Dark Link and Ruto's Wedding!
Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: OoT, MM or re-dead conversations from the fic called 'Give Me That Blasted Ocarina!', but I do own this chapter. I could make this a fanfic, but I probably wouldn't get many reviews if I did.
Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome to the chapter I've promised all my readers ever since chapter ten.
Link: I'm glad I'm not the groom… Only the best man…
Navi: Why am I a bride's maid?
Cherry-sama: Cause Ruto wanted you too! Anyways, I'd like to thank everyone that came! Including the Zoras!
Link: O.o Zoras? Who invited them?
Navi: Link! You are so stupid! Ruto is the Princess of the Zoras! Wait… Does this mean that King Zora's coming too?
Cherry-sama: Duh.
Random Person in Makeup crew (RPiMc): Come on you two! You have to get changed!
Link and Navi: O.o What do you mean?
RPiMc: What else? You two have to get changed! It is a wedding after all!
Navi: But we don't want to go!
Link: Yeah!
RPiMc: Too bad. You are going and that's final!
Link: What should I wear! I only have a Kokiri Tunic, a Goron tunic, a Zora tunic, a Dark Tunic and a Sand tunic!
RPiMc: That is already settled. The tailors made you a tuxedo.
Link: What's that? Does it have pants?
RPiMc: Yes it has pants.
Navi: Link in pants… This I can't wait to see!
RPiMc: You also have to wear clothing, Navi.
Link: Ha ha. (sticks out tongue at Navi)
Navi: Yeah? So?
RPiMc: Lets go! (drags Link and Navi to costume makers place)
Saria: This could get interesting… Please read.
It was a bright day in the Zora's Fountain. The dead trees had fake blossoms glued on them, just for this day. The crystal clear water had aqua blue Zoras swimming in it; all of them were dressed up for the special occasion. On the land were several people coming everywhere from Hyrule. From the Kokiri Village to the top of Death Mountain. From the Re-Deads in Hyrule Castle Town to the villagers of Kakariko. From the Graveyard to the Desert. From Hyrule to Termina. From Symphonia to Earth, but now is not the time for crossovers.
There, on the platform where Lord Jabu Jabu once ate fish, was a young blonde authoress and groom waiting for the bride. There was also the sister of authoress who was the official rice thrower. She had an evil plot in mind…
"You are so stubborn Cherria." SoC sighed as she held the rice in a bag, dropping something inside.
"I don't care! I am not wearing a dress!" Cherria whispered to SoC, for she hadn't worn a dress since she was very little.
"But it's a wedding!" SoC told Cherria. "I don't care if you are the priest! You should be wearing one!"
"Too bad!" Cherria snapped, for she was a tomboy(ish) and refused to wear such things.
By the corner of the ledge was a teenage girl. She was wearing a light blue gown with a white apron. On the center of her forehead was a small, black headband with an orange jewel in the center of it. It really clashed with her outfit. If you hadn't already guessed, this was the one and only Princess Zelda. She was currently looking at some other jewelry she was wearing.
"Heh heh heh… Precious…" Zelda cackled as she admired a bracelet she was wearing.
Near the doorway to the fountain was the Happy Mask Sales Man. He had taken out his organ from Majora's Mask and was now playing Serenade of Water, over and over and over and over…
On the old, rotting log (that had been polished, painted and overall made prettier for the occasion), were the reviewers for this fic. They were wearing dressy clothing (guys wore tuxedos, girls mainly wore dresses) and had some sort of present for the couple, as expected at a wedding. They had somehow found a way to make themselves all fit on that tiny space. I'm not sure how they did it either… The reviewers that were there were: HaltiOvi, Master Summoner Sheena, GenisSageAceAttourney, DaGoosse and freakyanimegal456 (she looked happy, it's almost as if she had shook Saria's hand, told Impa how cool she was and other stuff—but if SoC had done that it, would make certain people from the OoT cast run away and hide in random corners, but they will eventually recover…I think… But that could never happen! Right? …Right? Oh joy).
On the outskirts of the Zora's Fountain, in a place known only to the Hero of Time and her Hylian assistant, stood Navi and Link (no duh). Link was wearing a black tuxedo with a black bow tie. Link was wearing pants for once (O.o gasp! Wow…). He wasn't wearing his hat even though he wished he had it on (to hide a bald spot which the people who combed his hair had bitterly failed to cover it up, but he didn't explain this to Navi). Navi on the other hand was wearing a small flowered crown while holding a blue bundle of flowers.
(Now, if anybody can draw this picture, I'd like to see it. I will try and draw one myself and I'll find some way to show yours and mine. As for showing me the artwork… I'm not sure how that works myself… O.o Well… Whatever, just draw it and I'll think it'll be really cool! Even if I don't see it! xD)
"Link…" Navi told Link, turning to face him. "We should be near the crowd…"
"I know." Link smirked, leaning against the wall and making part of his tuxedo dirty (secretly trying to hide his bald spot). "But they don't need us now."
