Chapter 11! (Double ones! W00t! I'm special in a very special way!) xD
Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, or Dampé, or Bongo Bongo. But I DO own Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany! And the evil math teacher!
Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to TM! Totally Messed!
Link: So… What happens in this chapter?
Cherry-sama: You'll find out… All I'll say is that you obtain the legendary black tunic that all of your fan girls rant on about!
Link: O.O
Cherry-sama: This chapter also includes the Sailing Ship: Deadpeople!
SoC: It's Her Majesty's Ship: Deadpeople.
Cherry-sama: Shut up! I wanted to name it S.S. Deadpeople!
SoC: Too bad! It's HMS Deadpeople!
Cherry-sama: But 'S.S.' sounds so cool with Deadpeople!
SoC: But HMS sounds more professional! (SoC and Cherry-sama continue to argue)
Navi: Cherry-sama would also like to tell you that the wedding will be happening; only it's the very last chapter in this fanfic. Cherry-sama would also like to announce that there will be other fanfics branching off of TM. One is the parody of Majora's Mask: Totally Whacked, then after is the parody of Wind Waker: Totally Bizarre. But there will also be another fic semi-branching off of this fic. It is called 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'. Cherry-sama has started this one and is planning on publishing this fic after TM is completely finished. This fic stars a character created/brought-up/introduced in the wedding. Any questions?
Readers: (all raises hand)
Navi: (falls over)
Link: Why is everyone speaking in big chunks?
Cherry-sama: (shrugs)
Saria: Ignoring that question asked by Link, please read the fic! WARNING: This chapter includes dead stuff and killing of Captains, so just to let you know, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! But still keep reading! Nothing gory is described...in detail!
What if the game was actually sensible enough to have a sailing ship in Hyrule?
Wonder no more! There is one! Stupid EFoT… He's hiding in a place I can't think of… Maybe he's under my bed… No… He's probably in my money stash… IN MY MONEY STASH! EFOT! GET OUT OF THERE!
(Link and Navi were walking around hopelessly until the occasional moment of Link bumping into a random tree that was just there. Anywho, they were walking along until Navi had another ONA.)
"Let's…look for someone…who might know…something about…the…other sages!" Navi gasped, clutching her forehead.
"Why?" Link asked.
"I dunno." Navi replied.
"Because evil socks will attack you in your sleep!" yelled a random rock named George.
"O.o Okay…" Link muttered.
"Already this chapter is getting weird…" Navi paused.
(Link then headed to Kakariko Village because he didn't want evil socks to kill him in his sleep. Link walked around and saw that some parts of Kakariko were on fire…)
"Look, Link! Look!" Navi exclaimed.
"What?" Link asked.
"Random parts of Karaoke (they still call it that -.-) are on fire!" Navi exclaimed in a happy voice, for she was kinda pyro.
"Oh?" Link asked in a sarcastic voice.
"Like the Skultula house…or is that the Shooting Gallery?" Navi asked, utterly confuzzled, "…okay, so lots of it are on fire!"
(Link then spotted Sheik and ran up to him. Sheik was looking at the well as if a monster, made out of who knows what, was going to come out of it and throw both our hero and the shadow person. But that would never happen!)
"Hiya Sheik!" Link exclaimed, waving his hand, trying to make a friendship with the Sheikah.
"Get back, Link!" Sheik warned.
"Oh jeez! He's just trying to be nice!" Navi yelled at Sheik. "After all the times you blinded him, you should try to be a little nicer to him!"
"No! I mean get back!" Sheik told Link, facing him.
"MEANIE!" Navi yelled at Sheik.
"We're just trying to be nice!" Link told Sheik. "The least you could do is say 'thank you'!" Link told Sheik, he too was annoyed at the Shadow person.
(The crossbar on the well randomly flew off. It began to rain. Odd… But I like the rain! So this is good for me! Ahem. Something deep within the well (made of air…I think) came out and attacked Sheik! DUN DUN DUN!)
"He deserved it!" Navi told Link, for our hero was looking terrified at the Sheikah who was being thrown around in front of Link's eyes.
"…I think I know what Sheik meant by 'get back'…" Link paused, for he now understood Sheik's warning.
(The "thing" made of air threw Sheik to where the crossbar landed… But it was no longer there… Odd… Something exited the well. IT WAS MADE OF—um… What was it made of? Looks like fart to me. Purple fart. Anyways, the fart thingy slinked over the buildings, over the hill around back, over the Starbucks (wait…since when does Kakariko have a Starbucks? I hope Impa knows that some people might get caffeine high… Or even addicted… Oh well… Her problem… Continuing) and attacked Link!)
"Fight it, Link! Fight it!" Navi cheered, cause the hero always wins…right?
"Quick -gasp- the sour -wheeze- milk!" Link yelled to Navi, for he wasn't winning and the sour milked killed everything and anything!
"Link… Have you forgotten that it's empty?" Navi asked.
(Link screamed in a girly way and was knocked unconscious.)
(When he awoke, Sheik is standing over him. Nothing was on fire. I wonder why Navi looks so upset… Oh well.)
"Ugh…" Link groaned. Why do my lips feel wet? Link thought.
"It looks like you're coming around…" Sheik paused. Ha! I knew that mouth-to-mouth worked! Impa said it never would! Now she owes me 1500 rupees! MWAHAHAHA! Sheik thought, but nobody heard his thoughts.
"Finally!" Navi exclaimed. Why did I have to wake up when Sheik gave Link, mouth-to-mouth? Why me? Why always me? Navi thought. I'd never thought that Sheik was gay…
(But since Link wasn't at all like Ruto, he couldn't read these thoughts. Except for his own. So the reason why Link's lips are wet will always be a mystery to our silly hat-ed fellow.)
