"It's funny," I said, "in movies or nickelodeons no one ever gets hurt or injured when trying to stop a robbery or hanging off moving trains and it's much more exciting than scary." I was curled up into a ball. Just like when we crossed the gulf to get home I stayed on the deck (in case of emergency) but stayed quiet and rarely moved.
"And no one ever sees it as insane."
"Maybe it was, but I was trying to do the right thing."
"What's with the glasses?"
"Brain damage from the effects of severe hypothermia." I said distantly.
"Brain damage?"
"Just my eyesight, and only slightly. I'm still very clever. A relatively small price to pay for what happened. Don't you think?"
"Yes it is. Rose *Dawson*?"
"Rose Dawson is my name."
"How did you acquire it?"
"I borrowed it from a friend." There was a silence…a long silence. I had to think how I was going to word my story. What happened that night, although she must have had a pretty good idea, and also the past four years. I realized there wasn't a need for words, so I kept it brief. I looked straight into her eyes. "He didn't make it." I shook my head slightly.
Her face twisted. She assumed all along neither of us had made it, but she still seemed pained. I blinked my eyes slowly, looked toward the window, then back at her.
"He was a good boy."
"I know." I gripped my shirt with my good hand. Would it always be this overwhelming?
"Dawson," she thought aloud, "clever of you." More silence. It was a longer silence too. "So much for small talk." sighed Mrs. Brown.
I smiled. "May I ask a question of you now?"
"Go right ahead." She sighed and sat down.
"Where's my-"
"Still living on East River Drive, let most of the servants go. The compensation from the White Star Line and contributions from the Hockley family paid off all the debts. She doesn't go out much. I make it a point to visit her when I'm in town. Saw her last spring, doin' a little better."
"Oh."
"Would you like me to report anything to her the next time I see her?"
"No, if she's to know she'll know by seeing me."
"What have you been doing all this time?"
"Living my life. It's a new experience for me, but I'm getting quite good at it. But I haven't run for office." Mrs. Brown ran, unsuccessfully, for Senate in 1914.
She laughed at my comment. "Dead people can't run for anything."
"Oh I'm very much alive." I tried to sit up straight. Pain. "If not a little banged up."
I didn't mind sitting out of the limelight unlike my larger associate.
"It's good to know your doin' well, even if you don't quite look it." She paused.
"I didn't know you for that long, but I don't think I've ever seen you look the slightest bit uncomfortable before." I grinned.
"It's not everyday one sits down and has a chat with the living dead."
"We didn't meet on an everyday crossing. I suppose we'll just have to have a non-everyday relationship."
She laughed. "I like you Rose Dawson."
"I like you too Molly Brown."
"Old Ruth's doin' better, but she could use a boost."
"You said that already."
"I know I'm just emphasizing my point."
"Then I'll take under heavy consideration."
"Well, now that I seem to be the main source of information, are you at all curious about what happened to-"
"No."
"Not even a little bit?"
"Not even a little bit."
"Well, how about this, you tell me what you've been doing the past four years and I'll tell you about what I've been doing."
"Sounds fair."
***
After long, strange, but happy talk with Mrs. Brown it was almost time to leave.
"Almost time, I suppose you'll want to go back to your friends."
"Yes." I said. I followed the sound of Emily Dawson's laughter, even more girlish than Mary's, but an octave lower, she had a soft, smooth voice.
It was just a few hours until I would see them no more. I got up and walked to the next cabin. I sat with them again and talked like we always did. We talked about regular silly things, the silly things we'd done, the hot sauce, The Piece of Shit, the cranes, weekend nights, my annoying arrogance, Mary's annoying logic, Maria's annoying work ethic, Manny's annoying laziness, Sammy's annoying calmness, Bookie's annoying sarcasm. What would annoy me now? Not them.
They were my home for two years. *They* were my Columbus. We had to move on, raid or no raid, it was time. I was leaving my first real family. Here were six people that saw eye to eye, leaned on each other, supported each other, depended on each other, not only did we love one another, but we *liked* each other.
This was a different kind of pain, separation from my friends, I would miss them terribly and I'd be lucky to even run into one of them again.
After the train stopped and we got off I bid the Unsinkable Molly Brown herself farewell and went back to my friends. She told me should I ever be Colorado to look her up. I liked that woman.
"George get paper." Mary ordered.
"Lemme check my bag." he said reaching for it.
"It's not gonna be this way," said Mary, "I may be the only one, but I've got an actual address." George handed her a few pieces of crumpled up notebook paper. Mary took and twirled a pencil putting one the papers to the wall and began writing. "Guys," she turned to Emily, George, and Sonny, "just in case my parents still decide to bar me from home, which according to their letters they might consider it, can I use your addresses?" The three nodded.
