Hi, thank you so much for the reviews. I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but I've been busy with work, and then I had a parent/teacher meeting, and my mom freaked at my teacher. That was pretty embarrassing. Anyhow, the next chap is finally up :D
Disclaimer; I do own any of the characters of Friends. Bright, Kaufmann and Crain does that. Sad, isn't it?
Picking Up the Pieces
Chapter 14.
"Mom." Ashley said, shooting herself into the couch next to Rachel.
"Yeah, sweetie." Rachel smiled, "What's up?"
"Mrs. Paget said something to me that day Mon and I went to that parenting meeting."
"And what was that?"
"She thought it would be a good idea if I talked to a psychologist." Ashley said, "Do you think so too?"
Rachel looked at her daughter with sadness in her eyes, "You know what Ash, I haven't really thought about it." she sighed, "But maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Rachel said, stroking her hair, "It would probably do you good to talk to a professional. Should I talk to Mrs. Paget about it?"
"Yeah, if you want to." Ashley said.
"I'll do anything for you, baby." Rachel said, kissing her hair, "Anything."
--
"So Ashley… Farber." doctor Gyllenhall said, "Is that correct?"
"Yeah." Ashley said, "But it'll be Ashley Green soon though."
"Oh…" doctor Gyllenhall smiled, "So why are you mother changing your last name?"
"She's changing hers too." Ashley said, "But it's because we're ourselves now. She does not want to be reminded of my dad anymore."
"So… She's trying to liberate herself?"
"Yes, I don't think it'll work though."
"You don't?" doctor Gyllenhall asked, "Why?"
"She needs stronger methods." Ashley said, "But I can't figure out what. It'll probably come."
"You're kind of funny, huh?"
"And you're easy to keep entertained."
"I get paid."
"I knew that." Ashley paused, "What do you want to talk about?"
"You." doctor Gyllenhall simply said, "What is the earliest childhood memory you remember?"
"Oh…" Ashley thought for awhile, "I guess it's an episode from when I was around… 5 years old, I think."
"What happened? Why do you particularly remember that?"
"One of my mother's sisters was visiting. It was a really big deal, because normally my mom and her sisters does not get along very well. Jill, that's her name, had brought her new boyfriend for my mom to meet him. My mom and all her sisters have always been the most popular people, like in high school and stuff, because they were always the beautiful ones. But my mom was the most beautiful one though, which apparently Jill's boyfriend thought too. A couple of days later he broke up with her, and she wanted to know why. He told her he liked her sister, my mom, which was crazy since they'd only met once."
"And what happened then? Did Jill get angry?" doctor Gyllenhall asked, scribbling notes down on his paper faster than Ashley was talking.
"Of course she did." Ashley said, "Now, you don't know my mom and her sisters, but they've always tried to take each other's boyfriends, and make each other's lives miserable. Not just like any other siblings might do, they really meant it. And when Jill heard that he broke up with her because of my mom, she called Barry, my dad, and told him that my mom and Jill's boyfriend had an affair, and that he had just admitted it."
"And then your dad got angry?"
"Yeah." Ashley wondered, "I remember it. My mom and I were sitting on the floor. We were playing with blocks, I think, and the phone rang. Dad picked it up, and he talked for awhile. He got angrier, and when he hung up, he didn't even talk. He didn't say anything. He just walked across the floor and slapped my mom in the face. I remember her looking at him with questions in her eyes, but she didn't get time to talk. He slapped her again, and her nose started bleeding. I crawled backwards away from them. I remember my only thought was ´Oh no! He's going to hit me too!´. I hid in my room, under my bed, trying to block her crying and sobbing and his screaming and yelling away. It went on for around 30 minutes, and then the door closed. I crept into the living room to find my mom in a corner. She didn't look good, so I did what she'd taught me to do in emergencies. I dialled 911."
"And then an ambulance came and helped your mom?" doctor Gyllenhall asked.
"Yes." Ashley said, "I drove with her to the hospital, and when I got tired, I slept on a bed there."
"But it's a very late memory. Are you sure it's the earliest thing you remember?"
"Yeah…" Ashley said.
"Okay." doctor Gyllenhall noted, "But it wasn't the first time your dad hit your mom?"
"I doubt it." Ashley said, "I can't remember, but I think she told me about how it all begun once. It was when I was just a baby, maybe 6 months or something."
"Did your mom or dad want to divorce the other?"
"No." Ashley said, "My dad didn't. He really loved my mom at some point, I think, even if it was only friendship. I think my mom loved him too. Maybe not the love you're supposed to feel for your only one, but a love for someone who you're afraid of, and a love you have, because you have nothing else to hold on to."
"Okay." doctor Gyllenhall said, "How old are you?"
"9. Why?"
"You just sound so much older." he smiled, "Anyway… I know you don't have any siblings? Why is that?"
"My mom has been pregnant… 3 times, I think, after me." Ashley said, "But my dad didn't want them. He didn't want me either. I mean, I think he was happy when my mom told him she was pregnant, 'cause it was before all the trouble began, but then when I was born… I wasn't a boy, you know. I could not carry on the family name."
