Endless. That's how everything felt. Endless. After that first wave of
men left that's when it really began.
First there were gas victims. Their eyes were so badly damaged. We didn't lose any one these particular patients, but many were left blind.
After that it became truly awful. We got to witness first hand the diseases we only learned about before: trench foot, trench mouth, trench fever, shell shock, missing body parts. We were removing, amputating, irrigating. Pulling out bullets, shrapnel, bits of uniform. Blood, blood, blood.
Everyday I was covered in blood and sweat. I never sweat all that much. I'd never come back soaked from a day of running around, but these days I was drenched.
The heat did nothing to help. One day I found myself talking to a patient. We thought he was a goner for sure. But he was recovering little by little. His was name Private Patrick Kellogg. He was eighteen years old, a farmer's son from Bagley, Idaho. His hair was red like mine. It was the real dark red that I only saw on my mother and myself. He could have just as easily been my little brother. He was a good kid and I liked talking to him, very funny. Pat would live despite his injuries, he could walk, he would not be blind. but he was missing most of the left side of his face.
According to one of his buddies he was the best looking guy in their whole company.or at least he had been. The day after his remarkable recovery he looked and me and asked "Do I look bad?" It was before we got him the plaster mask.
I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I leaned down to him and held his hand and I whispered to him.
"It may not seem like it now or even soon, but I know from getting to know you and seeing the kind of person you are, it's going to be alright. You will be alright."
True enough I had survived losing my home in the Mexican Revolution and subsequently being beat up pretty bad twice after, losing my father, the man I loved, and my best friend, I survived Titanic and came out with my eyesight damaged-(the problem with general vision had been there since and had gotten no worse, but the astigmatism had in the past month), but still I felt like a complete hypocrite-I still had my God damn *face.*
Two days later Chief Nurse Frost called me in to her office. I changed out of my bloodied nursing uniform and back into my blue one. I'd just been in surgery and had lost four patients that day. It was one of those days I wish I had jumped off the boat.
To make things crazier a quarter of the nurses were sick with pneumonia and dysentery and otherwise and another quarter of them were being borrowed by other base hospitals.
At least for those few moments it was nice to be out of stuffy tent that smelled of blood and flesh.
I wondered what I was being called in their for. Anna Frost was one of the most decent people I'd ever met, kind caring, compassionate, competent, but you did not get in her way and mediocrity was no excuse when people's lives were at stake.
I hadn't come under her fire yet and I was wondering if that was what was about to happen.
"Chief Nurse Frost?" I couldn't really fathom what she wanted from me today. *A promotion,* I mused to myself jokingly. US Nurses didn't have ranks then unlike our British counterparts.
"Come in Nurse Dawson. Sit down. We're lending you to another hospital."
*Alright, another hospital. No big deal.* Still I felt something was not quite right.
"Is there something else?"
"We're sending you to an evacuation hospital near the front. Seven others are going as well. All the women here," we were always referred to as 'girls,' but Anna always called us 'women,' "are more capable of handling such situations then most other people, but there are an even lesser few who can handle anything. I believe you, even more than the other seven going, can handle it. I know you are inexperienced and young, but there is something about you; I know you, like few men I've ever known, are capable."
Despite everything thing I'd been through my first reaction was I did not want to go. I felt terrified, but once she finished speaking I simply nodded and asked for the details. I was that kind of person; that's why I volunteered in the first place.
It was hot out the night I left. I was off to an evacuation hospital near Meuse-Argonne. It wasn't a death sentence, but it sure felt like one. We already lost two nurses to disease here at 42, why was I so scared? And it certainly wasn't like I hadn't been in these kinds of situations before.
I broke down in my tent. I was scared. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to throw up. I got my childish sobbing out and I wiped off my face. I put on my glasses and picked up my suitcase and my duffle and walked out.
Looking up at the sky I could see the stars. There were many stars out, like diamonds in the night sky. I remembered a night years before where the stars had been that bright. I was still under that same sky and it seemed I would very soon witness a similar horror under the same blanket of beauty.
***
Now my life truly became endless. There were so many casualties coming in, sometimes I didn't sleep for 24 hours on end. The on and off shellfire and nearby air raids didn't ease my mind either.
We usually weren't too bothered by the air raids. The woods around us were thick making it hard to locate us. Still, they kept buzzing around us for an hour or so making for some tense moments.
The worst thing at first was the new chief nurse, Loretta Long. She seemed more like the Kaiser than a nurse. The German soldiers we took in must have felt at home. I was trying to think of a good name for her, but I could never find the right word. Years later during the next world war my children came up with it after hearing a story or two: "The *Nazi* Nurse."
The worst days I spent there were in late-September and most of October. I had been there about three weeks and had only managed to form anything close to a friendship with one other nurse; everyone else was just a friendly acquaintance or coworker. I started to miss Ada, Carrie, and Amelia desperately. My new friend was Blanche Holland of Colorado. She was about thirty, funny and sweet, and shared in my hatred of Chief Nurse Long. Any other friends I made were soldiers. Again, I found myself among their favorites. My tyrant of a boss would usually accuse me of fooling around with them and tried to get me sent back to the States twice. Needless to say, I missed Anna Frost quite a bit too.
I was taking my break outside the recovery ward smoking two cigarettes. A soldier came up to me, or as it were, wheeled by me in his wheelchair.
"Hello, Rose."
"Hello, Bryan."
"I know you're really stressed and probably need the double dose, but would you mind letting me have one of your cigarettes?"
"Sure." I said. I took my second cig out of my mouth and handed it to him.
"Thanks," he sighed blowing out the smoke and closing his eyes, "Jesus I needed that."
I laughed. Blanche joined us a second later.
"You know, Rose, I saw you from a distance. Before it looked like you had fangs." she said.
"I'm feeling indulgent today."
"Looks like you girls are gonna be occupied today." Bryan pointed.
"Oh no." Blanche said.
We looked to the incoming batch.
"See ya later." Bryan waved as we ran to the new customers.
It was 2 AM by the time we left surgery and I had the morning shift. The shellfire started minutes later. It was closer than usual, but I was too tired to care. They could bomb me right on my head and I wouldn't care.
I didn't go to sleep immediately. I think I had been weaned off sleep somehow. I got a letter that day and hadn't had a chance to even see whom it was from.
Well, here was a bomb so to speak, at least it was good news. Both Sanchezes were getting married. I couldn't picture them as the married types-yes, even though I almost married Manuel. There was going to be a double wedding in San Diego and they were both moving to Los Angeles-and into the same apartment building. I laughed thinking about the time Maria threw a giant metal pot at Manny. Ana Escobar and Ramon Salinas were going to be two very lucky and pitiful souls. I couldn't make it to the wedding for obvious reasons, but it gave me something to smile about.
I tried to sleep after, but I just stared up listening to the popping of anti-aircraft guns. The second I closed my eyes Blanche burst into the tent.
"Rose, get up!"
"What?" I winced.
"More patients."
*Noooo.*
I rose from my cot and Blanche pulled my arm along.
"Come on!"
Running out I could hear the German planes overhead wondering if they'd finally his us tonight. I never made it to surgery that night.sort of. On the way to the operating room Blanche and I were diverted to an ambulance that had tipped over 200 yards from the camp.
On the way there Blanche tried yelling something to me, but she was muffled by the sound of a rocket exploding nearly over our heads. More followed it. White flares lit up the sky. Someone might have thought there was a celebration.
My heart was pounding out of my chest. They were so loud now I thought my brains would burst out my ears and my legs would be detaching from under me. I just kept running to my destination. There was nothing to do but run.
*Run.*
There were already a few nurses there when we arrived. They were pulling the patients out from the overturned vehicle. Blanche and I went in to get the last man out.
I can remember everything that night, regretfully. We lifted the man up, Blanche was standing just outside holding him up under his arms. I was still inside holding him by the ankles. It was so dark in there I couldn't see a thing.
"Ready?!" Blanche called from outside.
Then an explosion from outside.
It wasn't close enough to hit us, but it shook the ground tossing the man and me back and to the side and the doors closed in on us. I lost my balance and his feet crashed into my stomach. Everything tool, every everything poured down on us. The clanking and crashing of metal was everywhere.
He shouted something unintelligible. He was still fully conscious. His voice was familiar. It was unmistakable. A sharp pain went up through the small of back.
I could hear Blanche and another outside shouting and prying at the doors. The ambulance was now upside down.
I staggered to my feet and lifted the man up. Trying not to dig into any wounds. I could feel his warm blood pouring down, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from.
I felt around for anything while trying to regain my balance. It was still so dark. The walls felt so cold on my bare hands.
*I'm gonna get him out of here. I'm gonna get him out of here. I'm gonna get him out of here. We won't die like this.*
"Still with me?!" I asked him desperately.
"I'm still with ya!"
The doors flew open to reveal Blanche and a few others.
"Come we gotcha!" I moved toward their open arms.
Then another explosion. It was right on top of us. We were tossed back into the ambulance once more only this time I could feel heat from outside. We're jostled around for what seemed like an eternity. I hugged him closer feeling the warmth from his wound. I held him close to me making sure nothing else would touch it. His nails were digging into my back and his nose dug into my shoulder. We were tossed and turned and still more crap was falling down on us and hitting us. More raining of metal and there was the loud roar of rockets in the distance. I could feel him breathing down my neck. We screamed inside until it stopped, but there were no screams outside.
"STILL HERE?!"
"STILL HERE!" he answered. *Thank God.*
"We're gonna make it!" I staggered to my feet once more, picked up my patient, and kicked open the door to see no faces this time. There was smoke everywhere and a few dying flames. I looked around desperately.
He started gagging.
*WHERE ARE THEY?!*
We emerged and I brought him out of the smoke and debris from the blast. I set him down for a moment to get a better grip on him and see where he was hurt.
Thank God we were out of the ambulance. It seemed like forever.
"Rose!" he cried.
"Just tell me where it is, Tobey." I could barely see him, my glasses were cracked and covered in God knows what. I ripped them from my face and discarded them
"My stomach, my leg, fucking everywhere, God knows!" he yelled, out of breath and near crying, "Please, Rose you gotta make it stop! I'll never ask anything of anyone ever again! JUST MAKE IT STOP!" He gripped my collar hard with both hands. He was overpowered seconds later by the whistling of bombs followed by loud cracking noises.
