Chapter 4 (Hi! It's me again! Rawr! More randomness! Yay for that! Right?) :S
Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda even if I have played it.
Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to another Chapter of Totally Messed!
Navi: This time she updated sooner because her sister wasn't such a lazy bum.
Sister-of-Cherry-sama (SoC): …I feel hurt now…
Saria: Well, who cares about her? Please read the story!
What would happen if a Goron's dance could change gravity?
Wonder no more! You will see the answer as more random events unfold.
Where we last left the new celebrity he was getting mobbed by Deku Scrubs. But he ran away until he got to Lon Lon Ranch.
(Link runs into Lon Lon Ranch for shelter. Link gets there in the day because there because he ran for a very long time. Link walks inside, then the camera paned around Lon Lon ranch. Link could hear Epona's song. But Link ignores the singing and goes inside the barn instead. Ingo is there)
"I can't believe that I, the Great Ingo, am working on this dump of a ranch! Because the owner is so lazy, I always have to do all the work around here! I, the hard-working Ingo, should be in charge, not that lazy bum, Talon!" Ingo complained to Link, who just got inside.
"Um… Don't drag us into this…" Link muttered at he walked to the door.
"But he does have a point…" Navi muttered as she remembered Talon from Chapter two.
(Link goes outside and sees Malon, who's singing the song, standing by a horse. Link walks over)
"Oh, it's the fairy boy again!" Malon exclaimed.
"Yes. You should know that by now." Navi mumbled.
"Shush!" Link warned.
"I heard that you found my dad! How did you like the castle?" Malon asked.
"Not bad." Link replied.
"Besides that the guards are as blind as bats and as deaf as rocks, the grounds were pretty." Navi added.
"Did you see the princess?" Malon asked.
"Yeah."
"She was scary…" Navi muttered remembering the jewelry obsession.
"Wow! Can I have your autograph?" Malon asked as she pulled out a note pad.
"Um…" Link paused.
"Please… We've had enough of that already…" Navi told Malon.
"Oh… Okay…" Malon sighed. "Anyways. Dad came home in a hurry after you found him."
"Well, duh." Navi muttered.
"Shh!"
"Oh yeah, I have to introduce you to my friend, fairy boy. She's this horse. Her name is Epona. Isn't she cute?"
"Awww…!" Link awed.
(Epona runs away from Link like he's possessed)
"It seems like Epona is afraid of you fairy boy… Maybe she thinks you're possessed!" Malon suggested.
"I hope not..." Linkmumbled.
"My mother composed this song I'm singing. Isn't it nice? Let's sing together!" Malon exclaimed.
"Why did she change topics so suddenly…?" Link whispered to Navi.
"I think she might have slow reaction time… Either that or she has short term memory loss…" Navi muttered.
(Link shrugs and takes out the ocarina he has)
"Oh, cute ocarina! Are you going to play the song with that ocarina?" Malon asked.
"Sure." Link shrugged.
"Okay, this is the song."
(Malon sings; Link plays it back. Epona practically charges towardsafter Link just played the song)
"Oh, Epona! She's grown fond of you, fairy boy." Malon exclaimed.
"So it seems…" Navi muttered.
"AHHHH! I ALREADY GOT MOBBED TODAY!" Link screamed as he ran away from Epona.
"Hey, Link! Wait up!" Navi called out as she flew towards him.
(Link ran into the house, Talon is there)
"Should we wake him?" Link asked Navi, after regaining his composure.
"Sure! Why not?" Navi exclaimed, poking Talon in a ticklish spot.
"Mumble…Mumble…" Talon muttered as he got poked.
"Mabye you should poke harder…" Link suggested.
"Okay." Navi agreed as she poked him harder so he could feel it; his reaction was immediate.
"Mumble… Mumble… Giggle… Giggle… pffftt—! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Talon laughed insanely as he broke into tears.
"I think that was too hard…" Link told Navi.
"Sheesh. Touchy, touchy…" Navi complained as Talon rolled on the floor, laughing,for a few minutes.
"Hahahaha… Huh? I'm awake already!" Talon muttered.
"Apparently…" Navi muttered to Link.
"What? Well I'll be! If it ain't the forest kid from the other day." Talon exclaimed.
