Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I don't own Snickers candy bars either! I don't even own my own room!
A/N: Warning! The last part of this chapter was written and finished late Sunday night. I was running on milk and Snickers! So if things seem crazy, weird, or all of the above plus some other random words, it's not my fault! Blame the milk and Snickers bar! I love this chapter!
Published November 8, 2006
Chapter 3 - Help Wanted
"Thanks for coming, minna (everyone)!" Chouji greeted the gang.
"Why am I here?" Gaara asked with his usual dark tone.
"Yeah! Why is he here? Why am I here?" Kankuro also asked.
"Well, I really don't know. Naruto called you, not me!" Chouji pointed at the blonde in his signature orange jumpsuit.
"Gaara and Kankuro were in Konoha, so I invited them here, dattebayo!" Naruto cheered.
"This is troublesome. There are too many people in here." Shikamaru mumbled.
"You're office is humungous! We could fit at least ten more people in here!" Kiba shouted.
"He's right, Shikamaru. You're office is as big as the Hokage's." Chouji agreed. "But back to our situation! Now sit down everyone…" He shouted loud enough for everyone to hear. "…or stand if you want." realizing that some of the more 'emo' people wouldn't want to sit.
Very quickly, Naruto and Kiba crossed their legs and sat on the floor. Sasuke had his arms crossed with his back against the wall on the right. He had one of his legs pushed up on the wall. Neji was in the same position, except on the opposite wall. Gaara also was in the same position, but he was on the wall closest to the door. Kankuro stood where he was, near Gaara. Shino also stayed where he was, doing nothing. Hinata was also standing, with her hand cuffed in front of her. Sakura and Tenten somehow found chairs and sat in them. Their arms were crossed with their faces looking kind of angry.
"So can anyone guess what this meeting is about?" Chouji asked, sounding like a teacher asking his students a math problem.
Sakura raised her hand in the air and waved it back and forth vigorously. "Ooh, ooh! Pick me!" Sakura insisted, sounding like a 'know-it-all' pupil.
"Umm, okay. Sakura." Chouji said.
"We're here because someone finally found out that someone actually likes him and has liked him for the past billion years." Sakura emphasized her sentence and sounded angry.
"Correction!" Tenten also said angrily. "We're here because someone finally found out two someones actually like him and have always liked him!" Tenten was definitely angry. She looked like Sakura's twin.
"Also…" Sakura added with more anger. "That someone was blind for so many years and never knew just how much both someones liked him!" Sakura stood up and slammed her hands on Shikamaru's desk.
"Not only that!" Tenten added. "But that someone was so blind, he didn't notice that both someones never went out on a date with another someone because they only wanted that special someone to go out with!" Tenten also slammed her hands on Shikamaru's desk.
"Nani (what)?" Naruto scratched his head. He was very confused. 'What is this about someone and someones with someone? I'm confused.' He thought.
Naruto wasn't alone. Everyone in the room, excluding Sakura, Tenten, and Shikamaru, was confused.
"Uh…can you explain that again?" Chouji asked. He was wondering if Tenten and Sakura were even talking about the meeting anymore.
"Well, to make it simple…" Tenten turned to everyone and smiled cheerfully. She sounded and looked very happy and nice. Then her face quickly turned sinister. "Shikamaru finally found out that Ino and Temari have liked and still like him."
There was silence for more than a minute. Then, at once, there were conversations about Shikamaru and Ino and Temari.
Tenten quickly turned her head back to Shikamaru and glared at him. "Do you know how long I've been trying to get Temari on a date?!" She muttered loud enough for only Shikamaru and Sakura to hear.
Sakura copied Tenten and glared at him as well. "Do you know how long I've been trying to get Ino on a date?!" Sakura mumbled.
Then, coincidently, Tenten and Sakura spoke at the same time to Shikamaru. "Do you know how hard it is to keep boys away from her?!" Tenten and Sakura both muttered, but when they said it in unison, they were loud enough for everyone to hear.
Silence took over for another minute.
"What are you looking at?!" Sakura and Tenten yelled in anger at the same time. Then the two irritated kunoichis glared back at Shikamaru.
