Sneaky reviewers indeed:)
You all must know this by now, but I don't own anything and I've come to accept that. I really have I really – AAH NO I HAVEN'T!
On to Chappie No. 5
"Urrrrrrp." Count Olaf belched as he sifted oily fingers through a bucket of popcorn. Having just popped in a tape, the blue and white FBI warning was flashing warningly. Quite ironic, considering that Olaf had stolen this video along with 127 others from the local Mountain Cave BLOCKBUSTER. However having taken only the videos and not the covers themselves Olaf was playing grab bag. In other words he could be watching anything from comedy to horror to a documentary on lily pads.
"Hmm, Pirates of the Caribbean," Olaf said, looking at a preview that had just come on. "They must have some nice treasures to steal: gold coins, precious jewels, those adorable little monkeys…" He gave another loud burp and laughed, throwing unpopped kernels at a pack of ghost pirates on the screen. "Take that you undead mongrels! And that! And that! And—AAH!"
Olaf shrieked, and threw himself from his easy chair towards the plasma TV. The kernel that he had thrown had created a small buttery smudge on the screen.
"Nooooo!" he moaned. "It wasn't meant to be this way!" Olaf retracted a dirty handkerchief from his left jacket pocket and started rubbing the smudge furiously. Instead, he widened the mark and added a few unsightly green boogers in the process. Shaking his head sadly, Olaf let his hand slide down the screen despairingly. The oil from his fingers blurred the area even more.
"Oh personal hygiene! How I loathe thee and thou rage! Thou has scorn'd upon Mother Earth's loveliest creature!" Sobbing, Olaf returned to his easy chair and slumped in it despondently, barely noticing that the movie was about to start.
Alert! Alert! We interrupt this feature FanFiction to bring you…An Author's Comment!
Hi! Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to say something and it is my FanFiction after all and—Ok I'll get to the point. Why is it always 'misfortune' and 'unfortunate'? Why not 'unfortune' and 'misfortunate'? Well, misfortunate is a real word (or at least the paperclip guy from Microsoft Word thinks so) but why not unfortune? Huh? HUH? HUH?
An Author's Comment section experiencing technical difficulties. Back to our featured FanFiction.
"Oh personal hygiene! How I loathe thee and thou rage! Thou has scorn'd upon Mother Earth's loveliest creature!" Sobbing, Olaf – Hey, wait, you already read this part! Ok, let's fast forward a bit…
"I nominate the ladder for best supporting actor," Violet said with a raised hand – Umm, too far, that's not even in this chapter! Gosh darnit! I hate these new-fangled contraptions. Stupid remote! Rewinding…
.retsissihtagnizag,deksasualK"?enohpehtnotahtsawohwtelioV"
Ah! Here we are!
"Violet, who was that on the phone?" Klaus asked, gazing at his sister. After catching her breath, Violet had returned to the living room, where her two siblings were frozen in front of the television, the static still crackling ominously in the otherwise dark room. Violet gave them an unusual look, and burst into song.
"Dear brother and sister, will you turn on the light,
And turn off that contraption that scared us tonight.
I was just on the phone
With a fright to my bones
The telephone ringing,
Ringing in my ears
And so confirming,
Confirming my fears.
I picked it up and heard a voice
A voice like no other, I say
It was cheesy and sly
I'm sure it would hurt a fly
But to my surprise
It offered me a prize!
With a cock of my head
I listened to what it said
And dear sister and brother
We have but each other
And I say to you in all truth
If not, I shall eat my foot,
That we, the unfortunate siblings
With misfortunate lives
The ones that eat peppermints
And instead of fresh breath get hives
We have won something
No doubt our luck is returning
A trip to the Bahamas
Free of man-eating llamas!
A cruise, mind you
Now don't say 'Foo!'
This is real, I believe
I ain't a brain like a sieve
So brother and sister
Our luck has naught been better
For today is the day
I am joyous to say
That the Baudelaires
Have it fair
Fair and square
Now let's pack our bags
And no one nags
And leave this mountain cave
The place we hid to save
Ourselves of our troubles
And muddles with
Count Olaf
The old pilaf
As Isadora once rhymed
And now it is time
Let's go!"
Violet's siblings stared at her. For a very long time there was silence, until Sunny gave her precious words of wisdom. "Klaus win bet. Violet insane." This meant something along the lines of, "When Klaus told me that Violet was acting strangely I refused to believe it, until this first-hand encounter,"
Violet gaped at her siblings. Did they not believe her? Well, whatever. She sure as sugar wasn't going to sing to them again. "Klaus, Sunny…I didn't make this up! We actually won a cruise trip to the Bahamas! And you both no that gambling is wrong." No come on, let's get going, and get our prize!"
"Violet," Klaus said hesitantly. "You know, those radio contests aren't all that reliable…Did you even enter the contest in the first place?"
"Klaus, do you always have to be right? This happens in every book, and now in a FanFiction too! Don't you know that if the lead character weren't reckless and stupid most books would have no plot?
"Violet lead character? Yeah right!" Sunny intervened, meaning, "Violet, I'm sure that deep down, we are all main characters. The Baudelaires siblings must stick together!"
Violet looked down fondly at her youngest sibling. "Sunny, you're right. But please," She looked from Sunny to Klaus, "I really believe that this is a good thing. Please, let's pursue this opportunity."
"All right, Violet," Klaus said, pulling his older sister into a hug. "Let's go. Besides, on the way we can drop off this video, too."
"I hate customer service!" Sunny smiled, which meant, "But not before rewinding it to the beginning so that future viewers won't have to hassle."
The three Baudelaires smiled at eachother, and then went their separate ways to pack for the trip.
Wow! Look at that! I wrote a bunch of stuff! Yay! Go Panda, it's your birthday. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, by the way, did you know that BLOCKBUSTER has NO late fees! Yup, that's right! So technically this fic should be called 'It's never due back, but if you keep it for more than a month you'll have to pay a $7.25 restocking fee" Anyways, thanks SO much for the reviews! I love them! Yay!
See you next time:D