"I'm going to get you out of here. The hospital's close. I promise you I'll see you in surgery."
"It hurts so bad!" He continued to writhe on the ground.
"Just stay with me!"
I hoisted him up over my shoulder. I looked for Blanche and company. They had been right there.
*WHERE ARE THEY?!*
The smoke cleared a bit and I could see a few of them. I concentrated for any movement. They were so badly burned I couldn't tell who was who. I needed to see who was alive, but I needed to get Tobey over to safety. I finally located Blanche.or what was left of her. Her entire lower body was gone. No, not Blanche.
I turned away, repressing a cry. Tobey tightened his grip on my back. I started running back toward the hospital. I could it see it, I just kept on it.
*Must get back. Must get back. Must get back. Must get back. Must get back.*
"Rose." Tobey groaned, "your back."
I could hear the guns. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
The ground shook again. I found myself on one foot. I stumbled around nearly falling over, covered in dirt from a nearby blast. I finally regained my balance and moved toward the hospital.
*Run.*
We had to get back. I had to run faster. I had to go faster or we wouldn't make it. Any second we could be blasted to hell. *Faster, faster.*
*Run.*
I just keep running and hobbling through with Tobey's ever growing weight and my damn skirt (why didn't they issue us some God damn pants?!) until I finally saw more nurses.
*Go. Gotta Move.*
Another loud 'boom' shook us once more. I cried out. I just told my legs to move forwards toward them. I had to get to them. I just had to.
*Run!*
"HERE! OVER HERE!" I called to them.
They took him and caught me as I fell over.
While laid out on the stretcher Tobey cupped his hands around mind. "Th- thank you. No matter what. Thank you. I'm going to t-try. I will make it, Rose, I promise.her back!" he turned to the others suddenly, "it's in her back!" They started to pull him away. "I'm in love with Amelia, but you'll always be my angel. You're my guardian angel, Rose."
They took him away.
"He's got a deep wound running from his lower abdomen down through his left leg, possibly a-" I collapsed onto the ground. I felt so dizzy and awful.
"Stay calm, Rose, don't move." said one of the others.
"Blanche! Blanche! Blanche! S-Suzette, Diane, Dana," I tried to remember everyone who was there, "DEAD! They're all dead! B-by the ambulance!" I screamed.
I saw two of them, Miriam and MaryAnn. MaryAnn was holding me by the arms as I screamed on my knees pleading.
"PLEASE HELP THEM!" I kept on screaming.
"We need another stretcher! We can't walk her like this!" Miriam shouted over the noise. Noise. Noise. Bombs, guns, planes. They all merged into one loud constant sound. It was blaring. They were so close today. Too close as I learned.
I was shaking everywhere. There were noises all around us. They were so evil and loud It never stopped it. It never stopped! It never fucking stopped!
Boom, boom, whistle, boom.
I was lifted off the ground. In a moment of terror I shouted to the only thing I could remember.
"JACK!"
***
I slowly opened my eyes. I saw lots of white. I was in the recovery ward- but I was in a bed.
*What am I doing here? Why am I here?*
"Welcome to the other side." said MaryAnn.
"What happened? What am I doing here?"
She took my hand. "You were at the ambulance." I winced. I remembered now.
"I know, I know, I know. Why am I *here*?" I said weakly.
"When you were inside the ambulance it was hit and-"
"It was hit twice." I corrected.
She breathed. "When you fell you fell onto a surgical knife. It was a few inches in. You were lucky though, just missed your kidney. You'll be fine."
"Blanche."
"I know, honey."
"Dana and Suzette and Diane and Ginny and Maude." I remembered the other ones now. "Any of them?"
She shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Rose."
I spoke after a silence.
"What about Tobey?"
"Tobey?"
"Corporal Tobias Jackson. He's the one I brought in."
"I'm not sure. I'll check for you."
"Thank you."
"It's alright. That was a very brave thing you did out there. We're all so very proud of you."
"Just my job." I squeaked, shrugging slightly. MaryAnn got up and I rolled over too drained to cry and fell asleep.
***
I woke up again a few hours later. It was evening sometime. Dinnertime to be exact, but I wasn't hungry.
"The food here is even worse than at 42."
*George! Of course he's in Tobey's unit! Tobey and George and Holden! To see those guys again!*
Never was I happy to see any face.
"Oh George. I'm so glad to see you."
He smiled weakly.
"They thought you might want to see me. Holden's here too, somewhere flirting with some nurse. Back together again," he laughed, "How ya feeling?"
"I'm not feeling much now to be honest. How's Tobey?"
He looked down, twisting a fork in his hand.
"I'm so sorry, Rose."
I grabbed my hair on either side and sank farther down into the bed. I could cry now. I tried to grab for something to hold on to. George gave me his hand. After a while of sobbing I finally developed the courage to look at him again.
"I'm sorry!" I cried "I tried to save him! I tried! And he promised!" I started pushing my feet into the mattress.
"It's alright and he knows that. Rose, it wasn't you.or him. It was so bad. There was nothing they could do." He tightened his lips, trying not to cry himself.
Everything was so miserable. I couldn't help but feel I'd given Jack the company of his friend. I never got a chance to tell him. I wanted to die, but then again no. I didn't want to face anybody on either side right now except George.
