Chapter 13! (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't be here yet! It just can't be!)
Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time, but I do own the sadness I feel when I finished this fic.
Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to the LAST CHAPTER (besides the bonus stuff) of Totally Messed!
Link: (cries)
Navi: (sniffs)
Saria: (blows nose) Please (sniff) read this…
What would happen if Ganondorf was taking piano lessons from Zelda?
Wonder no more! For I shall show you the last answer in the last chapter. Not including bonuses. The bonuses are the Epilogue, Deleted Scenes, and Bloopers. Then comes the Wedding and the Credits—Why am I repeating this junk? Onwards…
(Link was unceremoniously dumped on the warping platform at the Desert Colossus. He then proceeded to the Temple of Time. He could have walked, but he knew that warping there was faster. When he arrived…)
"Now…" muttered a voice. "I must find a way that my dress will fit underneath this outfit…"
"O.o" looked Link and Navi, for already this chapter was weird.
"I wonder if Link will notice that my legs have 'swelled up'…" muttered the voice that sounded like Zelda's (they could tell since Link had transformed into her last chapter).
(Then, out of nowhere in particular, Sheik came. His legs had swollen up. Same with his arms. And the hat seemed to be bigger than usual…)
"I have been waiting for you, Link." Sheik told Link.
(Link turns around and sees Sheik.)
"ô.o Where did you come from?" Link asked.
"…Ummmm…" Sheik paused, for he didn't know what to reply.
"T.T Why does everyone stalk us?" Navi asked.
"Because, Link, the Hero of Time, you are hot!" Sheik exclaimed.
"O.O" Link looked.
"-.-" Navi looked, for she had witnessed the mouth-to-mouth. "What do you have to say for your boring speech?"
"…You have overcome many hardships and awakened six sages. And now you have a final challenge, showdown with Ganondorf, the King of Evil…." Sheik explained.
"Why is he the King of Evil? Why not the King of Balding Monkeys?" Link asked, but he wasn't heard.
"Before that…I have things that I want to tell only to you. Please listen." Sheik told Link.
"No I won't!" Link told Sheik while hiding in a corner, covering his ears.
"But—" Sheik protested.
"I'll listen. I can tell him afterwards." Navi told Sheik.
"…Okay… Another unknown legend of the Triforce passed down by the Shadow folk, the Sheikahs…. If you would seek the Sacred Triangle, listen well…" Sheik told Navi.
"Okay." Navi told Sheik.
"The resting place of the Sacred Triangle, the Sacred Realm, is a mirror that reflects the heart… The heart of one who enters it… If an evil heart, the realm will become full of evil; if pure, the realm will become a paradise." Sheik explained.
"…Go on…" Navi told Sheik, by now Link was sort of listening.
"The Triforce…the Sacred Triangle…it is a balance that weighs the three forces: Power, Wisdom and Courage. If the heart of the one who holds the sacred triangle has all three forces in balance, that one will gain the true force to govern all." Sheik explained.
"That makes sense." Navi told herself, when it really didn't make any sense to Link.
"But, if that one's heart is not in balance, the Triforce will separate into three parts: Power, Wisdom and Courage. Only one part will remain for the one who touched the Triforce…the part representing the force that one most believes in." Sheik explained.
"That sounds like someone we know…" Link paused, while getting out of the corner.
"If that one seeks the true force, that one must acquire the two lost parts. Those parts will be held within others chosen by destiny, who will bear the Triforce mark on the back of their hands." Sheik explained.
"Oh?" Link asked.
"Seven years ago, Ganondorf the King of Thieves, used the door you opened in the Temple of Time and entered the Sacred Realm. But when he laid his hands on the Triforce, the legend came true. The Triforce separated into three parts. Only the Triforce of Power remained in Ganondorf's hand." Sheik explained.
"So that's why he got so darn powerful!" Navi exclaimed.
"Yes. The strength of the Triforce of Power enabled him to become a mighty, evil king, but his dark ambitions were not satisfied." Sheik explained more.
"Why wouldn't they?" Navi asked.
"To gain complete mastery of the world, Ganondorf started looking for those chosen by destiny to hold the two other Triforce parts." Sheik told now Link and Navi.
"Who holds them?" Link asked.
"The one who holds the Triforce of Courage is…" Sheik started.
"Me!" Link exclaimed.
"No! Navi! She's the one who did all the hard work!" Sheik told Link.
"O.O" Navi looked after this statement. "At least all my hard work wasn't wasted…"
"Who holds the other one?" Link asked, hoping high that it was him.
"…Who holds the Triforce of Wisdom…is the Seventh Sage, who is destined to be the leader of them all…" Sheik explained.
(Sheik held up his right hand, and the symbol of the Triforce of Wisdom shined through. Then there was a bright light and Sheik turned into…)
"ZELDA?" Link asked, for he never would have guessed that this guy was that girl.
(Zelda…who would have guessed…? She had evidentially taken off her jumpsuit to show her princess outfit.)
"It is I, the Princess of Hyrule, Zelda." Zelda paused.
"Yay! So I guess Sheik isn't gay!" Navi exclaimed. "After the mouth-to-mouth, I thought he was!"
"She." Link corrected. "And what do you mean mouth to mouth?"
(Navi whistled.)
"I apologize for meeting you in disguise, but it was necessary to hide from the King of Evil." Zelda told Link. "Please forgive me…"
"Only if I get a kiss—OW! Hey! Navi…" Link muttered, rubbing his head.
(Navi glared at Link.)
"…On that day, seven years ago, Ganondorf attacked Hyrule Castle. I saw you as I was escaping from the Castle with my attendant, Impa." Zelda explained that story from her point of view.
"Impa. The slut." Navi muttered.
"I thought I should entrust the Ocarina to Link…I thought that would be our best chance…" Zelda told Navi.
"After seven years, I'm the one that is ignored…" Link muttered, remembering chapter 2.
"As long as Link had the Ocarina in your possession, I thought Ganondorf could never enter the Sacred Realm, but…something that I could never expect happened…" Zelda paused, looking upset.
"What?" Link asked, but he was ignored.
"After you made Link opened the Door of Time, the Master Sword sealed Link and you away in the Sacred Realm… Both your spirits remained in the Sacred Realm…and then the Triforce fell into Ganondorf's hands." Zelda paused.
