Reid was trying very hard not to panic, but it was difficult. He knew that ECT rarely killed anyone these days, but with a machine that old, who knew? Was that what had really happened to the other patients? And even if it didn't kill him…

One of Reid's biggest fears had always been brain damage. He had always felt like his intelligence was the one thing he had going for him, it was the one thing that made him him. Where would he be without it? Who would he be without it? He would be so lost.

He knew that they were planning on killing him in a few hours anyway, but the fear of being brain damaged pushed away that anxiety. He'd never really been that scared of dying, either. Living without control of his mind, however…

He tried to keep calm, he really did, but he couldn't help but to struggle against his binding, determined to find a weak link somewhere. But the restraints weren't any looser than before just because he wanted it more now. The only thing that happened was that he attracted the attention of his captors, and they were not happy to hear from him.

RJ ripped the strap of tape from his mouth. "Now what?" He sounded irritated.

"Just, please let me go. My friends know where I am and they are looking for me."

"And would one of those friends be Gideon, perhaps?" Dr. Lux said patronizingly.

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"And how would they know where to find you?"

"I told them."

"Cissy, are you sure he ain't schizo? He sure sounds delusional to me," RJ said.

Dr. Lux looked at Reid, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"I don't know, babe. I thought he was, but he sounds just like he did in therapy. If he's faking it, he's really good at it. We should probably up the dosage of the drug, just to be on the safe side."

"What's this new miracle drug of yours supposed to do anyway? Reid asked sourly.

"Once the formula is perfected it will help counter the side effects of ECT, so that the doctor's can use stronger currents, which will mean fewer sessions per patient. That will help make the treatment more long-term effective and we believe it will make the treatment popular again. Hopefully it can be used for more mental illnesses. It's quite sad that it has become so unpopular, when it is so effective," Dr. Lux said.

"So the patients here are just the trial and error part of the development?"

"Basically, yes."

"You do realize that involuntary ECT is illegal, don't you? Not to mention murder."

"Hasn't stopped us yet."

"I'm surprised you haven't tried to feed me the for-the-greater-good speech yet." Her arrogance was grating on his nerves.

"I may be many things, Spencer, but I'm not a hypocrite."

They were working efficiently around him, his questions not distracting them one iota. Dr. Lux stuck a needle into his thigh.

"What's that?" he asked worriedly.

"Just another muscle relaxant. We don't want you to break any bones during the seizures."

"How very considerate of you."

"Not really, they are just hard to explain in a drug overdose."

Reid swallowed. So that was how they were planning to get rid of him.

"Why bother?" Frank asked. "We could just throw him out of a window and say he jumped. It would be a nice change."

"Shush now, Frank. Isn't it time for you to make rounds?"

Frank looked at his watch and swore. "Don't start without me, okay?"

He disappeared from the room.

Reid once again felt the incredibly terrifying feeling of becoming paralyzed. In a controlled situation the doctor would have given him an anesthetic so the he wouldn't have to suffer from this unpleasant experience. But this was a far cry from a controlled situation.

RJ stuck an IV-needle into the back of Reid's hand and connected it to an IV bag. "It's only saline for now," he said. Then he pushed a needle into the crook of Reid's other arm and proceeded to draw several vials of blood.

An EKG machine was pulled out from somewhere and electrodes where placed on Reid's chest. Suddenly his rapid heartbeat was audible and visible to everyone.

He heard an electrical whirring behind him as the ECT machine powered up. A shiver ran down his spine, not just from the cold.

RJ took off the restraint across his forehead and smeared a gel over his temples, so to not leave burn marks. Then two electrodes were firmly pushed in place.

"What about unilateral electrode placing?" Reid said, desperate for anything that might change the outcome of this nightmare.

"What about it?" RJ asked, clearly not interested.

"It's considered more humane than bilateral placing, and the risk of brain damage is considered lesser. I believe that my right cerebral hemisphere is my non-dominant hemisphere, if you want to give it a go."

"Bilateral placement is more effective," RJ said, "And it is still the standard."

"Only in the US and the UK," Reid said.

"What are you a doctor now?"

"Sort of."

"Well, I'm a traditionalist. Open wide." He thrust a plastic wedge into Reid's mouth, to keep him from biting on his tongue, but also effectively shutting him up.

And Reid lay there, completely paralyzed, the plastic wedge uncomfortably pushing on his tongue, his eyes on the ceiling, ignored by his captors who were busy with their own agenda. He was cut out from the rest of the world and felt more alone than he had ever felt before.

His team was coming, he knew that, but though they might be in time to save his life, it wasn't likely that they would be able to save him from this. He wondered who he would be when they found him. What would the ECT do to him? Would they still recognize him as their friend? Would he still be able to work with them? Or would they look at him apologetically as they locked him up in another institution for the rest of his life? How long would it be before their visits became fewer and longer apart? How long would it be until he was just a memory of days gone? How long until he would sit alone, like his mother, who had once had a rich social life but was now only visited by her son? He was scared, more scared than he had ever been before. Thoughts were rushing through his head, and he was grateful that there was still a place in the world for his thoughts. He hoped there always would be, but what if he didn't even recognize himself after this? Maybe he would be so damaged he wouldn't remember how it used to be. In a way, that might be a blessing.

A while later Frank came back.

"All right," he said, rubbing his hands in glee. "Let's get this show on the road."

The EKG monitor was turned off, so it wouldn't cause interference, and the mystery drug was pushed into Reid's IV, before it too was disconnected so it wouldn't be pulled out during the seizures.

'This is it,' Reid thought bitterly as he said goodbye to the life he had known.

An electrical current suddenly pierced his head, making him scream in anguish, and then he knew no more.

He didn't see his body jerk involuntary, and he didn't see RJ turn the controls again and give him another shock, and another, and another, and another.

He didn't hear when the EKG machine was turned back on and blared out his erratic heartbeat.

He didn't see the electrodes on his scalp being replaced with electrodes for an EEG machine.

He didn't feel Dr. Lux drawing more blood from him.

He never noticed all the other tests that were done on him.

-----------------------------

Reid floated around in a vacuum. It was like he existed in outer space. There was no light, but he didn't miss it. All there was, was his meager existence, though he didn't know who or what he was. He wasn't thinking, had no thoughts. Those weren't necessary. There was no pain here, no sorrow, no nothing. Could he stay here? He didn't want to leave, but there was something pulling at him and he reluctantly felt his safe haven dissolve around him.

-----------------------------

Dr. Lux noted Reid's latest vitals in her chart and looked at her watch. The time was worrying her.

"I've got everything I need, RJ, how about you?"

"Just a minute, love."

"I'm not sure we have a minute. We need to get rid of him in good time before the shift change."

"Okay," RJ relented. "Let me just get one last vial of blood, I want to know how much of the drug that's still in him. I'm worried that it might be too long lasting. We need to make it move through the system faster to cut down on recovery time if we want to market it for out-patient treatments." He drew the blood and marked the time on the vial.

"Do you want to dilute it?" Dr. Lux asked, surprised.

"No, no, not at all. But I have ideas for changing the formula. There, I'm done, do your thing."

He moved away from Reid to give Dr. Lux the access she needed. She disconnected the EEG and EKG monitors and pulled the electrodes off him. With her hands still on his chest, she looked down on the table and for a moment she met Reid's eyes before they flickered away. Reid was conscious, and had been for some time now, but he was nowhere near lucid. His eyes were constantly moving and every now and then unarticulated mumbling could be heard, but he didn't react to or interact with anything or anyone. She felt no remorse about what she was about to do.

She slowly filled a syringe to the brim with a lethal substance. She tapped the syringe and pushed out the excessive air, more out of habit than anything else.

She pushed the needle into the IV port and had her finger on the plunger when a sudden commotion interrupted her.

Out of nowhere, it seemed, people filled the small lab to its brim, with loud shouts of "FBI," "Stay where you are," and "Put you hands behind your head."

Dr. Lux looked around her. Frank and RJ didn't stand a chance, there was nothing between them and the intruders, but she was on the other side of the table, literally holding Spencer's life, or death, in her hand.

They were circling her, their cool, measuring eyes evaluating her and her intentions.

"Stay where you are," she warned, "Don't come any closer." RJ and Frank had already been handed off to waiting deputies, Frank screaming crude obscenities the whole way. She had no interest in joining them. If everybody could just back off for a while, if they could just give her time to think.

"Don't do it, Cecilia, just put the syringe down." The night orderly, Derek with the soothing voice, watched her carefully over his gun, confusing her. What was he doing here?

Spencer's brother was moving up around the table, making her shift, grabbing the IV pole for balance. "He's right, let's not do any more damage here," he said seriously.

A brown-haired woman followed him around the table, they were coming closer and closer. She could feel her breath coming faster. They were trapping her.

"No. No I won't go. I'm doing good things here. You have to see that. I'm doing good things."