"Link…. A terrible thing has happened!" Sheik exclaimed.
"No duh. That thing messed up my hair!" Link exclaimed, for his hair was messy, but that was the result of the mouth-to-mouth.
"The evil shadow spirit has been released!" Sheik exclaimed.
"So that's what it was!" Navi exclaimed. "I thought it was purple fart!"
"…Impa, the leader of Kakariko Village, sealed the evil shadow spirit in the bottom of the well…" Sheik muttered.
"Then why has it come out?" Link asked, for he did not know how this occurred, being that really stupid guy we all know and love.
"The force of the evil spirit got so strong, the seal of the well broke, and it escaped to the world!" Sheik exclaimed, very dramatically since there were two exclamation marks (there were in the orginal version, but one died in a hail storm)instead of one.
"What's with the double exclamation mark?" Navi asked.
"I'm not sure…" Sheik paused. "Oh well…I believe that Impa has gone to the Shadow Temple to seal it again, but…she will be in danger without any help!"
"Naw. Doubt it. Impa is a slut and will scare away any monsters within eyesight." Link told Sheik.
"Link! Impa is one of the six sages." Sheik told Link.
"So?" Link asked.
"…I'm not so sure what to reply to that… Just destroy the evil shadow spirit and save Impa!" Sheik exclaimed.
"Stop having so many exclamation marks!" Navi snapped.
"…I'll try…" Sheik told Navi. "Now… There is an entrance to the Shadow Temple beneath the graveyard behind this village. The only thing I can do for you is teach you the melody that will lead you to the Shadow Temple…"
"Finally! You are back to the regular dot, dot, dots!" Navi exclaimed.
"…This is the melody that will draw you into the infinite darkness that absorbs even time…" Sheik instructed.
"Really?" Link asked.
"No, dumb-ball!" Navi whispered to Link. "He's just saying that so you'll be more interested!"
"Listen to this, the Nocturne of Shadow!" Sheik exclaimed while taking the harp out of his back pocket/butt.
(Sheik then played the song. Link played it back. It is still raining. Yay! I know! Let's have a party! In honor of the rain! I'll bring punch! Rain flavored.)
"Let me take care of the village!"
"Oh joy… Back to the exclamation marks…" Navi grumbled.
"I'm counting on you, Link!" Sheik exclaimed as he took a few steps back from Link.
(Sheik then threw a Deku nut. Unless you've only read this chapter of my story, you would know that these things always blind Link. So, in short, Link got blinded, crashed into a building and fainted for twenty-four hours.)
(Link then woke up. This time, Navi was hovering over his body. It was no longer raining (NUTS!).)
"Owww…" Link muttered while rubbing his head, lips no longer wet (no duh).
"Link! Link! Guess what!" Navi exclaimed, holding something black/purple behind her back, but she couldn't hide it very well since it was bigger than her.
"What?" Link asked.
"Well, while you were asleep, I went shopping!" Navi exclaimed.
Jerk… Link thought for he wanted to go with her.
"And I stole your wallet to do so! I was going on a big shopping spree and felt really bad since I was using your money so I decided to buy you something too! Anyways, I didn't want to buy you anything bad so I flew over to Dark Link and asked him where he got his outfit! Then, I flew there and got you this!" Navi exclaimed handing Link the black/purple thing; it looked like clothing.
(Link took the outfit and became wide-eyed. Please note that Navi bought this stuff with Link's money, not the money she got from the Great Deku Tree. So she still needs to go on that shopping spree with Link to spend that money.)
"You used my money!" Link asked in horror, for some (not all) men can be real penny-pinchers.
"Are you going to see what it is or not?" Navi asked annoyingly.
"Fine… Fine…" Link muttered.
(Link unfolded the fabric and saw that it was, the legendary Black Tunic everyone's always been ranting on about on this site! The tunic was actually purple but it was so dark that in the glossy shines you could only tell. Link put it on.)
"Well?" Navi asked.
"How much did you spend on this, Navi…?" Link asked, still a bit snappy about the losing money issue.
"Only 100 rupees." Navi told Link.
"O.o WHAAAAAAAT!"
"Hey, the regular tunics cost 200 or 300 rupees each! This is a deal and this is rare compared to the others!" Navi exclaimed.
"…How much did you spend on yourself?"
"…400 rupees…"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! I went through thick and thin to get those 500 rupees! NOW I'M BROKE!"
"Hey. Consider yourself lucky. SoC, the authoress's sister, finds it very annoying when you've got a full wallet because then you can't get more money!" Navi exclaimed, telling the world a well-known fact, or was it?
"But still…"
(This thus ends my drabble on how Link got another new item on his inventory. But neither Link, nor Navi knew what ye olde inventory was. Navi might know thee. Mental note to self: Stop talking like ye olde Greate Deku Tree.)
"That monster! It came out of the well in the village! Let's go check out that well!" Navi exclaimed, for she was moments before looking at the well in awe.
"Okay!" Link exclaimed.
(So ye olde beloved heroes wandered to ye welle.)
"…There's a wall…" Link told Navi, after falling down the hole, getting bitterly hurt and walking to the well entrance.
"Um… Let's go back in time and look inside!" Navi exclaimed, for she wasn't being very smart right now.
(Link made his way to ye olde Temple of Time, went back in time and wente to Kakariko as a kid. Link then hopped into ye olde well and instead of hearing a loud 'CRACK!' of his spine, he heard a loud splash!)
"It's full of water." Link pointed out to Navi. "Maybe that's why it's called a well."