"He's as blind as the guards at Zelda's castle…" Navi whispered.
"By the way, thanks a lot for waking me up! It took some doing, but I finally got Malon back in a good mood." Talon explained.
"I can't imagine her in a bad mood…" Link whispered to Navi.
"So, what are you up to today?" Talon asked.
"Nothing." Link replied.
"Got some free time on your hands you say?" Talon asked.
"Duh…" Navi whispered.
"Well how about a little game?"
"I'd love to!" Link exclaimed.
"Oh…Joy…" Navi muttered.
"These three cuckoos I have here are Special Super Cuckoos!" Talon explained as he pointed to the Cuckoos that were around him.
"Ha." Navi whispered to Link.
"I'm going to throw these Cuckoos into that there gaggle of normal cuckoos. If you can pick out the three Special birds from among the normal Cuckoos within the time limit, I'll give you something good. If you can't find them, I win. It'll be ten rupees… Want to play?" Talon asked.
"I already said yes." Link told Talon.
"You have thirty seconds! Alrighty then, get ready, here go the Super Cuckoos! START LOOKIN'!" Talon yelled as he threw the Cuckoos at the other Cuckoos, accidentally knocking one of them on the head.
(Link beat the mini-game really easily)
"Golly, I'll be darned. It's plum incredible! That's the last one. You found them all. Come on over here. Hey, you! You've got the talent to be one of the world's best cowboys." Talon explained.
"But I don't want to be a cowboy…" Link muttered to himself.
"How'd you like to marry Malon?" Talon asked.
"EWWW! NO!" Link exclaimed (no offence to MalonxLink supporters, my sister is one.).
"Ha ha, I was just kidding! Just kidding. I think you're a little young for that, aren't you? Ha ha ha…!" Talon laughed.
"Link can be thankful for that." Navi muttered.
"I'm very proud to present you with a sample of our very own Lon Lon milk. You'll be energized the moment you drink it. After you drink it, you can bring back the bottle and buy a refill anytime you want." Talon explained handing Link the milk.
(Link received the Lon Lon MilkLink leaves Lon Lon Ranch)
(Link goes to Kakariko village. Link goes into the Graveyard and goes to the large tombstone at the back of the cemetery.)
"Link… What are you doing?" Navi asked, very scared.
(Link stands on the Triforce and plays Zelda's Lullaby. Link falls down the hole)
"Link… What are you doing…?" Navi asked again.
"I'm being possessed…" Link muttered robotically.
"WHAT! WHOEVER IS IN THERE, GET OUT!" Navi yelled as she picked up a bone and hit Link on the head with it.
"I was just kidding!" Link explained in his normal voice. "I'm not possessed!"
"How do I know that!" Navi exclaimed as she bonked even harder.
"Because I know that I don't know where I'm— Ow!" Link exclaimed as Navi hit him with strength he didn't know she had.
(Link then goes through the chamber, with Navistill bonking on his head, until he reaches the very back of the grave and he looks at the tombstone)
"This poem is dedicated to the memory of the dearly departed members of the Royal Family:
A rising sun will eventually set,
A newborn's life will fade.
From sun to moon, moon sun…
Give peaceful rest to the living dead."
Was written on the tombstone.
"Nice poem." Link muttered.
"This is an interesting poem… Huh? Something is inscribed on the tombstone…" Navi exclaimed pointing to some musical notes. "It's the secret melody of the Composer Brothers!"
"And how do you know this?" Link asked Navi.
"I have my sources." Navi smirked.
"Keep the sun's song in your heart." The tombstone read.
(Link learns the Sun's Song)
"Restless souls wander where they don't belong, bring them calm with the Sun's Song." The tombstone read.
"I wonder if it means those re-dead thingies…" Navi muttered.
"Doubt it." Link told Navi.
(Link leaves the Graveyard and goes into the village)
"Impa said that the Spiritual Stone of Fire is somewhere on Death Mountain." Navi told Link.
"I know Navi." Link told Navi.
"Maybe we should go to Death Mountain." Navi suggested.
"I'm working on it." Link told Navi.
"Some time today, maybe?" Navi asked.
"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Link yelled, annoyed with Navi.
"No your not." Navi pointed out.
