
(Link climbed up again, got the stone, felt the evil/angry glares of Kokiri as he left them to have their funeral)
"What now?" Navi asked Link as they walked away form the funeral.
"We're going to Saria, like you said." Link told Navi.
"Okay!" Navi exclaimed as she fluttered up and down, "After this we need to continue to collect Princess Zelda's Jewelry!"
The ground started to shake and Link looked down the path from where he had come. Thundering down the path were all the Kokiris from the funeral charging towards him.
"You've met Princess Zelda!" they all yelled in unison, "Tell us all about her!"
"…I'vegottogototheSacredForestMeadownow! Bye!" Link yelled as he made a mad dash to the Lost Woods, being pursued by the Zelda fans.
(Link went to the Lost Woods. Part way through the Lost Woods, the Random Owl appeared)
"Hey, over here! Hoo hoo! Good to see you again." the random owl greeted.
"O.o It's the stalker again!" Navi yelled to Link.
"I am not a stalker! And if you want to get through the forest to find Saria, you'll need my help." The random owl stated.
"HA! Link, let's keep moving!" Navi exclaimed as she and Link ran/flew away.
(Link went into a path and ended up at the starting point again. Link went the other way and the same thing happened. Link repeated the process 500 times then talked to the random owl)
"Fine! Tell us how to get through the woods to Saria…" Link wheezed.
"Told you…" The random owl smirked. "Now listen to this. After going through the Lost Woods, you will come across the Sacred Forest Meadow. That is a sacred place where few people have ever walked. Shhh… What's that?"
"I can't hear anything…" Navi muttered.
"I can hear a mysterious tune. It's sounds like the old fashioned, highly popular, gentle music of someone banging on trashcan lids with wooden spoons and rubber chickens."
"I love that sound…" Link remarked listening to the squawks of the rubber chickens quite happily.
"I hope you're sarcastic…" Navi whispered to Link.
"…You should listen for that tune too…" the random owl said to Navi seriously.
"I'll pass…" Navi muttered.
"Hoo hoo hoo! Do you want to hear what I said again?" the owl asked pleasantly.
"Heck! No!" Link exclaimed.
"If you are courageous, you will make it through the forest just fine…"
"Now how does that work?" Navi asked the random owl.
"…Just follow your ears and listen to the sounds coming from the forest!" the random owl told them.
"We don't have to since there are tire tracks leading all the way to the Forest Meadow!" Navi explained as she yelled, pointing to the clear, obvious, smoking tire tracks that look like they were made by a camper van, "For someone who states the obvious, you certainly can't see the obvious."
"I can't believe I didn't notice them before…" Link muttered.
"…" Navi paused, giving Link a look that plainly showed she was officially scared of him now.
"…Just remember."
"Remember what?" Link asked.
"Remember that the word 'rats' is the word 'star' backwards. Hoot hoot!" the random owl hooted as he flew away.
"Does that mean that we may look like stars, but we are actually srats?" Link wondered.
"Wait… I don't think he even told us how to get to Saria…" Navi stated.
"JERK!" Link yelled while shaking his fist at the random owl that was too far away to hear.
(Link followed the smoking tire tracks through the forest. As he arrived at the entrance to the Sacred Forest Meadow, he saw the wolf thing.)
"AWWWWWW!" Link awed.
"Arf?" the wolf tilted its head.
"Link…" Navi muttered.
"It's soooooo cute! I'm going to name it Afatufivomany!" Link exclaimed as he hugged Afatufivomany around the middle. "Don't you think that it's a lovely name?"
"Uhhh… Link? I think you're suppost to defeat it…" Navi noted as Afatufivomany started to gnaw on Link's leg.
"But it's too cute for us to defeat it! I know! He can be our cute and lovable partner on our adventures!" Link exclaimed, more or less to himself rather than the fairy, because the wolf had just let go of Link's leg and snapped his jaws closed over Navi.
"MMMMMMMMM! MMMM! MMMM MM! (AHHHHHHHH! LINK! HELP ME!)" Navi yelled because she was going to be digested.
"What?" Link asked with his hand over his ear, trying to listen to Navi's muffled yells.
