A/N

Apologies in advance, but this chapter and the next are again on the shorter side. There just were some very natural break points. I'm hoping for Wednesday night for ch38.

Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Thursday Evening

Booth got his breathing back under control, more or less, and by sheer force of will turned off the waterworks. He wiped his eyes and nose with the corner of the sheet then lay again staring at the wall, seeing nothing for a long moment.

God, it hurt. Once again he couldn't fucking believe it…

Against all the odds they had both survived their separate ordeals, but instead of having a joyful reunion she'd ultimately choked and turned her back on him. He'd let her fool him twice after all. Shame on him for ever thinking she was capable of properly loving him back. All the warning signs had been there, but he'd ignored them. He really was a god damned fool. Jesus, just how fucking stupid could one man be?

He was heartsick with the knowledge that she really did care for him on some level, he was sure of it. Granted, he must have scared her to death in getting himself shot, but he just couldn't live like this, under constant threat of her running away whenever the going got tough. Maybe it was better to learn this now…

He closed his eyes as he straightened his head on the pillow. When he reopened them instead of looking at her he focused on a spot high on the wall opposite the bed. He finally spoke. He practically bit out the words…

"Sorry about that. It won't happen again." Not in front of you.

Still she said nothing. Neither did he catch any movement from the corner of his eye.

He came to a decision. He'd be damned if he was going to let it end this way. He was going to confront her and give her one more chance… or at least make her have to say it.

He took a deep breath even though it hurt. He didn't try to hide his bitterness. "When I saw you on Monday…"

She interrupted him. "I finally got the flowers…"

So she was changing the subject. Probably figured where he was going… so she was a coward, but then he figured he already knew that. But, curiosity piqued a little, he decided to see where she went.

"I got the flowers," she repeated. "The apartment manager gave them to me Tuesday evening."

She paused as if expecting him to say something, but he wasn't going to help her out, not one fucking bit. The ball was entirely in her court.

But almost in spite of himself he perked up a little more, his interest rising…

Having put herself on the spot, she fumbled a bit. "Arrangements of cut flowers are just so… impractical. All too soon they wilt and they die…"

He let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding with a sigh. He should have known… cynical geek modeThis was it then, her pullback. Their kiss never happened. Fuck her. She may as well have brought the flowers with her and thrown them in his fucking face. At least it looked like he might be spared the hated "can we still be friends?" speech.

When she started to add something else, obviously uncomfortable with his silence, he flared up. He didn't give a flying fuck that he sounded angry when he cut her off.

"Impractical? 'Impractical' is the whole damned point!"

For the first time he glanced at her. She was watching him intently. He looked back at the far wall and explained.

"We have to be 'practical' in order to survive. Monday sure as hell proved that. But we don't live for the practical. None of the things that make life really worth living are very 'practical'." He said it like it was a dirty word.

He continued somewhat more calmly, "And as to wilting and dying, well that still happens sooner or later even when the flower stays on the damned plant."

He wasn't quite done. Out of sheer stubbornness he wanted to make her understand.

"Sometimes… sometimes, when you see something beautiful, something truly special, you just have to go for it while you can, because whether you do or not, it won't always be there."

She finally said something.

"Carpe diem," she said softly.

"Yeah, 'seize the day'," he agreed. So she did understand, at least a little.

Which only pissed him off all over again.

He lifted his head up to glance at her one last time then let it drop back to the pillow. Enough of this shit. He already felt like crap, but suddenly he felt old, used up.

"Do me a favor?" he asked tiredly, still without looking at her.

"Yes. Anything."

Damn, but if she didn't almost sound eager to please, just after backhandedly tearing his heart out. He let his head sink deeper into the pillow and shut his watery eyes.

"Tell the nurse I'd like some more pudding on your way out."