"Um… Let's go to the windmill randomly to make the authoress happy because her favorite song is played in the background of the windmill!" Navi exclaimed.
"O.o Um… Okay?" Link asked, getting out of the water, but he was soaked.
(Link then read ye sign in front of the welle.)
"It says: 'Dark! Narrow! Scary! Well of three features'." Navi pointed out.
"Now it tells us!" Link complained.
(Then ye hero went to ye Windmill and saw ye crazy olde geezer whodidn't havewhite eyes back then. He is crazy. It was very cold inside ye olde windmill. (If you let Link idle in the windmill he sneezes :D) Since he was wet, ye olde Link was catching ye olde cold.)
"Go around! Go around and around and around! What fun! I'm so happy! I am a music man who loves to go around and around and around! Go around and around! I'm trying to come up with a musical theme inspired by this windmill…going around and around and around!" the random Windmill guy exclaimed with endless amounts of exclamation marks.
Heh heh heh… This is going to be fun… Navi thought, wishing she had some popcorn. What's popcorn?
(Link then played ye Song of Storms. Ye olde windmill started to speed up and ye music increased in tempo. Then it showed outside and the windmill was going crazy. Ye water drained out of ye well and it was raining outside too. Ye guy begins to look around nervously. Mental Note to Thyself: Stop saying 'ye' or 'olde'.)
"Go around, go around, go around… What? It's going way to fast!" the Windmill guy smiled weakly.
"Um… Yeah… It is…I guess…" Link told the Windmill guy.
"Go around, go around, go around… What? It's going way to fast!" the Windmill guy smiled weakly.
"Is that all he says?" Navi asked.
"Go around, go around, go around… What? It's going way to fast!" the Windmill guy smiled weakly.
"Yep." Link confirmed.
(Link then decided to ignore the guy that wouldn't stop talking about the Windmill going round. Link then saw that the water had vanished. Link was about to head to the well when…)
"Wait, Link! We should get more sour milk!" Navi exclaimed.
"Hey… You're right… Let's go!" Link exclaimed as he head off for Lon Lon Ranch even thought there was a cow in Impa's house for some odd reason.
(Link then went to Lon Lon ranch, got the milk, didn't drink it, head to the bottom of the well and Navi flew over to a skeleton.)
"Ewww! Navi! That's been dead for who knows how long! STOP FLYING AROUND IT!" Link yelled at his fairy.
"But I can hear the spirits whispering in this room… 'Look for the Eye of Truth…' That is what they are saying!" Navi told Link.
"Do you think I care?" Link asked.
"No." Navi told Link.
"Whatever, just don't fly around the dead things! Got it?" Link asked.
"Okay… Fine…" Navi told Link. "Wait… Something just occurred to me…"
"What?"
"There's dead stuff here, correct?"
"Yeah."
"And the people drink out of this well… Right?"
"…I'm never drinking anything in Karaoke again…"
(Link, our currently grossed out hero, and Navi, our annoying heroine that flew around dead things, head to the back right corner. There was a sign there. Navi examined the sign.)
"What does it say?" Link asked.
"I'm not sure… It's in the language of the Sheikahs… Wait… I might be able to translate it…" Navi paused.
(Link waited, but got fed up.)
"Here. Let me help…" Link told Navi.
(Link paused while squinting at the writing.)
"Maybe you'd be able to translate it better if you could see it!" Navi exclaimed, irritably.
"Okay! I'll get closer, jeez!" Link exclaimed, walking towards the sign.
(Link got a little closer… And to his surprise, he fell through the floor!)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, before hitting the ground below him. "AIIIIIEEE! ZIIIITTTT!"
"Wait a minute! I almost have it translated!" Navi called to Link, for she was still in front of the sign, for she could fly.
(Link waited for what seemed like forever. Then, finally, Navi spoke.)
"This wall… It says here…" Navi yelled to Link below her. "'Danger below…' That's what it says."
"Thanks a lot Navi!" Link growled at his fairy.
"Well, now we know what it says!" Navi exclaimed.
(Once Link got out of the hole, he and Navi walked along to the other end of the well. There was another sign.)
"This wall… It says something here…" Navi told Link.
(All of a sudden, Link was attacked/beaten-to-pulp by a Skulltualla.)
"OW! What does the—OW—sign say?" Link asked while trying to hold off the thing.
"'Danger above…' That's what it says." Navi reported.
(By now Link was lying on the floor, almost dead. He managed to win.)
"Thanks a lot Navi…" Link told his fairy friend sarcastically.
(So our 'heroes' continued onward, downward (Navi forgot how to read the signs so she couldn't warn Link ahead of time, so he kept falling), and sometimes ouch-wards. Until, they made it to a statue of a frog thingy-ma-bobber. I think its suppost to be a Deadhand…whatever that is… It had water coming from it…water that the people of Kakariko drink; the water Link has been walking around in, Link being a guy who hadn't taken a bath for his whole life; the water the flaming skull thingies (I think they are called bubbles, but they look like skulls with flames around them more) have been circling around in for who knows how long… Navi examined it.)
"What is it, Navi?" Link asked, wanting her report before moving anywhere. "What do you make of it?"
(Navi paused and turned to Link, ready to give a very complex report about this very strange thingy.)
"Water flowing out of this statue is…" Navi paused.
"Is what?" Link asked.
"…Wet." Navi finished.
"…Anything you can add to that?" Link asked, somewhat irritated.
"The wet water is flooding the entire floor."
"What do we do now?" Link asked.
(Navi noticed something.)
"Link! Look!" Navi exclaimed.
