Author's Note: Fresley fans, you're not gonna like this! Although things may get better later in the story. Cangel fans will be really pleased, I suppose. Have fun reading!

4. A Little Less Heartbreak

It weren't just Wesley and Gabrielle who were struggling with their newfound connections. Cordy, Angel, Gunn, and mainly Fred were also struggling with the fact their friend suddenly had a daughter. Of course, Fred was still with Gunn, but in her heart, she was with Wesley. She knew sooner or later she was going to have to make a choice. But how does a person make a choice like that? She still loved Charles too, after all, and she didn't want to hurt him either. No, this was not something she could decide herself, and so she turned to the person who knew, or at least seemed to know, everything about love.

Cordelia.

'I have this... problem.', Fred started insecurely.

'I know.', Cordy immediately said, she'd been expecting this conversation already.

'You, know?'. Fred sat down. 'How much do you know?'.

'I know you have doubts about your relationship with Gunn, and I know about your feelings for Wesley.'.

'Oh...', was all that Fred had to say then.

'And you want to hear my point of view. Well, here's my point of view; Wesley's a bit, say, very busy with himself and Gabrielle right now. Things are already so complicated, by throwing yourself into a complicated relationship which will probably hurt a lot of people just doesn't seem the right thing to do. Especially not now.'.

'Maybe you're right. You make everything seem so simple.', Fred said, fiddling with the necklace she was wearing. She wished she would look more like Cordelia, sometimes she felt as if she was still a child in compare to her.

'It is pretty simple, actually. Are you happy, Fred?', Cordy then asked.

'Well... I guess, I'm.. I'm not 'unhappy' I mean, Charles.. He's sweet, and he brings me pancakes and taco's , and he loves me.', Fred replied with a small smile.

'Then stay that way! Why throw everything upside-down if you are happy already! Love can grow, you know.', Cordy said gently. 'And besides, you've been with Gunn for so long now.'. Cordy didn't want to force Fred into anything, but she 'was' her friend. As well as Gunn and Wesley's friend. Fred had asked for her opinion, and so she got her opinion. Making the final decision in the end was up to Fred alone, though. She wouldn't be able to help her with that.

'It's just a strange situation for all of us, really. Maybe you are right, Cordelia. I should probably sleep over it.'. Fred agreed with Cordy in some way, obviously, but she understandably couldn't make a choice right then and there.

As said, she slept over it a couple of nights, and eventually found the courage to go and talk to Wesley about it.

'Wesley? I think you and I should talk.', she told him on a rainy Monday morning as they were researching a demon from Cordelia's vision together.

'Of course.', he said, looking up rather surprised.

Fred walked closer and took a seat at the table, next to him. 'I wanted to talk about, you know, us...', she started nervously.

Wesley nodded, giving her time to say what she had to say. By the look on her face, though, he could already tell what she had to say.

'I've been thinking about it for a pretty long time. Also about me and Charles.', she continued slightly hesitant. 'And you know... We've been together for so long. I love him, he loves me. But then there was you. Stuff happened between us lately. I just...', she struggled to find the words.

'Fred. It's all right. You don't have to say anything, I understand.', Wesley said with pain in his heart. He did understood. He wished he didn't, though. If he wouldn't understand her so well he might loves her less, and so feel less pain.. His heart would break a little less. Just a little...

'I'm sorry , Wesley.', she said, tears welling up in her eyes. 'We can be friends, right?'. Wesley's heart wasn't the only one breaking, but Fred knew it was the right thing to do. Deep inside, it felt right.

Wesley took her hands in his, struggling against his own tears.

'You and I will always have something very, very special, Fred. And if the only way we can have that is through friendship then so be it. It's enough, Fred.', Wesley said softly. He then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into an embrace. Maybe they just weren't meant to be. Friendship was all they had now, and would probably ever have. It was something.. Maybe it would help. It would help their hearts, to break a little less.

'Still being broody about this, are you?', Cordelia asked, entering Angel's office.

'Always.', he said with something close to a smile.

