"I'm grounded till Christmas!" Judy yelled.
"My mother wanted names I had to give 'em." Tobey shrugged.
"I did not make you paint your shed in primary color stripes when you were supposed to white wash it!"
"Yeah, but I say Milo and Jack do that stuff all the time. It wasn't fair."
"Accept the blame yourself! It was you and you only! That's what's fair! Why does no one believe me?"
"Because I am a brilliant liar.that and I snuck the buckets up to your room when your family was at church."
"That's it, Jackson! That's it!" Judy marched toward him angrily.
"Whoa there, Parker. Settle down now there's no need to get all riled-ow!"
Why exactly Judy was carrying a fork in her pocket only the birds know. She stabbed Tobey in the arm with a rare act of violence on her part.
***
And thus the big end to the summer of 1907. Tobey needed some excuse as to why he painted his family's barn red, blue, and yellow and he paid for it with a three-pronged scar.
In the fall Judy and Milo continued to high school, Tobey went to work for his dad; Jack went off to art school in Eau Claire, only coming home for holidays. Emily got lonely and then made friends her own age. But Judy still took her Christmas shopping for her folks when there was no Jack.
As fun as a school where he actually enjoyed the subjects was, Jack was lonely and ready to go home by the spring. He'd made friends easily and he had a lot at school, but he felt his real life was at home. Then he would wonder if he'd spend his whole life in Chippewa Falls. Never leaving or never coming back both seemed pretty frightening. As good as the college- like experience of art school was, Eau Claire wasn't exactly the center of excitement in the world.
He met his dad and Tobey at the train station, they were happy to see him, but he couldn't help but feel there was something not quiet right with his dad.
When Jack asked how everyone was Peter didn't go into detail. They stopped by the library to pick up a book for Joe: another Oscar Wilde collection. Joe had a thing for Oscar Wilde plays.
As he approached his house things were stranger still. Maggie was yelling.which under normal circumstances would be considered normal, but it wasn't about crazy Mrs. Wilcox who sat outside the barbershop.
Tobey wasn't greeted by the usual 'Tobias, my love' by Hannah. When he wasn't crushing Miss Taylor, he was thinking about Jack's mother-although Hannah was purely teasing.
But there was no teasing today.
Peter cleared his throat loudly for the woman to hear. They immediately stopped. And Hannah ran over to her son.
"Jack, my baby!"
"Hi, Mom." He hugged her, feeling awkward. What was going on?
"Hey, guy!" His aunt hugged him, too.
After an awkward reunion lunch Jack asked Tobey what had been happening. He had no idea. When Joe came home from delivering that day he was just like the other three. When Emily got home from school she was walking with another little girl her age. Which was a surprise, but the only pleasant one of the day.
He didn't want to ask her, this little child, what was going on, but she was the only one who would give it to him straight.
"Money, brother and sister things." Emily sighed, curling up on her bed. She seemed like she had aged inside, she was barely nine.
"Money?"
"Art school costs a lot. And we have six people to keep track of. And." Emily said sadly, "I think my mommy and daddy want to leave because they're grown-ups and they don't want to be the little brother and sister anymore. And because mommy's thirty-one and daddy's twenty and they're adults God dammit."
"It'll be alright, kid."
"No it won't. Grandpa Dawson built this house and they wanna leave, and not into the old Shelton's house either. They wanna a completely new life. But they never asked me!"
"You don't have to go if you don't want to."
"No, they say it's for all our benefits. 'Cause Aunt Hannah and Uncle Peter can pay for your school and I'll have better opportunities if I go all the way through high school in damn 'civilization.' I'll never get to have Miss Taylor! I'll never get to tell stupid old Miss Law to stuff it in her fucking stupid old ass! This is my home! This is home!" Emily sobbed. Jack picked her up on his lap and rocked like she was a baby.
"You don't know if this will happen. And even if it does, the whole family will still get to see each other."
Emily just cried. Jack picked up their new book he'd been reading to her. (They just finished Last of the Mohichans)
"'Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?''"
***
"We want to explain something to the two of you." All four adults stood in front of the children, much like a firing squad. Hannah spoke. "We know this has been very hard for all of us, but we feel it is the best thing we can do."
Maggie knelt down to her daughter. "Baby, we're moving out." she said softly, tugging at a black banana curl.
Emily hissed in rage. "No!" She turned around and ran upstairs.
"Emily!" Everyone called as flew to her room. They were answered with a slamming door. P "I think you're rushing into this." Jack said as he turned back to the adults. P "No, son. We've talked about this a lot." Peter put his hand on his shoulder.
"You couldn't wait till Emily's out of school? She won't be able to handle this."
"This is for everyone," Joe said, "we can't stay like this forever. And it's time we *all* took a look at that." He looked at the other adults knowingly.
"Where are you going?"
"Your aunt and I have some distant relatives in Manhattan. They have a grocery store and own the apartments above it. They offered Joe and Maggie jobs with an apartment for decent rent. They've been writing back and forth for a while." Hannah said.
"Don't look so glum, Jack. You'll be the only kid on your block to spend Christmas in New York City!" Joe smiled.
"New York City? Holy sh-I mean I am quite ecstatic, Uncle."
The folks sighed with some relief. At least one of the children would have something to smile about. Despite the pretty holiday lights of New York dancing in his head. Jack couldn't shake the vision of an empty house.
"So these relatives of yours." Jack asked, "they have kids?"
"More than the neighborhood." Maggie smirked.
"Who are they?"
"The McBrides."
***
The day came in August when Maggie, Joe, and Em would be leaving for Manhattan. It was a beautiful day. After the entire Dawson family, even Emily, had gotten themselves so excited over New York City they realized the final goodbye wouldn't be so easy.
"Come on, Jack! Time to go the station!" his father called from outside.
Time to go. Time for his family to be ripped in two. His home was already too big and too cold. He was the only one left in the house save for some vague memories.his Grandpa Dawson before he passed away, getting ready for Maggie and Joe's wedding and humming and there was a teenage Maggie and Joe arguing about who left a broom in the living room. He saw his own little self shaking his finger at his tiny cousin. "Bad baby." he would say. There was Christmas 1900 when they all went through town and Jack went on and on to a seventeen month-old Emily about what Christmas decorations meant.
Jack closed the door behind him.
For the first time in her life Emily felt empty. The weather was so beautiful. Bad things could happen on a sunny day. That was strange for Emily.
The six Dawsons stood on the platform, waiting for the train and exchanging hugs and kisses and I love you's and I'll miss you's when an entire crowd showed up. The whole of the Jacksons, the Parkers, the Shaws, and even the Belles showed up to wish them off.
Two brothers and two sisters that had never been separated in all their thirty some odd years we're going to split. And two cousins, though more like brothers some would say, we're about to grow up alone.
"And whenever mommy acts mean." Hannah said to her niece.
"There's always telegrams."
"Next time there's a ball game you make sure you get to play." Peter added, winking at Jack.
"I better!" Emily agreed.
"Hey, kiddo," Maggie said to Jack, "watch out for those Eau Claire girls. They're dangerous.and a little loose if you ask me."
"Will do."
"And that's quite a fashionable suit you're wearing." Joe added.
"Oh Uncle Joe," Jack gave him a dismissing wave of the hand, "fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
Joe smiled. He'd learned well.
Peter and Joe put each other hands shoulders. "Till Christmas, little brother and till death, solider."
Then Peter whispered something Joe, then something to Maggie. Whatever he said to Maggie made her laugh hard. Hannah gave Joe a hairpin. It was part of an old joke years ago the children did not know. It was something similar to the Judy/Tobey fork incident. Hannah took her sister's hand like she had their first day in Chippewa Falls and said "You're your own person now. You always were."
Maggie and Joe boarded. Emily stayed behind for just a minute to complete the secret handshake she had with her cousin.
Emily turned to leave when Jack grabbed her arm and whispered to her. "No matter where you go, I'll always be your big cousin. Here." He pulled off his white cap and placed atop Emily's head. Which looked appalling with her pretty blue church dress, but Emily thought it pretty grand. He hugged her and turned her around. She boarded.
The three emigrants leaned out the window to what now seemed to be half of Chippewa Falls. The train began to pull away and Jack's heart sank. Hannah and Peter exchanged glances. Hannah smiled. Peter nodded.
They each grabbed one of their son's hands and ran with the train cheering at the other half of the family as the waved back.
"Goodbye! Will miss you!"
"See you in the City!"
The memory stuck perfectly in all their minds. Emily was actually wearing a dress (not Jack's hand-me-downs) and a pretty powder blue one at that. Maggie's frizzy auburn hair was tied up on top of her head while her sister's smooth blonde hair was tied back and tight. All the men wore their best Sunday suits (although it was a Thursday) and Jack's hair was slicked back and neat.
Jack looked at his the other half of his family, the other half of his heart, disappear. Somewhere in the in the distance the sun hit his aunt's hair making it like fire.
***
One more day till New York. It was the first time either Joe or Emily had been out of Wisconsin. Maggie remembered her first time in Chippewa Falls when she was twelve as she tried to concentrate on her husband's book: IExcuse me a moment. I'm in the middle of my performance of the attentive son. /I She laughed, but set the play down. Enough reading for one day.
She remembered leaving St. Louis some twenty or so years ago. The Walker sisters never knew real family life. Arthur Walker left his young wife, Susannah when his daughter was two and his next child on the way. Susannah died in childbirth with baby Margaret. Her old Aunt Amy took the babies in and raised them. Amy hated the children. And never cared much for 'a faceless immigrant mick-girl' as Sue's husband called her. Likewise her aunt beat her children senseless for the slightest mistake.
Amy wrote to an old friend's son (how sniveling Aunt Amy made any friends was strange to the girls, but lo she had one once) asking for lodging when they would visit Wisconsin. He obliged.
It was no visit. Amy sent the girls up by themselves and died a month later. From the train station fifteen year-old Hannah asked for directions to the Dawson Farm. They found there a Mr. Matthew Dawson, a widower of 40 and his two sons. He took them in.
Hannah and the elder boy quickly fell enamored of each other and Maggie was left to deal with his annoying little brother, Joey. She smiled at the memory and turned her head to see that annoying kid sound asleep with their daughter on his lap.
***
"We're here!" Joe nudged Emily who was staring intently at the new train station watching the light pour through half moon shaped windows. She stretched her body out further.
"Look.stars." She pointed. Her parents leaned out to see. And they were: the heavens painted across the ceiling.
Emily was curious, but still reluctant. The idea they were actually staying in New York permanently was beginning to reenter her mind.
They grab all their bags with the help of an employee. "See, even the train stations are a marvel. Have you ever seen so many people in once place?" Joe nudged his daughter again.
"It's all inside. It's weird." Emily huffed.
Maggie searched the crowd for a woman holding a sign that said "Dawsons." She waved her down.
"Mr. and Mrs. Dawson?" said a woman in her fifties. She looked older though, shriveled with little life. She reminded Maggie somewhat of Aunt Amy.
"Yes, Mrs. McBride. I'm Joe, this is Maggie, and this," he pulled Em around from behind him, "is our daughter, Emily." Mrs. McBride gave no introduction as to her first name although the Dawsons were pretty sure it was Minnie, nor did she introduce the little blonde girl next to her. One of the McBrides' many children they guessed.
The girl was eleven, pretty, fair and blue-eyed. Emily was busy behaving like a hostile and frightened animal. She had decided she wanted to go home. Everything was strange. Buildings were titanic and close together. The ground was paved and hard everywhere you went.
"Welcome to McBride's Mr. and Mrs. Dawson." Minnie stated in her faint Irish accent.
"Come, Em honey! Let's get this stuff up to our new apartment!" Joe chirped.
"Apartment?" Emily said snobbishly. She wanted her big, beautiful house back. She wanted her big, beautiful yard.
So they moved to yes, their *apartment* above McBride's. It had four small rooms including its own bathroom. Her old house had eight big rooms with an outhouse outside. The idea of an indoor bathroom struck Emily as gross.
That night they settled into their new home. Emily's room was small and toys were not all over the floor. The walls were bare. Emily's old room was painted baby blue with carved wood paneling. There was nothing on the dresser next to her bed but a single framed picture of her whole family. It was different than most photographs of its day.they were all smiling.
Emily pulled the covers up around her shoulders and turned away from the picture. She couldn't look at it anymore.
***
The next day Joe and Maggie started work at McBride's. Emily had nothing to do and school wouldn't start for over a month. And there was no one in this enormous city that she knew.
Her parents told her to come with them down to the store and help. There Emily sat in the corner. The Dawsons wondered if this had been a mistake even with the steady income and the excitement of the city.
Emily spent her time quietly in the corner never moving for two hours- something that was impossible for her before. But Emily being stubborn wasn't anything new.
"Hi there." A voice called from behind.
"Hi." Emily mumbled.
It was the blonde girl from yesterday. She stuck her hand out. "I'm Mary."
"Emily." she grumbled.
"Yeah. I remember from yesterday. I don't have to work until nighttime today. I can show you around the neighborhood.if you want."
"Maybe."
"Emily, go play with Mary." Maggie said after the next costumer left.
Emily sighed heavily, embarrassing Mary. She began to pick herself up then Mary grabbed her hands and ran out of the store and around the corner, not letting go of her hand.
***
Nearly a month had passed since Maggs, Joey, and Em left. Jack lied awake in bed while his parents were helping out at some church function he chose not to go to. He sifted through his portfolio. It had grown since his fourteenth birthday. Pictures of his friends, his family town, drawings he'd made at school.
He groaned. Everybody was there that night anyway. He thought of going. Judy was there. The three of them, he, Tobey, and Milo had had silly little crushes on Judy since about the fifth grade, but now he was really starting see her as a woman. She was starting to look like one.
*I'll go. It won't kill me,* he thought. He got up and lazily stalked down the stairs.
He made his way slowly to town, kicking the dirt as he went. He brought his portfolio with him. He wasn't sure why though. He wasn't in the mood for showing off his work. The house was so empty. *Christmas in New York,* he reminded himself, *Christmas in New York*. Bright lights and millions of people. Automobiles everywhere.
The afternoon had been pretty good. Tobey had been acting like a jerk but in a fun way.
I 'Where have you been?' Jack demanded.
'Your mom.'
'Shut up, Tob.'
'I can't help it your mother's a beautiful woman. and now that I think about it your aunt's pretty cute, too.'
'What next? Emily?'
'You know, when she gets older.'
Jack punched him the arm. P 'Only kidding, besides first boyfriend she has.I'll go to New York and help you beat him up.'
The idea made Jack smile. /I
He'd been lonely the past month, but he still needed his alone time. It was nice walking by himself with just the dark and the stars. No one was talking at him blocking his thoughts.
He wondered what his house would be like with Emily, Joe, and Maggie in New York and him in Eau Claire. Only mom and dad would be home most of the year. He wondered what they thought of that. Would they be lonely, too? Would they like the peace and quiet? It usually occurred to him to ask them right away, but it had been a strange time. He couldn't believe he never asked. Now he just kept thinking about it.
Jack came to the bend and began to see town. It looked so bright that night. Sure the town had had electricity since Jack was a baby, but there was something very bright in the middle of town. In fact something must have been almost.glowing? Something in town was glowing? Glowing orange? And the glow was moving, waving almost. Something wasn't right.
It was a fire. The church was on fire. He could hear shouts from town as he drew nearer. Instinctively, he dropped his portfolio and his drawings spilled out everywhere. He ran as hard as he'd ever run, harder than during that ball game over year before. His heart was pounding like it never had before.
When he got there he was met by a crowd of townspeople. Judy, Tobey, and Milo quickly found him.
"Where are my parents?"
"A kid's stuck. They're just gonna get 'em out. It's alright." Milo clutched his friends shoulders. Jack pushed him aside and ran and clawed his way through the sea of onlookers.
"Lemme through! Lemme God damn it! MOVE!"
"Jack, don't!" Judy yelled. She ran directly after him.
"Mom?! Dad?!" he called as a man rushed to pull him away.
Jack desperately searched the burning building with his eyes while a man gripped his arm. Figures. Three of them. Two adults and a child. *That's them. They got him.*
"Mom! Dad!"
He heard his mother's voice. "Jack stay back!" His mother's voice! She was in there and alive. *She's fine. They're fine. They're just coming out now.* His parents, both Mom and Dad, emerged with a little boy, one of the Brandon's children. Jack grabbed him and handed to somebody. He saw their faces and smiled.
Good. They'd all be safe now. *Safe, safe, safe.*
He saw his mother urgently pulling at his father's foot. Now he was stuck. Jack tried to move forward, but the man kept a grip on him.
"HELP THEM! Somebody help them, damn you! Stop standing around!" He screamed.
"Jack, it's fine!" his father called. "Only a minute now!"
Judy tried to go forward once she fought her way through the gaping crowd. Her father found her and pulled her back. He hadn't shown up that night until a minute after Jack. The good doctor, Giles Parker kept going toward the building to help his neighbors. Judy started crying.
Just then the doorframe fell in and Hannah and Peter automatically moved back from it and back into the burning building. The force of the crash knocked Giles to the ground.
Milo and Tobey fought their way through the crowd to others. Jack still cried out to his parents, still seeing their figures in the dancing flames. His father was now holding his mother in his arms.
"MOM! DAD!" Jack yelled. He could still see their silhouettes moving within. Next the steeple with three loud bursts, exploded. It seemed to pump up and get grander with every blast of orange. Boom, boom boom! Like a drum beat. Everyone screamed.
Jack launched himself forward as the building caved in. He screamed with his parents as the church went up in flames. It was completely engulfed. Structural boards fell one after the other. With each one Jack let out a new cry of pain.
From there on Jack couldn't control himself. He wrestled his friends to get toward the fire and didn't stop screaming. His parents did.
"MOM?! DAD!?" He kept wailing. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" He was still calling to them. They didn't answer.
Tobey and Milo pinned him to the ground, trying not to look themselves. They were shaking so hard at what they'd just seen they couldn't keep down Jack in his madness.
He heaved them off of himself and made another dash to the fire. Tobey grabbed the back of his shirt, which was just enough to slow him down for Milo to cross in front of him. Judy looked up from holding her daddy on as they crouched on the ground.
Milo grabbed his friend's shoulders once more but gripped tight.
"LET ME GO! I swear I'll kill you!" Jack raged.
"Jack, stop please!" he begged. Jack fought against Milo's arms until he had a grip on them both. He was ready to throw Milo to the ground and go save his parents when Milo broke one arm free and punched him in the face.
He punched him so hard he fell to the ground unconscious. Milo dropped to his knees.
Jack was out. His sleeping face was red, tear-stained and wild. He was still in pain. Dr. Parker struggled to his feet as the fire department arrived. It all happened so fast.
He picked up young Jack Dawson and wiped the blood from his mouth. He'd known him since he was a baby. He'd known Peter Dawson since they were both babies.Peter just died. Peter and Hannah were burned and crushed to death three minutes ago. They were 34.
***
It was midnight by the time the police had to leave. Jack still hadn't woken up yet. Milo had delivered a mighty blow. Awful as things had been Giles had never seen a punch thrown with more love.
Tobey and Milo picked up Jack's drawings and portfolio where he had dropped them and gave them to the Parkers to give to Jack when he woke up.
Dr. Parker carried Jack back to the Parker house and placed him in his elder daughter, Elizabeth's old room.
Jack didn't wake up for another few hours. At first he'd forgotten everything that had happened. Then a feeling of nausea washed over him. Then came such a feeling of overwhelming pain. He couldn't stand it. He started shaking all over.
He sat up for God knows how long. It was August, but he felt cold. He could hear floorboards creaking in the hall. Looking around, he realized he was at the Parkers'. This was Elizabeth's room before she got married.
He slowing swung his legs over the bed. Everything looked blue and gray. Everything looked dead. The floor hard, too hard as his bare feet brushed the ground. He staggered his way to the chamber pot in the far corner and threw up. After he rose, Jack found a glass of water on the bureau, washed his mouth out, and searched for the door. He hesitated for a moment, almost afraid to put pressure on his feet, to walk outside of this room.
Jack winced and walked towards the door. He breathed for a moment and placed his hand on the knob. Mom and Dad went to heaven hours earlier. What more did he have to lose?
He nudged the door open. At the far end of the hall a figure was hugging it's knees on the floor. Its head turned.
"Jack?" she whispered. Judy silently rose and approached her life-long friend. He stopped until she was in close range of his face. He looked deader than his parents. She put her hands on his arms. He just stared at her until he lost his balance.
Judy quickly caught him and held him steady. She sat him down on the floor. She never asked if he was all right or to say anything.
"Can I ask you a favor?" Jack asked weakly.
"Anything."
"Just hold my hand."
***
A week went by and after the funeral Jack insisted on moving back into his house. He worked in the fields and in the stables for hours on end. He tried to be alone all the time, but people, mostly the Shaws, Jacksons, and Parkers, came by at least once a day each.
Everyone was an annoyance. New orphan, they should leave him the hell alone. It should be obvious and if not they should have gotten the picture every time he blatantly told them to go away. And the whole damn town, too. This fucking God forsaken town. They just watched, the lot of them. They just sat back and watched them die! That stupid Brandon kid had to get stuck. And that useless moron Bailey Simms had to knock down *two* oil lamps in one fall. The fucking slow fire department. There's a reason why they train those worthless bastards. And those people just gaped and watched them die. They all helped kill his parents.
He tried to send a telegram to Maggie, Joe, and Emily, but he couldn't say everything he needed to in it. He sent a letter, but it didn't arrive in time to get them back home for the funeral.
*** P Thirteen year-old Danny McBride and his friend walked the stairs of his building to the door of his new neighbors' apartment.
"First letter from home," said Isaac, "that must be exciting."
"I'll bet." He knocked on the door.
"Morning, boys." Joe smiled.
"Mail, Mr. Dawson."
"Thanks." Joe walked absent-mindedly towards the kitchen table. "Maggs!" he called to wife who took the letter. Joe turned to see Danny and Isaac had left the door partly open. He shrugged, ignoring it.
At the same time Danny's sister, Mary was heading up the stairs to find Emily, they had quickly become close friends. But then something made her freeze in her tracks and drained her blood.
Maggie's scream.
It had ripped through the building. Mary had never heard a scream like that before. It was blood curdling.
She stayed there, three steps from the top, for minutes. Then she found the will to move. One step after another she headed toward the Dawsons' apartment.
Maggie Dawson was half-collapsed in her husband arms who was barely standing himself.
Something terrible happened. Mary had never seen anything like it. She didn't know how long she was staring at the scene, but she backed away when she realized she was in plain sight. If Mr. and Mrs. Dawson saw they didn't care.
Mary was powerless to help them. Whatever happened was so awful she couldn't understand it. It was the worst thing she'd ever felt.
Some time later she was still hiding in the hall when Emily emerged.
"Em." she said softly.
Emily tried to speak, she kept acting as if she was going to tell her something, but wasn't sure what happened.
Mary hugged her little friend. Emily leaned against the wall and slowly slid down the floor. "What is it?" she asked as delicately and sincerely as she could.
"It's.it's.it's so bad." Mary put her arm Emily and squeezed her shoulder. Emily began hyperventilating and shaking. She was not quite crying, but every time she breathed she let out a painful whine.
"Emily?"
"My.Aunt Hannah and Uncle Peter.they're, th-they're dead. The church burned down and they were.they were trapped inside. Jackie ran away." Mary hugged Em so tightly. Emily gripped Mary so hard her little fingers dug into her skin. Mary didn't wince. She was almost as scared as Emily. She didn't know why. "They're dead."
Emily started crying. "It's not fair! It's not fair! Why did they have die? They weren't old, they weren't bad. And Jack.he ran away and didn't tell us where he's going. Now he's gonna die, too!"
"No, no," said Mary faintly, "maybe he's coming here.?" Emily shook her head violently. Mary tightened her hold and huddled over her.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
***
One Week Earlier
It was nine o'clock in the morning and Jack had just gotten up.late for a farm boy. The sunlight was harsh. Harsh and cold.
Jack felt old. Old and dead. Life felt dead. Pointless. He'd gotten up the day before and took a look in the mirror. He didn't recognize the man before him. "Man." What man? He was fifteen years old. He was just a kid. He also noticed he was in bad need of a shave. Shave? Since when did he need to shave? He'd never shaved in his life. It was not for nothing he was called Baby Face.
Baby Face. Wasn't nearly so bad as Johnny Shrivel Nuts. Johnny Shrivel Nuts! He hadn't thought of that in years. It made him smile. Funny.he hadn't smiled in forever. It almost hurt his face.
Later that fateful day.whatever day it was, he decided he couldn't go back to school. How would he pay for it anyway? The farm paid for school and he was the only one around to mind the farm. He couldn't do it by himself although God knows that was all he'd been doing since Hannah and Peter passed.
Passed. They were gone. Dead. Emily, Maggie, and Joe had to know by now. He wondered if a letter was on the way for him. Begging him to come to Manhattan or telling him they were coming back home? For what? To have him be a burden for them in their new life? Or to come back and die in Chippewa Falls?
Die in Chippewa Falls. Live here. Die here. Or just simply waste away in this bubble. He had to leave. His childhood was over. He wouldn't die here.and if he did it would be to come back to die. He had to live life for himself. He already was living on his own and supporting himself. The fact that he was falling apart and dying within himself might have been a sign he was doing something wrong.