(Link turned to see a BBQ!)
"FOOD?" Link asked. "You are thinking about food? Here and now!"
"Yep! Let's cook something!" Navi exclaimed while a random apron and chef's hat appeared on her glowy body.
"In case you hadn't noticed, all the stuff we can cook around here is DEAD! D-E-D!" Link told Navi.
"…Dead is not spelled d-e-d…" Navi told Link.
"I don't care. Like I said, you can't cook this dead stuff!" Link told Navi.
"What do you think hamburgers are?" Navi sneered at Link, hinting that hamburgers were dead cows.
"I'm not sure. What are hamburgers?" Link asked Navi for they didn't have our modern foods.
"I'm not sure…" Navi pondered.
(Then Link and Navi had a hearty meal, for they had found this room that was full of hands! Link tried to grab one but it grabbed Link (the nerve…)! Suddenly, a moving thing, that had no legs, then attacked Link, but it was walking. Odd… Link then killed it while Navi tried to read this one sign in front of the door to this hand room. When Link finished, Navi told Link that the sign said that you must not give that monster any food like a cross-dressing guy that always wears a skirt. Link then protested that his outfit was a tunic. Navi didn't believe him. A box with an odd top appeared out of nowhere. Link opened it. Inside was a spectacle. Link tried it on. It showed that Navi wasn't wearing any clothing under the light that her body generated. Navi turned pink and told Link that it must be the one and only: 'Eye of Lies'! Then Link killed a bat and that was what they had for supper.)"Navi… I never knew that you were good at cooking bat!" Link exclaimed.
"Hey, I grew up with cooking honors at Fairy High School!" Navi exclaimed. "But they kicked me out, because I was playing with matches, before we got onto cooking humans…"
"What's a human?" Link asked, for he was a Hylian.
"I'm not sure… But Ivan knows how to cook them! He got kicked out a month after me because I wasn't around to keep him from setting the whole school on fire. It took the School Board of Directors five years to repair the fire damage on the Forest Meadow…"
"Where's the school?" Link asked.
"Very close to the Forest Meadow. Only thing keeping them from being in the same place was the stupid Dekus who keep on trying to kill us!" Navi explained, adding a few swears into the last bit but since this is K, I won't put them there.
"What's the name of your school?" Link asked.
"Fairy Magic High School." Navi told Link. "Not including the other schools, just the most modern."
"You didn't go to University?" Link asked.
"Well…um… STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS!" Navi yelled into Link's ear.
"Okay… Okay… Shall we move on?" Link asked.
"Fine." Navi told Link.
(Link then randomly went to the Temple of Time. Well…it wasn't really that random since he needed to go to the future… Anyways, Link then returned to the random place of Kakariko as an adult and warped to the Shadow Temple. Link went inside and you know what he found? A skull! Not that the skull being a skull was anything important since the walls were made of them, but this one could talk!)
"One who gains the Eye of Truth will be able to see what is hidden in the darkness…" the talking skull told Link.
"But I don't have the Eye of Truth! But I have the Eye of Lies!" Link exclaimed, and then he realized that he was talking to a skull.
(Link paused. Then hid behind Navi.)
"WAAAAAAHHHHH!" Link cried. "These dead things are EVERYWHERE! It wouldn't be so bad if only floor had them all over, but on the WALLS?"
"Calm down Link…" Navi told Link.
"Yeah, Link. You shouldn't be scared." A voice told Link.
"Only the cool dead guys live here!" another, higher pitched voice told Link.
(Link looked up to see two Wolfos, both sitting. One blackish, the other white.)
"…Who are you?" Link asked.
"I'm Afatufivomany!" the black Wolfos told Link.
"And I'm Wigijigiland!" the white Wolfos, higher pitched, told Link while holding up 'his' paw.
(Link then run up to them and hugged them!)
"YAY! Both of you guys are safe!" Link exclaimed while tears streamed down his face.
"I'm a girl." Wigijigiland told Link.
"-.- Since when?" Navi asked.
"Ever since Bongo Bongo thought that there were too many guys in the afterlife!" Wigijigiland exclaimed, evidentially the cheerful one.
"I like Wigijigiland being a girl!" Afatufivomany exclaimed. "Instead of being friends, which we were before Link killed us, she's now my girlfriend!"
"That's right!" Wigijigiland exclaimed, cuddling next to Afatufivomany.
"…O.o" Navi looked.
"Say… Is there anyone else here?" Link asked.
"Sure there are!" Afatufivomany exclaimed.
"Like who?" Navi asked.
"Like me, Navi Periwinkle!" a very old fairy told Navi while saying both Navi's last name and her first.
"AHHHHH! NO! NOT MY OLD MATH TEACHER!" Navi screamed in terror.
"Poor thing…" Afatufivomany muttered while looking at Navi with the teacher towering over her.
"What do you mean?" Link asked.
"That fairy knows Karate." Wigijigiland explained.
"Give me ALL of your late assignments or I'll break your rib cage! (AN: O.O Dude…)" the teacher demanded.
"But Ms. Shadowpunkle, I didn't think you'd be here!" Navi yelled in fear. "And I thought you died in the fire Ivan started in cooking class!"
"I did. But WHERE ARE YOUR ASSIGNMENTS!" Ms. Shadowpunkle (Ms. Sp) yelled.
"O.O And I thought Navi was scary…" Link paused while looking at the teacher.
(Navi huddled into a corner when she heard a welcoming voice.)
"Thee have escaped from (insert word that is a swear)! Go back to thy bloody/fiery domain!" a comforting voice told the evil teacher.
