Supernatural

No Matter What

AN: I'm so sorry about the long update but I'm so NOT sorry about the cliffhanger. Actually, to be honest, I am proud of it. :D Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I love your reviews, keep them coming.

Warnings: Self harm and language

I've never been in San Francisco, hell, not even USA so I don't know if there's a hotel called Golden SF near the airport. (Makes sense when you read a little further) I hope that no one takes this as a personal insult...

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

So don't run, don't hide

It will be alright

You'll see, trust me

I'll be there

Watching over you

Look Through My Eyes, Phil Collins

Chapter six

"Dean... I... I think I did something stupid..."

Dean's hear skipped a beat. No... Oh God, no... "What did you do, Sammy?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"I... I found a bottle of painkillers... I think... I took too many, Dean..." Sam's quiet and broken voice echoed in Dean's head. He shook his head in disbelief. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening.

"Where are you, Sam?"

"San Francisco. A little hotel, Golden... something... It's near the airport... Room 23..."

"Okay, Sammy, I want you to go to the bathroom and throw the pills up, k? Can you do that? I'll be there in an hour. Sam?" Dean said when he didn't get a reply. "SAM!"

"I'm in the... bathroom..." Dean let go of the breath he hadn't known he was keeping.

"That's my boy..." he said quietly. His breathing eased even more when he heard Sam gagging. It's a wonder how something so disgusting could make Dean feel so relieved.

SNSN

"Golden something... Golden something... Gotcha!" Dean parked the car in front of a little hotel called Golden SF. He ran in and without bothering to stop at the reception he ran to the second floor. "23... 23... 23... C'mon! Damn it... This is why I like cheap motels so much... No stairs..." Dean thought as he ran to the third floor. When he finally found the room he was looking floor he started to knock on the door so hard that it was a miracle no one came to tell him to stop.

"Sam!! Sam, open the door I'll kick it down!! Sammy!! Sa..." Just then the door opened up and pale, sweaty and exhausted Sam appeared in the door way. "God... Sammy..." Dean managed to get out. He stepped into the room and closed the door as Sam collapsed onto the queen-size bed of the room. He put his hands on his face and mumbled 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

"Sam, hey... Look at me", Dean said firmly, sitting in the bed next to Sam. Sam took his hands off his face and turned his gaze to Dean. "Did you get them all out?" Dean asked. Chick-flick moment would have to wait. First things first.

"I... I don't know..." Sam said.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Dean asked, is voice rising a bit.

"I didn't... I didn't count", Sam answered. Dean shook his head and then grabbed Sam's arm. "Dean, wh...?"

"We're going to the hospital", Dean explained.

"No! Dean, I..."

"Just to make sure, Sam. Now come on, or would you rather that I drag your ass all the way to the car?"

SNSN

"So you're sure that he's fine?" Dean asked for liked hundredth time. They were standing outside of Sam's room. Sam's doctor smiled and nodded.

"Yes. You did the right thing by bringing him in. But I think it would be for the best if he saw a psychiatrist. You know, just to make sure anything like this will never happen again."

"Oh, trust me. I will make sure That anything like this will NEVER happen again", Dean said. He looked through the window to see his brother fully clothed on the bed, waiting anxiously to get out. "I'll talk to him, okay? I'll make sure he talks to someone if not me. Thank you, doc." And with that, Dean went to Sam's room. "Hey, you ready to go?"

"Yes", Sam said right away. They were out of the room in a record time. Sam didn't say a word on the way back to the hotel. Dean wondered if he regretted that he had called him. Dean sighed. This was getting out of control. Next time Sam actually might not call... Next time Dean could be too late... Next time Sam could...

"No. There will be no next time." Dead decided. As soon as they were back in the room, Dean forced Sam to sit on the bed and face him. "You wanna tell me exactly what you were thinking when you ate those pills, huh? Wanna tell me everything?" he said. His voice wasn't soft, it wasn't full of love, it wasn't actually even questioning. It was a voice that told Sam he had been given an order. He would not be getting out of it.

"He shows me... he shows me how things could be without me..." Sam began. "He shows me how Jess would have a great husband and a wonderful life if she had never met me. He shows me how you could have a life... Pregnant wife, a beautiful daughter and Mom would be alive... She calls your daughter on her birthday... If it wasn't for me you could have all those things..."