Peter and Hannah's son, living like this? He couldn't let it happen. Life stopped seeming like a death trap. He refused to let his parents down. He owed them that. He owed them the world. And he would find some way to give it to them.
Jack was going to leave Chippewa Falls. He was going to travel and see the world. Then he'd go to New York and return to his family a man, then back to Chippewa Falls to see his friends. He couldn't just run to them anytime something bad happened. He wanted them to be proud of what he would become.
He collected as much money as he could and decided how he wanted to divide the property and the animals. They were his now. He was a land owning citizen. But that wasn't going to keep him here.
First he confronted Milo and Tobey. He called them over to his house the afternoon before he planned to leave. He paced on his front porch as his friends pleaded.
"You're leaving?" Milo asked, eyes wide. "Where are you going?"
"Wherever I feel."
"You're a damn fool." said Tobey.
"It's freedom. Don't you see? Freedom."
"Judy's gonna whoop your hide when she finds out." Jack, given his aforementioned preference to Judy, didn't think that would be so bad. But he repressed the thought quickly. Thinking about a nice girl like that and Judy, too. Shame on him.
"What about us? What about the rest of your family?" Tobey growled. Jack was just going crazy. He knew he had to be cracking.
"What about living my whole life in Nowhere Falls, Wisconsin and never doing anything else until I die?"
"It doesn't have to be that way, Jack." Milo thought of saying something about Hannah and Peter, but refrained for fear.
"It's my life. And I think I gotta leave. Manhattan is gonna be good for Maggie, Joe, and Em.and there's somethin' good for me, too."
"Why do you have to leave now?" Tobey asked.
"Because.because.because I don't wanna die here," Jack said getting weaker. He sat on the stoop with his hands in his face. "I don't wanna die here," he sobbed, "I don't wanna die here."
Tobey and Milo sat on either side of him, patting his shoulder and rubbing his head.
"I promise you, it'll be alright, buddy." Tobey whispered.
***
That night Jack made the final preparations for his departure late that evening. He fed the cows and the chickens the last meals they'd ever receive from a Dawson. He tidied up the house from top to bottom. It was to be his last night at the Dawson home. He left signed papers on his father's desk, with just a few more signatures, the house, the farm, and the animals would belong to the Parkers, the Shaws, and the Jacksons respectively.
He still needed to tell Judy. He had hours left in Chippewa Falls and he was stalling to tell one of his best friends. She'd give him hell that was for sure. She had a warm heart and an even hotter wrath-she'd make a great mother one day.
He put a sign on the door that read: 'I'm following the wind now, but it will blow me back again.I promise that till the end of my days.'
As Jack folded away the last of the extra blankets in his aunt and uncle's old closet someone was reading that note. The door opened slowly. Jack stalked downstairs.
"You wouldn't believe how fast news travels in this town." said the intruder crossly.
"I'm so sorry, Jude."
"We're you just not going to tell me?"
"No.I."
"What?!"
"I was more afraid to tell you than anybody."
"Why?!"
"You'd get mad."
"Ya think?"
"I'm sorry." Jack came the rest of the way down the stairs and stood before Judy, touching her arm.
"Please don't go."
"My father lived and died in the town he was born in. My mother left her hometown when she was my age and she found happiness here, but she left because her evil aunt shipped her and Maggs off. Not to say that my father wasn't happy. I just know they wanted to see more of the world and they didn't. I wanna see the world and I wanna see it now."
"You have time."
"Did you miss the past two weeks? No one knows how much time they have left. You could have a hundred years or day, but you'll never know."
"I'm your friend. Can I help it if I love you and I don't want you to leave."
"And who says I won't miss every last one of you with every part of me, but if I stay I'll grow to resent everything I love. And that's what'll really kill us. Every day's gotta be worth somethin' ya know. Every day should count for something. I think everybody's gotta look around and realize."
"I think you did a good job of living like that before."
"But I'm not as naïve about now."
"No matter what happens, Jack Dawson, there's always a little part of you that will be the innocent little boy from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin."
"Jesus, I hope so." He hugged her tight. He'd hugged many times and more times wrestled her to the ground and pinned her there, but tonight he just.held her. It was such a glorious feeling, just holding her in his arms.
He knew it now. He was about to leave tomorrow and not to return for years.if he even had a definite plan as to how long he'd be gone. But now Jack Dawson was going to do
He pulled away a little from his beautiful friend. Had he ever told how beautiful she was? He wanted to so bad, but was he scared.
Jack had thought of kissing Judy Parker every day since he was eleven. He'd never kissed a girl before in his life. He'd only even seen a *real* kiss once in his life. It was Judy's sister and her husband actually. He wandered behind their shed while looking for a ball and they never saw him. But it was the most incredible thing he'd seen. Every other kiss he'd seen was a hard kiss on the face or a peck on the lips. This was different. It was so many kisses in one. They were connected, mouth in mouth, it was one after the other like a string of pearls, smooth and rhythmic.
Back to Judy. Jack stared at her hard.and she stared back. For once he seriously considered staying. Slowly, he touched his nose to hers. She did nothing to pull away. They stayed like that for a moment. He could hear every breath. He nudged her cheek with his nose; she sucked her breath in. He put his mouth to hers.
It was one kiss after the other. Seeing was different than doing. It was so soft and smooth and warm. He'd never felt anything like it.
It lasted for a while until Judy pulled away. Then she wrapped her arms around him even tighter. Oh God, she felt the same way.
"So I guess that's what kissing feels like." Judy smiled softly after a few minutes.
"Yeah.I guess now I don't want *you* to leave." Jack laughed.
"It's your last night. I won't leave if you don't want me to."
Jack looked at her in shock. She just said she would spend the night him. ".Really?" Judy simply nodded.
***
It was first light when Jack awoke. Judy was lying in his bed next to him. They hadn't done anything more than kiss, but just having held her all that night was enough. Judy got up minutes after Jack and they silently went downstairs and ate breakfast. She helped Jack get his stuff together and lock up the house.
"Could you give a minute?" he asked her. She nodded and kissed him on the mouth once before going through the Dawsons' red front door. She kissed him. A day ago he never knew what a kiss was like, now he got them regularly.
No one would live here now. He could see his mother in the kitchen he thought, or his father holding him on his knee and telling him stories. The day Emily punched him. The time he didn't want to go back to first grade and his mother made him hot chocolate with cinnamon. He remembered fishing with his father-and the time he fell through the ice and everything that followed. Baseball, May Day, playing French Revolution. He remembered the day all six of them ran out in the rain. His parents were dancing. They looked so happy and content. It was all over now.
***
The sky was gray and dusty that morning. The town of Chippewa Falls had not stirred just yet. Only four teenagers were up and waiting by the sign that said 'Welcome to Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin' where they had so desperately hid just the year before.
"Hey, ass, I'll miss ya." Tobey hit his friend softly in the arm.
"Same here, jerk." He hugged him.
"I'll miss you, Milo."
"Miss you, too." Milo smiled, adjusting his glasses and then he hugged Jack.
Jack didn't say anything to Judy at first, but hugged her all the same. "Miss you." he said into her ear.
"Miss you."
"I can't think of anything else more to say, but I think I should." Jack sighed. It was the final moment.
"Anything else you come up with you can write to us." Judy assured him.
"Alright.I'll do that."
"And take care of yourself, damn it." 'Damn it.' Milo had said damn it. He almost never cursed casually.
"I don't think I should say anything else or else I'll never go." Jack said. They had a long group hug. "I love you guys, ya know that?"
"'Course we do," Tobey winked.
"Always will." said Milo.
"And we love you, too." Judy nodded. Jack took one last good look at them. Judy: the strong maternal one, golden hair, deep dark eyes, and that soft mouth. Milo: ever the adorably hopeless boy, big glasses, that crazy mass of black hair. Tobey: the goofball, that trademark slurry voice, he'd never forget Tobey's voice.
He wondered what would happen to them all. What would they be? Where would they end up? Would they ever meet again? He hoped to God so. What about his family, too? All of them. What would happen to them? He had six people left in the world and he was leaving them all. This was all in vain. The future would never be certain. All he could do was wish the best for them and love them with all his heart.
With that Jack turned around and started walking. He never turned around. He just kept walking on the road and toward the horizon.
Tobey and Milo instinctively clung to Judy like children.
"Do you think he'll be back?" Milo asked her.
"Not to stay," Judy said softly and shook her head, "he'll come back, but not to stay."
***
John Matthew Dawson, known to the world as Jack, left Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin early that late summer morning never to return and never to see his family or the friends he had known since birth ever again.