Suddenly, the music started to get louder. The King Zora and Princess Ruto had come out onto the scene. Since this was a wedding, someone had stolen the carpet from Hyrule Castle and laid it out on the pathway to Lord Jabu-Jabu's almighty resting place. The King Zora on the other hand… Well… I'm not quite so sure how King Zora was able to walk either… He can't even 'moeep' properly…
Dark Link looked up. There, like a sapphire in the river; like a rose among the bushes; like a—
(Readers glare (both in the wedding and out) at the authoress to get on with the chapter and stop with these stupid knit-picky details.)
I'll get to the point now… Ruto was wearing a pale blue dress with a beautiful veil covering part of her eyes, but it was transparent so she could see (not the dress! The veil!). Malon (from Ocarina of Time) and Cremia (from Majora's Mask) were holding up the veil so it wouldn't drag on the floor. Romani (sister of Cremia) was throwing flower petals behind the two look-a-likes.
"Link… I think we should go now…" Navi told Link.
"Not quite… I want them to notice me gone." Link told Navi with a smirk, still hiding his bald spot.
Then there was a loud outburst of screams (from the crowd, the readers and the fish) as a blue light rose up from the air and headed straight towards Link! Link didn't have a sword or a shield on him so he was defenseless.
"Now's a good time…" Link told Navi (not caring at all about his bald spot and would rather not get hit) as they started to go back the way they came.
"Look! There's someone up there!" some random person screamed while pointing at Link, pointing right at the bald spot, but no one noticed it from a distance.
The two Heros turned around to leave when they saw that the blue light was not heading towards Link after all! Let me explain. The Happy Mask Sales Man was playing on the organ when he suddenly played the Serenade of Water correctly and he was warped to Lake Hylia, with the organ.
"…I feel so alone…" the Happy Mask Sales Man muttered as he sat on his stool while looking around him, smiling (it annoys me because he's always smiling! ARGH! EVEN WHEN HE'S MAD HE'S SMILING! So annoying…).
Ignoring that fact, Ruto continued walking forward. She wasn't sure if this would make some of the guests want to leave, but she was okay. She wasn't going to let her chance to marry 'Link' down.
"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto paused as she started to walk a bit faster, for nothing could ruin this day.
Or could it?
By now the crowd was getting into a panic. The were discussing where the Happy Mask Sales Man had gone to and who that 'man in a tux' (some girls who wanted boyfriends referred to him as 'Hylian Zorro') was that almost got hit by the blue light. Some random people (not men or women, both) were fainting (some of the girls were fainting for the fact that 'Hylian Zorro' was so hot).
"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto muttered as she started walking faster, trying to calm herself.
The fairies that were hovering above the Kokiris heads started to get into a big commotion. One Gerudo started to listen in and soon got the rest of the Gerudo also listened into the plan. They were planning chaos.
A plan with such chaos that the Goron baby (who was randomly invited) from Majora's Mask, started to cry. Now for those of you who haven't heard him cry you are very fortunate you didn't. He just cries and cries and cries and cries and cries…
At that moment everyone tried to cover their ears from the racket! But that Goron baby never shuts up… Even Link and Navi were covering their ears to try to make him seem muffed! If that isn't much, then I'll tell you that the Happy Mask Sales Man plugged his ears as he carried his humungo dungo organ back to Zora's River.
A Gerudo snuck away from the crying… Setting the chaotic plan into action…
"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto told herself, a bit louder and she started to go into a fast walk.
Meanwhile… Looking at Link and Navi.
"This crying is getting annoying!" Navi grumbled as she plugged her ears, trying to muffle the sound.
"Only the elder Goron knows Goron's Lullaby… And I don't know why Ruto didn't invite him…" Link told Navi, hands covering his ears for dear life.
"If only we had the sour milk…" Navi pondered, possibly considering killing the Baby Goron with the milk.
Meanwhile… At the main wedding…
"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto told herself (now in a regular speaking voice) as she started to go a bit faster.
"Ahh! Ruto! Slow down!" Malon told Ruto, complaining about the speed.
"We aren't Cheetahs you know!" Cremia told Ruto.
"What's a Cheetah?" Romani asked her big sister.
"I'm not sure…" Cremia replied.
"Breath in… Breath out…" Ruto told herself, going a bit slower for the girls' sake.
Meanwhile… At Hyrule Field…
"Maybe I should've listened to that sales person and bought the instant folding organ…" the Happy Mask Sales Man muttered/grunted to himself, still grinning while carrying his organ on his back.