"Oh no…" Link mumbled, looking terrified as if he hadn't experienced the story first hand.
"He went on to invade the Sacred Realm… Ganondorf had become the Evil King, and the Sacred Realm became a world of evil. All of this is an unfortunate coincidence." Zelda paused.
"What happened to you?" Navi asked the person that also held the Triforce.
"I passed myself off as a Sheikah and hoped that you would return." Zelda told Navi. "I waited for seven years…"
"I think we noticed that by now…" Link told Zelda.
"And…now you are back." Zelda told Navi, ignoring Link. "The Dark Age ruled by Ganondorf the Evil King will end!" Zelda exclaimed.
"Yay!" Navi exclaimed, she had seemed to get over her despising of Zelda by now.
"The six sages will open the sealed door and lure Ganondorf back into the Sacred Realm. I will then seal the door to the Sacred Realm from this world. Thus, Ganondorf the Evil King will vanish from Hyrule." Zelda told Navi.
"…Yep…" Link muttered droopily.
"Navi…in order to do this, I need your courage again." Zelda told Navi. "Please protect me while I do my part."
"Okay!" Navi exclaimed.
"And here is a weapon that can penetrate the Evil King's defenses…the power given to the chosen ones…the sacred Arrow of Light!" Zelda exclaimed, looking upwards.
(Zelda held up her hands and the arrow came down descending from above. Wherever it came from, we shall not know. Zelda gave it to Navi and somehow Link receives the Light Arrow… Odd. The light arrow looks like it has frozen pee stuck on the end though…ew…)
"I really don't need this…" Navi told Zelda. "I have sour milk."
"Well… You never know if the Hero of Time is ready!" Zelda exclaimed.
"Did someone say Hero of Time?" Link asked.
"Yes." Zelda told Link.
"She's referring to me!" Navi told Link.
"But—" Link protested.
"You were too useless to be the Hero of Time." Zelda told Link.
"If I'm not the Hero of Time, may Ganondorf attack this Temple as I speak!" Link hissed.
(Suddenly there was a loud rumbling in the Temple of Time. Dust started to fall from the ceiling…the caretaker has been doing a lousy job of keeping the Temple clean for all those years!)
"Whoa!" Navi exclaimed as she fell on top of Link.
"That rumbling…it can't be!" Zelda asked, wide-eyed.
"Feel the fury of the ex-Hero-of-Time! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Link cackled evilly before getting hit on the head with a rock.
(A pink crystal then surrounded Zelda. Link ran up to her and put his hands on the outside of the crystal. There goes his last chance for a date…)
"Help me Link!" Zelda screamed, then she realized that she was inside a big jewel.
"Don't worry, Zelda! I'll break the crystal somehow!" Link told Zelda, hands still on the jewel.
"NO! GET YOUR GRUBBY PAWS OFF MY PRECIOUS!" Zelda hissed, in jewel-mode.
"O.o" Navi paused, being the only sane one.
"But Zelda…" Link paused.
"NO! IT'S MINE! IT CAME TO ME!" Zelda hissed, before breaking out into a: "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"…O.o Zelda?" Link asked his last chance for a date before next Saturday.
"…Mine… All mine…" Zelda sang in a pretty-ful voice while leaning her head against the inside to the crystal.
"Maybe we'd better not ask…" Navi told Link.
"Good idea." Link told Navi.
"Princess Zelda…you foolish traitor! You were suppost to hate being inside my prison for you!" Ganondorf yelled through the speakers inside Navi's boots.
"Then choose a cage! Not a jewel!" Zelda hissed at the villain, giving him pointers. "By the way, thanks for the jewel!"
"And she was able to hold back her jewelry obsession until now…" Navi paused.
"I commend you for holding back on your jewelry obsession for seven long years. But you let your guard down…" Ganondorf giggled.
"What do you mean?" Zelda gasped, no not in shock, but in disbelief that she couldn't hug the jewel from inside of it.
"I knew you would appear if I let this kid wander around!" Ganondorf cackled. "For you think he's hot!"
"O.o WHAAAAAATTTTT?" Link asked. "Is that the only reason you taught me the songs?"
(Zelda gasped and screamed. How did he find that out?)
"-.- I guess it is…" Navi muttered.
"My only mistake was to slightly underestimate the power of this kid …" Ganondorf chuckled.
"Don't worry, Zelda, I'll get you out!" Link told Zelda.
(Link banged on the crystal. Zelda screamed.)
"STOP THAT, MY EMPLOYEE! You might scratch it!" Zelda hissed.
(The Crystal started to rise. Zelda, inside, looked shocked.)
"OwO I DIDN'T KNOW MY PRECIOUS COULD FLY!" Zelda exclaimed, but Ganondorf ignored her.
"No…it was not the kid's power I misjudged, it was the power of his fairy, that holds the Triforce of Courage!" Ganondorf cackled from the speakers inside Navi's boots.
"I gotta get these speakers removed…" Navi muttered, for whenever Ganondorf cackled, the base speaker would vibrate.
"…But, with the Triforce of Wisdom that Zelda has…when I obtain these two Triforces…then, I will become the true ruler of the world!" Ganondorf cackled, making Navi's feet vibrate.
"STOP CACKLING!" Navi hissed.
"If you want to rescue Zelda, come to my castle!" Ganondorf taunted Link.
"I don't want to rescue Zelda." Link told Ganondorf, for Navi's despising of Zelda somehow transferred to Link (I wonder why…).
"Well…um… If you want me to stop cackling, then come to my castle!" Ganondorf told Navi.
"I'LL SEE YOU THERE!" Navi yelled at her boots.
(Zelda and crystal disappeared. And Navi could hear Ganondorf laughing/cackling evilly/cheesily from her boots.)
"We have to save princess Zelda from her imprisonment in Ganon's Castle!" Navi exclaimed.
"Why?" Link asked.
"That was an ONA!" Navi told Link.
"Yeah, but why?" Link asked again.
"Because I want my boots to stop twitching!" Navi told Link.
(Link had no idea about the speakers, so he thought Navi was nuts. Then Link thought of something. If Navi, the Hero of Time, was crazy, then he could save Hyrule and re-become the Hero of Time!)
(So Link headed to the place where Hyrule castle used to be and Louis made the camera pan around. The area is all blackened, ruined and Ganondorf's Castle could be seen hovering above a pit of lava. How did Ganondorf do that? Ganondorf had raised the drawbridge…smart move…for someone who can't laugh properly. As Navi flew up to where the bridge was supposed to be, Nabooru's voice could be heard.)
"Link… Can you hear me? It's the Sage." A voice told Link.
"O.o Where did that come from?" Link asked.
(Link looked around for the source of the sound, which was Navi's boots once again.)
"Who said that?" Link asked.
"It's me! Nabooru! I'm free next Saturday!" Nabooru told Link.
"Goody!" Link exclaimed (for this was the first thing that happened to him that wasn't negative).
"Here! You can't do anything right! Give me the microphone! I still think I should be the one replacing Rauru!" a new female voice hissed.
"O.O Saria?" Navi asked. "Is that you?"
"Hi!" Saria told Navi.
"…What's your speech?" Link asked dully.
"Ahem. We six (including Zelda, Rauru is gone) will gather our power to create a bridge to the castle where Ganondorf dwells, since Ganondorf pulled up the other one." Saria explained.
"Oh. Okay." Navi paused, for this was logical.
"The castle's keep, which is known as Ganon's Tower, is protected by six evil barriers." Saria told Link.
"Nooo! Spell check doesn't like the wording! Give me the microphone!" hissed another female voice.
"O.o Ruto?" Link asked.
"Hi, Linky-kins!" Ruto exclaimed.
"Are you going to continue or not?" Nabooru asked.
"Fine! Ahem. The castle's keep, which is known as Ganon's Tower, is protected by six evil barriers." Ruto explained. "Bring down the six barriers and save princess Zelda!"
"That's the same thing that Saria said." Link told the girls.
"And what happened to Rauru?" Navi asked.
(A whistling sound was heard from Nabooru. Then the rainbow stuff falls from the sky, landed and formed a rainbow bridge (no duh) across to the castle. Link examined it closely and cautiously, when…)
"AHHH CHOO!" Link sneezed, apparently Link was allergic to the rainbow stuff that fell from the sky.
(Link went inside and heard music.)
"This music reminds me of the Water Temple…" Link paused.
"I don't think Ganon's Castle is suppost to be playing the 'Jaws' theme over their speakers…" Navi paused. "Or in mine for that fact…"
(Then the sound technetium (George) realized that the music he was listening to (and playing through the speakers near him) was playing on set! He quickly changed it so Cherry-sama wouldn't find out… But she knew, all right… She knew…)
"O.o That was a quick change…" Link paused, for now the music was now the Song of Storms.
(George then changed the music, again, but it was wrong…again…)
"ô.o" Navi looked while listening to 'Absolute' by 'Thousand Foot Krutch'.
(George was about to change the song again when…)
Could you please wait until the song is over?
"O.O" Link and Navi looked.
What? I can't help it if one of my favorite songs (which I haven't listened to recently) is on speakers.
(So George didn't change the song, just put it on repeat.)
(Link and Navi kept trying to put up with this rock song as they systematically went breaking all the barriers. When SoC does it, she always does it Spirit, Shadow, Water, Fire, Forest, and Light. So that's our order. When Navi broke the Spirit Barrier Nabooru appeared before the two.)
"The Spirit Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up, Blabber!" Nabooru nagged.
"No I won't! I'll take my sweet time if I want to!" Navi told Nabooru.
"Then I'll have to go with you, just to make sure you keep up the pace!" Nabooru told Navi.
(Before Link knew it, he had a hot chick on his team. He could tell since she was wearing sunglasses to try to cool off. Light shined, Navi (and Link, but he isn't important) was then deposited outside the door and the Spirit Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)
(Link/Navi proceeded to the Shadow Barrier and Impa appeared before Navi.)
"The Shadow barrier is dispelled! Please save the princess!"
"NEVER!" Link told Impa.
"Then I'll have to go with you and guard her for you!" Impa told Link.
(Before Navi knew it, she had collected a slut on her team. Light shined, Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Shadow Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)
(Now onto the water barrier! But on the way there...)
"So… How did Impa join our team?" Navi asked.
"Tell me how Nabooru joined first!" Link exclaimed.
(Link then put his arm around Nabooru, making Zelda mad.)
"Link! If you flirt with Nabooru at any time during this trip, then your date is canceled." Navi told Link.
"Go ahead, try!" Link sneered at Navi.
"Alright, I will!" Navi hissed.
(Navi then grabbed Link's arms and dragged him to the Water Barrier.)
(Ruto appeared before Navi and Link looks up at her.)
"The Water Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up!" Ruto exclaimed.
"You can't boss me around!" Navi told Ruto.
"Yes I can!" Ruto told Navi.
(Navi then grabbed Ruto's arm and dragged her around too. Link looked at Ruto, ready to try and break free from Navi the moment Ruto tried to kiss him. But it didn't work. Navi's really strong… So Link got a kiss. On tape. Excellent blackmail…heh…heh…heh…)
(Anyways…light shined, Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Water Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)
"Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail… Please, authoress… Don't use tape as blackmail…" Link whispered to himself, but he should know by now that I will never give up a good chance like this.
"Is something wrong, Link?" Nabooru asked Link.
"YES! A FISH JUST KISSED ME! ON TAPE! NOW THE AUTHORESS CAN BLACKMAIL ME TO DO TOTALLY WHACKED!" Link yelled at Nabooru.
"Okay… So something is wrong…" Nabooru paused.
(Then the Fire Barrier is next…oh joy. Darunia appeared before Navi there.)
"The Fire Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up, Brother!" Darunia ordered.
"I'm not your brother! Link is!" Navi told Darunia.
"Well, we'd better become sworn siblings then!" Darunia told Navi.
"Oy…" Nabooru paused.
(Light shined, and Navi was then deposited outside the door (still holding Link and Ruto) and the Fire Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)
"Yay!" exclaimed Darunia for very random reasons, to the fact that it's scary.
"ô.o" everyone looked after hearing this random cheer.
(Next up was the Forest Barrier, where Saria appeared, and Navi looks up at her.)
"The Forest Barrier is dispelled! Hurry up, Link!" Saria told Link.
"Hey! It's me who you're suppost to be talking to!" Navi told Saria.
"And give me back my popcorn!" Nabooru hissed.
"No!" Saria told Nabooru, clutching the bag of popcorn protectively.
(Saria was asking for it. Nabooru grabbed onto Saria's leg and dragged her on the floor. Light shined, and Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Forest Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center.)
(On the way to...to...to somewhere!)
"Hey, Saria?" Navi asked the green girl wearing shorts, who was being dragged on the floor.
"Yes?" Saria asked, grumpily.
"Why did you steal Nabooru's popcorn?" Navi asked.
"Because Ivan stole my marshmallows!" Saria exclaimed.
"Silly Ivan…" Navi sighed with a smile on her face.
"Ooooo!" Ruto exclaimed in a teasing voice.
"What?" Navi asked.
(Ruto began to sing.)
"Ivan and Navi, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Ruto sang.
(Link remembered this song.)
"First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes Navi with a—" Link sang, but was interrupted.
"—WITH A BLOODY AXE! NOW SHUT UP!" Navi yelled at Link, finishing the song, while blushing.
"Make me." Sneered Link and Ruto.
(Navi flew over to the edge of a bottomless pit, holding Link and Ruto over, dangling their feet.)
"Okay! Okay! We'll shut up!" Ruto told Navi.
"Ruto! You have to be strong!" Link told Ruto.
"I bet I can make you soften up." Ruto told Link, slowly getting closer.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FINE! I GIVE UP!" Link screamed. "JUST DON'T KISS ME!"
"Ohhh…" Ruto frowned.
"Don't give the authoress more blackmail." Nabooru told Ruto.
"Link and Ruto, sitting in a tree…" Navi sang in an annoying voice.
"Oh shut up…" Link told Navi.
(Last one was called the Light Barrier, where Rauru appeared…or should have appeared…)
"The Light Barrier is dispelled! Hurry!" said the most unexpected person.
"O.O Ganondorf?" yelled all the people at the same time.
"…Shut up… Cherry-sama's blackmailing me to do this…" Ganondorf hissed.
Mwahahahahaha.
"What kind of item is she blackmailing you with?" Link asked.
"A picture of the time my Grandmothers were giving me a makeover…" Ganondorf muttered.
"…Ouch…" Link paused while flinching.
"For once, I pity you, Ganondorf…" Nabooru told Ganondorf.
"Shut up! I have to head back to Zelda to see if I can learn the song that controls the world…"
"O.o What?" asked everyone, shocked.
"…IgottogonowsoIwillseeyouguysatthepianobenchI'msittingonwithZeldahoveringabovemeandyouhavetocomeandrescuehersoyeahandBYE!" Ganondorf told the team.
(Light shined, and Navi was then deposited outside the door and the Light Barrier was dispelled from the giant column in the center. And the large purple wall in the center disappeared, revealing and entrance to the keep.)
"FINALLY!" Link yelled.
"I don't want to go there yet. Let's get some fresh air." Navi told the team.
"What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link yelled as he got dragged outside.
(Navi had acquired the Golden Gauntlets; otherwise Navi would not have been able to do the Fire Barrier. Then Navi dragged Link and Ruto out of the castle and across the Bridge. The other Sages were following behind, Nabooru holding onto Saria's leg. Navi took a left and Link saw a tall column with the Gerudo's Symbol on it: the star and the crescent moon. Nabooru cheered and jumped up and down, making Saria's head bang on the floor repeatedly. Navi lifted it up with the Golden Gauntlets and Link threw it away (O.o blink blink), revealing a tunnel. The team entered it and Navi played Zelda's Lullaby at the Triforce. Link shielded his eyes with mirror shield.)
"Welcome Navi! I am the Great Fairy of Drinking and Driving! I am going to enhance your defensive power so you can withstand more trucks you crash into. Receive it now!" the Great witch exclaimed.
(I do not mean to offend people, for this is for humor purposes. I've never known anyone who died in a car accident. Once again, I mean no harm. Anyways, the Great Witch made it so that all damage that was inflicted on Navi will only do half as much.)
"Your defensive power has been enhanced! Damage inflicted by bulldozers will be reduced by half. When driving has made you weary please come back to see me." The Great witch exclaimed.
(The witch was about to sink off shrieking but then she saw herself in Link's mirror shield, choked and died.)
"YAY!" the team cheered together.
(Navi entered to the Castle again and crossed the bridge to the column in the middle. Through the door there were Keese in this room and some stairs on the left. Navi ignored the stairs and made a great meal for all the Sages, including Link. Link tried to flirt with Nabooru (the only hot girl on the team) but Navi dangled Link upside down and Link fainted due to the fact that all the blood rushed to his head. Then Navi and Co. climbed the stairs, and took the door on the left. In the room there were two Dinafos, which Navi defeated. After she defeated them, the door at the back at the room unlocked.)
"Who would have thought that killing two lizards would unlock a door?" Darunia asked.
"I did!" exclaimed very OOC Impa.
(Everyone looked at Impa oddly. Impa used sign language to say that Ivan was controlling her voice box. Saria wondered how Ivan grew so powerful.)
"O.o Ivan?" Saria asked her crazy fairy partner.
"Hiya Saria!" Ivan exclaimed.
"How on Hyrule did you manage to control Impa's voice box?" Saria asked, Nabooru still grabbing her leg and dragging her on the floor.
"I joined Ganondorf! He killed Mido for me!" Ivan exclaimed.
"But Link killed Mido." Saria pointed out.
"O.O WHAT! I DID NOT! He committed suicide." Link explained (I thought he was knocked out...).
"He did? Now I'll join Link!" Ivan exclaimed.
"O.o What happened to Mido?" Saria asked.
"I put up the transporter that Rauru gave you, that you made, up and now he's in the Chamber of the Sages." Ivan explained.
"I thought Ganondorf killed him." Link told Ivan.
"He did."
"And you said he's in the Chamber of the Sages." Saria told Ivan.
"I know." Ivan explained.
"One or the other happened, not both." Ruto pointed out.
"Both happened though…" Ivan paused.
"Just ignore him… He never says anything logical…" Navi told the Sages and Link.
"NAAAAAAVVVVVVIIIIIIII!" Ivan exclaimed, grabbing onto her and hugging her tight.
(Navi turned pink.)
"Oooooo!" Ruto exclaimed.
"I don't think we can ignore Ivan…" Impa paused.
"Ivan and Navi, sitting in a tree!" Ruto sang, Navi had by now let go of her.
"K-I—" Link started.
"—L-L-I-N-G!" Navi finished in a dangerous voice. "NOW SHUT UP!"
"Navi?" Ivan pondered. "What does that spell?"
"Erm…." Navi paused awkwardly. "It spells….er…totem pole! Yes! That's what it spells!"
"Oh." Ivan blinked. "Then why were we sitting in the tree?"
Navi ignored Ruto and Link's giggles, "Because we were…carving the tree into a totem pole!"
"Oh, okay!" Ivan grinned.
(The 'team' continued in silence. Navi was no longer grabbing Link and Ruto, so now the authoress didn't have anything more to use as blackmail. Saria was still on the floor, but Ivan was now flying around her head. The team went through a door. They went up the stairs on the left, as Navi climbed them Link heard faint organ music. At the top of that set of stairs there should be a door, but there wasn't.)
"O.o" Navi paused.
(Ivan then hit the wall and the wall fell apart. Behind the wall there was (you guessed it) a door!)
(So Navi entered it. In this room there were two Stalfos, which Navi had to defeat. After she defeated them then the fire around the chest in the middle should disappear, allowing Link to get the boss' key. Navi and Co. entered the newly unlocked door and entered the next room. Navi flew up the stairs on the left and took the door on the left at the very top. Organ music can still be heard faintly in the background and also loud yells.)
"NO! NO! NO!" yelled a female voice.
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT MY PLAYING THIS TIME?" a man yelled, very annoyed with the female.
"YOU PLAYED A 'C' INSTEAD OF AN 'E'! CAN'T YOU GET ANYTHING RIGHT?" the female yelled back.
"KEEP UP THAT ATTITUDE AND I'LL RELEASE YOU FROM YOUR CRYSTAL!" the male yelled in retort.
"NOOOO! NOT PRECIOUS! ANYTHING BUT PRECIOUS!" the female screamed in horror.
"O.O" everyone (but Ivan) looked after hearing this.
"Did that guy say 'keep up that attitude and I'll release you'?" Nabooru asked.
"Dude…" Link paused.
"I think that was Zelda and Ganondorf…" Impa paused. "It sounds like he's torturing her! Let's hurry and save her!"
"But she doesn't want to be saved!" Darunia pointed out.
"Well, let's kidnap her from Ganondorf and hold her hostage!" Impa told Darunia, trying to reason with him.
(But unfortunately for Impa, I have a whole lot of text I still have to transform. Anyways…this room had two Iron Knuckles in it, but Navi whipped out the sour milk and they died. The door in the back unlocked, and Navi got to climb yet another set of stairs. At the top there was a door with the boss lock on it. Navi entered the door now because she had the boss key. There was a pillar in the middle that was very tall. Navi ignored it, because the ceiling seals off the top. Navi took instead the door on the right, where inside Navi found a long set of stairs, which are carpeted in red. There are stained-glass windows lining the right side of the hall. As Navi climbed, it got brighter and lighter and lighter. At the very top, there was a door, the organ music is louder now and Navi and Co. could hear more detailed conversations.)
"Now, you must play back what I sing." Zelda told Ganondorf.
"Okay." Ganondorf replied.
(Zelda sang an addicting song…or it would have been if Zelda wasn't such a horrible singer. The results of hearing this horrible singing were… Ivan almost died, Ruto turned white, Darunia fainted, Navi fell to the floor, Link wanted to stab himself on the Master Sword, and Nabooru tripped and fell down the stairs, dragging Saria behind her. Impa looked normal as if she was used to this singing. Meanwhile… Ganondorf…)
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Ganondorf screamed, falling off the piano bench. "MAKE IT STOPPP!"
"Why? Don't you want to learn the song?" Zelda asked.
"Yes I do, but don't sing! Now I know why you used that harp all those years!" Ganondorf paused as he got up from the floor.
"Shut up! My voice pretty-ful!" Zelda told Ganondorf.
(Navi and Co. entered the room. Link gasped at the sight before him; Zelda was hovering above the middle of the room in her pink crystal, which had not changed at all. Ganondorf was playing the organ. Zelda looks down at Link, fearfully. Link had turned into a chilly pepper. Link gasped again, put on Sand Tunic, and changed back to normal. The Triforce of Courage on the back of Navi's hand started to glow. Ganondorf continued to play the organ, trying to get the tune right. Zelda's Triforce of Wisdom started to glow. Link looked at Navi, seeming surprised. Ganondorf stopped playing the organ.)
"I give up. This song is too hard to play." Ganondorf sighed.
(Impa pointed to a random corner in the room (which we will now call the Sages' Audience Chamber) and all the Sages sat down in it. Except Darunia, he had to get a new corner since he's so fat. Saria grabbed Ivan and stole back her marshmallows. Saria then gave back Nabooru her popcorn and Nabooru let Saria go. Impa was holding a frozen box of corn dogs and Ruto was holding a bag full of fish sticks. Darunia was holding a lump of coal and taking little nibbles off of it. Link sat down near Nabooru (the only hot girl in the group) but Ruto pulled him away from her.)
"Linky-kins, sit next to me!" Ruto told Link, grabbing his shirt and pulling him close.
"…Only if you promise that there's no kissing or hugging involved." Link told Ruto.
"Hmph. Fine." Ruto muttered grumpily, chomping on her fish sticks.
"…You do know that fish sticks are made of—" Link told Ruto, trying to point out that Ruto was a cannibal, but he was interrupted by Ganondorf's speech.
"The Triforce parts are resonating… They are combining into one again…" Ganondorf muttered, but he spoke loud enough for Link to be interrupted by them.
"But they were never one!" Navi protested. "They were always three different triangles!"