"Sammy..."

"And then he shows me how you die because of me!" Sam yelled and suddenly Dean heard a sound of glass braking. A glass that had been on the table beside the bed had broken into two pieces. "He shows me how I kill you, he shows me how you... how you're looking for me and then there's a car crash and I see you bleeding and it's all my fault and he says that you'd be better of without me and that I shouldn't exist... Oh God, I shouldn't have called you... What was I thinking? Oh my God I have to..."

"Breath!" Dean cut in when Sam's breathing became un-even and shallow. "What you have to do right now is breath. Come on, nice and easy." Dean's tone had changed completely. The ordering edge was gone and the big brother kicked in. When Sam's breathing was normal again he took a firm hold of shoulders and made him look at him straight in the eye. "Sam, you can't let him win. This, you hurting yourself, is what he wants. He has some kind of problem with you. We're gonna figure this out, okay? You hear me? We."

Sam looked at Dean. "For heaven's sake, put youself together!! You're stronger than this, you can beat this!!"

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy... You think you can beat me? Huh? Oh, you stupid boy. Your brother can't safe you from me. You're all alone in this, you're all mine. Want me to tell Dean that it's worthless, that he should just leave you here?"

"No, no, no..." Sam took his head into his hands as if he had a headache.

"Sam? Sammy, what is it, wh...?" As soon as Dean touched Sam's shoulder he felt like he had jumped into cold water. He heard someone laughing and Sam gasping for air. But all he could see was white. "What the...?"

"You see, Dean? This is something you can't understand. Sammy is mine, all mine. I can make him brake even if you would stand right next to him all the time. It just takes longer. Do you want Sammy to be in pain? Do you want Sammy to have nightmares 'til the bitter end?"

"Hey! Don't you dare call him 'Sammy'. I'm the only one who gets to call him that! You hear me!!! You leave him the hell alone! He's not yours and he will not brake!"

"But Dean, he knows. He knows how much better everyone's life would be without him. Yours, Jessica's, your parents'..."

"You don't know what I want. Leave him alone!!!" Dean yelled.

"I can't. Sorry. And you can't make me. Sammy's the only one that can but well, he doesn't look like he's ready to fight, now does he?" After that Dean felt himself being pulled back to reality. Sam was still in the same position, holding his head.

"Sam? Sam, you have to fight it, you're the only one that can make him go away. Don't believe what he says, he's lying! Okay, he's l-y-i-n-g!"

"But... but he showed me, he showed me everything..."

"Sam, it was a dream! Okay? You know, when I met Jessica and said that she was way out of your lead, it just shone from her eyes that she loved you. She loved you so much, she wouldn't have been happier with anyone else! And as for me, if I EVER get married, yet alone have children I want you to be the one that calls them on their birthdays. I love Mom, of course I do, but you're my little brother. My Sammy. Not his. Never his."

Sam lifted his gaze to meet Dean's. God, he wanted to believe everything that he had just said. But how could it be true? Everything Jess ever dreamed of was taken away from her because of Sam and Dean had never gotten a chance to choose which kind of life he wanted.

"Yes, Sammy... That's it. Just make him leave..."

"Sam, are you listening to me?" For some reason Dean's voice was so much easier to hear... "He's messing with your head. Don't listen to him. You SHOULD exist."

"I should?"

"Yes." There was no doubt, there was no explanation, just a simple 'yes'.

"No, Sammy. You sh..."

"Don't call me 'Sammy'..."

"Good. Keep going."

"You're lying. Leave me alone!!! You don't know anything about me! You don't know anything about Jess, you don't know anything about Dean. Just leave me alone!"

"Sammy..."

"You don't get to call me that! I'm not yours, I don't have to brake down! I should exist..."

"No."

"Yes, I should."

"No..."

"Yes."

"Nooo!!" Sam blocked his mind and even his ears from the screaming and suddenly... everything was quiet.

oOOOOOoOOOOOo

AN: So the next chapter will be last. I have to finish this story cuz I have to concentrate fully in school for awhile. But I hope you let me know what you think and I'll come back with the last chapter as soon as I can.

YOU HAVE ALL BEEN GREAT!!

Thank you!

Devil of My Family