The Random Megaman Parody Show
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
At long last, the Command Mission parody is almost over! Finally, I can move on to something else! And, in this chapter, the Tail Clan get a piece of their own painful medicine. Oh, the sweet irony of it all… Here's chapter eleven!
Parody #9
A Parody of Megaman X: Command Mission
By: The X series
-Chapter Nine-
(R walks in and again sees that infamous podium.)
R - Now what…
X - All right, fellow Preon haters. We're about to go into the bowels of the Grave Ruins Base. A base run by none other… THAN THE PREON! This base is crawling with them. Your mission is to destroy every last one of them!
Crowd - Yay!
X - Now let's destroy the Preon infidel once and for all! -bangs gavel-
R - Oh, boy…
(Central Tower is attacked and an odd knight-like robot is waiting for X.)
Knight - If you think that you've hurt us by securing the missile's Supra-Force Metal, you're wrong. Now, give it back!
X - Can't do that. We don't have it.
Knight - Oh… Well… See ya then… I guess… Dramatic exit! -jumps over the railing and plummets a thousand feet to the water-
X - Right…
(X and the group are sent to the Grave Ruins Base. After several thousand Preons are slaughtered, they finally meet Epsilon again.)
X - You!
Epsilon - Me!
X - You!
Epsilon - Me!
X - You!
Epsilon - Me!
Knight - Cut it out!
Epsilon - Scarface! I'm debating with this individual.
Scarface - Perhaps, but if you were to lose, who would carry the Rebellion Army torch? Allow me to show the depth of my faith!
Epsilon - If you insist…
(X and the group defeat Scarface again and Scarface says his final words.)
Scarface - Glory to the Rebellion!
Epsilon - Just die already.
(Scarface does and the Epsilon battle begins. It's Epsilon's turn. He attacks with 'Metacrush'.)
Epsilon - Butt blast!
(Epsilon reduces Axl's health to one in a single turn.)
Zero - You Sephiroth rip-off! Take this! -activates Absolute Zero-
(Epsilon activates his second form and the group eventually kills him off. Redips walks up.)
Redips - X! You are to be commended.
X - Thank you, sir!
(The group returns to base as Redips chuckles.)
Redips - Morons.
-Chapter Ten-
(For the final time… Well, you don't need me to tell you what R sees, do you?)
X - Let us have a moment of silence for those who have been lost to our deeds. -bows-
Narrator - Three seconds later…
X - That's enough! And so, the final meeting of the Anti- Mettaur/ Preon Haters Club is now adjourned. -bangs gavel-
R - The Anti-Mettaur Haters Club?
X - And Preons too!
R - Right…
(X begins saying his good-byes. He begins talking to Gaudile.)
Gaudile - Well, it's been nice knowing you, X. But… -blows his brains out-
X - What in the hell!
Cinnamon - He was taking Ecstasy.
X - Oh…
(X and everyone else walks up to the heliport where Jango was fought. Redips' ship opens fire, kills R, and destroys most of Central Tower. He then calls X and everyone else traitors.)
Zero - That's it. Time to kick some ass.
X - Oh, yeah.
(They move on and soon find…)
X - What the…
Jango - Rrrr… Roar! Arr!
(The group beats Jango down and continues on. They soon find out that they have to fight Jentra, Incentas, Silver Horn, and Mad Nautilus over again. They start with Nautilus.)
Nautilus - You'll never beat my evolved form!
Marino - Already have!
(They beat him and continue on to Jentra.)
Jentra - It's all for the ideal!
Axl - What's the freaking ideal!
(They beat him and Jentra does something odd.)
Jentra - Maverick Hunters… -blows up- Too powerful…
X - What the…
(Jentra dies and they move on to Incentas.)
Incentas - Get what's coming to you!
Zero - That ain't much!
(They beat him and continue on to Silver Horn.)
Silver Horn - Grrr… Toast… TOAST…
Massimo - Silver Horn… You rat! You're here, too? I… I AM Steel Massimo now!
X - No, you're not.
Massimo - I know… -sob-
(They beat him and continue on to an odd dragon-like reploid known as Depth Dragoon.)
Depth Dragoon - I'll take ya on!
X - