Green Eyes
Movement III: Impassioned
...
Never knew that love could hurt like this
Never thought I would but I got dissed
Makes me feel so sad and hurt inside
feel embarrassed so I want to hide
Silly me I thought your love was true
Changed my name to silly E-Badu
Before I heal it's gonna be awhile
i know it's gonna be awhile chile
hope it's not too late
too late too late too late too
feeling insecure, love has got me sore
I don't want no more
...
"Wait a minute. You turned down Sebastian Thorne for a night out with the girls?" Shelly asked incredulously.
Maxine nodded, holding up a drink for emphasis. "She did."
Lois rolled her eyes. "I couldn't think of one good reason to go out with someone who calls himself 'Bastian.'"
The petite auburn-haired woman to her left clicked her tongue. "I could give you two."
Lois laughed and shook her head. "Why am I not surprised with this coming from the girl who calls herself 'Kitt?' I'm just saying that some names should not have nicknames attached to them – 'Sebastian' being one of them."
Maxine simply raised a finely arched eyebrow. She had the looks of a model but hated to be compared to them, especially the one she looked most like - Tyra Banks. She couldn't bear any connection to someone who's greatest fear was of dolphins and giraffes. "You've been saying that name quite a bit tonight," she remarked.
"Only because you guys keep brining him up!" Lois replied.
"Better him then the farm boy that you so eloquently nicknamed Smallv…"
"Hold that thought!" Shelly interrupted; her jet black hair swinging against her shoulders as she shook her head. "If we are starting that conversation, we are going to need another round."
Shelly dashed away from their table in the direction of the bar and Kitt leaned forward. "Are we starting that conversation?"
Lois shrugged. "I don't really see how it would benefit anything."
"It would mean not letting it stew," Maxine commented. "Isn't that why we came out tonight? To ix-nay on the ewage-stay?"
Lois shot her friend a glare. "I'd like to see you talk in pig latin after two more drinks."
"You're on, Lane."
Shelly returned with a male waiter trailing her with their drinks. "Cranberry Vodkas all around. Don't look at me like that, you can choose when you buy."
Shelly slid into her chair and smiled as the drinks were passed out. "This is Mitch. He's going to keep an eye on us tonight."
"Hey, Mitch." "Thanks, Mitch." "Thank you, Mitchell."
Maxine shot Lois an exasperated look as the barhop retreated.
"What?"
"You just had to call him by his full name didn't you?"
Lois smirked. "I would have needed to know his last name if I wanted to use his full name, Maxie."
Kitt waved a hand at their teasing. "Yeah, yeah. Enough with the nicknames. No one cares if 'Charlie' is not really short for 'Charles' since they have the same amount of letters, or who in the world came up with 'Dick' for 'Richard…'"
Shelly frowned. "Why would anyone want to go around saying 'Hi, I'm a Dick,' to people? It's such a turnoff."
Kitt's hand waved again. "No! We are not letting this convo be hijacked by Dick… or even Harry for that matter." She faced Lois. "We were talking about…"
"The Bastard," Lois interjected into the waiting silence. "There's a nickname that fits."
Her friends erupted into laughter at the outburst. "There it is," Shelly commented. "Let the party begin!"
…..
Lois looked on with amusement as her girls ranted about the nerve (or lack thereof) of her ex-boyfriend. She had told them the story of the breakup and they had run with it from there. Even though she had run out of steam a little earlier, it was somewhat therapeutic to hear them say all of the things she had been feeling. And the more they ranted, the more they drank, and the rounds just kept coming.
Except for Lois, that is. She had a good system going. She would sip some of her drink and while they were caught up in mid-rant, she would trade her full glass for one of her friends' empty ones. She would vary the receiver of the gift to avoid detection, but other than a minute flicker of confusion, they would just shrug and continue drinking.
She wasn't abstaining for any other reason than that she wanted this to burn. She needed to feel this. It would forever be a reminder of what happened when she released control of her heart. Even when people seemed the most deserving of her love, the truth remained that they were not. She was Master and Commander now, and she had to keep that responsibility forefront.
That was also why she had turned down Sebastian's offer of a night out. Using him to stroke her ego would have been easy. A good-looking guy who was obviously attracted to her would help her fight off the insecurity that seemed to be waiting for her around every corner, but he wasn't the guy she wanted. And those were the feelings that she needed to deal with before she was ready for any guy - Sebastian 'Bastian' Throne, or anyone else.
"For your protection?" Maxine stated. "I mean who says stuff like that when they are calling it quits? What is he, your guardian or something?"
"That is crap," Kitt said. "Crap with a double T."
Lois laughed. Even she knew there was no T, and certainly not a double T, in crap.
"I know you didn't buy that, Lois," Shelly countered.
"I didn't, but who am I to try to convince a guy that he doesn't want to break up with me?"
"Hells yeah!" Shelly agreed, the barest hint of a slur attached to her words. "You don' have to beg him for anythings. You don' need him to make you feel worthy."
"No, I just need him to make me feel worthless."
As three pairs of eyes bored into her furiously, Lois decided that she could allow herself one drink – it wouldn't be enough of a buzz to kill the burn, but it would give her hands something to do.
"Tell me you didn't just say that," Maxine said with a frown.
Kitt's face took on a mixture of surprise and empathic hurt. "You don't believe that, do you?"
Lois drummed her fingers along the side of the glass. "Of course I don't believe that! It just pisses me off that he would have something to do with me thinking that."
"Well, pissed off is the right way to feel right now," Shelly commented, obviously not wanting to lose the buzz they had worked so hard to build.
Lois knew that all of her friends were aware that if that layer of alcohol induced fogginess was removed; only pain would remain. At this point in the game, avoidance was the strategy.
"What exactly did he say to you?"
Lois released a short breath and lifted her chin, allowing the spark in her heart to reignite the fury that was helping her stay tearless. "Well there was this whole thing about us moving too fast, um, that it wasn't working out. A plethora of reasons, really."
But first he had said that he didn't love her anymore - that it had been a mistake to say it in the first place… and she had just stood there and took the rest in. Until, speechless, she had turned and left. And that was that.
Since then, she had been trying to convince herself that he was right, that his reasons made sense… even though they explained nothing.
"Wait." Kit's eyes narrowed. "Too fast? How long have you known each other? Like four or five years, right?"
"Five and a half," Lois replied. "But who's counting? The relationship part - if you can call it that - lasted for about a minute in comparison." It had lasted for about thirty-nine days, but again, who was counting?
"…flaming poo?"
Lois blinked as she realized she had missed a question while lost in thought. "Huh?"
"Kitt wanted to know if you want us to paint his doorstep," Maxine explained. "What do you think? Shall we go and do some remodeling on your behalf?"
Lois had a real laugh for the first time that night. And if felt good. Suddenly she realized that avoidance wasn't really the best strategy for closure. Confrontation was.
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I think I'll do it myself."
Her three friends nodded and laughed with her.
"That's more like it!" Maxine chuckled.
"Mitch! Mitchie! Mitchkins," Shelly called, seeing their trusty waiter leaving a table a few feet away. "Our friend here needs a cab!"
...
tbc