"My mother wanted names I had to give 'em." Tobey shrugged.
"I did not make you paint your shed in primary color stripes when you were supposed to white wash it!"
"Yeah, but I say Milo and Jack do that stuff all the time. It wasn't fair."
"Accept the blame yourself! It was you and you only! That's what's fair! Why does no one believe me?"
"Because I am a brilliant liar.that and I snuck the buckets up to your room when your family was at church."
"That's it, Jackson! That's it!" Judy marched toward him angrily.
"Whoa there, Parker. Settle down now there's no need to get all riled-ow!"
Why exactly Judy was carrying a fork in her pocket only the birds know. She stabbed Tobey in the arm with a rare act of violence on her part.
***
And thus the big end to the summer of 1907. Tobey needed some excuse as to why he painted his family's barn red, blue, and yellow and he paid for it with a three-pronged scar.
In the fall Judy and Milo continued to high school, Tobey went to work for his dad; Jack went off to art school in Eau Claire, only coming home for holidays. Emily got lonely and then made friends her own age. But Judy still took her Christmas shopping for her folks when there was no Jack.
As fun as a school where he actually enjoyed the subjects was, Jack was lonely and ready to go home by the spring. He'd made friends easily and he had a lot at school, but he felt his real life was at home. Then he would wonder if he'd spend his whole life in Chippewa Falls. Never leaving or never coming back both seemed pretty frightening. As good as the college- like experience of art school was, Eau Claire wasn't exactly the center of excitement in the world.
He met his dad and Tobey at the train station, they were happy to see him, but he couldn't help but feel there was something not quiet right with his dad.
When Jack asked how everyone was Peter didn't go into detail. They stopped by the library to pick up a book for Joe: another Oscar Wilde collection. Joe had a thing for Oscar Wilde plays.
As he approached his house things were stranger still. Maggie was yelling.which under normal circumstances would be considered normal, but it wasn't about crazy Mrs. Wilcox who sat outside the barbershop.
Tobey wasn't greeted by the usual 'Tobias, my love' by Hannah. When he wasn't crushing Miss Taylor, he was thinking about Jack's mother-although Hannah was purely teasing.
But there was no teasing today.
Peter cleared his throat loudly for the woman to hear. They immediately stopped. And Hannah ran over to her son.
"Jack, my baby!"
"Hi, Mom." He hugged her, feeling awkward. What was going on?
"Hey, guy!" His aunt hugged him, too.
After an awkward reunion lunch Jack asked Tobey what had been happening. He had no idea. When Joe came home from delivering that day he was just like the other three. When Emily got home from school she was walking with another little girl her age. Which was a surprise, but the only pleasant one of the day.
He didn't want to ask her, this little child, what was going on, but she was the only one who would give it to him straight.
"Money, brother and sister things." Emily sighed, curling up on her bed. She seemed like she had aged inside, she was barely nine.
"Money?"
"Art school costs a lot. And we have six people to keep track of. And." Emily said sadly, "I think my mommy and daddy want to leave because they're grown-ups and they don't want to be the little brother and sister anymore. And because mommy's thirty-one and daddy's twenty and they're adults God dammit."
"It'll be alright, kid."
"No it won't. Grandpa Dawson built this house and they wanna leave, and not into the old Shelton's house either. They wanna a completely new life. But they never asked me!"
"You don't have to go if you don't want to."
"No, they say it's for all our benefits. 'Cause Aunt Hannah and Uncle Peter can pay for your school and I'll have better opportunities if I go all the way through high school in damn 'civilization.' I'll never get to have Miss Taylor! I'll never get to tell stupid old Miss Law to stuff it in her fucking stupid old ass! This is my home! This is home!" Emily sobbed. Jack picked her up on his lap and rocked like she was a baby.
"You don't know if this will happen. And even if it does, the whole family will still get to see each other."
Emily just cried. Jack picked up their new book he'd been reading to her. (They just finished Last of the Mohichans)
"'Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?''"
***
"We want to explain something to the two of you." All four adults stood in front of the children, much like a firing squad. Hannah spoke. "We know this has been very hard for all of us, but we feel it is the best thing we can do."
Maggie knelt down to her daughter. "Baby, we're moving out." she said softly, tugging at a black banana curl.
Emily hissed in rage. "No!" She turned around and ran upstairs.
"Emily!" Everyone called as flew to her room. They were answered with a slamming door. P "I think you're rushing into this." Jack said as he turned back to the adults. P "No, son. We've talked about this a lot." Peter put his hand on his shoulder.
"You couldn't wait till Emily's out of school? She won't be able to handle this."
"This is for everyone," Joe said, "we can't stay like this forever. And it's time we *all* took a look at that." He looked at the other adults knowingly.
"Where are you going?"
"Your aunt and I have some distant relatives in Manhattan. They have a grocery store and own the apartments above it. They offered Joe and Maggie jobs with an apartment for decent rent. They've been writing back and forth for a while." Hannah said.
"Don't look so glum, Jack. You'll be the only kid on your block to spend Christmas in New York City!" Joe smiled.
"New York City? Holy sh-I mean I am quite ecstatic, Uncle."
The folks sighed with some relief. At least one of the children would have something to smile about. Despite the pretty holiday lights of New York dancing in his head. Jack couldn't shake the vision of an empty house.
"So these relatives of yours." Jack asked, "they have kids?"
"More than the neighborhood." Maggie smirked.
"Who are they?"
"The McBrides."
***
The day came in August when Maggie, Joe, and Em would be leaving for Manhattan. It was a beautiful day. After the entire Dawson family, even Emily, had gotten themselves so excited over New York City they realized the final goodbye wouldn't be so easy.
"Come on, Jack! Time to go the station!" his father called from outside.
Time to go. Time for his family to be ripped in two. His home was already too big and too cold. He was the only one left in the house save for some vague memories.his Grandpa Dawson before he passed away, getting ready for Maggie and Joe's wedding and humming and there was a teenage Maggie and Joe arguing about who left a broom in the living room. He saw his own little self shaking his finger at his tiny cousin. "Bad baby." he would say. There was Christmas 1900 when they all went through town and Jack went on and on to a seventeen month-old Emily about what Christmas decorations meant.
Jack closed the door behind him.
For the first time in her life Emily felt empty. The weather was so beautiful. Bad things could happen on a sunny day. That was strange for Emily.
The six Dawsons stood on the platform, waiting for the train and exchanging hugs and kisses and I love you's and I'll miss you's when an entire crowd showed up. The whole of the Jacksons, the Parkers, the Shaws, and even the Belles showed up to wish them off.
Two brothers and two sisters that had never been separated in all their thirty some odd years we're going to split. And two cousins, though more like brothers some would say, we're about to grow up alone.
"And whenever mommy acts mean." Hannah said to her niece.
"There's always telegrams."
"Next time there's a ball game you make sure you get to play." Peter added, winking at Jack.
"I better!" Emily agreed.
"Hey, kiddo," Maggie said to Jack, "watch out for those Eau Claire girls. They're dangerous.and a little loose if you ask me."
"Will do."
"And that's quite a fashionable suit you're wearing." Joe added.
"Oh Uncle Joe," Jack gave him a dismissing wave of the hand, "fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
Joe smiled. He'd learned well.
Peter and Joe put each other hands shoulders. "Till Christmas, little brother and till death, solider."
Then Peter whispered something Joe, then something to Maggie. Whatever he said to Maggie made her laugh hard. Hannah gave Joe a hairpin. It was part of an old joke years ago the children did not know. It was something similar to the Judy/Tobey fork incident. Hannah took her sister's hand like she had their first day in Chippewa Falls and said "You're your own person now. You always were."
Maggie and Joe boarded. Emily stayed behind for just a minute to complete the secret handshake she had with her cousin.
Emily turned to leave when Jack grabbed her arm and whispered to her. "No matter where you go, I'll always be your big cousin. Here." He pulled off his white cap and placed atop Emily's head. Which looked appalling with her pretty blue church dress, but Emily thought it pretty grand. He hugged her and turned her around. She boarded.
The three emigrants leaned out the window to what now seemed to be half of Chippewa Falls. The train began to pull away and Jack's heart sank. Hannah and Peter exchanged glances. Hannah smiled. Peter nodded.
They each grabbed one of their son's hands and ran with the train cheering at the other half of the family as the waved back.
"Goodbye! Will miss you!"
"See you in the City!"
The memory stuck perfectly in all their minds. Emily was actually wearing a dress (not Jack's hand-me-downs) and a pretty powder blue one at that. Maggie's frizzy auburn hair was tied up on top of her head while her sister's smooth blonde hair was tied back and tight. All the men wore their best Sunday suits (although it was a Thursday) and Jack's hair was slicked back and neat.