A Gerudo ran by.
"Odd…" the Happy Mask Sales Man told himself while carrying the organ one foot farther than before.
Meanwhile… the Gerudo…
The young Gerudo girl ran past the Sales Man and ran into Kakariko. She smirked. No one was there (for they were all at the wedding). The young female picked up a Cucco that was taking a nap and ran back to Zora's Fountain…
Back to the Hyrule field…
The Happy Mask Sales Man only had gotten one footstep farther when the Gerudo ran back, holding a sleeping Cucco in her arms.
"I know I was the slowest runner in my class, but this is ridiculous!" the Happy Mask Sales Man exclaimed while still grinning.
Back to the wedding…
By now the crying was so annoying that not even Ruto could stand it!
"!" Ruto (who was so stressed out that she) screamed, now running at top speed, while (what seemed like to be) dragging Malon and Cremia behind her, the two girls both clutching the veil trying just to stay on!
"Slow down Ruto!" Malon cried out.
"Your father has fallen behind!" Cremia told Ruto, but she was not heard.
Sure enough, the poor King Zora was very behind his daughter and was huffing to keep up. The only thing that was keeping him from giving up was the fact that he would stop trying to walk on his daughter's wedding. He wouldn't hear of it!
"Wait up Ruto!" the King Zora huffed.
Zelda, on the other hand wasn't paying attention at all to what was happening because she was admiring her jewelry.
"Mine… All mine…" Zelda hissed gleefully.
"R-Ruto?" Dark Link whimpered as he watched his stampeding wife-to-be and running to the aisle while screaming was what the faint resemblance of 'breath in, breath out'.
Ruto finally made it to the altar thing. Thing is, she didn't stop running.
"RUTO! We're here! STOP!" Malon screamed at Ruto.
"I-breathinbreathout-can't! My legs won't-breathinbreathout-let me!" Ruto screamed as if she was on autopilot and had forgotten how to turn off. "!"
"WHAT! SOON WE'LL FALL IN THE LAKE!" Cremia screamed, trying with her best efforts to stop. "HELP!"
"I THINK IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT!" Malon screamed to Cremia.
Ruto was running towards the altar thing. Cherria got wide-eyed and pushed Dark Link to the side, accidentally falling on top of him. This wasn't mentioned to Ruto…
"Get out of the way! I don't think she'll stop for us to cross the street! GANGWAY!" Cherria screamed, still on top of Dark Link.
Everyone on the altar thing fled. Except for Zelda, she was huddling in the back right hand corner admiring her jewelry.
Ruto was running, at the speed of a rabbit—
"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled as he jumped 50 feet above the crowd.
Yes. Rabbit. Anyways, Ruto was running at the speed of a rabbit with Malon and Cremia dragging behind her.
"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled once again, interrupting the narrator.
Ahem… Could I finish?
"Yes."
Good. Now, at rabbit speed—
"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy yelled once more, resulting in the narrator calling security and to have him restrained in a straight jacket.
Ahem. He's gone… Now, at rabbit speed, Ruto was unable stop. Ruto ran up the ice ledge and fell down into the water, making a loud 'SPLASH!'
"EEK! WE'RE NEXT—AHHHH!" Malon screamed as she fell into the water, adding to the magnitude of the splash.
"AHHH! I CAN'T SWIM—AHHH!" Cremia screamed as she fell into the water as well.
After all three of the ladies fell in, there was a gigantic splash that soaked everyone in the audience. Including Dark Link and the authoress (who had blushed slightly and got off of Dark Link once Ruto fell in) and even the readers on the log (the Link fan girls were very very ticked at Cherria because she had fallen on his evil twin). The only ones who weren't soaked were Link, Navi, the Gerudo (who name was Ariel. But that was random), the Happy Mask Sales Man (who was at Zora's River at this point) and Zelda. Oddly, she wasn't hit by the splash even though she was within the 50-meter radius, and probably the closest to the splash.
"Heh heh… Precious will never get wet… That's why Zelda set up water shield for her and Precious…" Zelda told her bracelet.
Maybe that's why she didn't get wet…
Looking at Link and Navi…
"Good thing that the bride knows how to swim…" Link told Navi.
"But what about the other two girls?" Navi asked.
"I never thought about that…" Link muttered.
At the scene of the crime…
"S-sister?" Romani asked, looking horrified at her sister slowly drowning.
"AHHH! HELP! (bulb) I CAN'T SWIM!" Cremia screamed as she bobbed up and down.
"I'll save you!" yelled the bunny-hood guy (still wearing that straight jacket), as he raced up to grab Cremia to save her and fell in.
The bunny-hood guy couldn't swim in his straight jacket (no, really?).
"You're (bulb) on your own!" the bunny-hood guy called out to Cremia.
