As I live and breathe, so does this fanfic of mine! And for the first time in ages, I am actually updating in a timely manner! -tosses confetti- Yay for me!
While I now go to get cleaning supplies, I assure you I still do not own any of these anime, or any of the characters therein. I am but a humble writer, hoping to slake the desires of the masses that yearn for a another decently written fic! As for any pairings, I'm still not telling, though that's probably because not all of the characters are in play just yet. And for everyone that reviewed, I'd like to thank you for all your input. Keep the good ideas a'comin!
With that out of the way, on with the show!
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"Blah" Normal Speak
"Blah" Thought Speak, Letters
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Preventer Squall presents:
Wild Horse of Ragnarok
Chapter 2: Ice Cream with the Devil
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"WHAT?!" Urd didn't fight down the infuriated scream that tore from her throat, grabbing the screen and glaring at the pixellated version of her mother. "When the hell did that happen?" she snapped, barely even registering Skuld as the younger sister tugged at her robes in an attempt to keep the Goddess of the Past from punching a hole in the monitor. She continued shaking it for several seconds before dropping the monitor back on the desk and let out an exasperated sigh, trying to calm herself down. As much as Urd hated to admit it, she couldn't go down there with guns blazing.
But before she could do anything, she needed a way to get down there, and turned around to stare at her little sister. "Skuld, are there any active portals for me to get down there through?" she attempted to keep her voice from reflecting her inner fury, though her clenched fists and twitch in the corner of her left eye indicated to the contrary.
Skuld, used to such antics from her sister, pushed her aside and took over the console, hands practically blurring over the keyboard as she worked on that very answer. Lines upon lines of text and numbers appeared on the screen, though only one seemed to have a suitable answer. "Maybe, but its three blocks from the store. And if you used it, Hild would probably just relocate the two of them somewhere else." she cringed slightly, prepared to try and get away from the wrath of Hurricane Urd.
To her and everyone else in the room's, surprise, Urd just sighed and slowly unclenched her fists. "Good point. Guess all we can do is observe." the words seemed sensible enough, and held a sound logic that even Skuld could respect.
Though when she saw Hild look right at the screen and wink, logic went right out the window as a savage streak of profanities ensued.
--
Ranma was too mentally numbed at the moment to understand why the woman in front of him just winked at the sky, having been shocked into silence for a full minute and a half. By the time his mental faculties finished rebooting, one question was on the tip of his tongue. "How could my old man sell my soul?" he inquired, head canting to the side like a confused animal. He knew his father had traded his hand in marriage for food and anyone that cleared his bar tab, but this was new. Even by Genma Saotome standards.
"That look really is too cute." Hild thought to herself, unable to keep from giggling again. "A very good question, Ramna-kun. You see," she walked over and held the paper out to Ramna for him to examine. "He didn't sell me your soul per se. He sold me you, which included your soul in the deal. Nothing in the agreement stipulated your marital status, which is why he kept pawning you off to all your potential fiancées." she explained, watching as the boy glared down at the piece of paper in his hands.
Ranma had dealt with more then his share of legal documents in his year and a half at the Tendo Dojo. Most of them were Nabiki's, which were so full of loopholes, legal jargon, and incomprehensible double-talk that he had quickly learned to understand enough to try and keep his head above water. This contract seemed even more devious then anything the middle tend had ever put him through, eyes nearly crossing when he saw two pages of it written in a language he didn't even think was written by humans. But the most important element was missing from the discussion. Mentioned all over as 'the item', but not explained. "What did tha bastard sell me off for this time?"
"A plate."
The young martial artist visibly twitched at that, really trying not to scream at her for more information then that. Even for him, it wouldn't be prudent to piss off the ruler of the underworld. "..just a plate?" he tried to keep the crack in his voice small, though it was nothing like the crack he would put in his father's skull for this.
This was answered with a sudden litany of laughter. "Of course not, silly. It's a plate that would have any food the owner wanted. Steak, ramen, escargot. Anything the owner desired, they would receive." she explained, moving closer and smirking at Ranma. "Better then a bowl of rice and two pickles, wouldn't you say?"
