3. The Door to Her Life

After the sudden revelations, Gabrielle had run off. Everything had just suddenly been to much for her, she hadn't been ready to tell him who she was yet, but keeping such a big secret was harder than she would have thought. And right now, she just felt the need to be alone. Not to think, but to 'not' to think. She felt as if it would kill her if she kept pondering about this any longer. Gaby entered her motel room and closed the door behind her.

'Finally rest..', she thought to herself as she slipped her jacket off and dropped it on the floor, not bothering to pick it up. Tidying her room just wasn't her main concern right now. She sat on her bed and took off her black high heels. Her feet were really killing her, but when she didn't wear heels she just felt.. vulnerable. Like someone had bared her soul, and had showed that she wasn't as bitchy and careless as she sometimes appeared to be. She was actually just a sensitive girl who wanted to have a father, was that really so weird? She stood up again and slipped out of her simple little black dress. It was cold in the room, Gabrielle considered taking a hot bath, but then decided that she wasn't in the mood for t hat. And so, she put on her silk pyjamas and laid down on the bed. He probably didn't want a kid anyway. Who would want a bitch like her as a daughter?', she thought to herself while she fought against the tears coming up. She couldn't stop them, and salty tears ran down her cheeks. She was just unable to think positive right now. Gaby tried to cry herself to sleep, but was disturbed by the ringing of her cell phone. She first let it ring, but it eventually drove her crazy, so she picked it up, too tired to check who it was. Later on she wished she had checked, than she probably wouldn't have picked up in the first place.

'Hello?'.

'Gabrielle, hey..'.

Gaby froze at the sound of her mother's voice. Lilah didn't know better than her daughter was on holiday to Florida with a friend, because, if Gaby would have told her she would go and search for her father, she expected Lilah not to be as thrilled about it...

'Mom.. Why are you calling me?'. Gaby wiped off the tears, as if Lilah would be able to see them back in New York .

'I just wanted to see how you were. Is everything all right there, are you having fun?'.

'Everything's fine, mom. Lots of sun here, nice shopping too.', Gabrielle replied. She nervously played with a stray of her dark brown hair, twisting it around her index finger until it hurt her and she let go.

'Good. So, there's nothing you want to.. tell me?', Lilah inquired.

'No, should there be something? '.

'I'm just checking. You never know.. Anyway, I have to go now. Important staff-meeting in five minutes.', Lilah said, not unaware of the tension between them. She loved her daughter, that was for sure, but sometimes she just didn't know what to do with her. Probably because she'd never been the mothering type. But she was doing her best. The results so far were that Gaby was still living with her, they hadn't killed each other yet, and so far when Gaby yelled that she hated her, it didn't sound completely convincing. Not bad, for a lawyer who never had intended to have children.

'Still working late mom?'.

'Always, you know me.', Lilah replied with a grin, and hung up the phone.

Gabrielle let out a sigh and laid back down on her bed, struggling against the tears, but losing the battle again. 'Big girls don't cry', her mother had always told her. Tears are a weakness, but hey, maybe she wanted to be weak right now. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she stopped caring at all. Why would she, anyway? There was no one who cared about her, too. With the thought of being completely alone, she finally cried herself to sleep.

Wesley didn't feel much better than Gabrielle. He had a daughter, but he hadn't even seen her grow up. Not that he could imagine himself and Lilah as a happy family together, but he would have wanted to know. Maybe they could've shared custody or something. Wit ha sigh Wesley looked back on his life, and the rest of his friends' life. They'd all screwed up pretty bad for the past 17 years. Fred and Gunn were together, that was probably the best thing. Cordelia and Angel had been in love, obviously, but neither of them ever admitted it to the other. They'd both, yes, even Angel, had certain dates, but they never worked out. Not really. It was obvious that they belonged together, but then why couldn't they just tell each other how they felt? Angel was probably afraid to find perfect love again, and to lose control. And Cordy... Maybe she'd been hurt too much, or maybe she'd given up hope, just like Wesley. No one could probably explain why they'd all screwed up and never sought happiness. They'd all been blind, putting up walls around themselves. But it wasn't too late yet, Wesley realised. It was time to break down these walls and make something of their lives. Gabrielle was no longer a child, he'd missed out on that part, but there was a lot more about her! She was a very interesting, beautiful young woman. He should be proud to be her father. Maybe she's give him a chance to make up for the time he'd missed out. But what if she didn't? What if he would still be, and remain, dead to her?

