Hey guys, updating from Mexico. I really wanna come home now, but I guess it ain´t that bad. Here´s 10.

Disclaimer: As usual, the quotes/proverbs/song lyrics/Tekken characters don't belong to me.

Fortress of Ice

Hold on to what is good,
Even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you.

– Pueblo Indian Prayer

The failures and losses were resurrected as the hot tears burned their way down the sides of my face. It seemed that I had an endless supply of them these days.

Rising from my bed, I swiped away at the tears on my skin and tried unsuccessfully to push Michelle from my mind. Smoothing my finger over the silver ring on my hand, the memories rushed forth anyway, reminding me of that life I had lost, the life I'd once had at my mother's side. Oh spirits, what I would do for just one more moment with her, one more moment of utter peace and calm. Without her I did not know which way to go anymore, for I desperately needed Michelle's guidance no matter how stupid and self-righteous I'd been earlier. But, in a way, ironically, the enormous sense of loss within my heart helped me to think clearer than I'd been able to a month ago. I knew my mistakes, would learn from them, and I knew, at least, what to do next. It's funny how you don't begin to appreciate things until they're gone; tragedy often aids us in seeking the most important aspects in life.

Only through suffering, some say, may a person truly become good. And indeed I have suffered, and through it I would attempt to find strength…but I was unsure if it would help me become a good person. That's the ultimate challenge, for it is indeed easier for all of us to become hateful, cold, bitter individuals. It's much, much more difficult for us to learn to be good-hearted and kind, forgiving and understanding. Michelle's always taught me to be the latter, but it's easier said than done.

There has been change no doubt, and not for good either. I became the opposite of my former self, for it seemed that the old Julia had disappeared. I used to be a shy girl, quiet, studious, inexperienced, courteous…That uncanny ability to read people was still with me, but that open, trusting woman had vanished. I've always been weak that way, too trusting for my own damn good, and look where that's taken me. Perhaps it's just because I love life; perhaps it was because I wanted desperately to believe that everything on this earth was good and pure. Well…I learned the truth the hard way didn't I. My trusting nature led me to Jin Kazama after all, and from there began a thunderstorm of fear and deception. The worst part was that I could have, and did not, prevent the lightning from striking. I had simply stood there in the rain, waiting for something good to happen amidst the chaos.

But another part of me, the part that still clung tightly to hope, suggested that maybe all of this had been inevitable, that perhaps it had all occurred for a reason. Maybe, whether I'd met Jin or not, Kazuya would still have come to take Michelle's life. It's one mystery that I would never be able to solve.

However, I do know that if I'd at least listened to my mother, I could have seen her for one last time. Instead of wandering aimlessly in this dreamland I called love, I could have at least been by her side when Kazuya had invaded our home…

I had rescued her once. Why hadn't I been able to a second time?

It was like a fortress of ice sealing up my heart, my wounds, temporarily shielding me from harm and from any foreign emotions that might hinder my new self. Weakness (also known as trust and love) was not allowed for they would only slow me down. I didn't trust anymore, Jin Kazama saw to that; I did not see things the same way. I used to think that life was perfect, that the sun always smiled, that the winds whispered only with laughter.

I used to think that Mom would always be with me…

But now Ajijawk must open her eyes and learn how to use her wings, for all that she has seen has been but a mirage.

I was lost, for my life had strayed off the path—but I had an idea of what steps I had to take in order to reclaim it.

The day waned, white light giving way to scarlet splashes of sunset, like a fresh canvas smeared with blood. While the evanescing sun surrendered her skies to her moon counterpart, the darkness mercilessly began to devour the light. It showed me the end of my life here in Mexico, and I waited, brown backpack filled to the brim with my clothes and a few food items.

I'd returned my textbooks to Mr. Vega a few days ago, claiming that I could not finish his class due to family issues. It was only half the truth, and although Vega was clearly disappointed, he let me go and did not ask questions. I guess I'd changed so much over the past weeks that he didn't bother getting to know me anymore. He'd always be one of the best teachers I'd ever had, but his classes would have to wait. As soon as I was sure my life was stable, then perhaps I'd pick up archeology once again.

James had seen me, but we both hadn't bothered to greet one another. It would have just been useless and awkward, and it saved us both time and prevented uncomfortable feelings. He'd always be a good friend, but losing James wasn't a big deal.