This was true because Link was working on the Cuckoo activity for Anju (red haired lady, you find out her name in MM).
"Come on!" Navi exclaimed.
(Navi grabs Link by the ear and drags him towards the gateway that leads to Death Mountain. Link offers the guard, Zelda's Letter.)"Oh, this is… This is surely Princess Zelda's handwriting!" the guard exclaimed.
"Please don't ask for my autograph." Link pleaded.
"Wahahaha! Nope! I'm not a big fan of the princess." The guard chuckled.
"Whew!" Link exclaimed.
"Well, let's see… Hmm… Okay… 'This is Link… He is under my orders to save my jewelry collection.' Wahahaha, what kind of funny game has our princess come up with now!" the guard laughed.
"I don't think she's joking…" Link muttered remembering the events that happened in Chapter Two.
"Okay, okay, all right. You can go now… Just be careful, Mr. Jewelry-Saver! Wahahaha!" the guard laughed.
(Guard opens the gate for Link)
"By the way, Mr. Jewelry-Saver… If you're going to climb Death Mountain, you should equip a proper shield! It is an active volcano, after all!" the guard warned.
"But I like my shield!" Link protested.
"If you go back to Hyrule Castle Town, you should check out the Bazaar. They sell the shield you need there. Tell them I sent you and they should give you a discount! If you think you're good to go already, don't worry about it." The guard explained.
"Thank you." Link responded, while petting his shield.
"Now, I'd like to ask a favor of you. No, I don't expect you to do it just because of the great tip I just gave you! I'm just asking!" the guard started.
"Right…" Navi muttered.
"Have you been to the Happy Mask Shop that just opened in Hyrule Castle Town Market? Everyone is talking about it!" the guard explained.
"I've never heard anyone talk about it." Link pointed out.
"My little boy pesters me for a popular mask, but I don't have the time to go there... So, could go and get the mask for me the next time you're in the market? If you don't feel like it, that's okay, but… Well, I have no choice, this is my job… Sigh…" the guard sighed.
(Just to be nice, though he really didn't need to, Link went and got the mask for the guard. Link put on the Keaton Mask)
"Wahahaha! Do you think you're in disguise, Mr. Jewelry-Saver?" the guard asked.
"No…" Link muttered, apparently hurt.
"Oh? Is that the Kea-something character mask? I've heard it's real popular recently. He's my boy's favourite, that Kea-something mask. If you don't mind…will you sell it to me?" the guard asked.
"Sure!" Link exclaimed as he took off the mask.
"My boy will be very happy with this! You really are Mr. Jewelry-Saver! Wahaha!" the guard exclaimed as he put on the mask.
"How is that related to the mask?" Link asked.
(Link receives 15 rupees (YES! LINK'S RICH! Right?) from the guard)
"Link. Let's go." Navi told Link as they went through the gateway.
(Link climbs up Death Mountain Trail until he reaches the Dodongo's Cavern. Link talks to the Goron sitting there)
"I'm one of the Gorons, the stone-eating people who live on Death Mountain." The Goron told Link.
"Wow!" Link exclaimed, apparently in awe.
"…" Navi paused as she looked at Link.
"Look at this huge boulder over there!" the Goron explained pointing to the big rock. "It blocks the entrance to the Dodongo's Cavern, which was once a very important place for us Gorons…"
"Once?" Navi asked.
"But one day, many dodongos suddenly appeared inside the cavern. It became a very dangerous place. On top of that, a Gerudo in black armor used magic to seal the entrance with that boulder! If you want to hear more Goron gossip head on up to our city. Goron city is just a little bit farther up the trail. It won't take much longer to get there, even on foot." The Goron instructed.
"Thanks… But I think we'll manage…" Navi told the Goron.
(Link entered Goron's City (which he could have done without the directions). Link went onto the platform to where the Spiritual Stone is usually put on display. There is a Goron there)
"Hey! It's dangerous for a little like you to come out here. You might fall down! If I'm not mistaken, you came out here to eat the red stone." The Goron on the platform exclaimed.
"Yes… We are…" Navi replied sarcastically.
"Well too bad. It's not here." The Goron on the platform snapped.
"But that's not why we're here." Link told the Goron.
"What? That's not why you're here?" the Goron asked.