Jack looked at his the other half of his family, the other half of his heart, disappear. Somewhere in the in the distance the sun hit his aunt's hair making it like fire.
***
One more day till New York. It was the first time either Joe or Emily had been out of Wisconsin. Maggie remembered her first time in Chippewa Falls when she was twelve as she tried to concentrate on her husband's book: IExcuse me a moment. I'm in the middle of my performance of the attentive son. /I She laughed, but set the play down. Enough reading for one day.
She remembered leaving St. Louis some twenty or so years ago. The Walker sisters never knew real family life. Arthur Walker left his young wife, Susannah when his daughter was two and his next child on the way. Susannah died in childbirth with baby Margaret. Her old Aunt Amy took the babies in and raised them. Amy hated the children. And never cared much for 'a faceless immigrant mick-girl' as Sue's husband called her. Likewise her aunt beat her children senseless for the slightest mistake.
Amy wrote to an old friend's son (how sniveling Aunt Amy made any friends was strange to the girls, but lo she had one once) asking for lodging when they would visit Wisconsin. He obliged.
It was no visit. Amy sent the girls up by themselves and died a month later. From the train station fifteen year-old Hannah asked for directions to the Dawson Farm. They found there a Mr. Matthew Dawson, a widower of 40 and his two sons. He took them in.
Hannah and the elder boy quickly fell enamored of each other and Maggie was left to deal with his annoying little brother, Joey. She smiled at the memory and turned her head to see that annoying kid sound asleep with their daughter on his lap.
***
"We're here!" Joe nudged Emily who was staring intently at the new train station watching the light pour through half moon shaped windows. She stretched her body out further.
"Look.stars." She pointed. Her parents leaned out to see. And they were: the heavens painted across the ceiling.
Emily was curious, but still reluctant. The idea they were actually staying in New York permanently was beginning to reenter her mind.
They grab all their bags with the help of an employee. "See, even the train stations are a marvel. Have you ever seen so many people in once place?" Joe nudged his daughter again.
"It's all inside. It's weird." Emily huffed.
Maggie searched the crowd for a woman holding a sign that said "Dawsons." She waved her down.
"Mr. and Mrs. Dawson?" said a woman in her fifties. She looked older though, shriveled with little life. She reminded Maggie somewhat of Aunt Amy.
"Yes, Mrs. McBride. I'm Joe, this is Maggie, and this," he pulled Em around from behind him, "is our daughter, Emily." Mrs. McBride gave no introduction as to her first name although the Dawsons were pretty sure it was Minnie, nor did she introduce the little blonde girl next to her. One of the McBrides' many children they guessed.
The girl was eleven, pretty, fair and blue-eyed. Emily was busy behaving like a hostile and frightened animal. She had decided she wanted to go home. Everything was strange. Buildings were titanic and close together. The ground was paved and hard everywhere you went.
"Welcome to McBride's Mr. and Mrs. Dawson." Minnie stated in her faint Irish accent.
"Come, Em honey! Let's get this stuff up to our new apartment!" Joe chirped.
"Apartment?" Emily said snobbishly. She wanted her big, beautiful house back. She wanted her big, beautiful yard.
So they moved to yes, their *apartment* above McBride's. It had four small rooms including its own bathroom. Her old house had eight big rooms with an outhouse outside. The idea of an indoor bathroom struck Emily as gross.
That night they settled into their new home. Emily's room was small and toys were not all over the floor. The walls were bare. Emily's old room was painted baby blue with carved wood paneling. There was nothing on the dresser next to her bed but a single framed picture of her whole family. It was different than most photographs of its day.they were all smiling.
Emily pulled the covers up around her shoulders and turned away from the picture. She couldn't look at it anymore.
***
The next day Joe and Maggie started work at McBride's. Emily had nothing to do and school wouldn't start for over a month. And there was no one in this enormous city that she knew.
Her parents told her to come with them down to the store and help. There Emily sat in the corner. The Dawsons wondered if this had been a mistake even with the steady income and the excitement of the city.
Emily spent her time quietly in the corner never moving for two hours- something that was impossible for her before. But Emily being stubborn wasn't anything new.
"Hi there." A voice called from behind.
"Hi." Emily mumbled.
It was the blonde girl from yesterday. She stuck her hand out. "I'm Mary."
"Emily." she grumbled.
"Yeah. I remember from yesterday. I don't have to work until nighttime today. I can show you around the neighborhood.if you want."
"Maybe."
"Emily, go play with Mary." Maggie said after the next costumer left.
Emily sighed heavily, embarrassing Mary. She began to pick herself up then Mary grabbed her hands and ran out of the store and around the corner, not letting go of her hand.
***
Nearly a month had passed since Maggs, Joey, and Em left. Jack lied awake in bed while his parents were helping out at some church function he chose not to go to. He sifted through his portfolio. It had grown since his fourteenth birthday. Pictures of his friends, his family town, drawings he'd made at school.
He groaned. Everybody was there that night anyway. He thought of going. Judy was there. The three of them, he, Tobey, and Milo had had silly little crushes on Judy since about the fifth grade, but now he was really starting see her as a woman. She was starting to look like one.
*I'll go. It won't kill me,* he thought. He got up and lazily stalked down the stairs.
He made his way slowly to town, kicking the dirt as he went. He brought his portfolio with him. He wasn't sure why though. He wasn't in the mood for showing off his work. The house was so empty. *Christmas in New York,* he reminded himself, *Christmas in New York*. Bright lights and millions of people. Automobiles everywhere.
The afternoon had been pretty good. Tobey had been acting like a jerk but in a fun way.
I 'Where have you been?' Jack demanded.
'Your mom.'
'Shut up, Tob.'
'I can't help it your mother's a beautiful woman. and now that I think about it your aunt's pretty cute, too.'
'What next? Emily?'
'You know, when she gets older.'
Jack punched him the arm. P 'Only kidding, besides first boyfriend she has.I'll go to New York and help you beat him up.'
The idea made Jack smile. /I
He'd been lonely the past month, but he still needed his alone time. It was nice walking by himself with just the dark and the stars. No one was talking at him blocking his thoughts.
He wondered what his house would be like with Emily, Joe, and Maggie in New York and him in Eau Claire. Only mom and dad would be home most of the year. He wondered what they thought of that. Would they be lonely, too? Would they like the peace and quiet? It usually occurred to him to ask them right away, but it had been a strange time. He couldn't believe he never asked. Now he just kept thinking about it.
Jack came to the bend and began to see town. It looked so bright that night. Sure the town had had electricity since Jack was a baby, but there was something very bright in the middle of town. In fact something must have been almost.glowing? Something in town was glowing? Glowing orange? And the glow was moving, waving almost. Something wasn't right.
It was a fire. The church was on fire. He could hear shouts from town as he drew nearer. Instinctively, he dropped his portfolio and his drawings spilled out everywhere. He ran as hard as he'd ever run, harder than during that ball game over year before. His heart was pounding like it never had before.
When he got there he was met by a crowd of townspeople. Judy, Tobey, and Milo quickly found him.
"Where are my parents?"
"A kid's stuck. They're just gonna get 'em out. It's alright." Milo clutched his friends shoulders. Jack pushed him aside and ran and clawed his way through the sea of onlookers.
"Lemme through! Lemme God damn it! MOVE!"
"Jack, don't!" Judy yelled. She ran directly after him.
"Mom?! Dad?!" he called as a man rushed to pull him away.
Jack desperately searched the burning building with his eyes while a man gripped his arm. Figures. Three of them. Two adults and a child. *That's them. They got him.*
"Mom! Dad!"
He heard his mother's voice. "Jack stay back!" His mother's voice! She was in there and alive. *She's fine. They're fine. They're just coming out now.* His parents, both Mom and Dad, emerged with a little boy, one of the Brandon's children. Jack grabbed him and handed to somebody. He saw their faces and smiled.
Good. They'd all be safe now. *Safe, safe, safe.*
He saw his mother urgently pulling at his father's foot. Now he was stuck. Jack tried to move forward, but the man kept a grip on him.
"HELP THEM! Somebody help them, damn you! Stop standing around!" He screamed.
"Jack, it's fine!" his father called. "Only a minute now!"
Judy tried to go forward once she fought her way through the gaping crowd. Her father found her and pulled her back. He hadn't shown up that night until a minute after Jack. The good doctor, Giles Parker kept going toward the building to help his neighbors. Judy started crying.