"You better choose one." Sakura warned Shikamaru.
"Or else." Tenten threatened.
The two kunoichis turned around and started to walk back to their seats.
"How troublesome." Shikamaru said out loud.
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"I still don't get it!" Naruto whined. He really couldn't make sense of anything.
"What don't you get, baka (idiot)?!" Kiba insulted.
"Don't call me a baka (idiot), baka!" Naruto shouted at Kiba.
"But you are a baka (idiot)! You don't even get the simplest of things!" Kiba shouted back at Naruto.
"Would you two shut up?" Gaara said ever-so monotonously as he walked over to Kiba and Naruto.
"Hey, Gaara." Kiba and Naruto greeted nervously in unison.
"Did you and Kankuro know about Temari and Ino?" Kiba asked Gaara.
"Actually…" Gaara started.
"Nope…not a clue." Kankuro answered, walking up to Kiba, Gaara, and Naruto.
"That's what I thought." Kiba stated. "I had no idea that Ino and Temari liked Shikamaru. What's so great about him anyways?"
"I haven't a clue." Kankuro answered.
"He's smart, funny, caring, and hard-to-get." Gaara stated out of nowhere.
Kankuro, Kiba, and Naruto looked at Gaara with surprising looks. 'How did he know that?' They all thought in their heads.
"What?" Gaara said annoyed and would've raised an eyebrow if he had one. 'Why are they staring at me?'
"How did you know that?" Naruto had the courage to ask.
"I heard a bunch of fangirls talking about him on my way here." Gaara explained.
"Oh…" The boys said in unison.
"Hey…why are you two here anyways?" Kiba asked.
"Coincidently, I was sent to see the Hokage about some treaties." Gaara told Kiba.
"And I came along because I didn't want to have to watch over Suna while Gaara was gone." Kankuro added.
"Yeah, too bad though. It would've been nice to get away from you for a while." Gaara rudely said.
"Humph!" Kankuro crossed his arms.
"So where's Temari?" Kiba asked.
"She's somewhere around here. She didn't want to stay in Suna either." Kankuro assumed. Then he whispered to Kiba. "But I think she came here to see Shikamaru."
Kiba nodded. Then he sighed and shrugged. "I can't believe she liked that lazy Shikamaru when she could've had me."
"No way! I would never let her go out with you!" Kankuro argued.
"And why not?!" Kiba argued back. "I'm a good-looking, smart, funny, and caring Chuunin!" Kiba listed his qualities.
"Oh please! Like she would want to go out with you! You're so easy!" Kankuro pointed out. "She wants someone hard-to-get! Duh!"
"Humph." Kiba crossed his arms.
Kankuro snickered. "I can't believe you actually liked my sister. I mean, seriously, how could you think you had a chance with her? Wait till I tell her that you liked her!"
"HEY!" Chouji hollered out to everyone.
There was silence as everyone stared at Chouji.
"This is a meeting that shall remain secret! We cannot, I repeat, cannot tell anyone about this meeting! We especially can't tell Ino or Temari! Got it?!" Chouji explained seriously.
Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, and Shino nodded.
"Hai!" Rock Lee, Kiba, Kankuro, and Naruto said.
"Yeah." Sakura and Tenten said lazily.
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"First we need our 'reinforcements' to come up." Chouji ordered.
No one came up.
"Hello! 'Reinforcement'! You're supposed to come up!" Chouji shouted.
"Oh! That's us!" Naruto said hitting Kiba. Naruto and Kiba stood up.
"So, 'reinforcements', I have some questions for you guys." Chouji confirmed.
"What questions?" Kiba asked, making 'questions' sound like some weird, unknown fruit that can taste really bad if you sniff it first. (A/N: If you can correctly guess the fruit I'm talking about, kudos to you!)
Chouji magically took out his notepad and a pen. "Who do you think Shikamaru should go out with? You must explain your reasoning as well."
Naruto tapped his finger on his lip. "I pick Temari…because I could see Shikamaru get whipped a lot!" Naruto laughed and pointed at Shikamaru.
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.
"And you, Kiba?" Chouji waited for his answer.