(Afatufivomany ran over to Link and accidentally stabbed itself on Link's sword. Making it die.)
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY POOR AFATUFIVOMANY! IT WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Link yelled like Darth Vader did at the end of Episode III.
"Judging by its breath, I'd say it was at lease 1 234 567 890 years old." Navi reported as she flew over his head.
"How can you calculate age by breath?" Link asked Navi.
"We fairies can tell how many rubber chickens it has gnawed on. He's gnawed on 1 234 567 890 123 456 789 012 345 678 901 234 567 890 rubber chickens. It would that make at least 1 234 567 890 years old.
"That is so true." Link agreed as he nodded.
(Link arrived at the edge of what seemed to be a maze. The walls were very tall and they lacked exterior decorating.)
"Which way do we go to solve the maze?" Link asked looking around.
"And last chapter you were saying that I was blind…" Navi mumbled. "Can't you see the camper van shaped holes right in front of us?"
"Oh…" Link muttered.
(Through the maze there were a series of camper van shaped holes that had been charged down right through to the center of the maze. Link smiled to himself and to Navi and plunged on through the holes. He stopped only a couple times to look at the run over corpses of what appeared to be the remains of red leaved Deku scrubs that had seen better days. Link shrugged at the site of the road kill and blundered on forward to the entrance of the Forest Temple. Link walked in and the camera panned around the area. Crashed into the far wall, off to the left of the entrance of the Forest Temple, was a camper van. Obviously it had violently crashed into the wall. The front was all crumpled up and broken; the back compartment seemed fine. A bed had been set up in the back, and smooshed in front of the nose of the vehicle was a sign that was only visible by it's bent pole. Link couldn't see what the face of the sign said, but he didn't think it was anything important. He turned to his right and saw Saria.)
"Saria!" Link exclaimed.
"I've been waiting for you, Link! This is the Sacred Forest Meadow." Saria exclaimed as she looked at Link and smiled.
"We already gathered that…" Navi muttered.
(Saria, who was sitting on a rotting stump with a multi-colour fairy floating above her head, was sitting behind a crackling campfire. She was sitting there contentedly, roasting marshmallows on a stick. Beside her sat a large bucket of water. What it was for, Link didn't know.)
"It's my secret place," Saria said conversationally, not noticing that her fairy had begun to fly towards her roasting marshmallow.
"Um…Saria?" Navi inquired, watching Saria's fairy lightly land on the marshmallow.
"Navi, don't interrupt…" hissed Link out of the corner of his mouth.
"But…" Navi said, watching with growing nervousness as the fairy got stuck in the white goo. It fluttered its wings helplessly, trying to free itself.
"I feel…this place will be very important for both of us some day." Saria continued serenely, not seeming to notice her fairy. "That's what I feel."
"Navi…"Link muttered in a warning tone. "Shut up."
"But—!" Navi started again as the fairy's wing suddenly burst into flame.
(automatically, Saria took her stick and dunked it in to bucket of water, fairy, marshmallows and all)
"That's the 4567890th time that he's done that in the past hour!" Saria exclaimed irritably, "You think he would have learned by now not to do that!"
(Saria plucked the fairy off the marshmallow by the wing and held him up to Link and Navi with a certain look of pride on her face)
"See? Good as new!" she exclaimed happily, "Except for this little black/burned spot on the tip of his wing. It simply won't come off. It's been there since the 32nd time, but it's hardly noticeable, right?"
"Hi Navi!" the multi-coloured fairy exclaimed as Saria took the stick back out of the bucket, a few stars were fluttering above him.
"I wasted two seconds of my time trying to get it off. I've tried everything, Windex, bleach, toilet-cleaner fluids, acids, bases…" she sighed. "But no avail. He's just going to be a spotted little fellow by the end of this trip. You do remember Ivan, right Navi?"
Navi nodded, "Only if I had an I.Q. like his…"
"You know, Navi, I've always wondered why he was named Ivan." Link pondered.
"Simple! 'Ivan' is 'Navi' spelt backwards!" Navi exclaimed flying up and down enthusiastically.
"Anyways…" Saria went on, turning to Link. "If you play the Ocarina here, you can talk to the spirits in the forest. Would you like to play the Ocarina with me?" Saria asked Link.