'So Wesley told you too.', Cordy said, sitting down at the opposite side of the desk.

'Yea, he told me too.'. Angel wasn't exactly in a talkative mood.

Not like he ever was.

'And? What do you think?'.

'I'm not sure. I think it's good for Wesley. He now has a chance to really mean something for someone. '.

'He means something to us! ', Cordelia said.

'Of course he means something to us, but I mean in a family-way. Wesley doesn't exactly have good experiences with his own father, so I'm just saying he can change things now. He can make a difference, and that's a good chance.', Angel explained, referring to the bad relationship Wesley had with his father.

Cordy nodded timidly. She didn't know much about Wesley's father and the bond he had with his son, but she did know it wasn't good. She had to admit she hadn't thought of that yet. Silly, actually, considering the situation.

They both sat in silence for a few minutes.

'So, can you imagine Lilah having a baby?', Cordy then asked, unable to join Angel in his attempt to brood some more.

'No.', he replied, swallowing at the mental images that evoked.

'Poor Gaby. I cant' really think of Lilah as a good mother.', Cordelia said, picking up a pencil and twirling it around with her fingers.

'I don't know. Lilah has talents. Apart from her using those for Wolfram & Hart there's nothing wrong with her. '.

'I thought you hated her?', Cordy questioned, rather confused now.

'I don't like her. She's done some pretty bad stuff, but she has a soul I think in the end, when it comes down to it she'll do what's right. That includes taking care of her baby.', Angel said, once against seeing the 'right' thing in humanity.

'Yea, well, I still don't picture her baking cookies for a toddler birthday part.', Cordy said with a laugh. Surprisingly, Angel almost laughed with her.

'Now that's the other end of it.'.

Cordelia smiled, and suddenly her mind wandered off to the conversation with Wesley she had had a few days ago. 'You know, Angel... We really wasted some time here.', she said then, finding it time to actually make a difference.

'It's like our life stood still for so long.', she complained.

Angel stared at her, confused by this sudden change of subject. He was never good at conversations like this and usually let Cordelia handle it. But now that was kind of difficult considering he was actually having the conversation 'with' Cordelia.

'I don't think our lives stood still... We did many good things, helped a lot of people.', he said somewhat uncomfortably.

Cordy stood up and walked over to the bookshelf, running her fingers over some old-looking books, just to have something to do, because Angel really wasn't the only one nervous and uncomfortable here.

'That's not what I meant. I'm talking about our private lives.'.

'Saving people 'is' our private life, Cordelia. ', he said with his oh-so familiar frown.

'For you, maybe! 'You' have eternal life, 'you' can do everything you want and put important things up till later, but I don't 'have' eternity! I want stuff!', Cordy exclaimed, angry about his confused reaction. She should have known a conversation like this with Angel was 'not' a good idea.

'... What kind of stuff?'.

'Just... stuff! Okay, so I'm vision girl and helper of '' the Dark Avenger'', but does that mean I don't want a relationship? Or children?'. That was out before she knew it. She wasn't sure why she actually said the last part, though. Recently she had been thinking of having children, probably because Wesley suddenly had one now. Why hadn't she thought of children before? She wasn't going to stay young forever, surely.

Unlike Angel.

'You want children?', Angel asked her, even more confused. Obviously, he hadn't thought of this thing either. Having a normal, happy relationship seemed impossible to him, let alone have children. Not that he didn't want to have a family but it was more like he'd accepted his faith. Up to now his relationships hadn't exactly ended well, and he didn't want to put anyone, like Cordelia, in danger.

Especially not Cordelia.

'Well, eventually I do , yes.', she said. 'Is that so strange to you!', she then asked, slightly angry. She should have never brought up the subject, but then they would just keep living with those walls around them!

'No, no.. Nothing strange about wanting stuff.', Angel quickly said, trying to prevent Cordy from getting really upset.

'Don't 'you' want stuff?', she asked him suddenly.

'I do, but you know I can't, Cordy. I can't be in love.'.