She ripped the pages to make more and handed a copy to each of us.
"Nice thinking McBride." Bookie smiled.
"As soon as any of you derelicts finds a place to live you write back, y'here?"
"Yes ma'am." Sammy nodded.
She turned to the Sanchezes, "Do you need one or two?"
"Two," said Maria, "inspector here will lose it."
"Will not."
"Will too."
"Will not bastardita."
"I'll give you two anyway. Soon we'll have this all organized and we'll all know everyone else's addresses."
I smiled warmly. Smart girl. She always was.
We stayed together as one for another hour. George, Emily, Danny, and Sonny, although they hadn't see Mary for a year and a half, knowing they would have her back soon, let us alone, wandering around the station of their own free will.
But an hour rolled by faster than a sigh. A lifetime of two years would come to an end. The first train came to take Sammy, Manny, and Maria away. It was finally time to say goodbye.
"See you around Rose Dawson." Manny said to me.
"See you around Manuel Sanchez."
"Maybe we'll get married sometime."
"Maybe."
"McBride," Maria said to Mary, "when we're in Santa Fe, do you want us to say hello to Jake for you?"
"You guys are so mean." she grinned.
"But that's what makes us so wonderful." Maria grinned back.
"I think Bookie's the meanest though." Sammy commented.
"I'm not mean, I'm funny. Sorry if it comes at the expense of the rest you sorry lot." he retorted.
"And I think Rose thinks she's the meanest." Manny added.
"Do not."
"Do too." said Maria.
"I think Sammy and Mary think they're the nicest." I said pointing a finger at someone else.
"I am." said Sammy and Mary causing everyone into to burst into laughter. But the laughter was soon followed by a long, sad silence. The long, sad silence followed by individual embraces and goodbyes.
As a group we hugged one last time. Everyone managed to keep composure until Mary let out one short sob, she quickly repressed it, but it was followed by more sobs and sniffles not of her own. The little sobs and sniffles soon led to loud sobs and hot tears.
I wanted stay there with them forever. During my two years in Columbus 'friend' became a sweeter word than I had ever known, family took a more beautiful meaning. Six people, far from perfect, all wonderful together and in their own ways.
After forever, which wasn't nearly long enough, Maria, Sammy, and Manny boarded the train. More last minute goodbyes. As for me Manny gave me one last real kiss before he left, Maria told me not to slack off, and Sammy rubbed my head-the only person to ever really think of me as 'a kid.' We waved them goodbye, screaming "We love you!" and every inside joke we could recall at each other, and then they disappeared into the setting sun.
"They're gone." Mary squeaked softly, "…it's so hard to believe they're gone."
***
Twenty minutes later the train headed for New York arrived. It was time for Mary and Bookie to leave.
"Bye Gabriel."
"Don't call me Gabriel."
More hugs, more tears.
"Come with us." Mary pleaded. "You're the only who will always be alone.
"No." I said softly, shaking my head. "There's a place I need to go. And I'm never alone, I promise." I looked behind toward my beloved's flesh, blues eyes flashing. *What of Emily?* I looked down at the paper in my hand, I knew then what to make of that. Best to organize my own thoughts before sharing them with her.
"Then visit…or else."
"I will."
"You too Bookie, after you leave I mean." she said.
"Aye, Aye, skipper."
"Watch out for those snakes." Mary warned me.
"I will."
"And always clean up your knickers after intercourse." Bookie shook a finger.
"I'll do that too. And you find another tin lizzy and make it run better." I said to him.
"Will do."
"And you Mare, if you dump George at the altar, at least give *him* the bouquet, not the priest."
"Depends, George is allergic to certain flower pollens." She paused before giving me one last hug. "You look like shit." She referred to my injuries. I smiled out of the corner of my mouth.
They boarded the train not long after that. I said goodbye to Danny, Emily, Sonny, and George too. They thanked me for the *interesting* ride. I waved them goodbye in the same manner as before. This time after they were gone I was alone.
"They're gone." I repeated Mary's words.
It was another hour before the train destined for Santa Monica would arrive. I was left with my thoughts. I sat alone, bothered by no one. The night was dry and pleasantly cool. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes I cried, but it was mostly laughing, even when I thought about our quarrels. Once, over something so stupid I can't remember, the entire house stopped talking to one another. My feelings were so overwhelmingly bittersweet. I was lucky to have them and to have shared a home with them. I wished the best for them. God knows they deserved it.