"Sure." Link replied.
"Okay, try and follow along with the melody I will play. Are you ready?" Saria asked pleasantly.
"Yep!"
"Alright!" she grinned mischievously.
(all of a sudden five Deku Scrubs appeared on the ledge that led to the entrance of the forest temple. They all had spikey-leafed yellow Mohawks and they each wore two eye patches, one on each eye. A hundred or so more Deku scrubs appeared on the edge of the cliff and looked down on the stage. Others crowded around Link, Saria, her bashed up camper van, and her bonfire. One of the Deku Scrubs caught on fire and set fire to several more. Nobody noticed however, because their gaze was fixed on the band that had appeared on the Forest Temple Entrance)
"Is that—?" Navi asked.
"Yep! It's the one and only famous band: The Scrubs!" Saria shouted over the cheering of the audience, "HIT BOYS!"
(out of the blue, five trashcan lids, five rubber chickens and five wooden spoons appeared before the band members. There was a sudden clamor as the eye-patched Scrubs began to beat the trashcan lids with the spoons and chickens. Saria stood up and pulled out her Ocarina. The tune had no melody, so how she knew when to join in with the cacophony, Link never knew. She started playing Saria's Song wildly and in a bizarre fashion. After they were finished, the noise stopped and looked at Link expectantly)
Link clutched his Ocarina in his hand for a moment, then burst out: "How the –bleeeeeep- am I supposed to follow along with that?"
(they all looked at him like he was some sort of idiot for not being able to recognize the artful arrangement of Saria's song (except Navi, because she's the only one who's sane, remember?), that everyone elsecould make out)
"Fine! Here." Saria grumbled as she played Saria's Song simply this time.
('The Scrubs' began to wander away, muttering what a jerk Link was for not having good taste for new aged music. Link repeated the tune and looked at his Ocarina. It was all sparkly, like somebody had glued glitter on it)
"Hey, who glued glitter on my Ocarina?" Link asked.
"Me!" giggled Ivan, and then he broke out into peals of insane laughter.
"Oh."
(Link learned Saria's song!)
"Hee hee hee! Great! Great! Please don't forget this song! Do you promise? When you want to hear my voice, play Saria's song. You can talk to me anytime…" Saria reported.
"Kay! Bye! Now we can continue our adventure to work for Zelda!" Link told Navi, just loud enough for everyone in Hyrule to hear.
(the ground started to shake and Link looked down the path from where he had come. Thundering down the path were 23 432 423 523 423 432 Deku Scrubs charging towards him)
"Oh no…not again…" Link whimpered just before he got run over.
(Link charged out of the Sacred Forest Meadow, throwing Scrubs in the air as he went, clinging to his hat. (Remember the bald spot?) He ran as fast as he could, and finally loosing the fans in the maze, (they were to stupid to use the camper van holes) he ran into the Random Owl)
"Hoo Hoo! Did you learn the Ocarina Song from Saria? That melody seems to have some mysterious power. There may be other mysterious songs like this that you can learn in Hyrule." The random owl explained.
"If you call trashcan music powerfully mysterious…" Navi muttered.
"Look! I don't have time to—" Link yelled but he was interrupted so very rudely.
"(Insert explanation on how to play the Ocarina) Do you want to hear what I said again?"
"NO!" Link yelled as the fans slowly caught up with him.
"(Insert explanation about Ocarina songs on the Status Subscreen)"
"Shut up!" Link bellowed.
"Only if you give me Zelda's autograph!" the random owl (apparently a very loyal fan) demanded.
"NEVER!"
"Fine! Be that way!"
"I am being that way!" Link shouted as the random owlflew away.
Link didn't have that much time to think because the fans had just caught up with him. He ran all the way out of the Lost Woods. He ran all the way to Lon Lon Ranch before the fans gave up.
Cherry-sama: Chapter three!
Navi: How come Link is a model?
Cherry-sama: Because he has the autograph and you don't! Plus, he's strong enough to carry all of your items when you went shopping!
Navi: I didn't go shopping yet!
Cherry-sama: But you will!
Saria: Please review… CAMPER VAN!