The hotel room was cold as I waited for him, and the only sound I could hear was the rhythmic pounding of my heart. My backpack was slung snugly about my shoulders, a pair of tattered sneakers adorned my feet, and clutched tightly in one fist was my little buffalo knife I'd made as an innocent fourteen-year-old in Arizona. Back then it had bee jnust an object to admire, a little toy to present to my mother to earn praise. But now, as I glanced down at the silver blade gleaming unsheathed from its leather scabbard, it had become a deadly weapon. I realized that I would use it if I needed to, especially if Jin got out of control. I was not a murderer, but I knew how to inflict pain very well when protection was needed. Yes, I've got my fists and my legs, but Jin Kazama wasn't exactly your average opponent. This time there were no referees to stop you when things got out of hand.

When midnight arrived and Jin still wasn't here, I knew he had no intention of returning to the hotel room. I could have left without telling him why I was leaving, but I chose to seek him out anyway. He had to know that what he'd done was wrong, and that the feelings I used to possess for him were fading quickly as well. After all, if I couldn't trust him and if he continued to harbor secrets, then Jin Kazama was not worthy of my heart.

I didn't know when the shift in emotions occurred—it just happened. There would always be a place in me for Jin; I would always care about that man, and I still do today. But when it came to matters of love, I found only emptiness.

Sheathing my knife, I tucked it away carefully into my pocket and left the building for the last time. Relieved to be finally rid of that cold, sterile hotel room, I inhaled deeply, relishing Mexico's spicy scent. Even though it was midnight, this part of Mexico refused to sleep. The air still carried the rich smell of freshly steamed tamales and fresh tortillas, and a little hint of sewage as well, an odor I had surprisingly gotten used to. The sound of children's laughter still lingered on the breeze, and the silver stars seemed to smile down upon the earth. Had I not been in such an urgent situation, I would have better enjoyed my last night in Mexico.

After temporarily admiring the darkness, I quickly but silently made my way to the ruins. Laughter gave way to utter stillness, and the scent of tamales was replaced by the musty odor of decaying leaves. The air was moist, placid, and even through the night I could see the outline of the looming Mayan temple. The place was abandoned as before, lonely, but the atmosphere, the aura surrounding the temple, was wild, electric, and filled with life, as if the great Mayan gods had refused to abandon their ancient shrines. It seemed to tempt me to enter, its hieroglyphs seemed to dance and sneer at my hesitation; in response, my heart resisted, my instinct insisting that I turn around and leave. However, I approached the temple anyway, remembering the first time I'd encountered Jin. My mind recalled his soothing voice and those sad, enigmatic eyes…

I had just reached the temple entrance when I heard a deep voice from above me.

"I knew you'd come."

Jin sat like a stone gargoyle atop the temple, and I gave a little cry of surprise; how could I have failed to notice him sitting there?

What was even more frightening was that, although his eyes did not yet glow crimson, he had revealed his wings. He was still human, but only just, and my hand clutched at my pants pocket where I knew the buffalo knife lay waiting.

Spirits be with me…give me strength…

Jin's eyes settled upon me as he spread his dark wings, descending gracefully onto the ground a moment later.

"Do I frighten you, Julia, in this state?" he asked.

I replied by backing away from him.

The demon man looked away briefly, and I thought I noticed tears in his eyes. When he met my gaze again, those eyes were blood red.

"Don't run. I want you to stay with me." His voice had become a low growl, and an image of the coyote flashed in my mind's eye, the long pink tongue lapping up the cave water, sharp canines drawing blood as they pierced my flesh…

My breath caught in my throat. "N-no."

His eyes returned to their normal hue, but he did not bother to retract his wings.

"I knew you'd leave sooner or later, Julia. But please, let us figure something out. I'm looking for a cure, and it'll all be over soon."

I shook my head, recoiling from him even more. "I'm sorry. I cannot love a murderer and a liar."

Jin halted. "Your mother's death is not my fault."

"Oh it is. You see, Jin, even now you refuse to take responsibility. You knew what Kazuya was doing the whole time, yet you turned your back and allowed it all to happen. Only when he'd killed Michelle did you feel any remorse. You sicken me," I snarled, and I could feel the leather sheath of the knife within my hands.

The Japanese man was silent, and for a moment all he could do was stare at me coldly, unsure of how to respond; he knew that I spoke the truth.

"Please, Julia. I'm sorry," he finally murmured, but I shook my head once again.

"It's too late now. My mother and cousin are already dead. I'm leaving."

"No, you can't. I need you, Jules. I don't want to be alone anymore."

The silver blade smiled up at me. "We had our good moments…but I can't stay with you anymore. Besides, loneliness isn't so bad, Jin."