"Ino! I can't let Shikamaru go out with Temari! I like Temari!" Kiba stated out loud, not realizing that all of his friends were still listening until it was too late.
Sasuke and Neji smirked at the same time.
Sakura and Tenten laughed so hard, they sounded like they were going mad.
"You…like…Temari…oh…gosh…funny!" Sakura laughed in-between her words.
Tenten just laughed the whole time.
"Hey! It's not funny!" Kiba crossed his arms.
"Well…okay…" Chouji said. He didn't know what else to say. Then he shook his head. "Okay…next! 'Intellects' get up here…uh…please?" Chouji said nervously once he remembered who the 'intellects' were.
"I don't want to." Neji replied quietly in his 'emo' Neji-tone.
"Me neither." Sasuke agreed in his 'emo' Sasuke-tone.
"Then why did you two come?!" Chouji asked.
"We didn't want to go to work today." Neji decided to answer in his low-tone again.
Sasuke nodded. "Being an ANBU can be annoying sometimes." (A/N: Yes, Sasuke is in ANBU! Well, he is now! He does seem like someone who would be in ANBU.)
"Well can you at least give your input on this? Who do youthink Shikamaru should go out with?" Chouji insisted.
Neji understood that Chouji wouldn't stop asking for his input until he answered, so he stood up straight and walked towards the middle of the office. Without asking, Neji took Tenten's chair and sat in it with his arms crossed.
"Hey!" Tenten yelled back from the floor. "I was sitting on that!"
Neji smirked. "Well, now you're not." Neji said emotionlessly, not looking at Tenten.
"Ugh!" Tenten stood up and crossed her arms. "Neji! Get out of my chair!"
"I won't answer any questions unless I sit in this chair." Neji stated, looking at Chouji.
Chouji sighed. "Tenten, please find another place to sit. We really need Neji's intellectual view on this situation."
Sasuke smirked. "That's sad, Hyuuga."
Neji glared at Sasuke.
"You had to have Chouji keep Tenten away from you..." Sasuke walked over to the middle of the room where Sakura and now Neji were sitting. "…that's truly sad…and might I add, impolite." Sasuke faced Sakura. "Sakura, can I sit in your seat?" Sasuke flicked his hair and smirked at her.
"Humph. Why should I?" Sakura crossed her arms. She wasn't as easy, when it came to Sasuke, anymore.
"Don't you want to go out on a date with me?" Sasuke asked, knowing what Sakura's answer was going to be.
Sakura gasped. "Sure, you can sit here Sasuke!" Sakura stood up from the chair and out of the way for Sasuke to sit down.
"See, Hyuuga? Simple as that." Sasuke smirked at Neji.
Neji smirked. "Not as simple as you think." He looked at Sakura, making Sasuke turn to see Sakura as well.
"So when are we going on our date?" Sakura asked politely. She was very happy that Sasuke would be going on a date with her.
"What date? I never agreed to go out on a date with. I asked if you wanted to go out on a date with me and you gave me your chair." Sasuke said simply. Then he turned to Neji. "See, Hyuuga. Simple. As. That."
Neji smirked again and chuckled slightly. "Think again, Uchiha." He looked at Sakura again.
Sasuke looked at Sakura and saw flames in her eyes. "So I'm like an example to you so you can beat Neji! Uchiha Sasuke! Urgh! You are so dead!" Sakura was enraged as she started beating up Sasuke.
'Damn, she got strong.' Sasuke thought as Sakura punched him in the face.
"Cha! You better not do that again!" Sakura threatened.
Neji couldn't help but smirk again. "So who won this time, Uchiha?"
"Hn." Sasuke said in disgust. 'I can't believe I lost to that Hyuuga.' He thought.
"Um…can we get back to the circumstances with Shikamaru?"
"Yeah, whatever." Sasuke crossed his arms.
"So…choose…Ino or Temari?" Chouji waited for their answers.
"I-" Sasuke started, but was interrupted by Neji.