Geez… Thanks… Cremia thought.
"I'll save you!" yelled a random Zora guy.
The random male Zora just happened to be one of the Indigo-goes. But you didn't need to know that. Anyways, he swam out and grabbed Cremia and pulled her to shore. Cremia wasn't breathing so the Zora gave her mouth-to-mouth. Cremia lived. When Cremia woke up to see a Zora 'kissing' her, she wasn't impressed.
"AUGH! What are you doing?" Cremia asked with disgust.
"I'm bringing you back to life!" the Zora protested.
"No! You were kissing me!" Cremia complained. "Ewww… Fish lips…"
"I just saved you from out of the water!" the Zora told Cremia. "You could give me some thanks!"
"Oh. Thanks!" Cremia told the Zora guy, kissing him on the lips.
After that random romance…
"YOU JUST TOLD ME OFF FOR DOING THAT!" the Zora yelled, utterly confused. "What the heck was with that?"
"I'd like some warning…" Cremia told the Zora.
Cremia just realized she had kissed a Zora.
"I…just…kissed…a…Zora…" Cremia paused. "OH MY NAYRU! I'M SO HAPPY!"
"That scares me…" a reviewer, which was on the log previously but all the reviewers left the log to see what was happening, paused.
"That right there… That was messed up…" Malon told someone (she had swam out by now).
"…You so don't know the Malon-character…" SoC paused.
"Yes I do. But I'm poking fun at it! Just for now." Cherria told SoC.
"WHAT ABOUT ME!" yelled the bunny-hood guy, who was still in the water.
"Oh yeah… Him…" the Zora paused.
"Well… Who cares about him?" asked Cremia.
"I'll get him…" Cherria sighed.
Cherria jumped into the freezing water. She soon reached the bunny-hood guy and pulled him to shore. Cherria saw that the bunny-hood guy wasn't breathing.
"Oh dear…" Cherria muttered.
"Give him mouth-to-mouth!" the crowd/reviewers/other-people-besides-reveiwers/crowd/I-don't-know-how-to-describ-this told Cherria.
"NOOO!" Cherria protested, for she didn't want to kiss a guy that was obsessed with rodents, ran all the time, always beat you by one second, ran you over as a kid, and overall was just plain ugly…sort of.
Meanwhile… at Zora's River… By the waterfall…
"I wonder how I can get through…" the Happy Mask Sales Man (HMSM for short, do you know how annoying it is to type that all the time? I do! Wait… I'm the writer… Never mind) pondered as he looked at the waterfall covering the entrance to Zora's domain.
The HMSM realized that if he tried to jump across then the water would block his path and he'd fall, organ and all. Then, the HMSM got an idea. He set his organ down and played the Serenade of Water. He ended up back at Lake Hylia.
"Oh darn it." The HMSM cursed, still smiling.
Meanwhile… the Gerudo named Ariel…
Ariel saw a flash of blue light, going towards Lake Hylia.
"Meh. It's probably not important…" Ariel shrugged, Cucco under her arm.
But the light was important! Ariel and the authoress didn't know why, not even the narrator knew! So…why was it important again?
(All the people off set fell over.)
But I want to know…
Anyways… Ariel walked forwards to the waterfall. She wasn't sure how the HMSM beat her to the waterfall, considering that he was carrying an organ on his back, walking slower than a slug, smiling and had his eyes closed. Logically, it didn't make sense. But Ariel continued on her quest.
Ariel then realized that she needed a musical instrument to get in. She didn't have one. Then she looked at the Cucco (he was now awake), who looked back at her.
An idea struck her (AND SHE DIED! Just kidding). She would play the Cucco! She carefully put the Cucco on her lap, picked up a random rock and started (pretending) to strum the Cucco. The Cucco looked at her as if she was crazy…
After five times of playing 'Zelda's Lullaby' on the Cucco, nothing happened. She still strummed and accidentally plucked one of its feathers out. The Cucco make a musical squawk (what I mean by that it squawked with a musical note coming out of it's mouth).
Another idea struck Ariel. This one was better. She pulled out a different feather. The Cucco made a different sound. Then, she pulled out more feathers and started to make 'Zelda's Lullaby'. Before she pulled another feather for the last note, the Cucco glared at her.
"…You don't like this do you?" Ariel asked the Cucco, not expecting an answer.
The Cucco nodded. Ariel was shocked, but regained her composure.
"If I pull one more out… will you 'cockle-doodle-do'?" Ariel asked.
The Cucco nodded.
"Do you want me to change plans?" Ariel asked.
The Cucco nodded violently.
"Well…" Ariel paused. "I don't know what else to do…"
You know, you could just sing.
"OF COURSE!" Ariel exclaimed, startling the heck out of the Cucco, but this wasn't important, or was it?