"Now that your dead too, I don't have to listen to you, Great Deku Tree!" Ms. Sp told the Great Deku Tree (GDT).
"Thou art a bad fairy." The GDT grumbled in a corner.
"O.O GREAT DEKU TREE?" Link and Navi yelled at the same time.
"Bongo Bongo didn't know whether or not to send him to heaven or -beep- so he kept the GDT here." Afatufivomany told the two utterly confused ones.
"He couldn't choose for us either. The only one in this room who he could choose for was Ms. Sp." Wigijigiland explained in more detail so that even you could understand! "She went to -beep-."
FLASHBACK
"Well, hurry up and choose already!" Ms. Sp told Bongo Bongo
(Ms. Sp (she had evidentially just died) was in the boss's room, floating in front of, the one and only, Bongo Bongo. Bongo Bongo pondered over where to send this fairy. He was about to send her to heaven when…)
"THAT'S IT! SEND ME TO THE HEAVENS OR I'LL CRUSH YOUR SKULL!" the evil teacher threatened.
(Bongo Bongo froze. He had this idea that all fairies were perfect angels! This threat totally killed his ego. Guess where he sent her.)
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Ms. Sp screamed as she went to a very bad place.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Navi, if you didn't do those assignments, you are going to have to do them RIGHT NOW!" Ms. Sp told Navi.
"But…" Navi whimpered.
"No! Navi doesn't have to if she doesn't want to! And you shouldn't be threatening students with physical violence!" Link told the teacher, saying one of those crappy speeches.
"Uh-oh…" Wigijigiland gasped.
"He's going to get it now…" Afatufivomany stated.
(The fairy teacher turned red with rage. Link pulled out his shield. The teacher lunged, knowing that she could break through that shield with a head bash. The teacher hit Link, and then went through him. For she was only a ghost.)
"Is it over yet?" Afatufivomany asked, lifting one part of his paw from his eyes, for he couldn't watch his loving master get killed.
"Yep. And Link survived!" Wigijigiland exclaimed.
(Afatufivomany perked up. Link had survived! But then Afatufivomany thought of something. If Link could hug him and his girlfriend, how could the teacher not hit Link? But Afatufivomany decided to keep his thoughts to himself.)
"That's a very good question!" Ruto spontaneously exclaimed in the middle of her date, making Dark Link think that she was crazy—she had picked up on Afatufivomany's thoughts.
(But what Afatufivomany didn't know is that the Dark Tunic allows the livings souls to touch/feel/not-go-through the dead, but Link had somehow spontaneously changed into another outfit while the killer teacher tried to use a Karate move on him!)
"Ahhh… That makes sense." Ruto sighed as Dark Link decided that he'd better not ask…
"HA!" Link exclaimed, as we tune back into our heroes.
"-Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep- -beeep- -beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-!" the teacher swore.
"O.o Since when do you swear?" Navi asked.
"Shut up and do your homework." Ms. Sp told Navi, for she was a little embarrassed by being beaten by the Hero of Time.
"Courageous Navi, bearer of ye olde, olde, olde, seven-year-olde, sour milk, thy does not need to do thy overdue homework." The GDT told Navi.
"Thank you, GDT…" Navi sighed while adding a little bow.
(Silence. Until…)
"Shadow Temple… Here is gathered Hyrule's bloody history of greed and hatred…" another random skull told Link.
(Link froze in terror.)
"Hi Brutus!" Afatufivomany greeted, cheerily waving his paw.
"Hiya there Wigijigiland, and Afatufivomany!" the skull, Brutus, acknowledged.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Make it stop!" Link screamed, hiding behind the only other living morsel.
(Ms. Sp got an idea.)
"What is hidden in the darkness…tricks full of ill will… you can't see the way forward…" Ms. Sp gasped in a spooky voice, attempting to scare the kid that beat her.
"Eeeeek!" Link gasped, hiding in a random corner.
"Heh… Heh… Heh… This is going to be fun…" Ms. Sp smirked.
(So our 'heroes' set off with their new…allies? Two Wolfos that are a couple, a dead tree that speaks like all those mortals in Shakespeare's plays (that no ones knows how he moves around), an evil teacher that knows Karate (but can't hurt our heroes), a very scared little fairy, a paranoid hero…and a person (coughmecough) who is randomly stupid and obsessed with the rain… This can't be good…)
"No it can't!" Ruto exclaimed pounding her fist against the table, in the middle of her date, scaring Dark Link half to death.
(So our 'team' kept going through the Temple. Navi stopped 'cause she saw, of all things, a sign.)
"What does it say?" Link asked.
"It says…" Navi paused, translating the sign slowly.
"Only one who has the Sacred Feet can cross the Valley of the Dead." Ms. Sp told Link, translating the sign quicker than Navi.
"Um… Yeah…" Navi quietly added.
"IF YOU DID YOUR HOMEWORK THEN YOU WOULD BE SMARTER THAN THIS!" Ms. Sp yelled at Navi. "Why can't you ever be like Blueberry Baby's-Breath?"
"Who's Blueberry Bory's-Breath?" Link asked.
"Blueberry was the top student of our class…" Navi told Link. "She didn't die in the fire."
"What's with the Bory's-Breath part then?" Link asked.
"BABY'S-BREATH!" Ms. Sp corrected.
"That was her last name." Navi told Link. "She was the perfectionist of the class, but she was a real snob."
(Link was utterly confuzzled since he always thought of Navi as the perfectionist, not the rebel or whatever she was.)
"And did you know how many tears she cried after she worked with you, Navi Periwinkle? You always dragged her average down!" Ms. Sp told Navi, snickering in a very evil way.