"Whatever! The two Triforce parts that I could not capture on that day seven years ago…I didn't expect they would be hidden within you two!" Ganondorf exclaimed.
(Ganondorf chuckled for no good reason.)
"Who did you THINK they were in? Like come on, did you expect them to be in anyone?" Navi asked.
"She has a point." Zelda told Ganondorf, but he ignored both the girls.
"And now, finally, all the Triforce parts have gathered here!" Ganondorf laughed.
(Ganondorf turned around, flinging his cape all over the place, and faced Navi.)
"These toys are too much for you! I command you to return them to me!" Ganondorf yelled.
"First off, they aren't toys! Second off, you can't handle them either! Third off, you are a balding monkey so I will not listen to you!" Navi told Ganondorf.
(Ganondorf held up his hand and the Triforce of Power began to glow.)
"Ooooo!" exclaimed the people in the Sages' Audience Chamber, in awe.
(A purple vortex began to surround Navi and tried to suck the Triforce of Courage out of her. Link saw this moment as a chance to play a little prank on Navi…)
"Navi! I can't help you! Because of the waves of darkness, I can't get close!" Link told Navi in a cheesy voice. "I'm sorry, Navi!"
"Oh shut up." Navi muttered at Link.
(Ganondorf rose up and started to fly. The words: 'The Great King of Evil, Ganondorf' appeared across the screen. He pounded the ground with magical attacks. Making bits and pieces of the floor fall away, revealing the pillar from the room below. The sages clapped. Zelda and the organ have mysteriously disappeared. The sages clapped again.)
"Oh shut up." Navi told the Sages, who were eating their food.
(Navi shot light arrows at him for no good reason but prematurely he blocked with his cape, which turned pink.)
"Aaahhhh…" the Sages' Audience Chamber went while clapping.
"O.o" Navi looked at this new colour.
"…How was I suppost to know the cape said 'Fire Arrow Only' (instead of 'Dry-Clean Only')…" Ganondorf muttered.
(Zelda, wherever she was, snickered at Ganondorf, then went back to petting her jewel cage.)
"That's a very nice colour for you!" Link teased.
"Except the your hair clashes horribly…" Impa teased Ganondorf.
"Oh be quiet." Ganondorf hissed.
(So Navi continued. She ran over to an unoccupied corner of the room and played tennis with Ganondorf, just like in the Forest Temple. Ganondorf once failed to block his own tennis ball, and then it zapped him! The nerve… The Sages clapped. Navi then shot him with light arrows (making his jacket turn purple), flew over to him, and beating him on the head with the sour milk. Link then played another little joke on Navi.)
"Oooooooo!" the Sages went in awe.
"Ganondorf the King of Evil. I have no idea what his weak point is!" Link told Navi in the same stupid voice.
"Har har." Navi told Link.
(As Navi continued this process, Ganondorf's cape became more full of holes and became the colour yellow, green, orange, red, and purple. As Ganondorf became even weaker, he resorted to using a big ball of magic to attack, instead of the regular tennis ball. It split into about 10 little tennis balls, which Navi has been using to play tennis with. These tennis balls hurt more than the regular. Navi continued to attack until Ganondorf was defeated, with a blue cape. Ganondorf was then bent over in pain, clutching at his neck, breathing heavily, like he was choking.)
"The great Evil King Ganondorf…beaten by this kid!" Ganondorf asked.
"I'm no kid! I'm a fairy!" Navi hissed.
(Ganondorf coughed up powdered Kool-Aid…or that what looked like.)
"Navi….!" Ganondorf exclaimed.
(Ganondorf began to call on magic. The glass in all the windows shattered (too bad, they were really pretty) and fell to the floor, blocks begin to fall from the ceiling as he tried to collapse the castle. But he ended up making butter.)
"Yay!" the Sages exclaimed. "Ganondorf is dead and he made butter!"
"Mmmm… I wonder if we have any bread?" Ivan asked.
(Then, before the Sages could retrieve the butter, walls fell away, making the butter fall away with it. The room Link, Navi, the Sages and Ganondorf were in, became the new roof of the castle. Ganondorf tried to stand, but he slipped on a bar of soap, fell over, and twitched, dying. Link looked up and saw Zelda descending down from above in the pink crystal and she landed in front of the team. The crystal disappeared.)
"NOOOOOOOO! PRECIOUS!" Zelda screamed.
(Zelda made the crystal reappear, only on her back so she could carry it. Then she looked over her shoulder at Ganondorf, who was 'dead'.)
"Ganondorf…(oof!) Pitiful man…" Zelda muttered, for the crystal was heavy. "Without a strong, righteous mind, he could not control the power of the gods (ugh)…and…"
(Zelda looked up and gasped, there was rumbling. Link looked around.)
"Navi, listen to me! This tower will collapse soon! With his last breath, Ganondorf is trying to crush us in the ruins of the tower. We need to hurry and escape! Please follow me!" Zelda told Navi.
(Zelda looked at Darunia.)
"Could you carry this for me?" Zelda asked sweetly.
(Darunia put the jewel on his back. Zelda turned and ran down a ramp down the side of the castle, which just happened to be there.)
"Wait for us Zelda!" called the Sages.
(Navi did not follow her and Navi opened the doors herself (remember? She's good with picking locks). But when Navi walked through the door, it closed behind her, making the Sages having to wait for the slow and pokey Zelda to open the doors with magic. Inside Zelda ran across the room, which was the one with the column, and entered the next door, which she opened with magic. The Sages went right when Zelda exited the door and ran down the ramp, Zelda opened the door with magic once again, and the team entered it. Zelda ran around the pile of flaming rocks and opened the next door. One of Link's skin cells fell off and hit one of the flaming rocks. Zelda screamed.)
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Zelda screamed.
"What?" Link and Co. asked.
"One of Link's skin cells burned up on the rock over there!" Zelda gasped then fainted.
(Link; being one of three men, one of them holding something really heavy, and the other one really wimpy; had to carry Zelda. Ruto protested and pretended to faint too. Nabooru carried her. Ruto sulked. Ivan then volunteered to open the doors.)
(The team entered the door, went right, down the ramp and into the next room. Link, who was carrying Zelda, ran across the room, became trapped in a circle of flame. Stupid pansy Link, couldn't jump through flames and stop, drop and roll to put out his tunic. Anyways, two Stalfos appeared and Impa needed to defeat them both. Impa defeated them and Link was freed.)