'Hey Wesley. Are you still here?'.

Wesley turned around and watched Cordelia enter his office.

'Yes... I..', he wasn't sure what to say. Should he tell her? Or should he tell her something else, and if so, what? So many questions, so much chaos in his head.. It really exhausted him, but Wesley knew the chaos hadn't come to and end yet. It only just started...

'Hey, you're upset!', Cordy walked in further and sat down on his desk. 'What's wrong? Is it Fred? I knew it! I should have talked to you before, you should have come to me, why didn't you!', she babbled on the speed of a whirlwind.

'Cordelia.. It's not Fred.', Wesley told her.

'Oh. Then what is it?'.

'It's Gabrielle.'.

'So you DO have a crush on her! ', Cordelia exclaimed.

'No, no, that's not it. She's..', Wesley was searching for the right words, but there probably just weren't right words for this.

'She's my daughter.', he eventually said. It sounded distant, as if he was talking about somebody else, like a book character. He just couldn't understand yet what was happening to him.

'What?'. Cordy suddenly turned very serious. 'Your.. daughter? How? When? How!'.

'17 years ago. I think you know how.', Wesley replied.

'Don't start being funny now, Wesley! This is serious!'.

'I know, Cordelia. It's just so unreal. '

Cordy nodded. 'So who's ... who's her mother? Is it...?'.

Wesley nodded. 'Lilah, yes.', he confirmed her suspicions.

'Of course it's Lilah.', she said then. 'We should've known this from the beginning onwards.'.

'Maybe we did, but maybe we just didn't want to know. We can be quite ignoring on certain occasions.', Wesley remarked.

'I guess so.. But what are you going to do now?'. Cordy was shocked, if not astonished, to learn her best friend had a daughter, but she also knew Wesley was probably right about them not 'wanting' to know.

'I honestly don't know. She ran off after she told me, and I don't want to force her into anything. It may scare her off.'.

Cordy nodded. 'We wouldn't want that. So.. you have a daughter.. Should I congratulate you, or should I say.. something else? '.

'I don't know. I don't even know what her situation is like. Perhaps Lilah doesn't agree to this. That's most likely, considering that fact she didn't bother to tell me she was pregnant either.'.

'Well, screw Lilah! O, wait, you already did which has caused the conversation we're having now, but you know what! Gabrielle cam to find you, that means something at least! Apparently she wants to get to know you! She's old enough to decide that for herself, so just enjoy it! Lilah kept you away from her long enough.'.

'Maybe you're right. But then why did she run off afterwards?', Wesley pondered aloud.

'She was probably shocked, that it was suddenly so real. Up till now she could only dream of having a father, and now she suddenly has one, and he was standing in front of her! That's quite some thing, Wes. ', Cordy explained.

Wesley nodded, she was right. Everything had suddenly went so fast. 'It is some thing, indeed. For me too. I'm not sure what to do next.'.

'No, it's not like this is an everyday- happening. Even for us, this is weird.', she said with a smile. The whole situation was unusual for her, too. It was really astonishing. Wesley, a father? She couldn't really imagine it, but it was true anyway. She didn't doubt he could do it, though. Everyone just needed to.. Understand, and get grip on what was going on. But that was the whole point.

'I think you should go to her.. Talk things over, maybe. ', she suggested. 'Do you know where she's staying?'.

'Yes, I think she's mentioned the motel once. I know where it is. But don't you think I should leave her be until she's calmed down?'.