My train pulled right on time. I boarded and set mine things down. I was going to Santa Monica. I was ready for the horizon. I hoped, just a little bit, that it was ready for me.
"And no one ever sees it as insane."
"Maybe it was, but I was trying to do the right thing."
"What's with the glasses?"
"Brain damage from the effects of severe hypothermia." I said distantly.
"Brain damage?"
"Just my eyesight, and only slightly. I'm still very clever. A relatively small price to pay for what happened. Don't you think?"
"Yes it is. Rose *Dawson*?"
"Rose Dawson is my name."
"How did you acquire it?"
"I borrowed it from a friend." There was a silence…a long silence. I had to think how I was going to word my story. What happened that night, although she must have had a pretty good idea, and also the past four years. I realized there wasn't a need for words, so I kept it brief. I looked straight into her eyes. "He didn't make it." I shook my head slightly.
Her face twisted. She assumed all along neither of us had made it, but she still seemed pained. I blinked my eyes slowly, looked toward the window, then back at her.
"He was a good boy."
"I know." I gripped my shirt with my good hand. Would it always be this overwhelming?
"Dawson," she thought aloud, "clever of you." More silence. It was a longer silence too. "So much for small talk." sighed Mrs. Brown.
I smiled. "May I ask a question of you now?"
"Go right ahead." She sighed and sat down.
"Where's my-"
"Still living on East River Drive, let most of the servants go. The compensation from the White Star Line and contributions from the Hockley family paid off all the debts. She doesn't go out much. I make it a point to visit her when I'm in town. Saw her last spring, doin' a little better."
"Oh."
"Would you like me to report anything to her the next time I see her?"
"No, if she's to know she'll know by seeing me."
"What have you been doing all this time?"
"Living my life. It's a new experience for me, but I'm getting quite good at it. But I haven't run for office." Mrs. Brown ran, unsuccessfully, for Senate in 1914.
She laughed at my comment. "Dead people can't run for anything."
"Oh I'm very much alive." I tried to sit up straight. Pain. "If not a little banged up."
I didn't mind sitting out of the limelight unlike my larger associate.
"It's good to know your doin' well, even if you don't quite look it." She paused.
"I didn't know you for that long, but I don't think I've ever seen you look the slightest bit uncomfortable before." I grinned.
"It's not everyday one sits down and has a chat with the living dead."
"We didn't meet on an everyday crossing. I suppose we'll just have to have a non-everyday relationship."
She laughed. "I like you Rose Dawson."
"I like you too Molly Brown."
"Old Ruth's doin' better, but she could use a boost."
"You said that already."
"I know I'm just emphasizing my point."
"Then I'll take under heavy consideration."
"Well, now that I seem to be the main source of information, are you at all curious about what happened to-"
"No."
"Not even a little bit?"
"Not even a little bit."
"Well, how about this, you tell me what you've been doing the past four years and I'll tell you about what I've been doing."
"Sounds fair."
***
After long, strange, but happy talk with Mrs. Brown it was almost time to leave.
"Almost time, I suppose you'll want to go back to your friends."
"Yes." I said. I followed the sound of Emily Dawson's laughter, even more girlish than Mary's, but an octave lower, she had a soft, smooth voice.
It was just a few hours until I would see them no more. I got up and walked to the next cabin. I sat with them again and talked like we always did. We talked about regular silly things, the silly things we'd done, the hot sauce, The Piece of Shit, the cranes, weekend nights, my annoying arrogance, Mary's annoying logic, Maria's annoying work ethic, Manny's annoying laziness, Sammy's annoying calmness, Bookie's annoying sarcasm. What would annoy me now? Not them.
They were my home for two years. *They* were my Columbus. We had to move on, raid or no raid, it was time. I was leaving my first real family. Here were six people that saw eye to eye, leaned on each other, supported each other, depended on each other, not only did we love one another, but we *liked* each other.
This was a different kind of pain, separation from my friends, I would miss them terribly and I'd be lucky to even run into one of them again.
After the train stopped and we got off I bid the Unsinkable Molly Brown herself farewell and went back to my friends. She told me should I ever be Colorado to look her up. I liked that woman.
"George get paper." Mary ordered.
"Lemme check my bag." he said reaching for it.
"It's not gonna be this way," said Mary, "I may be the only one, but I've got an actual address." George handed her a few pieces of crumpled up notebook paper. Mary took and twirled a pencil putting one the papers to the wall and began writing. "Guys," she turned to Emily, George, and Sonny, "just in case my parents still decide to bar me from home, which according to their letters they might consider it, can I use your addresses?" The three nodded.