A slight breeze stirred from the north, and it seemed to pull me away from the temple, warning me to hustle.

"Was it ever real? Our love?" Jin whispered, his eyes suddenly pained and sorrowful, and I got a brief glimpse of that man I'd fallen for.

I allowed myself one last smile in his presence. "Yes, I believe it was at one time. But you took from me my heart, my goodness, and my mother, the only true family I had left…I don't love you any longer, Jin."

He stared at me, dark eyes empty and unreadable.

"Then why do you merely stand there, Julia? Why do you not avenge the lost loved ones I took from you?" he whispered, "You are very capable of taking my life; you're a fighter after all."

Jin held out his hands as if in surrender, but I would not be tempted.

"Because," I replied softly, "I'm not like you, Jin Kazama. I'm not a killer."

"Julia—"

"Good-bye."

I turned abruptly to go, but as expected, I felt Jin seize my shoulder.

"No!" he cried, but I was ready this time.

Pivoting in his grip, I took hold of both his arms, locking his elbows with a sharp jerk, then, grunting, I threw my weight backward, flipping Jin over my head. He landed hard, ebony wings flailing in an attempt to regain balance. Not waiting for him to recover, I took my buffalo dagger in hand and plunged the blade into one of Jin's wings. The demon man cried out in pain, and I quickly removed the knife and administered the same wound to the other wing. Blood stained the earth scarlet and Jin's scream reverberated through the night. I didn't bother to wipe the blood off the blade, quickly stuffing the knife back into its scabbard and then into my pocket.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, "but I can't have you following me."

A single tear escaped Jin's eyes as he gazed up at me, red irises eerie yet pitiful at the same time. He was helpless now, limited to the ground, his wings useless, and he reached out for me as I turned away. Without a backward glance, I began to run in the opposite direction, abandoning Jin and all that we used to share. I knew he would regain his strength eventually, but hopefully those wounds I'd given him would take awhile to heal.

Out of breath and frightened, I managed to hail a cab soon after, and climbed in, the smooth leather seats a frosty breath on my legs. After telling the driver my destination, the airport, I bowed my head, hugging myself, and allowed the tears to take over. It did not last long, however, for just as they began, that fortress of ice hardened even more, forcing the sobs back down my throat.

There is no time to mourn. Just keep moving, keep moving…

It was the last time I would weep for a long, long time.

The flight from Mexico to Phoenix wouldn't be a long one, supposedly two hours at the most. It had been difficult getting past the metal detector—my little buffalo knife ruined everything for me. When security officers had stopped to ask me questions, their eyes narrowed, hands poised over their guns, I'd seriously considered just kicking their asses and making a run for it. However, I just pulled the old "I'm Native American and this is my culture" crap on them; the last thing I wanted was attention, so I remained calm and, to my relief, security eventually let me pass.

I'd gotten several strange looks from the other passengers; I must've looked like hell. Adjusting the glasses on my nose, I breathed deeply and tried to blend in, sitting down casually in my seat. Leaning my head against the window, I waited silently for the plane to take flight. The glass pane was cold against my skin, and I stared absentmindedly at my reflection. I'd lost some weight for my face was smaller, the cheekbones more prominent, my lips were pale, and the bangs framing my face hung down limp and disheveled. My glasses, whose thick lenses were grimy and smeared with sweat, gave me an incredibly nerdy look, and I sighed, wishing I'd taken the time to put contacts in. The messy braided hair didn't add well to the picture either, and I forced my gaze away from the window.

What the hell had Jin seen in me anyway? Or even James?

Impatience settled in as I realized it was taking longer than usual for the plane to take off. My heart pounded wildly within my chest; was Jin going to follow me? What if he was here right now? Why wasn't the plane moving!

"Perdon Señorita, habla español?"

I glanced up and noticed a pretty flight attendant leaning over me. The nametag on her left breast pocket read 'Marta', and I nodded, flashing her an artificial smile; she'd asked me if I could speak Spanish.

She smiled back nervously, then gestured at my hands and asked if I was all right.

"Sí, sí, estoy bien," I replied as politely as I could, trying to make her leave.

However, as I glanced down at my hands, I finally understood why everyone had been staring. Blood, which was just beginning to turn dark, stained my palms and fingers a deep crimson—it was Jin's. My eyes widened in horror, but I concealed my emotions and asked the flight attendant for water, napkins, and antiseptic wipes.