Ranma nodded, unable to really think of anything to say to that. Actually, that wasn't the worst deal he's ever heard the panda actually make. He wouldn't pawn off HIS first born for anything, but that was entirely beside the point. "Where tha hell is this plate of his anyway?" he decided to ask, thinking that it should have saved kept his dad from trading him off like a baseball card.
--
Deep within the icy mountain range of China, a group of snow monkeys set down their daily offering before 'The Plate of Plenty'. One of the monkey elders had stolen the plate from some fool of a man that had invaded their hot springs and polluted it with his foulness.
Cheers and hoots filled the air as several small plates of yakisoba suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke. It seems The Plate of Plenty was pleased with their offer.
--
By now, Ranma's twitch had ballooned to nearly absurd proportions; hands clenched so hard that his knuckles had turned white. "By SNOW MONKIES?!" he bellowed, briefly forgetting just who was yelling at. "GENMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIE!" he howled to the sky, unaware that in Paris, Ryoga paused from looking at his sideways map of Prague to suddenly sneeze.
But before Ranma could go off on his tirade of revenge, he suddenly felt a pair of hands clasp his arm. His fury quickly guttered when he saw Hild looking up at him, a pout on her lips. "C'mon, Ranma-kun. Why waste the time beating him up when I have something far more amusing in store for him." she smiled when the adorable expression of confusion returned to his face. "I'll tell you more in alittle while. But first, let's get something to eat." that was all she said before a massive glyph appeared around their feet.
Ranma opened his mouth to ask what was happening, before the sound of thunder filled his ears as he and Hild disappeared in a flash of lightning.
--
The instant she saw the circular rune, she spun on her heel and glared down at Skuld, pulling her into the chair. "Find them. Now!" she snapped, about to go down to the armory and grab something to bludgeon her mother with.
Nobody took her man-meat and got away with it!
As though hearing the unspoken challenge, the phone beside the computer suddenly rang, though Skuld had been quick to pick it up. "Goddess Support Line, Skuld speaking. How may I," she paused when the voice on the other line began to speak, eyes slowly growing larger and larger. When she hung the phone up, she had the attention of the entire room. She turned to her sister and gulped softly. "U-Urd..Kami-sama wants you in his office immediately."
Urd could feel her blood suddenly turn to ice water at the declaration as she felt an involuntary shudder crawling down her spine. She knew she was in trouble, but this time somehow just seemed worse then her usual antics. "Oh well. It can't be all that bad. Not like it's the end of the world or anything." she let herself wallow in blissful ignorance until she left the room until one thought caused her to pause in her steps.
With Ramna Saotome, you just never knew.
--
Of course, in the Yorohama Ice Cream Shop, its owner was very sure that his business was on the verge of a fiscal extinction.
He was used to the devious tactics of the redheaded Saotome, who could turn his counter clerk into a slavering idiot with a wink, a giggle, and a jiggle of all the right parts. But against her and the dark-skinned woman, who had apparently been studying the dreaded Saotome 'Puppy-Eye' attack, he feared for his stock of ice cream, as well as his sanity.
"So, how come you wanted me to put you back to being a girl?" Hild inquired from behind her extra-size parfait, taking a small spoonful to her mouth. "Simply delish! I'll have to bring Urd-chan here to apologize." she mentally mused as she watched the play of emotions over Ranma's face, resisting the urge to just pinch those cheeks of hers.
The young martial artist tapped her spoon against her lower lip, which had been unconsciously stuck out in a pout as she thought about that very question. "Well, not only do I get this stuff fer almost free, it just tastes better when I'ma girl." was the only logical answer that she could come up with, though it wasn't something she entirely understood herself. When she was male, it was just 'really good'. As she was currently, it was something closer to a 'religious experience'.
Pun not intended, but still funny anyway.
Ranma was cut off from her thoughts when she caught sight of the light reflecting off Hild's spoon as she waved it back and forth to get the redhead's attention. "Well, I don't know about male and female taste buds, but I do know that something always tastes sweeter when you use your charms to sneak them right from under a man's nose." she giggled at the look of surprise that Ramna adopted, glad she had her own plans for Ramna already. If she hadn't, then she'd have probably whisked her away and REALLY corrupted her mind by now.