Anyways… Ariel then sang 'Zelda's Lullaby' (fairly nicely, wasn't anything compared to Navi, but hey) and got her way into Zora's Domain.
At the wedding…
The Zoras just got their princess out of the freezing water, soaked of course, but not harmed. Meanwhile, the bunny-hood guy died.
"He's dead…" SoC paused.
"Well… Let's say a few words…" Cherria told the crowd/reviewers/aw-heck!-You-know-what-I-mean!-So-yeah that gathered around her and the bunny-hood guy, who was now dead.
"Okay…" one of the reviewers told Cherria.
"Anyone like to say anything?" Cherria asked.
There was silence.
"Why don't you? You're the priest(ess)." A reviewer told Cherria.
"Fine. Ahem. I never knew the running guy in person, but I know that he was a great runner. All I can say is: May the spirits of the rabbits accept him…" Cherria told turning the wedding into a funeral.
"RABBIT!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed, coming back to life.
"O.O" the crowd of invited people looked.
"That totally ignored the circle of life…" Malon told the crowd.
"At least nobody died in this chapter…" SoC paused while secretly adding: "…Yet…"
"So? Where's the rabbit?" asked the bunny-hood guy.
"There is no rabbit…" Cherria told the bunny-hood guy.
"Oh…" the bunny-hood guy pouted.
"O.O DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU DIED A FEW SECONDS AGO!" yelled the crowd.
"I did? Well… That would explain why that guy asked me to go through some sort of pearly gates…" the bunny-hood guy paused as he scratched his head.
"O.o At least we know where he went…" Cremia paused.
"Brrr… That water's cold…" Ruto told herself as she shivered in her wedding dress, under a thick, reddish blanket. "So who died at my wedding?"
"I did!" the bunny-hood guy exclaimed raising his hand up.
"No. Seriously." Ruto told the bunny-hood guy.
"Actually… He did… He came back to life when I said the word 'Rabbit'." Cherria told Ruto.
"RABBIT!"
"Rabbit? How vulgar! What on Hyrule is that?" Ruto asked.
"RABBIT!"
"Hard to explain…" SoC told Ruto.
"Whatever it is, it must be a horrible creature with evil eyes." Ruto told whoever was listening.
"Well…" Cherria paused, thinking of a demonic bunny.
"BUNNY!"
WILL YOU SHUT UP!
There was silence… (Besides me.)
Thank you!
Meanwhile… Link and Navi…
"What's going on down there?" Navi asked.
"I dunno. They should have been done by now…" Link told Navi.
Meanwhile… Zelda…
"—but nobody will steal precious because Zelda will keep precious safe from other people…" Zelda finished comforting her bracelet.
Just then, a bunny ("BUNNY!") looked at Zelda and stole the bracelet she had! DUN NUN!
"NOOO! PRECIOUS! I'LL GET YOU BACK PRECIOUS!" Zelda yelled, but no one heard her.
Odd… Meanwhile… The HMSM…
"OUCH!" the HMSM yelled for he had stepped on a rock and punctured his toe, so he couldn't tend to it since it would make him drop is organ.
Blood was oozing out of the severely injured toe. He was still smiling.
Meanwhile… Ariel…
The Cucco glared at me.
…And the Cucco…
Ariel and the Cucco were in Zora's Domain. Ariel was trying to catch the Cucco, who kept running away.
"STOP! COME BACK!" Ariel screamed at the Cucco.
The Cucco shock his head.
"I'll tell you the fairies chaotic plan!" Ariel told the Cucco trying to bribe the Cucco.
The Cucco stopped. He wanted to know the plan he was going to 'star' in. He turned around.
"Fine." Ariel told the Cucco, bent down and whispered in his ear, this was odd since Cuccos didn't have ears!
The Cucco listened with great content. Then, at the end the Cucco gasped.
"So that's our plan. One question." Ariel told the Cucco. "Are you Cuccos intelligent?"
The Cucco nodded.
"So. Will you help me with our plan?" Ariel asked, holding out her hand to him (sort of like trying to shake someone's hand).
The Cucco didn't know what to do to tell her yes, but in the end he nodded and hopped into her hand.
"Alright. It's right over here. OFF WE GO!" Ariel exclaimed, pointing north, then turning her hand to the right way. "I mean this way…"
The Cucco sighed.
Back to the 'wedding'…
The fairies and Gerudos were getting tired of waiting. What was taking her so long?
Then, Ariel walked into the so-called 'wedding', with the Cucco. The Cucco was ready to do his part.
"Finally. What took you so long?" asked another Gerudo, higher rank than Ariel.
"I had to catch this thing." Ariel told the Gerudos.