"Shut up…" Navi hissed under her breath. "…80 is a good mark!"
"You dragged her average down to 99!" Ms. Sp exclaimed.
"Shut up you old fart-bag!" Navi shouted.
"And for saying that, you get five weeks detention." Ms. Sp told Navi.
"Navi, thou need not have thy detentions. For thou art living, and thee, Ms. Sp, art dead. Thee can leave when thee wishes." The GDT told Navi.
"Thank you Great Deku Tree!" Navi thanked the GDT.
"(Insert long chain of swears)" Ms. Sp swore.
"Do you think the GDT will get it from Ms. Shadowpunkle?" Wigijigiland asked Afatufivomany.
"Yep." Afatufivomany told Wigijigiland.
(Before Ms. Sp could get her black belt out, Link walked over to a statue. Ms. Sp decided to creep Link once again! DUN! DUN! DUNNNNNN!)
"What's with the statue and the skulls on sticks?" Link asked.
"Make my beak face the Skull of Truth. The alternative is descent into the deep darkness." Ms. Sp told Link with a creepy voice that even the authoress would be creeped out at.
"EEEEKK!" Link screamed, hiding behind Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany.
"How does that work?" Wigijigiland asked Afatufivomany, not noticing that Link had his black tunic on.
"I'm not sure…" Afatufivomany told his girlfriend.
"Courageous Link, push ye olde bird statue to ye olde skull—that art real." The GDT commanded.
"Yes, Great Deku Tree!" Link told the GDT, since he was high ranked within the Kokiri.
(Link pushed the statue to a random skull. He fell into bottomless nothing-ness.)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Link screamed.
(Link then randomly reappeared right beside the statue. Ms. Sp was rolling on the floor, laughing while the random wolf couple were snickering.)
"Wrong one, Link." Navi told Link, for she hadn't followed him into the pit.
(Link then pushed the statue to face the real skull.)
"Dang…" Ms. Sp muttered under her breath.
(So they moved onwards. Link defeated another one of those no-legged thingies and found something in a random corner. But right now we are going to tune out of what Link is doing for the time being.)
"—And Link is like 'I'm…' and I'm like 'Link… That is something I'd expect a girl to do…' and then Link's like—" Navi told the ghosts the events with the shoes from last chapter.
"Hee hee hee!" Wigijigiland giggled.
"Ho ho ho!" Afatufivomany chuckled as Navi told the story.
"Heh heh heh…" the GDT laughed.
"Hyuck hyuck hyuck!" Ms. Sp something-I-have-no-idea-how-to-described in the oddest laugh the authoress/readers ever read.
"O.o 'Hyuck'?" Navi, Wigijigiland, Afatufivomany, and the GDT looked after hearing this laugh.
"I mean… Ho?" Ms. Sp tried to laugh, but failed.
"Taken." Afatufivomany stated.
"Hee?" Ms. Sp asked.
"Taken." Wigijigiland stated.
"Heh?" ms. Sp asked.
"Taken." The GDT told Ms. Sp.
"Umm…" Ms. Sp paused, for she was running out of ideas. "Are you sure 'ho' is taken—What are you doing?"
(Everyone turned to face Link, who, again, was trying on new shoes.)
"O.o I hate to be on the same side as Ms. Shadowpunkle but… What are you doing?" Navi asked.
"I'm…" Link told Navi and Co., trying to hide his boots behind his legs and somehow succeeding…
"You're doing it, again?" Navi asked.
"But they were—" Link tried to explain.
"Never mind!" Navi snapped at Link.
"In Link's case… Things can get worse than they are now…" Wigijigiland paused.
(The Cucco lady from Kakariko randomly fell from the…floor? How in Hyrule does that work? But she still fell from the floor.)
"They can…" Afatufivomany paused.
(Déjà vu…)
"Hi! Will you take care of my Cuccos—What are you doing?" The Cucco lady asked.
"He's trying on new shoes!" Navi explained.
"Oh. Okay. Will you take care of my Cuccos—AHHHHHHHH!" the Cucco lady screamed as she sunk into the ceiling and went back from where she came from (that's the village by the way, she's not dead).
(After that, there was silence… Long silence too.)
"Interesting…" Ruto paused, scaring Dark Link again.
(Then Link, Navi…and Co. kept moving forwards (Link wearing his new shoes that seemed to make him fly and slide around like he was on ice. He fell many times) in life until they reached a cruise ship. Link hopped onto it while the others just flew (ghosts can do that sort of thing in TM, as for Navi, she has wings). When Link finally got on, he saw a triangle. In fact, THREE triangles!)
"What's this?" Link asked.
"It's a picture of the Triforce." Navi explained.
"So?"
"So you—Here! I'll do it since you have no clue what to do!" Navi told our so-called hero.
(Navi played 'Zelda's Lullaby' on the Triforce and the ship started moving! DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!)
"CUT THAT OUT ALREADY!" Ruto yelled at the narrator, scaring the heck out of Dark Link (and the narrator) once again.
…Okay…
"O.o Dude…" Dark Link paused.
(Back to our 'heroes'.)
"Welcome to the Ship of the dead!" a loud intercom yelled throughout the Temple, scaring the pure daylights out of Link.
(Then, randomly/suddenly/scarily, the bells on either side of the boat, started ringing and ship started bobbing forwards, making Link wish that he was at his tree house at this point.)
"I'll be your captain for today…yada yada. Did you know that this is the only ship that goes to heaven and -bleep- and if your not dead already then you're just screwed buddy." The intercom told the passengers. "This is the River called Styx. Here is where the dead people make their one way ride from the real world to the afterlife. Lord Bongo Bongo recently made this boat; this is the boat he sends the dead on. If he can't choose whether you should go to heaven or -beep- then he will just ditch you here to live in the Shadow Temple… Do you think this is much of a Temple? Like come on—" the intercom continued.