Just then the doorframe fell in and Hannah and Peter automatically moved back from it and back into the burning building. The force of the crash knocked Giles to the ground.
Milo and Tobey fought their way through the crowd to others. Jack still cried out to his parents, still seeing their figures in the dancing flames. His father was now holding his mother in his arms.
"MOM! DAD!" Jack yelled. He could still see their silhouettes moving within. Next the steeple with three loud bursts, exploded. It seemed to pump up and get grander with every blast of orange. Boom, boom boom! Like a drum beat. Everyone screamed.
Jack launched himself forward as the building caved in. He screamed with his parents as the church went up in flames. It was completely engulfed. Structural boards fell one after the other. With each one Jack let out a new cry of pain.
From there on Jack couldn't control himself. He wrestled his friends to get toward the fire and didn't stop screaming. His parents did.
"MOM?! DAD!?" He kept wailing. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" He was still calling to them. They didn't answer.
Tobey and Milo pinned him to the ground, trying not to look themselves. They were shaking so hard at what they'd just seen they couldn't keep down Jack in his madness.
He heaved them off of himself and made another dash to the fire. Tobey grabbed the back of his shirt, which was just enough to slow him down for Milo to cross in front of him. Judy looked up from holding her daddy on as they crouched on the ground.
Milo grabbed his friend's shoulders once more but gripped tight.
"LET ME GO! I swear I'll kill you!" Jack raged.
"Jack, stop please!" he begged. Jack fought against Milo's arms until he had a grip on them both. He was ready to throw Milo to the ground and go save his parents when Milo broke one arm free and punched him in the face.
He punched him so hard he fell to the ground unconscious. Milo dropped to his knees.
Jack was out. His sleeping face was red, tear-stained and wild. He was still in pain. Dr. Parker struggled to his feet as the fire department arrived. It all happened so fast.
He picked up young Jack Dawson and wiped the blood from his mouth. He'd known him since he was a baby. He'd known Peter Dawson since they were both babies.Peter just died. Peter and Hannah were burned and crushed to death three minutes ago. They were 34.
***
It was midnight by the time the police had to leave. Jack still hadn't woken up yet. Milo had delivered a mighty blow. Awful as things had been Giles had never seen a punch thrown with more love.
Tobey and Milo picked up Jack's drawings and portfolio where he had dropped them and gave them to the Parkers to give to Jack when he woke up.
Dr. Parker carried Jack back to the Parker house and placed him in his elder daughter, Elizabeth's old room.
Jack didn't wake up for another few hours. At first he'd forgotten everything that had happened. Then a feeling of nausea washed over him. Then came such a feeling of overwhelming pain. He couldn't stand it. He started shaking all over.
He sat up for God knows how long. It was August, but he felt cold. He could hear floorboards creaking in the hall. Looking around, he realized he was at the Parkers'. This was Elizabeth's room before she got married.
He slowing swung his legs over the bed. Everything looked blue and gray. Everything looked dead. The floor hard, too hard as his bare feet brushed the ground. He staggered his way to the chamber pot in the far corner and threw up. After he rose, Jack found a glass of water on the bureau, washed his mouth out, and searched for the door. He hesitated for a moment, almost afraid to put pressure on his feet, to walk outside of this room.
Jack winced and walked towards the door. He breathed for a moment and placed his hand on the knob. Mom and Dad went to heaven hours earlier. What more did he have to lose?
He nudged the door open. At the far end of the hall a figure was hugging it's knees on the floor. Its head turned.
"Jack?" she whispered. Judy silently rose and approached her life-long friend. He stopped until she was in close range of his face. He looked deader than his parents. She put her hands on his arms. He just stared at her until he lost his balance.
Judy quickly caught him and held him steady. She sat him down on the floor. She never asked if he was all right or to say anything.
"Can I ask you a favor?" Jack asked weakly.
"Anything."
"Just hold my hand."
***
A week went by and after the funeral Jack insisted on moving back into his house. He worked in the fields and in the stables for hours on end. He tried to be alone all the time, but people, mostly the Shaws, Jacksons, and Parkers, came by at least once a day each.
Everyone was an annoyance. New orphan, they should leave him the hell alone. It should be obvious and if not they should have gotten the picture every time he blatantly told them to go away. And the whole damn town, too. This fucking God forsaken town. They just watched, the lot of them. They just sat back and watched them die! That stupid Brandon kid had to get stuck. And that useless moron Bailey Simms had to knock down *two* oil lamps in one fall. The fucking slow fire department. There's a reason why they train those worthless bastards. And those people just gaped and watched them die. They all helped kill his parents.
He tried to send a telegram to Maggie, Joe, and Emily, but he couldn't say everything he needed to in it. He sent a letter, but it didn't arrive in time to get them back home for the funeral.
*** P Thirteen year-old Danny McBride and his friend walked the stairs of his building to the door of his new neighbors' apartment.
"First letter from home," said Isaac, "that must be exciting."
"I'll bet." He knocked on the door.
"Morning, boys." Joe smiled.
"Mail, Mr. Dawson."
"Thanks." Joe walked absent-mindedly towards the kitchen table. "Maggs!" he called to wife who took the letter. Joe turned to see Danny and Isaac had left the door partly open. He shrugged, ignoring it.
At the same time Danny's sister, Mary was heading up the stairs to find Emily, they had quickly become close friends. But then something made her freeze in her tracks and drained her blood.
Maggie's scream.
It had ripped through the building. Mary had never heard a scream like that before. It was blood curdling.
She stayed there, three steps from the top, for minutes. Then she found the will to move. One step after another she headed toward the Dawsons' apartment.
Maggie Dawson was half-collapsed in her husband arms who was barely standing himself.
Something terrible happened. Mary had never seen anything like it. She didn't know how long she was staring at the scene, but she backed away when she realized she was in plain sight. If Mr. and Mrs. Dawson saw they didn't care.
Mary was powerless to help them. Whatever happened was so awful she couldn't understand it. It was the worst thing she'd ever felt.
Some time later she was still hiding in the hall when Emily emerged.
"Em." she said softly.
Emily tried to speak, she kept acting as if she was going to tell her something, but wasn't sure what happened.
Mary hugged her little friend. Emily leaned against the wall and slowly slid down the floor. "What is it?" she asked as delicately and sincerely as she could.
"It's.it's.it's so bad." Mary put her arm Emily and squeezed her shoulder. Emily began hyperventilating and shaking. She was not quite crying, but every time she breathed she let out a painful whine.
"Emily?"
"My.Aunt Hannah and Uncle Peter.they're, th-they're dead. The church burned down and they were.they were trapped inside. Jackie ran away." Mary hugged Em so tightly. Emily gripped Mary so hard her little fingers dug into her skin. Mary didn't wince. She was almost as scared as Emily. She didn't know why. "They're dead."
Emily started crying. "It's not fair! It's not fair! Why did they have die? They weren't old, they weren't bad. And Jack.he ran away and didn't tell us where he's going. Now he's gonna die, too!"
"No, no," said Mary faintly, "maybe he's coming here.?" Emily shook her head violently. Mary tightened her hold and huddled over her.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
***
One Week Earlier
It was nine o'clock in the morning and Jack had just gotten up.late for a farm boy. The sunlight was harsh. Harsh and cold.
Jack felt old. Old and dead. Life felt dead. Pointless. He'd gotten up the day before and took a look in the mirror. He didn't recognize the man before him. "Man." What man? He was fifteen years old. He was just a kid. He also noticed he was in bad need of a shave. Shave? Since when did he need to shave? He'd never shaved in his life. It was not for nothing he was called Baby Face.
Baby Face. Wasn't nearly so bad as Johnny Shrivel Nuts. Johnny Shrivel Nuts! He hadn't thought of that in years. It made him smile. Funny.he hadn't smiled in forever. It almost hurt his face.
Later that fateful day.whatever day it was, he decided he couldn't go back to school. How would he pay for it anyway? The farm paid for school and he was the only one around to mind the farm. He couldn't do it by himself although God knows that was all he'd been doing since Hannah and Peter passed.
Passed. They were gone. Dead. Emily, Maggie, and Joe had to know by now. He wondered if a letter was on the way for him. Begging him to come to Manhattan or telling him they were coming back home? For what? To have him be a burden for them in their new life? Or to come back and die in Chippewa Falls?
Die in Chippewa Falls. Live here. Die here. Or just simply waste away in this bubble. He had to leave. His childhood was over. He wouldn't die here.and if he did it would be to come back to die. He had to live life for himself. He already was living on his own and supporting himself. The fact that he was falling apart and dying within himself might have been a sign he was doing something wrong.