Of course, that line of thinking brought Hild back to the task at hand, calmly removing the contract from thin air and set it down on the table. "Now Ranma-kun, I remember saying I would answer any questions you'd have," she said before pushing the small piles or paper to her potential acquisition, watching Ranma's makeshift poker face with great interest.
Unknown to Hild, Ranma's mind had more or less settled into a combat mindset. Could he actually harm the woman in front of her? To say it was unlikely would be a gross understatement. But she could always think easier when her brain geared itself in preparation for battle, able to take in the most minuscule details of the battlefield and somehow put it all together into a workable fighting strategy. Improvisation was the cornerstone of the Anything Goes style, after all. "Well, how come ya took my body'n soul instead'a my old man's?" was the first question that managed to make itself known to her. "And what's with this weird stuff on tha last coupla' pages?" pulled the contract back to show off the final pages, which were utterly incomprehensible to the martial artist.
Hild, of course, could read them just fine. "That, Ramna, is what's called Demonic Script. Many members of my accounting division can't read human language, so the script pages were added to contracts to save them having to run around like idiots and ask my minions to translate certain parts. I'd read it, but Demonic Script has a habit of driving mortals insane." the last part was said in a conspiratorial whisper, lips curling into a grin as Ramna flipped the front pages back into place as though to try and preserve what little sanity she still had.
"And as for your first question, your father was corrupted enough as it was. When I met him three weeks into your little training trip, I knew that the deal in itself would seal his fate." she casually took another spoonful of her parfait, noting that Ranma was slowly beginning to resume the task of eating her sundae. "Your soul, on the other hand, was one of the purest I had ever seen. I saw glimpses of your destiny play out in my mind, and knew that I had to get on the ground floor of that.
"Contrary to all the movies and books, only lower level demons are really interested in taking souls. Hell sort of works on a commission basis, demons growing stronger the more souls they barter down. After a certain level, however, most just barter for the fun of it. One of my minions even made a contract just for his client's sanity." This actually got a chuckle out of the ruler of the underworld, though Ranma had briefly turned green at the thought.
Thankfully, her nausea was diverted when a thought struck her. "Are you sure it's okay ta talk out loud 'bout this sorta thing? I mean, we're kinda ina public place an' all." she reached back and began to tug at her pigtail, fully expecting angels, exorcists, or his fiance brigade to suddenly barge in and try to duke it out with her and Hild. It only made sense, since the martial artist was actually engaging in conversation with a woman that he wasn't engaged to.
The dark goddess seemed rather pleased Ranma had noticed the lack of insanity. It showed she actually had a brain under that pretty hair. "That's a very good question, Ranma. It's all thanks to a magic spell I wove before we sat down. As far as anyone not sitting at this table knows, we're just to two girls talking about boys and school." she couldn't help but giggle, as though to maintain the illusion she had cast. "And no, one can sense where we are, so no one will be bothering us anytime soon."
A light of hope suddenly filled Ranma's eyes, as though her words were just too good to be true. For a little while, she could actually relax without anyone barging in and trying to take her head(or hand in marriage), and act like a normal person. She almost felt like crying.
The look on Ranma's face was really beginning to weird her out, so she decided to turn the conversation in a direction that lessened the chance of crying and hugging. "Well, Ranma-kun, since we have all this free time, how about you tell me about yourself?"
--
"Kami-Sama will see you now."
Urd looked up from her horrendiously outdated magazine and nodded, getting to her feet and brushing the subscription fliers from her robes. "Thank you." she muttered to the waiting room receptionist before the massive doors to her father's office swung open. She took a moment to brace herself, taking a deep breath that she threatened to cause her upper assets to breach the security of her robes.
She honestly had no idea what to expect from this meeting. The last few times she's had to be in Kami-sama's office, it was to receive a lecture that preceeded a temporary suspension of her goddess powers. Thankfully, he had understood her reasons, and thus never actually demoted her. But now, she hadn't even done anything to get called into his office. She was just doing her job, when one of her potential wishers had been whisked away.
And that certainly wasn't her fault.