The Cucco was very insulted by the last remark. He was just called a 'thing'! 'Thingy' would have been better…
"Fine. Whatever. Lets get ready. But not yet, okay?" the Gerudo told Ariel.
"Kay." Ariel agreed; the Cucco looked disappointed.
At the main 'wedding'…
"Do you, Ruto, take Dark Link as your lawfully wedded husband?" Cherria asked; they were still going on with the service even if Ruto was catching a cold.
"I (AH-CHOO) do…" Ruto told Cherria as she blew her nose.
"Do you, Dark Link, take Ruto as your lawfully wedded wife?" Cherria asked.
"Hey… Cherria… Isn't it the other way around?" SoC asked, holding her bag of rice.
Cherria replied by kicking her in the face with her shoes made of wood. Yes, she was wearing the shoes she wears all the time. She even wears then in the winter with all the snow and stuff. Even if they have no backing to them. They add to her height!
"Well…" Dark Link paused.
Ruto nudged him. They had a deal.
FLASHBACK
"Ruto… I know you love me and I love you too. But…marriage?" Dark Link asked.
"Come on… Think about it this way. You can stop spending money on taking me places for dates!" Ruto told Dark Link.
"Sounds tempting but…" Dark Link paused. "I don't think I'm ready for marriage…"
"Look. How about we make a deal. If we get married then we can try it out. If we don't like it, we can divorce and get back into dating." Ruto told Dark Link.
"Well… Okay…" Dark Link paused, not sure what he was getting himself into.
END OF FLASHBACK
"I do?" Dark Link asked, wondering if this was the right answer.
"You may now kiss the bride!" Cherria exclaimed.
"What about me? Do I kiss myself?" Ruto asked. "Because I am the bride."
"Well… No… You may now kiss the groom." Cherria told Ruto.
"Do I kiss myself then?" Dark Link asked.
"Let's put it this way. You may now kiss each other!" Cherria told them, getting a little annoyed.
Ruto and Dark Link pulled each other close… Lips getting closer…
Meanwhile… Link and Navi…
Link turned white and turned away. He could not watch his imposter kiss Ruto. RUTO of all people…I mean fish…
"I can't watch…" Link told Navi.
"I'll tell you when it's over." Navi told Link reassuringly.
While Link's back was turned, Ruto and Dark Link kissed. Navi turned wide-eyed. That looked revolting/disgusting in so many ways… To her that is. Navi too turned her back.
"I can't watch either! It's like looking at you kissing her!" Navi exclaimed, scared for life.
"Welcome to the club." Link told Navi, both backs facing the newly married couple.
Back to the Gerudos and fairies…
"NOW!" a Gerudo yelled, telling Ariel to release the Cucco.
Ariel let our Cucco hero go free. Random people from the audience and the log (yes the reviewers went back to the log) screamed when the Cucco cried 'cockle-doodle-do'. Then, by the magic of Farore, a hundred Cuccos came out of nowhere and started attacking the wedding viewers. Before an hour everyone was covering in blood, their own blood. But they were only minor scratches. The Cuccos were all chased out. All but one. Ariel hid that one under her vest. I dare you to guess which Cucco.
Now was the time for the dance after the wedding. Ruto and Dark Link danced alone while other couples were dancing the Keaton-trot. Zelda was occasionally chasing that bunny-thief—
"BUNNY!" exclaimed (guess who).
Yes. Bunny.
"BUNNY!"
I shall now call bunnies/rabbits: polka dots.
"BUNNIES SLASH RABBITS!"
Oy… Anyways. Zelda was chasing the polka dot, but she kept on missing him. We shall now tune into Dark Link and Ruto.
"I'm sorry that your perfect evening was a wreck…" Dark Link apologized.
"It's not you're fault…" Ruto told Dark Link. "The blame goes on the HMSM!"
Ruto was correct, for the first thing that ruined her 'wedding' was the HMSM flying off into the distance/Lake Hylia.
"Ahh… Yes… Forgive me, your highness."
"You know, after this, you will become King of the Zoras." Ruto told Dark Link.
Dark Link turned white, which was odd since he was 'Dark Link'. Anyways, he hadn't thought about that…
Meanwhile… Zooming the camera in on another dancing couple…
"……………………" the girl re-dead told the guy re-dead. (Translation: Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.)
"…! …! …………?" asked the guy re-dead. (Translation: Oh! I forgot! Do I have to give you a present?)
"…" the girl re-dead shortly replied. (Translation: Yes.)
(Please know that I do not own the re-dead conversations. They belong to RebelX, the author(ess) of 'Give Me That Blasted Ocarina!' I recommend that fic as one of the funniest I've ever read. If you have not already read it, I suggest you read it if you like humor. Continuing onwards…)
"…—!" the guy re-dead protested. (Translation: But—!)
"……" told the girl re-dead. (Translation: No buts.)