"No… We're looking for the Spiritual Stone of Fire." Navi told the Goron.
"You're looking for a 'Spiritual Stone'? You must mean the delicious-looking red stone that was once displayed here." The Goron exclaimed.
"What happened?" Link asked.
"I was so hungry that I thought it would be okay to give it one tiny little lick… So I snuck out here. But it was already gone!" the Goron explained.
"Where did it go?" Link asked.
"I think Big Brother took it away. He always says that everyone is after that red stone. Big Brother has shut himself up in his room saying: 'I will wait here for the Royal Family's Messenger.'" The Goron explained.
"Let's go, Link! I bet we can bribe him to give it to us!" Navi exclaimed flying up and down.
"Yeah! Let's go!" Link exclaimed as he jumped off the platform.
(Link hit the bottom floor with a loud 'SPLAT!'. If he didn't have a fairy with him, he would've been dead. Link walks onto Darunia's rug (that is very comfy) before his door at the far end of the bottom pit, Link plays Zelda's Lullaby and enters when the door opens. Darunia is there, in a very crabby mood.)
"What the heck? Who are you?" Darunia asked.
"I'm Link! And this is Navi!" Link exclaimed as he pointed at Navi.
"When I heard the song of the Royal Family, I expected their messenger had arrived, but…you're just a little kid!" Darunia complained.
"I feel insulted." Link muttered to Navi.
"Has Darunia, the big boss of the Gorons, really lost so much status to be treated like this by his sworn brother the King? Now I'm REALLY angry! Get out of my face, now!" Darunia commanded.
"Why are you so snappy!" Navi yelled at Darunia.
"Are you asking why I'm in such a bad mood right now? Ancient creatures have infested Dodongo's Cavern; we've had a poor harvest of our special crop, bomb flowers; starvation and hunger because of the rock shortage! But…this is a Goron problem! We don't need any help from strangers!" Darunia spazzed.
"I know what to do!" Link exclaimed pulling out his Ocarina.
(Link plays Saria's song for Darunia. Camera zooms in on Darunia's face where a mixed expression is plastered. He breaks into a wide grin and begins to dance. Link slowly backs away and Navi is bobbing up and down to the tune)
"Oh! Oh-oh! Come on! Come on, come on, come on! HOT! What a hot beat! Whoaho!" Darunia exclaimed.
"…" Link paused.
"Yeahaw! Yahoo!" Darunia exclaimed.
(All of a sudden. The camera goes upside down. Camera gets stuck in its current position and Link/everything-in-the-world fell to the ceiling.)
"Ahhh!" Link yelled as he got up.
"Ohh… Dear…" Darunia paused. "I don't think I'll be able to fix this…"
"What?" Link asked.
"I don't think I can save us from this gravity change…" Darunia stated.
"What! What about your people outside!" Navi yelled. "They are now falling into the-sky/nothing-ness!"
"I know…" Darunia paused.
"Do something!" Link yelled.
"Well… At least that was a nice tune! Just like that, my depression was all gone." Darunia exclaimed.
"…"
"Something came over me." Darunia explained.
"Yeah. The ground." Navi muttered.
"Suddenly I wanted to dance like crazy." Darunia exclaimed.
"WE DON'T CARE! WE WANT TO GET OFF THE CEILING!" Link yelled (looks like Link, Darunia and Navi all switched moods).
"I might be able to solve this if you destroy all the monsters in Dodongo's Cavern." Darunia explained.
"WHAT! Us, making all the monsters in an entire cavern go extinct! YOU ARE NUTS!" Navi yelled.
"What? You'd rather stay on the ceiling forever?" Darunia asked.
"…Fine, we'll do it…" Link paused as he climbed up to the top of the door.
"Wait! I'd like to give you this for your troubles. If you wear this, even a little fella like you can pick up a bomb flower using A." Darunia called out.
(Link receives Goron's Bracelet)
"Destroy the monsters in Dodongo's Cavern and become a real man. Then we can talk about the Spiritual Stone."
"Fine…"
(Link walls out of the room and falls to the highest point of the city, where all the other Gorons are wandering around.)
"This is not good. How will we get to the cavern…?" Link asked Navi as they stepped outside.
"Let's go inside Dodongo's Cavern using a bomb flower." Navi suggested.