She ripped the pages to make more and handed a copy to each of us.
"Nice thinking McBride." Bookie smiled.
"As soon as any of you derelicts finds a place to live you write back, y'here?"
"Yes ma'am." Sammy nodded.
She turned to the Sanchezes, "Do you need one or two?"
"Two," said Maria, "inspector here will lose it."
"Will not."
"Will too."
"Will not bastardita."
"I'll give you two anyway. Soon we'll have this all organized and we'll all know everyone else's addresses."
I smiled warmly. Smart girl. She always was.
We stayed together as one for another hour. George, Emily, Danny, and Sonny, although they hadn't see Mary for a year and a half, knowing they would have her back soon, let us alone, wandering around the station of their own free will.
But an hour rolled by faster than a sigh. A lifetime of two years would come to an end. The first train came to take Sammy, Manny, and Maria away. It was finally time to say goodbye.
"See you around Rose Dawson." Manny said to me.
"See you around Manuel Sanchez."
"Maybe we'll get married sometime."
"Maybe."
"McBride," Maria said to Mary, "when we're in Santa Fe, do you want us to say hello to Jake for you?"
"You guys are so mean." she grinned.
"But that's what makes us so wonderful." Maria grinned back.
"I think Bookie's the meanest though." Sammy commented.
"I'm not mean, I'm funny. Sorry if it comes at the expense of the rest you sorry lot." he retorted.
"And I think Rose thinks she's the meanest." Manny added.
"Do not."
"Do too." said Maria.
"I think Sammy and Mary think they're the nicest." I said pointing a finger at someone else.
"I am." said Sammy and Mary causing everyone into to burst into laughter. But the laughter was soon followed by a long, sad silence. The long, sad silence followed by individual embraces and goodbyes.
As a group we hugged one last time. Everyone managed to keep composure until Mary let out one short sob, she quickly repressed it, but it was followed by more sobs and sniffles not of her own. The little sobs and sniffles soon led to loud sobs and hot tears.
I wanted stay there with them forever. During my two years in Columbus 'friend' became a sweeter word than I had ever known, family took a more beautiful meaning. Six people, far from perfect, all wonderful together and in their own ways.
After forever, which wasn't nearly long enough, Maria, Sammy, and Manny boarded the train. More last minute goodbyes. As for me Manny gave me one last real kiss before he left, Maria told me not to slack off, and Sammy rubbed my head-the only person to ever really think of me as 'a kid.' We waved them goodbye, screaming "We love you!" and every inside joke we could recall at each other, and then they disappeared into the setting sun.
"They're gone." Mary squeaked softly, "…it's so hard to believe they're gone."
***
Twenty minutes later the train headed for New York arrived. It was time for Mary and Bookie to leave.
"Bye Gabriel."
"Don't call me Gabriel."
More hugs, more tears.
"Come with us." Mary pleaded. "You're the only who will always be alone.
"No." I said softly, shaking my head. "There's a place I need to go. And I'm never alone, I promise." I looked behind toward my beloved's flesh, blues eyes flashing. *What of Emily?* I looked down at the paper in my hand, I knew then what to make of that. Best to organize my own thoughts before sharing them with her.
"Then visit…or else."
"I will."
"You too Bookie, after you leave I mean." she said.
"Aye, Aye, skipper."
"Watch out for those snakes." Mary warned me.
"I will."
"And always clean up your knickers after intercourse." Bookie shook a finger.
"I'll do that too. And you find another tin lizzy and make it run better." I said to him.
"Will do."
"And you Mare, if you dump George at the altar, at least give *him* the bouquet, not the priest."
"Depends, George is allergic to certain flower pollens." She paused before giving me one last hug. "You look like shit." She referred to my injuries. I smiled out of the corner of my mouth.
They boarded the train not long after that. I said goodbye to Danny, Emily, Sonny, and George too. They thanked me for the *interesting* ride. I waved them goodbye in the same manner as before. This time after they were gone I was alone.
"They're gone." I repeated Mary's words.
It was another hour before the train destined for Santa Monica would arrive. I was left with my thoughts. I sat alone, bothered by no one. The night was dry and pleasantly cool. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes I cried, but it was mostly laughing, even when I thought about our quarrels. Once, over something so stupid I can't remember, the entire house stopped talking to one another. My feelings were so overwhelmingly bittersweet. I was lucky to have them and to have shared a home with them. I wished the best for them. God knows they deserved it.
My train pulled right on time. I boarded and set mine things down. I was going to Santa Monica. I was ready for the horizon. I hoped, just a little bit, that it was ready for me.