'Non sense! Of course you can be in love! You can't 'make love' but that's a completely different thing. A relationship isn't all about sex, you know!', she exclaimed irritated, seriously cursing his curse right now. Without that they wouldn't even have had this conversation. Why did Angel always have to be so broody! It got on her nerves sometimes.

'I know it isn't the most important thing, but it's not unimportant either. How would you feel if we had a relationship, but we weren't allowed to sleep together?', Angel asked her.

Cordy turned around from him, her angry voice suddenly soft and caring.

'I'd understand.'.

Angel looked up from his desk and realised for the first time that this conversation was about them instead of just an average discussion. This was about them... Or the 'them' there was supposed to be. He stood up and walked over to her, realising she was actually crying.

'Hey... It's okay..'. He wanted to comfort her, but was afraid he'd upset her even more. He lifted a hand, quickly dealing with the following dilemma: Would he put it on her shoulder, her arm, or her back? Or shouldn't he touch her at all?

As he heard her sob, her forgot all about it and put a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

'I want a future, you know! Can't I just have enough of this.. this mission for once? Don't I have a right to complain and be jealous of old friends who are all having families of their own by now?', she cried.

'You have all the right to complain. It's not easy, our lives. But you're doing well, you know. ', Angel said in a serious tone now. 'All those friends, they should be jealous of you instead. You help so many people. You make a difference, Cordy.'.

She suddenly turned around, still some tears in her eyes. 'Really?'.

Angel gently wiped some of the tears away and placed his first hesitant, now steady, hand on her cheek. 'Really.', he confirmed, and brought his face even closer to hers. It took just seconds, but seemed eternity, until their lips finally touched. A passionate kiss followed, their long-hidden desire finally coming out. After a marvellous, too short lasting eternity they parted again.

'I love you, Cordelia.', he finally told her, still feeling the warmth of her body against his own.

Cordy smiled, her former tears long forgotten.

'And I love you, along with your curse and never-ending frown.'.

Angel sighed in relief, glad the old Cordelia was back again. He couldn't stand seeing her sad.

'But you know, if we would have just said this from the beginning on we would have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.', Cordy said with a soft laugh.

'Yea..', Angel agreed with her, smiling now. It was indeed a rare thing for him to do, but this was also a rare situation. A pleasant, rare situation, though. Cordelia took his hands and kissed him again. They had finally broke down those walls, and made a difference.

Wesley tried to get on with his life, but it was hard with Fred on his mind 24/7. Even though technically they had never been together, it felt as if he'd lost her. He knew Fred was right. If they'd gotten together it would have stirred up a lot of trouble in the gang. It was better like this, but still, it hurt.

Right now, he was with Gabrielle at her motel, so Fred was out of his mind for a while. Gabrielle was more important at the moment.

His daughter...

Gaby sat down on the floor. Wesley thought she looked different... younger, in a regular jeans and a T-shirt with her long brown hair hanging loosely down her back.

'I'm sorry about the mess.', she said, picking up some empty pizza boxes and shoving them under the bed to make some room for Wesley.

'That's all right. I'm not exactly fond of cleaning either.', he said, sitting down on the floor by her.

'I guess it runs in the family, then.', she replied with a smile.

'It might. Gabrielle, don't you think there are things we need to take care of, or at least talk about?', Wesley suggested ,referring to Gaby living in this Spartan motel, and, of course, Lilah. They had to talk about it some time, after all.

'Mom.', Gabrielle nodded with a sigh.

'Do you mind talking about her?', Wesley inquired, curious to hear more about his daughter's childhood now. He wanted to know everything about her, he wanted to 'know' her.

'I don't really mind. She's not my favourite subject to talk about.'.

'Did she... did she treat you well?', Wesley asked, thinking of his own unhappy youth. There had never been someone who asked him how he was , or if he was happy. He wanted Gabrielle to do have someone like that, and he wanted to be that someone for her, no matter what role Lilah played in his daughter's life.