The guy re-dead moped in the corner (that appeared out of nowhere). Until a random person (a person living in Kakariko, but that was random) came by. He strangled it. The person died. Then the re-dead guy was happy, until he found out it only fainted. Then he moped again. Nobody died at the 'wedding'—yet!
Meanwhile… Up to Link and Navi…
"They're dancing down there…" Link noted.
"And they still haven't noticed you yet…" Navi told Link.
"I'm not going unless they notice me!"
"But you will miss out on the dancing! You do want to dance with someone right?"
"Yeah… But…"
"Either you dance or you don't be noticed! You can't have both."
Link looked at Navi in a very odd way. Link had an idea.
"Will you dance with me?" Link asked.
"Link, I'm a fairy. You're a Hylian. If you hold my hand, you'll squish me."
"So?"
"Fine! You owe me for this, BIG TIME!" Navi told Link.
Link and Navi danced… Together… Navi was bobbing up and down while Link did a humiliating dance… Thinking no one was watching… But he was wrong!
Meanwhile… Ariel and the Cucco…
The Cucco looked up and saw something. Ariel turned to see it too. It was…scary…too scary for any human's/animal's eyes.
"O.o Is that someone dancing?"
The Cucco nodded.
"…Let's just ignore it and continue dancing… Okay?"
The Cucco nodded in agreement. He enjoyed dancing with this two-legger… She was different…
Meanwhile… The HMSM…
"I feel as if I'm missing out on a lot of stuff!" he grunted carrying the organ.
The HMSM somehow got past the waterfall and now was in Zora's Domain. He was lost. He was in the royal chamber (and he's lost how?). He went left. He slipped on the ice/Jello and fell off the frozen/Jello-ifed waterfall. The organ hit the ground and exploded in a musical 'BOOM'!
"Oh dear… I must clean this up before the Zoras come…" the HMSM paused, still grinning.
Meanwhile… the main 'wedding'… (The people were still dancing.)
There was a loud musical 'BOOM' heard somewhere nearby…
"What was that?" asked a reviewer.
"No clue…" another replied.
"Hey! I think it's time to throw the rice!" Cherria exclaimed, she had somehow found her way over to the log, without getting wet, and was telling this to all the reviewers that came: this chapter is almost over and I'd like to thank all of you guys that wanted to come, too bad that this is a fanfic, not reality, but we can dream, can't we?
"FINALLY!" SoC exclaimed, not hearing this description I just did.
SoC was on the log too.
"Finally?" Cherria asked, puzzled.
"Yes. Finally."
"…I don't trust you…"
"You never trust me."
Everyone got into positions (which was on the edges of the aisles, SoC and Cherria were there too). Ruto and Dark Link would go through the rain of rice and go off into their honeymoon. Then Dark Link would be King of the Zoras. He dreaded after his honeymoon.
Anyways, SoC started to throw the rice. Ruto and Dark Link were slowly going through the rain of rice when…
A small pebble flew through the air. It hit Ruto on the head. She died. She was the only one who died on her wedding day.
"OH MY FARORE! THE BRIDE DIED!" Cherria screamed just loud enough for everyone to hear.
Meanwhile… Link and Navi…
"O.O WHAT!" Navi yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear too.
"OwO YIPPEE!" Link yelled as he jumped in joy.
"…You scare me…"
Meanwhile… The HMSM…
He froze. The bride died? Then he looked at his organ. Thought Screw this. And ran through to the wedding… But he got lost… again…
Meanwhile… the wedding…
"How did Ruto die?" Dark Link asked in horror.
SoC whistled innocently.
"SoC…" Cherria grumbled as she tapped her foot. "What did you put in the rice?"
"Nothing."
The polka dot ran by, still with Zelda's bracelet at hand…or should I say…paw. Anyways, he had the bag of rice SoC was holding moments before. He opened the bag and out poured rice…and about 3 246 930 small pebbles.
"You were planning this, weren't you?" Cherria asked.
"Who? Me?"
Cherria glared at SoC.
"Fine! I did it! I never liked Ruto anyways. In fact, I hate her!"
"O.O HOW COULD YOU HATE RUTO-KINS!" Dark Link yelled.
"If you've seen her before you met her, you would know why." SoC told Dark Link.
Dark Link pulled out his sword.
"Well… IhavetogobackhomenowsoifyoudarefollowmeIshallkillyouwithoneofCherria'sredwoodenshoesmineinstead!" SoC told the crowd, as she vanished.
"I shall get you someday…" Dark Link grumbled.
A few minutes after that almost everyone had left. There was only Cherria, Dark Link, Dead Ruto, Link, Navi, Zelda, the polka dot, Impa, the Cucco, and Ariel.