I hated everything around me and everywhere I could be. There was no point to even going to that ambulance, everyone who was there when I got there had died. Everyone but me.
But I thought this was the best place I could be. George and I had natural trust. As long as he stayed I'd be fine.
It was like the first time I met him six years ago. It was a ward again. I was in bed and ailing and he was watching over me. Now it was an evacuation hospital instead of Bellevue. France instead of New York. But again I lost another sweet-faced boy from Chippewa Falls. How much had happened to both of us in those years between.
"Don't leave." I whispered.
"I won't. I promise. Just keep hangin' in there, Red." That was the first time he called 'Red.'
***
I was in bed for a while. I went from nurse to patient. I would lie awake and listen to the sounds of war and the pounding rain. It rained constantly from the middle to the end of October. Rain, rain, and more rain. And for some variety: rain.
At least the war was finally coming to an end. And my stay at the evacuation hospital was too. They shipped me back to 42 on the 25th.
"Hi Rose!" shouted Catherine and Hazel.
"Welcome back, Rose!"
"Adamay! Everyone!"
"Hi Rose, we're so happy to see." she said with her soft southern voice.
"You! We heard about you!" Carrie slapped me on the back.
I smiled weakly. "Yeah.where's Amelia?" I said softly. I put my hand on her shoulder.
"She's back in our quarters. She's just getting over pneumonia, but don't worry, she's fine. We'll be putting her lazy derrière back to work soon."
"I'm going to go check in on her if you don't mind."
"Alright, but we made you and the others welcome back cakes." said Ada.
"Who made them?" I asked suspiciously.
"Not Benny," said Ada, "Doris, Regina, and I. So they're very safe even with what we had to scrap up. Actually we went into town and got some fresh ingredients."
I smiled and hugged everyone and went back to my old tent.
"Amelia?" I said gingerly and stepped in.
*Amelia*. It was such a pretty name. She was such a pretty person. And sweet, too.
She was sitting up in bed. She had buttermilk skin and honey-colored hair that hung loose. She was wearing a pale pink nightgown. She looked more like a girl of twelve than a professional women of twenty-two.
"Rose, you're back. I hadn't got any letters in weeks from you or Tobey. Today's his birthday; he's twenty-six. I'm sending him a little care package with the good French candy. Oh, I'm so happy you're here again." She stretched out her arms. I went to hug her.
"I'm happy to see you too. I missed you guys so much.listen to me," I felt my stomach churning, it was time to play George now, *suck it up and say it*, I breathed deep, "about Tobey."
***
November 11, 1918,
It was late morning, nearly eleven. In minutes the war would be officially over. Our work wouldn't, but it meant there would be peace and we would be going home in a few months. We had only been there about three and half months, but it felt like much longer.
I remember we were all waiting outside in town. Silently, waiting for the church bells the chime eleven. I was holding Ada's hands. Carrie and Amelia we're right next to us. Amelia was smiling for the first time since I told her about Tobey.
The church bells rang and the entire town cheered and screamed and sang. Ada and I jumped up and hollered. I hugged her so tight and then Carrie and Amelia and anyone else I could find.
"Happy Birthday!" cried Maurice, a French soldier from the hospital, his parents were German and he bore an eerie resemblance to Jack. He was especially glad it was over.
"Who's birthday?!" I shouted over the noise.
"Everyone's!" He picked me up and whirled me around and kissed me on the mouth.
A band in town started playing the French National Anthem, then the American, then "When the Saint's Go Marching In."
Bazoilles was alive again and there was much celebration.
"Evelyne!" someone called.
A black-haired little girl ran by me.
"Bonjour mademoiselle!" she said.
"Bonjour fille!" I smiled. She hid behind me as her mother came. Both were very beautiful, the mother's face was hard, though. Not as beautiful as it had been I presumed. Her hard life was on her face. I guessed she was in her late thirties.
"Evelyne! Pardon moi, mademoiselle. My daughter's run away on me again. She eis a little devil."
"That's alright."
"Ah, my Evelyne, come out now. We go meet our friends for lunch and celebration at ze café."
"My, you speak good English."
"I used to live in Paris, I knew many, many different people zere. I learned much. The good things I learned I teach to my daughter. I am glad to be here now. Life in Paris was not good. I come out here I am a whole new person, I raise my child properly in this nice little town, and I get zis little mischief-maker," she smiled warmly, "I am Madame Simone LeClerc."
"Nurse Rose Dawson. Pleased to meet you."
"And you. You remind me very much of an old friend. One of my two friends that made me go here. Same name as well. Do you have a Jack in your family?"
My eyes widened. *Jack?* I pursed my lips and slowly shook my head. *She knows Jack?*
"Maman!" the girl called to her mother. She was running down the street pointing to the café.
"I'm sorry I must go."
She walked off, following her daughter. I noticed she walked strangely. She had a wooden leg.
*Oh my.* I smiled. It couldn't be.
By January, it was time to pack up and say goodbye to my roommates, my boss, all the other girls, and the town of Bazoilles. We had a choice to remain with the Red Cross and stay or go back home.
Well, they weren't sure about my back and wasn't sure if I was ready again. I thought maybe I join up again in a few years, but not now. I didn't go back home either with the rest of them. After I was relieved I stayed behind and went to Paris.