'Yes, very well. All I had to do was ask and she brought me everything. I lived like a princess, and as a little girl I was happy... Until I realised my friends were raised by their parents instead of a nanny..', Gaby said with a bitter undertone in her voice.

'So you're mother is still a workaholic. Some things don't ever change, I suppose. Where does she work now? You said you two live in New York?'.

'Yea, we do. She still works at Wolfram & Hart there. Always did, always will, probably.'.

Wesley nodded. 'I know her like that, too... Gaby, I know she let someone else practically raise you, but she was there, right? When you really needed her?', he asked, horrified at the thought that little Gaby had been all alone, just like him when he was younger.

'She loved me, if that's what you mean. In her own way she loved me. I suppose I just wish she would have showed it more..', Gabrielle said, thinking of all the times she had needed a hug but had gotten a 100 dollars.

'Sometimes, when I was sleeping over at my friend Lisa's house ,her mother would come to give us a goodnight kiss. I remember wondering why my mommy never did that. I thought I was bad... I thought lots of things, actually. I was just looking for an explanation for the fact my mom wasn't like others.', she continued, offering her father a slice of cold pizza. H e shook his head, turning to offer down.

'I'm sorry to hear that. I suppose Lilah has never learnt how to love. Or how to show it.', Wesley suggested, wishing he could have been there for Gaby. He would have brought her that goodnight kiss.

'I think you're right. I once broke my arm, when I was about seven and had fallen out of a tree. I wasn't supposed to, but I actually saw her crying then. ', Gaby said, thinking of that day which she would probably always remember. 'That's when I realised she did care about me. It's good to know that.', she added, picking up a slice of the left-over pizza herself, considering it as her lunch.

Wesley watched her, suddenly getting an idea.

'Are you sure you're taking good care of yourself like this here? You surely can't live of cold pizza.', he said rather worried.

'Not just pizza. I ordered Chinese in two days ago.', she did an attempt to turn the serious conversation into somewhat of a joke. Wesley realised very well it wasn't a joke, though, and ignored her last remark.

'How would you like to stay at the Hyperion Hotel with us? I mean 'staying' there. You can have any room you like, and it'll be much more comfortable and larger than it is here.', he offered. He would have preferred to invite her over to stay at his apartment with him, but since they'd recently agreed on starting slow this seemed a better offer. Wesley was sure Angel wouldn't mind. He had also responded quite positive after hearing the news.

Gaby seemed a bit reluctant at first, though. She didn't want to bother anyone, but on the other hand, it surely was a lot better than this threshold.

'I don't know, Wesley.'.

'What's stopping you? It'll be safe, cheap, and you'll get real food.', he assured her with a smile, trying to convince her. He was worried about her staying here all alone. She was just a girl, after all, and there was absolutely no protection for her here. They would let anyone in.

With a smile, Gabrielle finally nodded. 'Ok. Let me just pack some stuff.'.

She got up and took her suitcase from under the bed. She hadn't actually unpack it because of the lack of space. She just took from it what she needed. Quickly, she packed some things that were in the bathroom, took her coat, and closed the suitcase. 'Ready.', she announced.

'Shall I carry that for you?', Wesley offered.

Gabrielle, used to letting someone else do those things for her, gladly agreed and handed him her baggage. In silence they left the empty motel room and went to the reception desk to check out. After doing so, they walked out, not bothering to take a last glance at the place Gaby had called home for the past few weeks.

It was only a few minutes from the motel to the Hyperion, so Wesley had decided to come by foot. He could always think clearly as he was making a walk.

Not a lot was said during the walk, they both listened to the regular noise made by Gabrielle's high heels. They entered the hotel and Wesley put the suitcase on the floor. He wondered how much clothes there had to be in there, for something of that weight. He didn't really want to know the answer, though. That was more Cordelia's thing.

'She doesn't know you're here, does she?', he then asked, taking place at the table with his daughter.

'Yes she does.', a voice sounded from the entrance behind them.

Both Wesley and Gabrielle turned around immediately, their eyes widening in surprise.

'Lilah'.