"ô.o" the team looked after hearing this speech.
"—And I don't see any priests here, do you? Oh! Here comes our lovely assistant, Bethany! She'll give you refreshments!" the captain reported.
(Then, a Stalfos came from the sky. Odd since it was (or looked like) a male.)
"Isn't she lovely?" the captain asked.
"Here are your drinks!" Bethany told the ghosts. "Hey! Wait! You guys aren't dead yet! Oh well. I'll kill you and then give you drinks!"
"O.o" Link looked.
"I'll save you, Link!" Navi exclaimed, pulling out the sour milk.
(Then, Bethany died! This was odd since she was already dead but hey. She died.)
"Are you guys causing trouble down there?" the captain asked Link and Navi. "Well, as the captain of 'Her Majesty's Ship: Deadpeople', I must deal with any problems that might disturb the other passengers!"
(Another Stalfos fell from the sky. This was the captain. You could tell since he had a captain's hat on. But he died from the sour milk too.)
"Glad that's over with." Navi told Link. "…Link! The ship is sinking! Abandon ship! …I think it's sinking because we killed the captain, who was driving it."
"Um… Navi? We have another problem…" Link told Navi, for the rest of the team was dead from the milk.
"Um… We can carry Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany… As for the Great Deku Tree, he's too heavy to carry… As for Ms. Shadowpunkle… Let's just ditch her…" Navi told Link.
"Okay!" Link exclaimed, jumping off the boat carrying Wigijigiland and Afatufivomany.
"Oh no you don't!" Ms. Sp told Navi.
"Wait for me, ye bearer of green leaves!" the GDT told Link and Navi.
"You mean gray leaves…you died…and your leaves turned gray…" Ms. Sp told the GDT.
(So they continued onwards. After what was a very scary experience, Link and Co., got to the boss's room. Link then jumped down the hole, screaming like a little girl, as he landed on something soft, hovered for a few seconds (he still has the flying boots on), then fell.)
"What's this?" Link asked, looking at the drum he was standing on.
"It's Bongo Bongo's drum!" Wigijigiland exclaimed.
"He plays on it looking for a fellow person into the art of music or dance." Afatufivomany explained.
(As Bongo Bongo appeared, something clicked to Link.)
FLASHBACK
"One more thing…you look like the kind of person who would be really good at break dancing!" Dampé exclaimed.
"I do?" Link asked, bewildered.
"Yep! Be careful on your way back, my budding break-dancing student! Heheheheh…" Dampé chuckled.
END OF FLASHBACK
(That's when it clicked to him. He was destined to join Bongo Bongo! To be his dancing partner! Why couldn't he see his fate before hand?)
"Stop searching!" Link told Bongo Bongo, for this was the first heroic thing Link had done during this whole fic. "For I have come!"
"Link! What are you doing?" Navi hissed under her breath.
"I now know my destiny!" Link exclaimed, outstretching his arms towards Bongo Bongo.
"That's very good and all but could you wait?" Navi asked.
"I AM DESTINED TO BE YOUR DANCING PARTNER!" Link yelled to Bongo Bongo.
(Navi slapped her forehead as the rest of the gang looked dot, dot, dot-ish. Bongo Bongo dropped his hands. So that's what his dancing partner looked like! He had always wondered…)
"Now… I shall dance to the beat of your rhythm! I shall break dance for this small audience! We shall become known amongst the world of the dead!" Link told Bongo Bongo.
(Bongo Bongo felt as if he was going to cry out of his one eye! He was so happy! Bongo Bongo got his drum ready for his new dancing partner. Link was about to dance for his new ally when…)
"NOOOOO! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOST TO JOIN HIM! YOU ARE SUPPOST TO BEAT HIM!" Navi told Link.
(Bongo Bongo thought Navi meant make up a beat for Link, so he started doing the most random beat. Link was startled and started break dancing.)
"O.O" the GDT looked at this horrifying sight, the chosen one of destiny, break dancing for the enemy?
(The GDT turned his back.)
"…Master?" Afatufivomany asked, for his master wasn't good enough to join Bongo Bongo.
"I think it's quite cute!" Wigijigiland giggled, for she thought that everyone was creeping out due to the fact that Link was break dancing.
"SUCH A VULGAR DANCE! NINETY-FOUR WEEKS OF DETENTION FOR YOU, BOY!" Ms. Sp yelled at Link.
(Bongo Bongo glared at Ms. Sp, not slowing the beat. Ms. Sp shut up.)
"… DIE" Navi yelled while whipping out the sour milk.
(Bongo Bongo wasn't affected so Navi poured the sour milk all over the drum. Bongo Bongo's hands got poisoned and died. His 'head/body' soon followed.)
"Mwahahahahahaha!" Navi cackled.
"WHAT DID YOU DO! You just ruined my destiny! Bongo Bongo was so happy too…" Link complained. "…And you wasted all the sour milk!"
"Link…?" Navi asked.
(Link turned to see the ghosts of the team, fading away. Due to the result of Bongo Bongo.)
P.S. This is one of the rare emotional moments of Totally Messed. So try to read it with sadness. Because then I will feel rejected and sad inside if you don't.
"Looks like we have to choose our afterlife now…" Wigijigiland told Link, a tear in her eye.
"WHAT! Why?" Link asked, getting all teary too.