First there were gas victims. Their eyes were so badly damaged. We didn't lose any one these particular patients, but many were left blind.
After that it became truly awful. We got to witness first hand the diseases we only learned about before: trench foot, trench mouth, trench fever, shell shock, missing body parts. We were removing, amputating, irrigating. Pulling out bullets, shrapnel, bits of uniform. Blood, blood, blood.
Everyday I was covered in blood and sweat. I never sweat all that much. I'd never come back soaked from a day of running around, but these days I was drenched.
The heat did nothing to help. One day I found myself talking to a patient. We thought he was a goner for sure. But he was recovering little by little. His was name Private Patrick Kellogg. He was eighteen years old, a farmer's son from Bagley, Idaho. His hair was red like mine. It was the real dark red that I only saw on my mother and myself. He could have just as easily been my little brother. He was a good kid and I liked talking to him, very funny. Pat would live despite his injuries, he could walk, he would not be blind. but he was missing most of the left side of his face.
According to one of his buddies he was the best looking guy in their whole company.or at least he had been. The day after his remarkable recovery he looked and me and asked "Do I look bad?" It was before we got him the plaster mask.
I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I leaned down to him and held his hand and I whispered to him.
"It may not seem like it now or even soon, but I know from getting to know you and seeing the kind of person you are, it's going to be alright. You will be alright."
True enough I had survived losing my home in the Mexican Revolution and subsequently being beat up pretty bad twice after, losing my father, the man I loved, and my best friend, I survived Titanic and came out with my eyesight damaged-(the problem with general vision had been there since and had gotten no worse, but the astigmatism had in the past month), but still I felt like a complete hypocrite-I still had my God damn *face.*
Two days later Chief Nurse Frost called me in to her office. I changed out of my bloodied nursing uniform and back into my blue one. I'd just been in surgery and had lost four patients that day. It was one of those days I wish I had jumped off the boat.
To make things crazier a quarter of the nurses were sick with pneumonia and dysentery and otherwise and another quarter of them were being borrowed by other base hospitals.
At least for those few moments it was nice to be out of stuffy tent that smelled of blood and flesh.
I wondered what I was being called in their for. Anna Frost was one of the most decent people I'd ever met, kind caring, compassionate, competent, but you did not get in her way and mediocrity was no excuse when people's lives were at stake.
I hadn't come under her fire yet and I was wondering if that was what was about to happen.
"Chief Nurse Frost?" I couldn't really fathom what she wanted from me today. *A promotion,* I mused to myself jokingly. US Nurses didn't have ranks then unlike our British counterparts.
"Come in Nurse Dawson. Sit down. We're lending you to another hospital."
*Alright, another hospital. No big deal.* Still I felt something was not quite right.
"Is there something else?"
"We're sending you to an evacuation hospital near the front. Seven others are going as well. All the women here," we were always referred to as 'girls,' but Anna always called us 'women,' "are more capable of handling such situations then most other people, but there are an even lesser few who can handle anything. I believe you, even more than the other seven going, can handle it. I know you are inexperienced and young, but there is something about you; I know you, like few men I've ever known, are capable."
Despite everything thing I'd been through my first reaction was I did not want to go. I felt terrified, but once she finished speaking I simply nodded and asked for the details. I was that kind of person; that's why I volunteered in the first place.
It was hot out the night I left. I was off to an evacuation hospital near Meuse-Argonne. It wasn't a death sentence, but it sure felt like one. We already lost two nurses to disease here at 42, why was I so scared? And it certainly wasn't like I hadn't been in these kinds of situations before.
I broke down in my tent. I was scared. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to throw up. I got my childish sobbing out and I wiped off my face. I put on my glasses and picked up my suitcase and my duffle and walked out.
Looking up at the sky I could see the stars. There were many stars out, like diamonds in the night sky. I remembered a night years before where the stars had been that bright. I was still under that same sky and it seemed I would very soon witness a similar horror under the same blanket of beauty.
***
Now my life truly became endless. There were so many casualties coming in, sometimes I didn't sleep for 24 hours on end. The on and off shellfire and nearby air raids didn't ease my mind either.
We usually weren't too bothered by the air raids. The woods around us were thick making it hard to locate us. Still, they kept buzzing around us for an hour or so making for some tense moments.
The worst thing at first was the new chief nurse, Loretta Long. She seemed more like the Kaiser than a nurse. The German soldiers we took in must have felt at home. I was trying to think of a good name for her, but I could never find the right word. Years later during the next world war my children came up with it after hearing a story or two: "The *Nazi* Nurse."
The worst days I spent there were in late-September and most of October. I had been there about three weeks and had only managed to form anything close to a friendship with one other nurse; everyone else was just a friendly acquaintance or coworker. I started to miss Ada, Carrie, and Amelia desperately. My new friend was Blanche Holland of Colorado. She was about thirty, funny and sweet, and shared in my hatred of Chief Nurse Long. Any other friends I made were soldiers. Again, I found myself among their favorites. My tyrant of a boss would usually accuse me of fooling around with them and tried to get me sent back to the States twice. Needless to say, I missed Anna Frost quite a bit too.
I was taking my break outside the recovery ward smoking two cigarettes. A soldier came up to me, or as it were, wheeled by me in his wheelchair.