"Impa… Why can't I keep this Cucco?" Ariel asked, petting our favorite Cucco.
The Cucco looked pleased at this title.
"Because that Cucco already belongs to the Cucco lady. She has a perfect right to—" Impa started.
The Cucco glared at Impa.
"—not know about this… I guess you can keep him…" Impa moped, for she had lost in this conversation on Cucco ownership.
"Yes!" Ariel exclaimed, jumping up in the air. "Did you hear that?"
The Cucco nodded violently.
"Finally I get to have a pet!"
The Cucco glared at her.
"I mean partner!"
The Cucco nodded as if to say 'That's better.'
"Come on! Let's got to Gerudo Valley!" Ariel told the Cucco, pointing north, and then pointing the correct way. "I mean this way…"
The Cucco sighed as they went to Gerudo Valley. After that, Ariel was the best thief because of her Cucco pal. Then, Ariel became forth in command. The Cucco became fifth. In short, they lived thieving-ly ever after, until the events of my other Zelda fanfic called 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce'. Everyone blamed Impa for this result, except the authoress for she could continue writing OoT fanfics.
Meanwhile… Dark Link…
"T.T Ruto…" Dark Link cried by Ruto's corpse, while the authoress's sister cackled evilly in the real world. "I'll get you one day, SoC… You shall pay for what you did to my wife…"
After that, Dark Link went on an epic quest for SoC, trying to kill her. After 2 years, he found out some way to earth and is now terrorizing any parts that might have SoC in it. But SoC is okay. Dark Link kept looking in the wrong places!
As for Ruto? Well… She just decayed in her grave.
Meanwhile… Cherria… "I guess this is one heck of a wedding." Cherria sighed. "But at least I got to see Link, real life."
Cherria looked around.
"Where is Link, anyway?" Cherria asked, not loud enough for Link to hear.
After the 'wedding', Cherria thought of writing her experiences at Ruto's funeral. Cherria thought that she would consider it. After the funeral, Cherria went back to earth with the reviewers, sent them home, and eventually joined her sister. She got very creeped out because she once she saw Dark Link, with his sword, in public. So she wasn't quite sure when Dark Link would find SoC. SoC on the other hand didn't know that Dark Link found his way to earth so she was living a jolly good life except for the fact that she hates her Summer School Course.
("For the record, I DID NOT PREVIOUSLY FAIL THAT COURSE!" SoC yelled defiantly from no where in particular...she's very touchy about that...anyways...)
Meanwhile… Link and Navi…
"Link… Are you going to stay here until you get noticed?" Navi asked.
"Naw. I shall get down here once everyone has left. Then I might go to a land called Termina and start another annoying adventure." Link told Navi.
"O.o WHATTTT!" Navi yelled, for usually Navi was the one that was psychic in Zora's Domain/River/Lake.
"I mean… Never mind…" Link told Navi.
After the wedding Link and Navi then went to the Temple of Time and became seven years younger. He randomly wasbanned and he stumbled upon Termina. Thus that starting my sequel to 'Totally Messed' called 'Totally Whacked'.
Meanwhile… Zelda…
"GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUS!" Zelda yelled, finally grabbing onto the polka dot and taking back her bracelet.
After the wedding, Zelda had all the jewelry in Hyrule. The polka dot became the most notorious jewel thief (besides Ariel and the Cucco) in Hyrule. Anything else needed to be said?
Everyone left the wedding. Link jumped off the ledge,ended up breaking his back, and went to the hospital for at least six days. Dark Link carried the corpse to the funeral, which was going to be on Zora's River. As for Zora's Fountain? No one was there.
Then, the HMSM ran into Zora's Fountain, at top speed.
"I (huff) got here after I heard that Ruto was dead! Is there (huff) anything I can do?" the HMSM asked, not noticing that he was the only one there.
The HMSM looked around.
"I feel…so alone…" the HMSM paused, still grinning.
Cherry-sama: MWAHAHAHA! That was the only chapter that I wrote all of it by hand!
Link: O.o
Dark Link: (evil voice) Where is SoC?
Cherry-sama: (is scared of evil voice and hides under her feet)
Navi: O.o How does that work?
Cherry-sama: I dunno. All I know is that it is a very hard hiding spot to get into. So it must be good.
Everyone: (thinks that it is not very good hiding spot)
Bunny thief: Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha! I steal jewelry!
Bunny-hood guy: BUNNY!
Bunny thief: Uh-oh…
Zelda: Give me back my precious! (hisses)
Saria: This might be the last chapter (that all depends on if Cherry-sama decides to do Ruto's funeral) besides the Credits. Tune into 'The Fourth Piece of the Triforce', and 'Totally Whacked' once they are posted! And please review… One (second) last time…
Bunny-hood guy: BUNNY!