"Well would you look at that! I must have cut myself," I said cheerfully in Spanish, as if it was the norm for people to walk around with their hands soaked in blood. Marta nodded as if she understood completely, but the look she gave me contradicted her smile. She walked away a little too swiftly to retrieve the things I'd asked for, and I smiled nervously in response to several of the passengers' stares.

Once Marta returned, I began to clean the blood off, scrubbing at my skin until it was raw and stinging. I didn't want any part of Jin with me, and the pale napkins quickly turned red and pink with his blood. Why could I have been so careless? Now everyone was suspicious.

The rest of the ride was quiet, relatively calm (it was nearly two in the morning after all) and an hour later I arrived in Arizona. I hadn't eaten anything since the afternoon, and headed straight for the food courts. After buying food and selecting a table, I began to wolf it all down, knowing that although it tasted like crap, I needed the energy. However, I had not yet forgotten that I was still in possible danger; Jin could be here with me right now without my knowing. The only solution was not to linger too long and to just keep moving. So, with this thought in mind and the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I swallowed the last of my food and left.

Hurry, hurry…

But would I have to run like this forever? Would I live out the rest of my life in fear? Either that, or someday I'd have to face Jin head on and resolve this conflict. But as of right now, I just had to get away.

Where are you, Mother? I'm coming; show me, so I can set you free…

Don't go home, Julia.

Wait, what? Had I heard right? Was it possible? Had my mother actually communicated with me? Shaking my head, I continued on, concluding that it was probably just the results of my mind not getting enough sleep. I believed in the supernatural, in the spirit world, but Michelle speaking to me from the dead was definitely impossible, a thing of Hollywood, nothing more.

Listen to me. Don't go home.

Sighing, I wondered what would happen if I said something back. And, with a slight smirk, as if it was a game, I asked silently, Why?

And, to my horror and fascination, there was a reply: Save yourself, and keep the rest safe. Don't go home…

"Mom?" I suddenly said out loud, and my voice sounded frail, empty, and it echoed about the silent terminal.

This time there was no response, only the faint sounds of the classical music murmuring softy through the loudspeakers.

Though I did not speak to any of my family members, I did return home, but only to catch a brief, final glimpse. Once the taxicab pulled up into Blue Eagle Reservation, I quickly paid the driver, and watched as the receding taillights disappeared into the darkness.

It was 3 a.m. and sunrise was only two hours away. Staring at the empty road before me, I dared not enter my home. I was an outsider now, cursed, and if I went in, I would bring only sorrow and evil with me. Staring at the place of my birth, my childhood, I sighed deeply with longing, allowing my mind this final time to remember. The canyons, deep red gorges with its topaz rivers, the Arizona sun, hot earth underneath my bare feet…There was the neighborhood children, the boys I used to defeat in sparring, all of the festivals, the tribal dances and get-togethers. Smiling slightly, I relived the laughter, the joy, the sorrows, recalled my cousin Gabriel tugging on my braids, Aunt Cora, Ya'atsos and her turquoise and scarlet sand paintings; even that little cave I used to run off to was there, waiting for me.

And then there was Michelle, my lovely mother whose words I would always remember, whose smile and laughter I would always hold dear.

But, tearing my gaze away, I found myself slowly backing away from Blue Eagle. Adjusting the backpack on my shoulders, my mind swept itself clean of the memories. The only thing it saw now was the dismal, darkened road ahead, a path with an unknown end.

Save yourself, and keep the others safe…

Sighing, I turned away and began to walk in the opposite direction, abandoning my home, not knowing when I'd return, if ever. Where do I go from here? I'm not sure, perhaps north I guess. It'll take me farther away from home at least.

Awhile later, the first tendrils of sunlight leaked across the sky, golden-red fingers tentative as they chased away the night. It was beautiful to watch; I had never seen a sunrise such as this one. Smiling, I pitied the world, for it still slumbered, and missed out on this wondrous sight. Earth was indeed a magical thing, regardless of her countless flaws.

However, my awe and sense of calm was abruptly cut short as I felt something gently touch my head. Not bothering to stop walking, I removed whatever had fallen on me and examined it.

A large black feather lay in my palm.

Without warning, the cold fear rippled through my body once again, and I slowly turned, eyes darting everywhere. My hands clenched around the feather, teeth gritting…I couldn't see him, but it didn't matter. I felt him here with me, hidden, yet watching and waiting…

Snapping the feather in half and then letting it drop to the ground, I continued to walk on as if nothing had happened. The morning breeze seemed to whisper my name, but I ignored it, trying in vain to suppress the fear that choked my senses.

Jin had already found me.

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