"Hello, Rose."
"Hello, Bryan."
"I know you're really stressed and probably need the double dose, but would you mind letting me have one of your cigarettes?"
"Sure." I said. I took my second cig out of my mouth and handed it to him.
"Thanks," he sighed blowing out the smoke and closing his eyes, "Jesus I needed that."
I laughed. Blanche joined us a second later.
"You know, Rose, I saw you from a distance. Before it looked like you had fangs." she said.
"I'm feeling indulgent today."
"Looks like you girls are gonna be occupied today." Bryan pointed.
"Oh no." Blanche said.
We looked to the incoming batch.
"See ya later." Bryan waved as we ran to the new customers.
It was 2 AM by the time we left surgery and I had the morning shift. The shellfire started minutes later. It was closer than usual, but I was too tired to care. They could bomb me right on my head and I wouldn't care.
I didn't go to sleep immediately. I think I had been weaned off sleep somehow. I got a letter that day and hadn't had a chance to even see whom it was from.
Well, here was a bomb so to speak, at least it was good news. Both Sanchezes were getting married. I couldn't picture them as the married types-yes, even though I almost married Manuel. There was going to be a double wedding in San Diego and they were both moving to Los Angeles-and into the same apartment building. I laughed thinking about the time Maria threw a giant metal pot at Manny. Ana Escobar and Ramon Salinas were going to be two very lucky and pitiful souls. I couldn't make it to the wedding for obvious reasons, but it gave me something to smile about.
I tried to sleep after, but I just stared up listening to the popping of anti-aircraft guns. The second I closed my eyes Blanche burst into the tent.
"Rose, get up!"
"What?" I winced.
"More patients."
*Noooo.*
I rose from my cot and Blanche pulled my arm along.
"Come on!"
Running out I could hear the German planes overhead wondering if they'd finally his us tonight. I never made it to surgery that night.sort of. On the way to the operating room Blanche and I were diverted to an ambulance that had tipped over 200 yards from the camp.
On the way there Blanche tried yelling something to me, but she was muffled by the sound of a rocket exploding nearly over our heads. More followed it. White flares lit up the sky. Someone might have thought there was a celebration.
My heart was pounding out of my chest. They were so loud now I thought my brains would burst out my ears and my legs would be detaching from under me. I just kept running to my destination. There was nothing to do but run.
*Run.*
There were already a few nurses there when we arrived. They were pulling the patients out from the overturned vehicle. Blanche and I went in to get the last man out.
I can remember everything that night, regretfully. We lifted the man up, Blanche was standing just outside holding him up under his arms. I was still inside holding him by the ankles. It was so dark in there I couldn't see a thing.
"Ready?!" Blanche called from outside.
Then an explosion from outside.
It wasn't close enough to hit us, but it shook the ground tossing the man and me back and to the side and the doors closed in on us. I lost my balance and his feet crashed into my stomach. Everything tool, every everything poured down on us. The clanking and crashing of metal was everywhere.
He shouted something unintelligible. He was still fully conscious. His voice was familiar. It was unmistakable. A sharp pain went up through the small of back.
I could hear Blanche and another outside shouting and prying at the doors. The ambulance was now upside down.
I staggered to my feet and lifted the man up. Trying not to dig into any wounds. I could feel his warm blood pouring down, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from.
I felt around for anything while trying to regain my balance. It was still so dark. The walls felt so cold on my bare hands.
*I'm gonna get him out of here. I'm gonna get him out of here. I'm gonna get him out of here. We won't die like this.*
"Still with me?!" I asked him desperately.
"I'm still with ya!"
The doors flew open to reveal Blanche and a few others.
"Come we gotcha!" I moved toward their open arms.
Then another explosion. It was right on top of us. We were tossed back into the ambulance once more only this time I could feel heat from outside. We're jostled around for what seemed like an eternity. I hugged him closer feeling the warmth from his wound. I held him close to me making sure nothing else would touch it. His nails were digging into my back and his nose dug into my shoulder. We were tossed and turned and still more crap was falling down on us and hitting us. More raining of metal and there was the loud roar of rockets in the distance. I could feel him breathing down my neck. We screamed inside until it stopped, but there were no screams outside.
"STILL HERE?!"
"STILL HERE!" he answered. *Thank God.*
"We're gonna make it!" I staggered to my feet once more, picked up my patient, and kicked open the door to see no faces this time. There was smoke everywhere and a few dying flames. I looked around desperately.
He started gagging.
*WHERE ARE THEY?!*
We emerged and I brought him out of the smoke and debris from the blast. I set him down for a moment to get a better grip on him and see where he was hurt.
Thank God we were out of the ambulance. It seemed like forever.
"Rose!" he cried.
"Just tell me where it is, Tobey." I could barely see him, my glasses were cracked and covered in God knows what. I ripped them from my face and discarded them
"My stomach, my leg, fucking everywhere, God knows!" he yelled, out of breath and near crying, "Please, Rose you gotta make it stop! I'll never ask anything of anyone ever again! JUST MAKE IT STOP!" He gripped my collar hard with both hands. He was overpowered seconds later by the whistling of bombs followed by loud cracking noises.
"I'm going to get you out of here. The hospital's close. I promise you I'll see you in surgery."