"Temari. She seems to care about Shikamaru a lot, even though she's very good at hiding it. Shikamaru would be happy with her. They're both smart intellectuals and Shikamaru could havea girlfriend who can play Shogi well. Temari is also very strong, so Shikamaru would be whipped like his father sometimes, yes, but it's best for Shikamaru. He needs to get off his lazy-bottom anyways." Neji explained very well and professionally.
"Hn." Sasuke said angrily. 'He beat me again!' "I pick Ino. The two have known each other for a very long time. They're good friends who I could imagine together. Ino would also whip Shikamaru for the better, but she knows him better. She practically knows as much about Shikamaru as Shikamaru knows about himself." Sasuke explained, trying to be just as, if not more, professional sounding than Neji.
"Thank you. Umm…you can go back to your walls now." Chouji dismissed the two 'intellects'.
Neji and Sasuke walked back to their corresponding walls.
"Now, who do we have next?" Chouji asked himself out loud.
"Let the 'misdemeanors' go up next, dattebayo!" Naruto cheered like he was at a wrestling match.
"Sure. 'Misdemeanors' come up!" Chouji commanded.
"No." Gaara said with anger.
"Uhh…why not?" Chouji asked nervously.
"Calling Kankuro and me misdemeanors is an insult." Gaara clarified.
"Oh. Sorry! I didn't realize that." Chouji apologized. "We'll give you two a different name later! You two can still give your opinion right? I mean your sister is involved in this." Chouji persuaded.
"Yeah, yeah." Kankuro answered with annoyance.
"Ino or Temari." Chouji asked. "Remember, this is what's best for Shikamaru."
"Ino. It's best if Shikamaru wants to live long. Gaara can get pretty angry sometimes, especially if someone hurts his family in any way. Unless Shikamaru can keep Temari happy, well, he's dead!" Kankuro said in a happy-tone. Then he saw everyone else, other than Gaara, staring at him. "What? Can't a guy sound happy when talking about death?" His audience's faces turned even more confused with their eyebrows raised. 'I guess not.' He thought.
"Temari." Gaara said, breaking the silence. Everyone turned from Kankuro to Gaara. They were all so confused at these brother's answers! "What? I can't choose my own sister?" Like puppets, everyone raised an eyebrow as they listened to Gaara's reasoning. "Temari and Shikamaru would both be happy if they went out. Temari would, most likely, change for the better if she knew that Shikamaru was there. If you think about it, Temari has always been nicer to Shikamaru. Usually she would kill, or at least injure badly, any man who made her unhappy. She's been around Shikamaru and has only hit him on the head with her fan. That is how Temari shows her love. Shikamaru likes to watch clouds, right? Well, you may or many not know this, but Temari likes to watch the stars. It's an annoying habit she's had since she was a child. Now that she's been around Shikamaru, she's also been watching the clouds as much as the stars. We don't have clouds in Suna, so she likes being around Shikamaru in Konoha and watching the clouds. Shikamaru doesn't seem to mind, so that must mean that Shikamaru likes Temari somewhat. Usually he thinks everyone is troublesome when he can't watch the clouds in peace and let's face it, Temari isn't very peaceful. Watching the sky is one of her favorite things to do. Or at least, that's what it says in her diary." Gaara finished speaking.
There was silence for a very long time. Everyone was either in awe or shock. Someone had to break the silence!
"Why is everyone so quiet?" Gaara asked. He didn't think what he said was that surprising or anything.
Kiba shook his head. "You read her diary?" Kiba asked Gaara.
Everyone else, other than Gaara, had a 'you're-kidding-right?' look on their face. They thought Kiba would be asking a more on-topic question. He was going off-topic.
"Yes…I have to do take advantage of the free-time without nonstop screaming, somehow, while Temari's in Konoha being a liaison." Gaara justified.
"Yeah, I'd do that too." Kiba grinned. "So did she write anything about me in there?" He tried to elbow Gaara, but Gaara's sand got in the way.
"Yeah…she said that you were an annoying little kid. You should take a bath more. She said you smelled like dog and sweat." Gaara said bluntly, not realizing that this could've hurt Kiba's feelings somehow.
Kiba hung his head low. He sighed. "I guess she doesn't like me."
"Aren't you and Shikamaru friends?" Gaara asked.