Steeling herself for whatever was intended, she squared her shoulders and strode into the nearly blinding light, which soon gave way to the office of her father. She noticed the new frown creases on the corner of his lips, though her observations on his physical state were overidden by the large folders that were piled onto to his desk. Maybe he needed some help with his filing.
"Ahh, Urd. So good to see you." a loving smile erupted on the diety's face as he stood up, the look so infectious that Urd was soon sporting one as well. "Have a seat, and I'll tell you what I called you up here for," he motioned to the chair infront of his desk, only sitting down when his eldest daughter did. Rather then simply tell, the frst thing he did was set one of the large folders down infront of her, allowing her to see Ranma Saotome's name written along the folder in bold, blocky letters.
Even though she knew most of the material, Urd reached over and took the folder off the desk anyway. "I don't think you called me in just to tell me about Ranma-kun, daddy." she said, thumbing through the pages and looking for any tidbits that she hadn't been privy too. One thing she hadn't expected, was for Ranma's destiny to simply defeat Saffron.
Which meant he had essentially fufilled his life's purpose at a record seventeen and a half years old.
The goddess couldn't help but blink and sit up in her chair, startled expression suddenly focused on her father. "What does this mean, dad? Most people don't even complete their destiny until they're in their thirties. How can he have no greater purpose?" she was trying to keep the confusion out of her voice, and failed miserably.
"That's because it was recently amended. Amended about fourty minutes ago." He explained, watching Urd's eyes nearly grow to the size of saucers. "While he has attended to about ninety percent of his life's goal, the remaining ten was to be the most important of all," Kami-sama was unable to hold back a sigh as he picked up another file and thumbed through the pages. "But because of Hild's meddling, his future has become indecipherable, even to the Yggdrasil System. Thanks to the boy's martial arts code, he still stands a good chance of doing what he needs to do. But if your mother has enough of an influence on him, Saotome could very well spell the end of life as we know it."
Ranma's file slipped out from between numbed fingers, spilling out over the floor as Urd stared at her father with an expression of utter horror on her face. She knew Ranma was strong, but could one mortal really do something as grave as her father had said? Were it anyone else who said that, even Belldandy, she would have called them a liar and stormed out. But at this moment, Kami-sama had the woman's utter and complete attention.
"That's why I have a special person to send you too." A new file slid across the desk and into Urd's lap. The goddess knew the name well. "She will be making a call to the Hotline soon, and you will be there to answer. What I need you to do, simply put, is take care of her wish." he leaned forward, resting an elbow on the desk and staring at Urd with all the seriousness he could muster. "Do not, I repeat, do NOT force her to make her wish until she is ready to make it. At the moment I can't tell you what Hild has planned, since it could taint your objectivity, so I need you to go and get ready for your trip." he let a small smile curl his lips as he reached out and put a hand on Urd's shoulder, watching reassurance slowly flood his daughter's features. "Now off you go, Urd-chan. I have some calls to make."
Urd nodded and slowly rose to her feet, leaning over to scoop up Ranma's file and tuck it under her shoulder with the other one. "Of course, Kami-sama. I'll be waiting." she couldn't help but flash him a wink and a smile before turning around, walking to the door with a slight sway of her hips.
"Urd."
"Hmm.."
"Give me back Ranma's file."
"Awww..Can I keep some of these pictures?"
"...fine."
--
"So there I was, fallin' outta the sky likea rock," Ranma grins and makes several hand gestures, circulating his chi outward and causing his empty Sunday bowl to spin like a top. "Since I gotta save Akane, I turn tha Hiryu-Shoten Ha down on tha Dragon Tap, which cause tha whole dang faucet ta just turn up and start shootin water," he makes a cradling gesture with one arm to imply the then Akane doll, his other hand making a up and down gesture that could only be implied as water gushing upward.
"And?" Hild leaned forward, utterly captivated by Ranma's ability to tell a good story. A glitter resided within the depths of her eyes, tempted to just forego her plans and just steal Ranma away all for herself. But with so much riding on the real mission, the urge was squashed as she waited for the pigtailed boy to continued his story.