"Link, you pansy…" Impa told Link.
"Thank you, Impa. Now, let's hurry!" Link told Impa.
(Ivan opened the next door for the team by hitting it with one of the Stalfos' bones. The team entered it, turned right, and ran down another ramp. Ivan opened the door with the bone, and the team entered the door. The team went across the room, and Ivan opened the door. The team entered the door, went down the stairs, and out the door at the other end. Outside, over the bridge, Saria attacked the redead on the way, and through another door Ivan opened.)
"Saria? When did you learn Kung-fu?" Nabooru asked.
"The killer Deku Scrubs taught me how to." Saria explained. "And from saving Ivan all the time. Do you know how many dangerous situations I've had to save him from? I've almost died half a dozen times!"
"…It's not my fault that the those-demented-bulldog-things-that-to-the-authoress'-sister-look-like-over-grown-gopers have pretty-ful fingernails…" Ivan muttered.
(The team went up the stairs and out the door, into the light of the outdoors, which is strange, because it's dark outside…)
"YAY!" Ivan exclaimed.
"Fresh air!" Link exclaimed.
(Zelda then woke up, but fainted again due to air-pollution.)
"It smells, so clean!" Darunia exclaimed, for he lived near an active volcano.
(…IGNORING THAT! As they ran out the back door (Link and Navi should have just used that to infiltrate the Castle, not the pansy rainbow bridge) they met Navi, who had just put the Great Witch's corpse in the Castle making the railings fall off the castle, and turrets fall off the side. Bricks and stone blocks rained down from above and there were loud rumbles. There were a series of magical explosions, and the center column started to sink into the second layer of the keep, which sank into the first layer, which sank into the ground, leaving a flat empty space where the castle used to be hovering above the lava. The flat space was pock-marked with bits of rubble, and in the middle there was a large heap of it which used to be part of the pillar in the room where Navi fought Ganondorf.)
"Wow…" Navi muttered, for she did expect the Great Witch's corpse to have that affect on the castle.
"It's over…it's finally over…" Nabooru paused, dropping Ruto.
"HEY! DO YOU MIND!" Ruto told Nabooru.
"Sorry, your highness." Nabooru hissed in an evil voice.
(Link and Navi looked at each other, smiles on their faces.)
"Navi…I'm sorry I didn't help you in the battle before!" Link apologized, saying sorry for taunting his friend.
"It's okay Link." Navi told Link. "Now I know how annoying it is."
(There was rumbling again and Navi and Link gasped. The large pile of rubble in the middle started to vibrate. Link gave Zelda to Nabooru as he and Navi went to check out the rocks.)
"What is that sound?" Zelda moaned in her sleep, but then said nothing more.
(Link walked in towards the middle where the rubble was and flames separated Navi and Link from the Sages. Link gasped and looked over at Impa, who was being a pansy like Link was before, but was distracted as Ganondorf came out of the rubble, beaten and broken, but was not going down without a fight. But he already had a fight… His eyes were glowing. He used the Triforce of Power to transform himself into a 'monster'. The 'monster' was a big Hello Kitty plushy. Link looked taken aback in horror. Ganon was crouched over, and as he drew near, he knocked the Sour Milk out of Navi's hand, it flew out over to where Zelda was, missing her by a few feet. Zelda had just gotten up by this point, but the sight of the sour milk made her faint.)
"There's no way he's going to hold me back again! This time, we fight together!" Link exclaimed.
"Okay!" Navi exclaimed.
(Link walked over to Ganondorf and ran around his head, over the shoulders mainly. Navi then asked Link a question.)
"What's the weak point?" Navi asked.
"Ganondorf's name changed to Ganon (it says on his price tag). I really have no idea what his weak point is!" Link told Navi.
"Some help you're gonna be…" Navi muttered.
(So Navi stunned Ganon with a Light Arrow, then flew underneath him and slashed his tail, using Link's Master Sword. The Sages in the meantime have set up their Audience Chamber again and were eating their food. Navi slashed Ganon's tail. The Sages applauded. Darunia set the crystal down beside him. The crystal was about to scratch when Zelda woke up and grabbed the crystal, matrix style. Zelda hugged the crystal then lightly patted it. When Navi injured Ganon to half-health, the flames fell away temporarily, and Navi went over and got the Sour Milk back. Zelda, having slow reaction time said…)
"Navi! The Sour Milk is here! Hurry up!" Zelda yelled.
"I already got it!" Navi hissed.
"Use the Sour Milk! Destroy Ganon with the Evil Bottle!" Zelda yelled at Navi.
(Navi entered the area again and…the flames returned! DUN! DUN! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Navi beat the pulp out of Ganon until he was weak again. The flames fell away, and Ganon was hit with a beam of white light.)
"I'm using power to hold the Evil King! You use your milk and deliver the final blow!" Zelda told Navi.
(The Sour Milk started to glow, and Navi looked surprised. Since when did chunky liquid glow? Then she poured the milk all over Ganon's head. Kool-Aid flew everywhere; Navi poured the milk in Ganon's eye and Ganon died, and he got up (but he just died), screaming in pain…or was it in anger?)
"Six Sages (including her)…Now!" Zelda exclaimed, pointing at the Sages.
(Zelda held up white light above her head, then crouched over. For unknown reasons.)
"Ancient Creators of Hyrule! Now, open the sealed door and send the evil incarnation of darkness into the void of the Evil Realm!" Nabooru yelled, being the replacement of Rauru.
(The Sages held up their hands like Zelda, and then fell over. But they made a huge vortex of white, and Ganondorf, in Gerudo form, began to fall into it.)
"YOU… CURSE YOU…ZELDA! CURSE YOU SAGES! CURSE YOU BAR OF SOAP! CURSE YOU…Navi!" Ganondorf cursed.
"That was quite a change." Link paused.
"Someday…when this seal is broken…. That is when I will exterminate your descendants!" Ganondorf exclaimed.
(Ganondorf then disappeared into the void of the Evil Realm, which is no longer Sacred… Oddly enough…)
"As long as the Triforce of Power is in my hand…" Ganondorf started. "…I will be able to make butter whenever I want!"
