The first thing Murphy noticed was the cold. He cracked his eyes and squinted at the early morning light. He tried to roll over but his head protested furiously.
"Fuck."
And then it hit him. He flushed instantly as pieces of memory came back in choppy images of motion, pleasure and heat. He and Connor had gotten drunk and…
He couldn't even think it. He looked around feebly for his brother, and he heard the shower running.
Murphy waited in trepidation for Connor to emerge from the shower. He was lost in what they had done and the fact that he didn't know what Connor was thinking made his stomach clench. He lay back and closed his eyes. I kissed him. My brother.
He heard the door open and looked up at Connor, who had dressed in the bathroom. Their eyes locked and Connor looked frozen to the spot. Murphy couldn't think of anything to say but he knew he had to say something or Connor might dash.
"Mornin'."
Connor relaxed a little and walked over to Murphy's bed, and sat down among the fort ruins. He grimaced.
"Ah, mornin' yourself."
Murphy smirked a bit at his brother's grumpiness.
"Yer head hurt?"
Connor nodded weakly.
"Aye, feels like a drum corps' competin' in there."
Murphy nodded.
"Myself as well."
The silence stretched to an unbearable point and Murphy noticed that Connor was avoiding his touch.
"Listen Murph, about last night…"
Murphy's ears flamed red, but he stayed silent, holding his breath and let his brother continue.
Connor looked him right in the eyes and Murphy almost gasped. Guilt. Anguish. Confusion.
You are looking in a mirror.
"Murph, we can't do that again. We need ta forget about it."
Murphy let out the breath he'd been holding in a whoosh. He hadn't known what Connor would say, but somehow he hadn't pictured it this way. He felt something akin to a knife stab in his chest. When he looked back up at Connor he saw the shining dark pools. They pleaded desperately with him. So he nodded.
"Aye. You're right. It was fucken stupid."
Connor sighed gratefully and hugged Murphy. Then he slapped his back.
"Now c'mon, if tha kitchens not clean before Ma gets back, she'll tan our hides."
"I'll be down in a minute, gotta clean up."
Murphy waited till he heard Connor bound down the stairs before he rolled over into his pillow and cried.