"It hurts so bad!" He continued to writhe on the ground.
"Just stay with me!"
I hoisted him up over my shoulder. I looked for Blanche and company. They had been right there.
*WHERE ARE THEY?!*
The smoke cleared a bit and I could see a few of them. I concentrated for any movement. They were so badly burned I couldn't tell who was who. I needed to see who was alive, but I needed to get Tobey over to safety. I finally located Blanche.or what was left of her. Her entire lower body was gone. No, not Blanche.
I turned away, repressing a cry. Tobey tightened his grip on my back. I started running back toward the hospital. I could it see it, I just kept on it.
*Must get back. Must get back. Must get back. Must get back. Must get back.*
"Rose." Tobey groaned, "your back."
I could hear the guns. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
The ground shook again. I found myself on one foot. I stumbled around nearly falling over, covered in dirt from a nearby blast. I finally regained my balance and moved toward the hospital.
*Run.*
We had to get back. I had to run faster. I had to go faster or we wouldn't make it. Any second we could be blasted to hell. *Faster, faster.*
*Run.*
I just keep running and hobbling through with Tobey's ever growing weight and my damn skirt (why didn't they issue us some God damn pants?!) until I finally saw more nurses.
*Go. Gotta Move.*
Another loud 'boom' shook us once more. I cried out. I just told my legs to move forwards toward them. I had to get to them. I just had to.
*Run!*
"HERE! OVER HERE!" I called to them.
They took him and caught me as I fell over.
While laid out on the stretcher Tobey cupped his hands around mind. "Th- thank you. No matter what. Thank you. I'm going to t-try. I will make it, Rose, I promise.her back!" he turned to the others suddenly, "it's in her back!" They started to pull him away. "I'm in love with Amelia, but you'll always be my angel. You're my guardian angel, Rose."
They took him away.
"He's got a deep wound running from his lower abdomen down through his left leg, possibly a-" I collapsed onto the ground. I felt so dizzy and awful.
"Stay calm, Rose, don't move." said one of the others.
"Blanche! Blanche! Blanche! S-Suzette, Diane, Dana," I tried to remember everyone who was there, "DEAD! They're all dead! B-by the ambulance!" I screamed.
I saw two of them, Miriam and MaryAnn. MaryAnn was holding me by the arms as I screamed on my knees pleading.
"PLEASE HELP THEM!" I kept on screaming.
"We need another stretcher! We can't walk her like this!" Miriam shouted over the noise. Noise. Noise. Bombs, guns, planes. They all merged into one loud constant sound. It was blaring. They were so close today. Too close as I learned.
I was shaking everywhere. There were noises all around us. They were so evil and loud It never stopped it. It never stopped! It never fucking stopped!
Boom, boom, whistle, boom.
I was lifted off the ground. In a moment of terror I shouted to the only thing I could remember.
"JACK!"
***
I slowly opened my eyes. I saw lots of white. I was in the recovery ward- but I was in a bed.
*What am I doing here? Why am I here?*
"Welcome to the other side." said MaryAnn.
"What happened? What am I doing here?"
She took my hand. "You were at the ambulance." I winced. I remembered now.
"I know, I know, I know. Why am I *here*?" I said weakly.
"When you were inside the ambulance it was hit and-"
"It was hit twice." I corrected.
She breathed. "When you fell you fell onto a surgical knife. It was a few inches in. You were lucky though, just missed your kidney. You'll be fine."
"Blanche."
"I know, honey."
"Dana and Suzette and Diane and Ginny and Maude." I remembered the other ones now. "Any of them?"
She shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Rose."
I spoke after a silence.
"What about Tobey?"
"Tobey?"
"Corporal Tobias Jackson. He's the one I brought in."
"I'm not sure. I'll check for you."
"Thank you."
"It's alright. That was a very brave thing you did out there. We're all so very proud of you."
"Just my job." I squeaked, shrugging slightly. MaryAnn got up and I rolled over too drained to cry and fell asleep.
***
I woke up again a few hours later. It was evening sometime. Dinnertime to be exact, but I wasn't hungry.
"The food here is even worse than at 42."
*George! Of course he's in Tobey's unit! Tobey and George and Holden! To see those guys again!*
Never was I happy to see any face.
"Oh George. I'm so glad to see you."
He smiled weakly.
"They thought you might want to see me. Holden's here too, somewhere flirting with some nurse. Back together again," he laughed, "How ya feeling?"
"I'm not feeling much now to be honest. How's Tobey?"
He looked down, twisting a fork in his hand.
"I'm so sorry, Rose."
I grabbed my hair on either side and sank farther down into the bed. I could cry now. I tried to grab for something to hold on to. George gave me his hand. After a while of sobbing I finally developed the courage to look at him again.
"I'm sorry!" I cried "I tried to save him! I tried! And he promised!" I started pushing my feet into the mattress.
"It's alright and he knows that. Rose, it wasn't you.or him. It was so bad. There was nothing they could do." He tightened his lips, trying not to cry himself.
Everything was so miserable. I couldn't help but feel I'd given Jack the company of his friend. I never got a chance to tell him. I wanted to die, but then again no. I didn't want to face anybody on either side right now except George.