"No one is doubting that, Cecilia. I've seen your work, remember. I know how good you are, how good you've been to the patients here. But you need to put down the syringe," Derek said. She had always liked Derek. He was fun to work with, kept everyone's moods up when the night shifts felt long. She wavered, but she desperately wanted to keep control of the situation.

"What would be the difference? If you're here, then you obviously already know what I've done. One more body isn't going to change anything."

"Yes it does," Spencer's brother said. "All lives are counted and valued. Showing mercy now will grant you leniency. It's never too late."

"No," she said, calmly and coolly. "If I'm going down, I'm going down in style." With that she pushed the plunger, rapidly evacuating it of its content.

Suddenly she felt herself being pushed out of the way, into Spencer's brother's waiting arms. She spun around, furiously, and saw that the older man had snuck up on her from behind, and had now torn the IV line right out of Spencer's hand, making most of the toxin spill on the floor. He was already pressing hard on the wound that was bleeding profusely, but Spencer wouldn't suffer any more than a bruise. He wouldn't be any worse off, he would live. It had been her last challenge and she had failed.

She met the eyes of the older man. "You must be Gideon."

"I am."

"Well, he did warn me about you," she said as she felt the handcuffs being tightened around her wrists.

-----------------------------

There were sounds around him. Voices maybe? Who was it? Who were they talking to? Faces floated in and out of his vision. He felt like he should know them. Their lips were moving. That must be the sounds he was hearing. What did they want? Was he supposed to do something? Maybe he had done something wrong. No, they didn't look mad. For some reason he felt a giggle in his throat. Mad, madder, maddest. Mad as a hatter, mad as a March hare, mad as a wet hen, mad as a bag of snakes, mad as a cow, mad as a box of frogs, mad as a box of mittens. Mad was bad, right. Another giggle. Mad was bad.

Suddenly he felt like he was floating. The ceiling rushed past him in a dizzying motion, lights burning in his eyes. Where was he? What was he doing here? Was he supposed to be here? He couldn't remember. He was too tired to remember. Then he saw stars. Pale stars on a pale morning sky. He smiled. Everything was all right then. Because what could possibly be wrong in a world blanketed by such a beautiful sky? He was so tired… He closed his eyes and let the stars guard him as he slept.

-----------------------------

Reid was completely unresponsive, and that was frightening. There wasn't any kind of recognition in his eyes when they tried to talk to him. They wanted to comfort him, to support him, but he didn't even know they were there.

Elle and JJ had carefully removed the restraints and covered him with blankets as Morgan went up to direct the EMTs to the hidden room. Gideon kept trying to contact Reid, who suddenly started to giggle. He wondered what was going on inside that brilliant mind. He glared at the machine in the corner, now turned off and quiet, and wondered what damage it had done to his friend. He had known Reid to laugh and smile, but he had never heard him giggle before.

Gideon and Hotchner insisted on lifting him over on the stretcher themselves and as there was no immediate danger to their patient's life, the EMTs let them. Once again Reid was enclosed in restraints, but this time it was for his own safety. Gideon walked with the stretcher and saw Reid's eyes shift from lamp to lamp as he was rolled through the corridors. He looked confused and stressed, until they stepped out of the hospital. Suddenly a very serene look spread over his face and with a light smile he closed his eyes and fell asleep. Gideon wondered if he knew that he had finally left the institution.

-----------------------------

Reid woke up slowly, feeling lightheaded and weak, his mind feeling like it was stuffed with cotton. His eyes opened a crack, leaving him staring into a blurry ceiling. He wearily turned his head to see the metal guardrail of a hospital bed. He must still be in the institution, still trapped in this unending nightmare. How odd that he didn't have the energy to really care. He closed his eyes again, no longer having a reason to stay awake.

Then a warm voice enveloped him, and he instinctively turned his head towards it, searching for the face that belonged to the voice. "Hey, Reid. Welcome back." It was Gideon. His face was soft and smiling, his voice low and soothing. "You're in a hospital. A real hospital, for broken bones and other bodily hurts. We got you out."

How fast things can change. A minute ago he didn't even care about his own faith, but now a sense of relief flooded over him. It was so powerful it was actually a physical sensation of warmth spreading through his limbs. A warm hand touched his cheek and Gideon's smile didn't waver. Reid unexpectedly felt tears leak out of the corners of his eyes, running down his temples. He couldn't help it, he didn't even feel like crying, but the pain and exhaustion of the last few weeks overtook him. A few minutes later his eyes fell together again on their own accord, and with Gideon's now wet hand on his cheek he fell into a healing sleep.

-----------------------------

TBC