"Yeah, why?" Kiba asked back.
"If Shikamaru and Temari go out, she has to hang out with you at one point or another, since you are one of Shikamaru's friends, right?" Gaara thought.
"Hey, you're right! Thanks, Gaara!" Kiba grinned.
"Hn." Gaara said.
"Can I change my vote?!" Kiba asked out loud to Chouji.
"No!" Everyone other than Gaara and Shikamaru shouted.
Kiba pouted and crossed his arms like a child. "I just wanted to make a good decision. Didn't have to all say 'no' at the same time." Kiba mumbled.
"Can we continue with this? I'd like my opinion to be heard!" Sakura politely asked Chouji.
"Yeah. I guess the 'interceptors' can come up next." Chouji sighed. This was getting way out of hand.
"Cha!" Sakura cheered as she stood up along with Tenten.
(A/N: Here's the start of my milk and Snickers rampage.)
"You know the drill. Ino or Temari?" Chouji was getting tired of all of these off-topic conversations, competitive arguments, and unreliable responses.
"Well someone's a little temperamental today!" Sakura rudely said to Chouji.
"Just speak already before he squishes you." Shikamaru tried to keep Chouji calm.
"He's right. Talk before he or I squish you." Gaara added.
"Heh…okay!" Sakura said nervously, scratching the back of her head.
"Ino." Tenten said before Sakura could say her answer. "Temari's a really good friend and all, but think about it. It was said before but it's important. Ino is already really good friends with Shikamaru! They're already good friends, so why not go farther. There's not too much of a difference between a good friend and a boyfriend anyways." Tenten was about to continue with other reasons, but Sakura interrupted her.
"What?! There is a huge difference between a good friend and a boyfriend! But I see how you wouldn't know since you've never had a boyfriend before." Sakura shrugged. She knew she was getting Tenten heated.
"What?! I have had a boyfriend before!" Tenten shouted at Sakura.
"One…but that only lasted, what two seconds, once he realized who he was committing to. Plus, you barely liked him. You still have a major crush on the Hyuuga over there." Sakura pointed at Neji.
Everyone stared at the pointed Hyuuga.
Neji looked disgusted, hiding a blush very well, but since his skin was so pale, a small pink came on his cheeks. "Hn." Neji said, trying to act as disgusted as possible.
"Oh, you've gone too far, Sakura!" Tenten was livid. "That was a long time ago! I haven't liked him in years! Tell them, Kankur-" Tenten gasped and covered her mouth.
Silence took over once again.
"D-Did you just say, Kankuro?" Sakura asked wickedly.
"N-No! I didn't!" Tenten blushed red.
'Damn girl can't keep her mouth shut.' Kankuro thought in his head.
"Kankuro?" Sakura stared at Kankuro.
Everyone, even Tenten, stared at Kankuro.
"What? Can't an 18 year-old have a fling?" Kankuro shrugged.
"WHAT?!" Tenten screamed out so loud that there was a slight earthquake. "You call our three-year relationship a fling?!" Tenten had flames in her eyes and had her hand in a fist. "Oh, that's it! You're dead!" Tenten ran towards Kankuro.
Kankuro would've done something, but how was he supposed to hurt his girlfriend of three whole years?
As Tenten beat up Kankuro, everyone started murmuring and whispering to each other.
"Did you know that they were together?" Kiba whispered.
"No. I had no idea." Naruto said truthfully.
"I wasn't talking to you! Of course you had no idea! You don't get anything! I was asking Gaara." Kiba insulted.
"I knew already. Did you know that Kankuro kept a diary too?" Gaara informed.
Kiba and Naruto couldn't help but laugh loudly. "He keeps a diary! Oh my gosh! That's hilarious."
"He calls it his personal journal, but a diary is a personal journal right?" Gaara asked. He didn't understand why Kiba and Naruto were laughing so much.
"Yeah...oh, that's just so funny!" Kiba tried hard to stop laughing.
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Shikamaru felt bad for Chouji because he had to go through all this trouble just to get some information. Shikamaru, being a good friend he is, shut everyone up so Chouji could resume his duties.
"Thanks, Shikamaru." Chouji thanked.