"Well, me'n Akane are completely hosed down, leavin' my girl me ta hit the ground 'steada Akane." The miniature whirlwind dies as the storyteller uses the bowl in demonstration of how his body had to turn so he could have braced the landing. "She's startin ta grow an' actually start lookin like a human bein', but she don't gotta pulse.
"So I start panickin', thinkin she was dead fer sure, when I can see in her aura that she was actually comin' 'round. I blink, an then she's gotta pulse again." Just thinking about that earned a sigh of relief the Ranma, which caused Hild to giggle.
She was right. Ranma does tell better stories when he's a he.
"That had ta be tha most stressful day'a my life, not countin' my damned weddin'."
Hild noticed the taint of resentment in his tone, and quietly observed how most of his good mood seemt to just evaporate. A frown marred her own lips as she suddenly leaned in. "Did you actually love Akane enough to marry her?" she hoped to use that to take his mind out of the swirl of depression that threatened to devour him whole. Even to her, it was amazing how one topic could derail the young man so effectively.
His brief flash of angst was abated as his thoughts turned to his fiance as he twirled his spoon between his fingers. "I was sorta drugged before they put me in tha monkey suit." he amended, briefly smirking before his expression became thoughtful again. "Honestly, I don't think I love Akane like that. She's more likea friend then anythin', if she didn't beat me with somethin' every few seconds," he blanched, but was quick to continue. "I mighta gone through with tha weddin' anyway, just to get everyone off my back.
"Every day, it's always somethin'. Everybody wants apiece'a me, but they don' treat me like a human bein'. I'm some people's cash cow, others think I'ma breedin' horse, an' others just hit me cause they're too stupid ta fix their own problems." With that off his chest, Ranma set the spoon down beside the bowl. He mentally amended Kasumi from the list of abusers, since she had always at least given him warm good and a clean futon to sleep in. He leaned back into the chair and sighed in irritation, briefly fixing his eyes on Hild.
"Ya may own my soul, but yer at least nice about it."
The tone of resignation had been what Hild was waiting for. It told her that Ranma was quite literally ripe for the taking. All of the fighting and trouble finally started getting to him, and he was desperate for a way out. He even seemed willing to go to hell, just to get away from it all. "But I have a better idea." she mentally mused, refusing to let it show on her face as she leaned forward. "What if I told you I could change that?"
The coy tone immediately got the young man's attention, and she was quick to press the matter. "While I could take your soul, there's something I'd like you to help me with. If you do, I will be happy to write up a new contract and negate the old one. Why, I'll even help you with all your fiancé problems as a big signing bonus." she said with a smile, watching Ranma's eyes as she presented him the opportunity of a lifetime.
Her words nearly caused his mental functions to come to a grinding halt. As soon as he started to feel any kind of relief or hope, he crushed it with his ever helpful paranoia. "What's tha catch?" he didn't bother to hide his suspiscion at what could only be described as 'too good to be true'. He had seen enough gift horses in his lifetime to know you checked out its teeth before they could bite you in the ass.
"Aww, Ranma-kun, that hurts my feelings." she pouted and placed a hand over her chest, only to find that it didn't seem to dissuede him at all. The pout gave way as she got back to business. "It's simple, really. All I need you to do is help me with something.
"It's called Ragnarok."
To be Continued…---------
What were you people expecting, what with a title like this?
But that's right, folks! Ramna Saotome is going to be the main ingredient to the most earth shaking event in all of history! Next month will only yield an update for 'Son of a Monkey', for those who read that, since I am currently writing for another of Kraken's Ghost's fanfic contests. But fear not, for come the new year, I shall begin another, and even longer, chapter of this fanfiction for you!
And do not forget to review, or readers of mine! I thrive on them, like the plants sup upon sunlight! Your flames shalt not burn me, but I shall find them amusing all the same! For those who ponder about my next chapter, here is a brief summary.
Next time, on Wild Horse of Rangarok:
The end of the world is redefined for our confused Saotome, as Kami-sama is forced to make afew calls to try and save existence. Battle lines are drawn as Ranma takes his leave of the mortal plane and goes to Hell for special training. Techniques will be mastered, the plot will thicken, and someone in Nermia gets a new friend! An irked goddess will get her wrath on in our next episode: It's not the Heat; It's the Humanity.