I hated everything around me and everywhere I could be. There was no point to even going to that ambulance, everyone who was there when I got there had died. Everyone but me.
But I thought this was the best place I could be. George and I had natural trust. As long as he stayed I'd be fine.
It was like the first time I met him six years ago. It was a ward again. I was in bed and ailing and he was watching over me. Now it was an evacuation hospital instead of Bellevue. France instead of New York. But again I lost another sweet-faced boy from Chippewa Falls. How much had happened to both of us in those years between.
"Don't leave." I whispered.
"I won't. I promise. Just keep hangin' in there, Red." That was the first time he called 'Red.'
***
I was in bed for a while. I went from nurse to patient. I would lie awake and listen to the sounds of war and the pounding rain. It rained constantly from the middle to the end of October. Rain, rain, and more rain. And for some variety: rain.
At least the war was finally coming to an end. And my stay at the evacuation hospital was too. They shipped me back to 42 on the 25th.
"Hi Rose!" shouted Catherine and Hazel.
"Welcome back, Rose!"
"Adamay! Everyone!"
"Hi Rose, we're so happy to see." she said with her soft southern voice.
"You! We heard about you!" Carrie slapped me on the back.
I smiled weakly. "Yeah.where's Amelia?" I said softly. I put my hand on her shoulder.
"She's back in our quarters. She's just getting over pneumonia, but don't worry, she's fine. We'll be putting her lazy derrière back to work soon."
"I'm going to go check in on her if you don't mind."
"Alright, but we made you and the others welcome back cakes." said Ada.
"Who made them?" I asked suspiciously.
"Not Benny," said Ada, "Doris, Regina, and I. So they're very safe even with what we had to scrap up. Actually we went into town and got some fresh ingredients."
I smiled and hugged everyone and went back to my old tent.
"Amelia?" I said gingerly and stepped in.
*Amelia*. It was such a pretty name. She was such a pretty person. And sweet, too.
She was sitting up in bed. She had buttermilk skin and honey-colored hair that hung loose. She was wearing a pale pink nightgown. She looked more like a girl of twelve than a professional women of twenty-two.
"Rose, you're back. I hadn't got any letters in weeks from you or Tobey. Today's his birthday; he's twenty-six. I'm sending him a little care package with the good French candy. Oh, I'm so happy you're here again." She stretched out her arms. I went to hug her.
"I'm happy to see you too. I missed you guys so much.listen to me," I felt my stomach churning, it was time to play George now, *suck it up and say it*, I breathed deep, "about Tobey."
***
November 11, 1918,
It was late morning, nearly eleven. In minutes the war would be officially over. Our work wouldn't, but it meant there would be peace and we would be going home in a few months. We had only been there about three and half months, but it felt like much longer.
I remember we were all waiting outside in town. Silently, waiting for the church bells the chime eleven. I was holding Ada's hands. Carrie and Amelia we're right next to us. Amelia was smiling for the first time since I told her about Tobey.
The church bells rang and the entire town cheered and screamed and sang. Ada and I jumped up and hollered. I hugged her so tight and then Carrie and Amelia and anyone else I could find.
"Happy Birthday!" cried Maurice, a French soldier from the hospital, his parents were German and he bore an eerie resemblance to Jack. He was especially glad it was over.
"Who's birthday?!" I shouted over the noise.
"Everyone's!" He picked me up and whirled me around and kissed me on the mouth.
A band in town started playing the French National Anthem, then the American, then "When the Saint's Go Marching In."
Bazoilles was alive again and there was much celebration.
"Evelyne!" someone called.
A black-haired little girl ran by me.
"Bonjour mademoiselle!" she said.
"Bonjour fille!" I smiled. She hid behind me as her mother came. Both were very beautiful, the mother's face was hard, though. Not as beautiful as it had been I presumed. Her hard life was on her face. I guessed she was in her late thirties.
"Evelyne! Pardon moi, mademoiselle. My daughter's run away on me again. She eis a little devil."
"That's alright."
"Ah, my Evelyne, come out now. We go meet our friends for lunch and celebration at ze café."
"My, you speak good English."
"I used to live in Paris, I knew many, many different people zere. I learned much. The good things I learned I teach to my daughter. I am glad to be here now. Life in Paris was not good. I come out here I am a whole new person, I raise my child properly in this nice little town, and I get zis little mischief-maker," she smiled warmly, "I am Madame Simone LeClerc."
"Nurse Rose Dawson. Pleased to meet you."
"And you. You remind me very much of an old friend. One of my two friends that made me go here. Same name as well. Do you have a Jack in your family?"
My eyes widened. *Jack?* I pursed my lips and slowly shook my head. *She knows Jack?*
"Maman!" the girl called to her mother. She was running down the street pointing to the café.
"I'm sorry I must go."
She walked off, following her daughter. I noticed she walked strangely. She had a wooden leg.
*Oh my.* I smiled. It couldn't be.
By January, it was time to pack up and say goodbye to my roommates, my boss, all the other girls, and the town of Bazoilles. We had a choice to remain with the Red Cross and stay or go back home.
Well, they weren't sure about my back and wasn't sure if I was ready again. I thought maybe I join up again in a few years, but not now. I didn't go back home either with the rest of them. After I was relieved I stayed behind and went to Paris.