"Don't mention it. I wanted to shut everyone up anyways." Shikamaru said boringly.
"Back to our topic. Tenten, would you like to continue?" Chouji asked politely.
"Yeah! Like I was saying before miss loudmouth interrupted, Ino is already Shikamaru's friend. They won't have to go through the 'trouble' of talking about themselves or learning about each other." Tenten used her fingers to make bunny-ears on 'trouble'. Also, Ino lives in Konoha while Temari lives in Suna. The difference would be too much to handle and a long distance relationship wouldn't last, especially with a lazy-ass like him." Tenten pointed to Shikamaru.
"Hn." Shikamaru glared slightly.
Tenten continued. "Furthermore, Temari is three whole years older than Shikamaru! That has to count for something. Three years is a big difference, especially when the ages are 16 and 19. Temari's already an adult when Shikamaru's still a teenager." Tenten finished. "Thank you for listening without interrupting." She glared at Sakura.
"Sakura, your turn." Chouji said.
"Humph. Thank you, Chouji." Sakura glared back at Tenten. "I choose Temari. I must say, Tenten does have some points, but I have some counterarguments. You say that Temari is three years older than Shikamaru, well you know what I say? Who cares?! How many parents have you seen who are the same age? Three years isn't a big difference. Anyways, Shikamaru's smart! He'll catch up with Temari with his big brain." Sakura raised her voice to Tenten.
"Thank you?" Shikamaru said, not sure if it was a compliment or insult or maybe both.
"Wait a minute? Parents? Okay, this is just going out. How many couples have you seen that aren't the same age?" Tenten asked.
"For example…" Sakura started with an 'I-beat-you' smirk. "…You and Kankuro."
Tenten blushed as red as a sunburn on Shino's eyes. "Ugh!" Tenten couldn't think of anything else to counter.
"I think I rest my case on that. Now, Shikamaru and Temari may live in different villages, but they could work it out! True love can conquer all! If they are truly in love, the distance wouldn't matter! Plus, Gaara could work it out so Temari could visit Konoha more." Sakura grinned at Gaara. "Now about Ino's friendship with Shikamaru…Temari is good friends with Shikamaru too! They're both intelligent individuals who have common interests! They try to show that they hate each other, but really, they don't mind each other at all. I say their very good friends who enjoy each other's company. Humph." Sakura's humph sounded triumphant.
"Thank you for your opinions. Now if we look at everyone's…" Chouji said but was interrupted.
"Wait!" Tenten said. "What about Shino and Hinata?"
"Oh yeah! Okay, 'suppressors', you can come up and speak." Chouji said.
"O-Okay. Hinata gently walked up to the middle of the room. Shino followed.
"You know what I'm going to ask." Chouji was getting lazy and didn't feel like asking the same question over and over.
"Umm…well…uh…" Hinata tried to think of what to say.
"Our decision really doesn't matter. We don't have a preference for anyone or enough information on Ino or Temari to make a wise decision for the future of Shikamaru's love-life. It wouldn't be right if we were to decide who Shikamaru should go out with. This is an important decision that only Shikamaru can make, and only on his own. Anything that has been said already doesn't matter. Yes, some of the things said today could help on Shikamaru's decision, but you should not ask us to make the decision for him. He must choose for himself." Shino said.
Everyone and I mean everyone, who includes Gaara, was in shock of Shino's long speech. Shino had never spoken for such a long time about something so…awkward.
"Wow. Um…Shikamaru…do you think his hypothesis right?" Chouji asked, not sure if Shino's thoughts on love should be believed.
"Sadly, yes." Shikamaru sighed. "That means this whole thing was pointless. Just a waste of troublesome time." He yawned and stretched. "Well, good to see you all! See ya!" Shikamaru flicked his hand, gesturing everyone to shoo out of the office.
"Well, okay." Chouji was still confused. "I guess everyone can leave and go back to what they were doing."
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A/N: But it's not over yet! There's a part 2 to this! I just thought I should stop here because it was getting kind of long and I didn't want your eyes to go blind just yet. I just had to add Tenten and Kankuro! Blame the Snickers and milk!