'No! No leaving-be! You need to do this now, before you both get all avoid-y. Like me and Angel, and you and Fred..'.

'How do you know about...'.

'I may be purposely ignorant and avoid-y, I'm not blind, you know. It's obvious. And last time when I saw you two, when you were almost, you know..', Cordy didn't finish her sentence. She didn't need to.

'I know. I suspected you'd seen us already, but we didn't want to talk to you about it. In case you hadn't... '.

'I understand, and I won't tell Gunn or something, but I do feel sorry for him. It's not fair, he loves Fred, but she doesn't love him back. Not in that way, anyway. Sooner or later she's going to have to make a choice, and you know it! ', Cordelia said, suddenly realising they were trailing off the main subject. Wesley knew that, again, she was right, he and Fred couldn't continue this way forever, but that was something of later concern.

'Can we talk about this later, Cordelia? I believe Fred isn't my main concern at the moment.'.

'Of course.. You're absolutely right. So go to her! '.

' Are you sure? I..', he was still hesitating.

'I'm sure, now go, before it's too late!'.

As Wesley walked up the stairs of Gabrielle's motel 15 minutes later, he felt his heart beating fast. He'd probably never felt this nervous before. Only the time when he first got to practise his Watcher-job came pretty close to this. The man in the lobby had told him in which room Gaby was, which proved there wasn't a lot of concern about the guests in the motel. If he would've been a serial killer they would've made things very easy for him. He reached her room, number 28, and knocked soft yet firmly, waiting for her to open the door. Not only the door to her room, but also the door to her life.

Would she let him in?

Gaby was fast asleep as Wesley knocked on the door. She vaguely noticed the sound, but her subconscious told her it was only happening in her dream. There usually wasn't someone at her door, specially not this late at night, so it was more likely to be a dream anyway.

'Gabrielle?', the voice in her dream said. The dream was actually rather disturbing her sleep. As she opened one eye , to stop the unwelcome noise, it still continued. It wasn't a dream after all. With a sigh, she got up and reached for her bathrobe. She couldn't find it, so just stuck to her pyjamas.

'Wesley...', as she first saw him standing there, her still half-asleep state of mind had to think before she understood why he would come here this late. Then she suddenly woke up, and remembered. Of course!

'I'm sorry to disturb you this late, but I believe this is a somewhat strange evening for the both of us. If you don't mind, I'd like to come in and talk to you.', Wesley said.

Gabrielle didn't say anything in return, but she stepped aside to let him enter.

Wesley closed to door behind him, and glanced through the room. Not exactly what he would have expected for Lilah's daughter. It was a rather small room, the bed took in most of the space. At the side he noticed a door that he presumed would lead him to the bathroom. When Gabrielle took place on the bed, Wesley decided to go and sit on the only chair he found, by the window. He wondered why she was staying in such a small, cheap hotel. Wasn't Lilah as rich anymore? Or had she no idea her daughter was here? That was what he had thought before, too. It started to make more and more sense.

'What do you want to talk about?', Gaby asked.

'It seems quite obvious to me.', Wesley replied carefully. He knew how sensitive teenage girls could be.

'There is nothing we need to talk about.', Gabrielle said stubbornly. 'You're my father, I'm your daughter. It's too late now, I'm grown-up already, all right! I don't need you!', she said, trying to convince herself this was true. She didn't want to be dependant!

'If you are so grown-up, then let's talk about this like adults. It doesn't have to be too late. Of course, I missed your childhood, but there's so much left. You're a beautiful, intelligent young woman. And I don't expect you to treat me like a father right away, nor do I want you to call me that.', he paused. 'Unless of course you want to. What I'm trying to say is.. Perhaps we could imply start of with being friends...'.

Gabrielle watched him for a moment. Maybe he was right. She did want something, why else would she be here? Not like she enjoyed the filing so much...

'Friends would work.', she agreed eventually with a short nod.