"Bongo Bongo sorted us into the Shadow Temple. Since that was only a choice he created, we were able to stay. Since he's dead, we now have to choose between the heavens or the underworld." Afatufivomany told Link.
"No! Don't go!" Link asked, trying to hold back a sob.
"Good bye Link… We'll see you in the afterlife!" Wigijigiland exclaimed; her body almost completely vanished.
(Wigijigiland vanished.)
"Good bye Link… We'll be waiting for you in the heavens…" Afatufivomany told Link, body starting to disappear.
(Afatufivomany vanished.)
"Dang! Back to -beep-!" Ms. Sp swore before vanishing.
(Ms. Shadowpunkle burned up.)
"Good bye, ye younge chosen one… Do thy deeds…" the GDT told Link.
"GREAT DEKU TREE!" Link and Navi yelled.
(The Great Deku Tree vanished.)
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link yelled as a tear trickled down his cheek.
"…I'm sorry…" Navi told Link.
P.S. You can stop taking this seriously now.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU NAVI!" Link yelled at Navi, chasing her around.
(Navi had just set up the transporter that Ivan gave them, that Saria made, that was given to her by Rauru. Link was chasing Navi around when he accidentally stepped in it. Link then was imprisoned in a crystal (boy, Zelda would love that…wait…that gives me an idea…), forcefully/unwillingly transported to the Chamber of the Sages.)
(Impa appeared before him…hmmm…I wonder why…)
"The boy with the noble Zelda's Ocarina…" Impa paused, waiting for her brain to register who Link was. "Ahhh… I remember… As I expected, you have come."
"That did not make any sense what so ever…" Navi told Impa.
"I am Impa, one of the Sheikah." Impa told Link.
"We are well aware of that." Link told Impa.
"I am princess Zelda's caretaker, and I am also the Sage that guards the Shadow Temple." Impa told further.
"We are aware of that too." Navi told Link.
"We Sheikah have served the royalty of Hyrule from generation to generation as attendants." Impa told Link.
"Now that's something we didn't know!" Navi told Impa.
"However… On that day seven years ago, Ganondorf suddenly attacked…and Hyrule—Oh crap…" Impa paused.
"What?" Link asked.
"I forgot a part of my boring speech…" Impa muttered.
"O.o Dude… Does that happen?" Link asked.
"Apparently…" Navi paused.
"I remember the rest of it except for that one part…" Impa told Link and Navi.
"Okay. You can continue then!" Navi exclaimed.
"NAVI!" Link yelled at Navi, for he didn't want to hear the rest of the speech.
"Ahem. Ganondorf's target was one of the keys to the Sacred Realm…the hidden treasure of the Royal Family…the Ocarina of Time!" Impa exclaimed after all those dot, dot, dots.
"Impa, you are not suppost to exclaim after all those dot, dot, dots!" Navi yelled at Impa.
"…My duty bound me to take Zelda out of Ganondorf's reach." Impa continued.
"That's better." Navi told Impa.
"When I last saw you, as we made our escape from the castle, you were just a lad… Now I see you have become a fine hero…" Impa smirked.
"Him? A hero? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Navi laughed, so hard that she fell to the floor and laughed until she cried, she later (after countless stares from Impa and Link) regained her composure.
"Oh shut up…" Link told Navi.
"…There's nothing to worry about…the princess is safe now. Soon, you'll meet princess Zelda face-to-face, and she will explain everything…" Impa explained.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Navi yelled, for she despised Zelda.
"…That is when we, the six wise ones, will seal up the evil king and return peace to Hyrule." Impa told Link, currently ignoring Navi.
"DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME!" Navi yelled.
"…I have to stay here…" Impa told Link.
"YAY!" Link exclaimed.
"You go to princess Zelda's side and protect her on my behalf." Impa told Link.
"But I don't like the Princess!" Link exclaimed.
(Zelda, somewhere in the world, hissed, for she liked/loved Link. Ruto cheered.)
"Now I put my power, which should be helpful to you, into this medallion!" Impa told Link.
(Link got the Shadow Medallion! Wait? Where'd it go? Oh. There it is, in Link's Shadow. I guess it doesn't like the light…)
"Please look out for the Princess!" said Impa's voice on the wind.
"NEVER!" Navi retorted to Impa's voice on the wind.
(Link then head off to Gerudo Valley, having no clue that Gerudos were an ALL-FEMALE RACE (practically, think of Ganondorf). This is going to be fun… Heh…heh…heh…)
Cherry-sama: Chapter 11!
Link: (cries)
Navi: (looks happy)
Cherry-sama: What's up with him?
Navi: He's still upset about the Wolfos going to heaven.
Cherry-sama: And what's with you?
Navi: Ms. Shadowpunkle is dead forever!
Cherry-sama: -.-
Saria: Cherry-sama will be done this fic fairly soon, continuing on inher story 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce' and 'Totally Whacked'. Cherry-sama would also like to say is that Ms. Shadowpunkle might appear in a fic that she is considering on doing. It is about Navi's high school years. Including Ivan, Navi, Blueberry, and Ms. Shadowpunkle herself. More characters may be introduced like Maria's fairy Aurora, Mido's fairy (nameless) and others. Please note that she will not do it if she doesn't have time, but if you want her to make Navi's high school years, just say so.
Cherry-sama: (tuning into last bit) What are you saying?
Saria: Facts.
Cherry-sama: (emphasizing on certain words for Saria to hear) You do not have to say anything about the fic of Navi's high school years. Saria was just being a little too chatter-ish and you don't have to listen to her, except for the review thingy she does in this fic.
Saria: You don't have to say it in that kind of tone… Please review for this heartless person.
Cherry-sama: Hey!