"I'm not asking how to get inside. I'm asking how to get to it!" Link explained in more detail.
(Link didn't get much time to think because he was instantly falling towards the sky. Then Navi picked him up and flew him inside the cave (I wonder who opened the cave for them?) where Link would face the hardest dungeon he would ever go through)
(Link enters Dodongo's Cavern and beats the dungeon, which was really hard because the whole dungeon was upside-down, and Link couldn't pick up any bomb flowers because they were allplastered to the ceiling. Link arrives right outside the entrance of the Cavern after Link has beaten the boss. Darunia falls out of the sky)
"It's me, Darunia! I've finally got the gravity set right!" Darunia exclaimed.
"We can be thankful for that." Navi muttered, because she was worn out from carrying Link.
"Well done!" Darunia congratulated.
(Darunia beats his chest, then pats Link on the back so hard that Link falls over from impact)
"Thanks to you, we can once again eat the delicious rocks from the Dodongo's Cavern until our stomachs burst! What a wild adventure. It will make an incredible story…" Darunia paused.
"You'd better believe it." Link muttered on the ground (remember the gravity part? I did! But you probably did too).
"I can't believe that the Dodongos suddenly appeared in such great numbers. And that big rock blocking the cave… All this trouble must have been caused by that Gerudo thief, Ganondorf! He said, 'Give me the Spiritual Stone only then will I open the cave for you.' You on the other hand risked your life for us…" Darunia paused.
"Duh."
"Kid, I like you. How's about you and I become Sworn Brothers?" Darunia asked.
"Oh, great. Now we have to wait for a big/long ceremony to end before we can continue…" Navi complained.
"No, there's no big ceremony involved, just take this as a token of our friendship!" Darunia exclaimed.
(Darunia gives Link the Spiritual Stone of Fire)
"Brother, you keep brushing up on your skills as you travel, won't you? You should go see the Great Fairy on top of Death Mountain. She will power you up." Darunia exclaimed.
"Okay…" Link mumbled as he got up.
"Hey everybody let's see off our Brother!" Darunia exclaimed looking up to the sky.
(The Gorons that earlier fell to the sky, are now falling from the sky)
"You did great." The Gorons exclaimed while approachingLink with their arms outstretched. "How 'bout a big Goron hug?"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link yelled as he ran towards Kakariko village.
(Link then crashes into another Goron who fell out of the sky. Then Link turns and runs up the path that leads to the top of Death Mountain.)
(Link goes to the summit and enters the Fairy's Fountain.)
"(Cackles like a witch) Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Power. I am going to grant you a sword technique. Receive it now." the great fairy commanded.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She's dressed worse than Impa!" Navi screamed at the slutty great fairy.
"AHHHHHH! You're RIGHT!" Link yelled.
"…When you charge the power from a spin attack, magic power will be consumed. Pay attention to your green magic meter. Hey boy, you're a messenger of the Royal Family aren't you?" the ugly great fairy asked.
"Why should I tell you!" Link demanded.
"…I can tell. Next time you're in their neighborhood, you should drop by on a friend of mine who lives by Hyrule Castle. She'll surely grant you another new power. When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me." The ugly/disturbing fairy told Link.
"NEVER!" Link yelled as the 'great fairy' disappeared.
(Link goes outside and the Random Owl is there, Link goes over and talks to him)
"Hoo Hoot! Well it looks like you've grown up a little from the Great Fairy's power…" the random owl stated.
"O.o Hide! It's mister STALKER AGAIN!" Navi yelled.
"Stop calling me a stalker!" the random owl protested.
"But you are a stalker!" Link told the owl.
"…But you still don't look like the hero who will save Hyrule. At least not yet! If you are going back down the mountain, I can lend you a wing!" the random owl exclaimed while changing topics.
"Fine… Just this once." Link told the owl, while remembering the Goron hug.
"Come here and grab my talons. Hold on tight! Hoo hooooot!" the random owl hooted.
(Link stands under the owl to grab his talons and he flies Link to Kakariko.)
Cherry-sama: Chapter four!
Malon: That must be a record for the length, for a chapter, out of all of your stories!
Cherry-sama: Well… I asked for more script than usual.
Malon: But still!
Saria: That was boring… Please review.