"And that was a big problem?"
"A big, big problem." Ashley said, "He needed a boy in his plans. And afterwards, when she got pregnant, he always ended up hitting or kicking her in the stomach and she lost her child. She was a big mess afterwards. She never got around to actually have one more, even though it's in her dreams to have 3 kids."
"And how do you feel about that?" doctor Gyllenhall asked.
"If she wants to have more kids?" Ashley asked, and by his nodding, she continued, "Great. I would love to have some siblings. I do have one though, kinda. My best friend, Ben. He and I are like sister and brother. I also live with his aunt, Monica, 'cause my mom is good friends with both her and Ben's dad."
"Okay. Have your mom been in your old apartment yet?" doctor Gyllenhall asked, "After the whole big incident?"
"No." Ashley shook her head, "She has to get the courage together."
"How long have you been living with Monica now?"
"Around 2 months, or 3, maybe, I don't know." Ashley smiled.
"And have you fallen into a good routine now?" doctor Gyllenhall asked, "You know, get up, go to school, go home, do your homework, be with your friends… Like that?"
"Yeah." Ashley smiled, "It's very good now. Monica is everything to me. She helps all the time."
"Mrs. Paget mentioned to me that you told her you don't have many friends. Why is that?"
"They don't like me." Ashley said, "They tease me about my mom and dad. It's been worse than ever since rumours started about my dad shooting my mom with a gun."
"Okay." doctor Gyllenhall said, "What do you do to block them out?"
"I ignore them." Ashley simply replied, "And maybe one day if I'm lucky, they lose interest."
"Have you considered trading schools?" doctor Gyllenhall asked, "You live in another end of town now anyway. And you might stay around there for your mom to be close to her friends. It might be good for you to do so."
"Maybe." Ashley said, "If Ben will trade too, then I can either skip a grade, or he can be in the grade beneath his regular one. Then we'd be together."
"You should think about that." doctor Gyllenhall said. He looked at his watch, "Wow, look at the time! We're 5 minutes too late, I bet my next patient is pretty mad."
Ashley stood up and gave him her hand, "Thank you." she smiled, "I didn't think this would help, but I already feel better."
"You arrange a new appointment with my assistant." he said, "I think you and I will see a lot to each other the next many years. You and I will have to go through a lot."
--
"You want more of this, Rach?" Ross asked, pointing at the soup Monica had made for them, before her and the others left that afternoon.
"What?" Rachel asked, "Yeah, thank you Ross."
He eased some of it into her plate. When he was done, she was staring into space once again. She had done that a lot this evening. "Rach, what is bothering you?" he asked.
"It's nothing…" Rachel trailed off, "It's so stupid."
"What is, Rach?" Ross asked, taking her hand, "Tell me."
"It's just…" Rachel said, "After leaving Barry. After all we've been through with him and all, it just shot into my head; I'm 32 years old. I have never experienced true love, and I am getting a divorce. I'm gonna be a single mom. Isn't it expected of me to find a guy at some point?"
"I don't know." Ross said, "I mean, you probably should…"
"But I just… I don't think I'll ever be ready to trust men again. Ever!" Rachel said, "I know I slept with Joey, and I only did that because I knew it wasn't serious and that I wouldn't see him again. I don't think I can ever trust a guy again."
"I have no idea of how you feel, I can't even imagine." Ross said, "But… Maybe you just need to find the right guy."
Let it be me, let it be me, let it be me.
"I don't know…" Rachel trailed off, "I mean… On the other hand… I trust you and Joey and Chandler. But you guys are my friends. 3 guys in my life is more than enough. I don't think I'll have the strength and the courage to find another one. Am I even crazy for thinking about this only 3 months after almost getting killed?"
"No." Ross said, "It's all peoples main concern, you're not crazy. And maybe you don't need to find another guy. 3 is probably enough."
"But how do I get to find a guy then?"
"Pick someone you already know and trust." Ross said, "Someone you are sure wont hurt you. Maybe you can't think of anyone right now, but it'll come if you think longer."
"Who could that be?" Rachel exclaimed.
"Think about it."
"But every time I think about a new husband and kids and marriage, I get worried. I'm afraid everything will happen again. I will get beaten, I will get tired, get used, get sad,… Am I over thinking this?"
"You're not under thinking it." Ross said.
Rachel sighed, "I will think for myself for awhile. I will think of what I want to do with my life now when I have the chance. What I want to happen for me and Ashley. But first… I need to let Barry go."
"Yeah, that will probably be a very good idea." Ross said.
And then he decided to wait and see if she might choose him to be the one.
Because after all the years that had gone by since high school, he still got that feeling in his stomach, looking at her.
He knew that she was the one.
But the question was, did she know it too?
Okay, so finally I got this written, and it only took me like, 6 hours (I admit it, I took a break to watch "Desperate Housewives" in the middle) and I still don't think it's totally worth it to post, but I promised a friend that I would post a chapter today, and it's gotten okay. It' okay. Anyway, leave me a review. Thank you so much, Stessa.