Peter and Hannah's son, living like this? He couldn't let it happen. Life stopped seeming like a death trap. He refused to let his parents down. He owed them that. He owed them the world. And he would find some way to give it to them.
Jack was going to leave Chippewa Falls. He was going to travel and see the world. Then he'd go to New York and return to his family a man, then back to Chippewa Falls to see his friends. He couldn't just run to them anytime something bad happened. He wanted them to be proud of what he would become.
He collected as much money as he could and decided how he wanted to divide the property and the animals. They were his now. He was a land owning citizen. But that wasn't going to keep him here.
First he confronted Milo and Tobey. He called them over to his house the afternoon before he planned to leave. He paced on his front porch as his friends pleaded.
"You're leaving?" Milo asked, eyes wide. "Where are you going?"
"Wherever I feel."
"You're a damn fool." said Tobey.
"It's freedom. Don't you see? Freedom."
"Judy's gonna whoop your hide when she finds out." Jack, given his aforementioned preference to Judy, didn't think that would be so bad. But he repressed the thought quickly. Thinking about a nice girl like that and Judy, too. Shame on him.
"What about us? What about the rest of your family?" Tobey growled. Jack was just going crazy. He knew he had to be cracking.
"What about living my whole life in Nowhere Falls, Wisconsin and never doing anything else until I die?"
"It doesn't have to be that way, Jack." Milo thought of saying something about Hannah and Peter, but refrained for fear.
"It's my life. And I think I gotta leave. Manhattan is gonna be good for Maggie, Joe, and Em.and there's somethin' good for me, too."
"Why do you have to leave now?" Tobey asked.
"Because.because.because I don't wanna die here," Jack said getting weaker. He sat on the stoop with his hands in his face. "I don't wanna die here," he sobbed, "I don't wanna die here."
Tobey and Milo sat on either side of him, patting his shoulder and rubbing his head.
"I promise you, it'll be alright, buddy." Tobey whispered.
***
That night Jack made the final preparations for his departure late that evening. He fed the cows and the chickens the last meals they'd ever receive from a Dawson. He tidied up the house from top to bottom. It was to be his last night at the Dawson home. He left signed papers on his father's desk, with just a few more signatures, the house, the farm, and the animals would belong to the Parkers, the Shaws, and the Jacksons respectively.
He still needed to tell Judy. He had hours left in Chippewa Falls and he was stalling to tell one of his best friends. She'd give him hell that was for sure. She had a warm heart and an even hotter wrath-she'd make a great mother one day.
He put a sign on the door that read: 'I'm following the wind now, but it will blow me back again.I promise that till the end of my days.'
As Jack folded away the last of the extra blankets in his aunt and uncle's old closet someone was reading that note. The door opened slowly. Jack stalked downstairs.
"You wouldn't believe how fast news travels in this town." said the intruder crossly.
"I'm so sorry, Jude."
"We're you just not going to tell me?"
"No.I."
"What?!"
"I was more afraid to tell you than anybody."
"Why?!"
"You'd get mad."
"Ya think?"
"I'm sorry." Jack came the rest of the way down the stairs and stood before Judy, touching her arm.
"Please don't go."
"My father lived and died in the town he was born in. My mother left her hometown when she was my age and she found happiness here, but she left because her evil aunt shipped her and Maggs off. Not to say that my father wasn't happy. I just know they wanted to see more of the world and they didn't. I wanna see the world and I wanna see it now."
"You have time."
"Did you miss the past two weeks? No one knows how much time they have left. You could have a hundred years or day, but you'll never know."
"I'm your friend. Can I help it if I love you and I don't want you to leave."
"And who says I won't miss every last one of you with every part of me, but if I stay I'll grow to resent everything I love. And that's what'll really kill us. Every day's gotta be worth somethin' ya know. Every day should count for something. I think everybody's gotta look around and realize."
"I think you did a good job of living like that before."
"But I'm not as naïve about now."
"No matter what happens, Jack Dawson, there's always a little part of you that will be the innocent little boy from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin."
"Jesus, I hope so." He hugged her tight. He'd hugged many times and more times wrestled her to the ground and pinned her there, but tonight he just.held her. It was such a glorious feeling, just holding her in his arms.
He knew it now. He was about to leave tomorrow and not to return for years.if he even had a definite plan as to how long he'd be gone. But now Jack Dawson was going to do
He pulled away a little from his beautiful friend. Had he ever told how beautiful she was? He wanted to so bad, but was he scared.
Jack had thought of kissing Judy Parker every day since he was eleven. He'd never kissed a girl before in his life. He'd only even seen a *real* kiss once in his life. It was Judy's sister and her husband actually. He wandered behind their shed while looking for a ball and they never saw him. But it was the most incredible thing he'd seen. Every other kiss he'd seen was a hard kiss on the face or a peck on the lips. This was different. It was so many kisses in one. They were connected, mouth in mouth, it was one after the other like a string of pearls, smooth and rhythmic.
Back to Judy. Jack stared at her hard.and she stared back. For once he seriously considered staying. Slowly, he touched his nose to hers. She did nothing to pull away. They stayed like that for a moment. He could hear every breath. He nudged her cheek with his nose; she sucked her breath in. He put his mouth to hers.
It was one kiss after the other. Seeing was different than doing. It was so soft and smooth and warm. He'd never felt anything like it.
It lasted for a while until Judy pulled away. Then she wrapped her arms around him even tighter. Oh God, she felt the same way.
"So I guess that's what kissing feels like." Judy smiled softly after a few minutes.
"Yeah.I guess now I don't want *you* to leave." Jack laughed.
"It's your last night. I won't leave if you don't want me to."
Jack looked at her in shock. She just said she would spend the night him. ".Really?" Judy simply nodded.
***
It was first light when Jack awoke. Judy was lying in his bed next to him. They hadn't done anything more than kiss, but just having held her all that night was enough. Judy got up minutes after Jack and they silently went downstairs and ate breakfast. She helped Jack get his stuff together and lock up the house.
"Could you give a minute?" he asked her. She nodded and kissed him on the mouth once before going through the Dawsons' red front door. She kissed him. A day ago he never knew what a kiss was like, now he got them regularly.
No one would live here now. He could see his mother in the kitchen he thought, or his father holding him on his knee and telling him stories. The day Emily punched him. The time he didn't want to go back to first grade and his mother made him hot chocolate with cinnamon. He remembered fishing with his father-and the time he fell through the ice and everything that followed. Baseball, May Day, playing French Revolution. He remembered the day all six of them ran out in the rain. His parents were dancing. They looked so happy and content. It was all over now.
***
The sky was gray and dusty that morning. The town of Chippewa Falls had not stirred just yet. Only four teenagers were up and waiting by the sign that said 'Welcome to Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin' where they had so desperately hid just the year before.
"Hey, ass, I'll miss ya." Tobey hit his friend softly in the arm.
"Same here, jerk." He hugged him.
"I'll miss you, Milo."
"Miss you, too." Milo smiled, adjusting his glasses and then he hugged Jack.
Jack didn't say anything to Judy at first, but hugged her all the same. "Miss you." he said into her ear.
"Miss you."
"I can't think of anything else more to say, but I think I should." Jack sighed. It was the final moment.
"Anything else you come up with you can write to us." Judy assured him.
"Alright.I'll do that."
"And take care of yourself, damn it." 'Damn it.' Milo had said damn it. He almost never cursed casually.
"I don't think I should say anything else or else I'll never go." Jack said. They had a long group hug. "I love you guys, ya know that?"
"'Course we do," Tobey winked.
"Always will." said Milo.
"And we love you, too." Judy nodded. Jack took one last good look at them. Judy: the strong maternal one, golden hair, deep dark eyes, and that soft mouth. Milo: ever the adorably hopeless boy, big glasses, that crazy mass of black hair. Tobey: the goofball, that trademark slurry voice, he'd never forget Tobey's voice.
He wondered what would happen to them all. What would they be? Where would they end up? Would they ever meet again? He hoped to God so. What about his family, too? All of them. What would happen to them? He had six people left in the world and he was leaving them all. This was all in vain. The future would never be certain. All he could do was wish the best for them and love them with all his heart.
With that Jack turned around and started walking. He never turned around. He just kept walking on the road and toward the horizon.
Tobey and Milo instinctively clung to Judy like children.
"Do you think he'll be back?" Milo asked her.
"Not to stay," Judy said softly and shook her head, "he'll come back, but not to stay."
***
John Matthew Dawson, known to the world as Jack, left Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin early that late summer morning never to return and never to see his family or the friends he had known since birth ever again.