(Navi and Zelda were randomly floating in a blue sky with white clouds. Link walking around them idly.)
"Thank you, Navi… Thanks to you, Ganondorf has been sealed inside the Evil Realm!" Zelda exclaimed. "AND I GOT THE BIGGEST JEWEL I'VE EVER SEEN!"
"O.o" Navi and Link looked.
"Thus, peace will once again reign in this world…for a time." Zelda told Navi.
"Does that mean that you will lose your jewel and chaos will reign?" Navi asked.
"No! It means that I won't be satisfied with this and THEN chaos will reign." Zelda explained.
"Oh." Navi paused.
"All the tragedy that has befallen Hyrule was my doing... I was so young…" Zelda paused, looking guilty.
"Everyone was young once." Link told Zelda.
"But I could not comprehend the consequences trying to control the Sacred Realm." Zelda told Link. "And I dragged you into it, too."
"Yeah? So?" Link asked.
"Now it is time for me to make up for my mistakes… You must lay the Master Sword to rest and close the Door of Time…" Zelda told Link.
"But I have a wedding to go to!" Link protested.
"Fine! Go to the wedding then come back here." Zelda hissed at Link.
(So Zelda and Link fell out of the sky, and this is where our events of Ruto's wedding. Let's insert then events here. Then Zelda randomly warped Link to the sky again.)
"…Now…where was I in my speech? Ah. I remember." Zelda paused. "However, by doing this the road between times will be closed…"
(Zelda held out her hand to Link. Link, not knowing what Zelda wanted him to do, flipped it over and kissed it lightly. Zelda blushed then yelled.)
"NOOO! I want you to give the Ocarina to me, BECAUSE IT'S MINE (even thought it isn't as shiny as my Triforce…)!" Zelda yelled.
"Ohhh…" Link paused.
"Why?" Navi asked.
"Because, as a Sage, I can return you guys to your original time with it." Zelda told Navi.
(Link held the ocarina for a moment, and then laid it in Zelda's hand. She smiled slightly and laid her hand on top of his. Link looked dazed, so he had spaced out of what Zelda was saying to him.)
"When peace returns to Hyrule… It will be time for us to say good-bye…" Zelda told Link.
"Isn't there already peace in Hyrule?" Navi asked.
(Zelda let go of Link's hands, and Zelda had the Ocarina.)
"Now, go home, Link, Navi. Regain your lost time! Home…where you are supposed to be… the way you are supposed to be…" Zelda told Link, she looked as if she was going to cry, but Link looked like a very drunk drunkard.
(Zelda put the Ocarina to her lips and began to play 'Zelda's Lullaby'. Doesn't she realize that Link put his lips on that? Wait… Maybe that's she's playing it… Anyways, blue light started to encircle Link. Zelda opened her eyes and looked at Link, who was then warped away by the cerulean light.)
"Thank you…Link… Good bye…." Zelda paused.
(The credits then rolled by, displaying various parts of Hyrule, all abandoned. BECAUSE THE PEOPLE ARE AT THE WEDDING! Wait… They already had the wedding… NEVERMIND! Gerudo Valley was shown, with the Random Owl flying overhead. GASP! NO! I THOUGHT I KILLED HIM OFF SET! Wait… You did NOT read that… Kakariko was then seen, followed by Death Mountain and Goron Village. Lake Hylia, Zora's Domain, Deku Chamber, Kokiri Village, etc. And then it showed Epona running across Hyrule field, wandering the earth in search of the blue carrot. Saria's song was then heard, and was showed a multi-coloured campfire in Lon Lon Ranch. They had seemed to somehow transport Saria's bonfire from the Lost Woods (and made it different colours). It seemed that all of Hyrule's inhabitants were there. Gorons were dancing, Talon and Ingo were drunk on caffeine, and the Kokiri children had gotten a hold of the music man from the windmill who was twirling upside down. The Zora's were bobbing their heads in tune; the bean-seller, the carpet guy and the professor in the Lakeside Lab were on the magic carpet. The old hag from the potion shop and the Bombchu bowling girl were sitting at some crates, drinking all the milk (seems they were having a contest to see who could drink more milk). The carpenters were all lined up in a row, dancing. Malon was singing, the Gerudo were doing the can-can, the Cucco hive lady (Anju) was juggling Cuccos, and the dancing couple were dancing, as usual. Then the camera focused on Mido's ghost, who was sitting next to King Zora, who somehow left his seat and was trying his best to stretch out his legs. Then Mido noticed a series of rainbow lights streaking across the sky (and exclaimed: 'IT'S THE NORTHERN LIGHTS! LOOK EVERYONE!' Just kidding). King Zora looked up and saw them too. The balls of light landed on Death Mountain and the sages appeared. They all look over the land—everyone except Rauru, who is not there (I wonder why); Ruto's not there either…—looking content. The sky then warped away.)
"GASP!" the Sages exclaimed, then fainted, falling off the Mountaintop.
(Link was deposited in the Temple of Time—where 'Zelda's Lullaby' was playing, oddly enough. Looks like George is having some sound problems. Link looked at himself and at his kid body. Navi, bobbed silently around his head, then began to ascend…and she flew up and up and up… then she flew out the window and disappeared. But since this is Totally Messed, we can't allow that. The caretaker, Joe, was actually sensible enough to take care of the place, so Navi hit the window and fell to the floor. Navi paused and looked at the shiny window.)
"…" Navi paused, then looked at Link. "…I still have the Great Deku Tree's money! Let's go on that shopping spree!"
(The scene then changed and showed Zelda, who was spying on Ganondorf through the window in the garden. She turned, and like before, gasped. Link wasn't anywhere to be seen. IT'S BECAUSE HE'S ON THAT SHOPPING SPREE! The frame froze and 'The End' was displayed across the screen.)
(Fun Fact: Wait a few minutes and the song Link played to Bonaru the Wandering Scarecrow plays.)
THE END!
Cherry-sama: That's (sniffs) it…
Link: (cries)
Navi: (sniffs)
Saria: (blows nose, then throws tissue away) Why am I repeating myself? Anyways, please review. One last time…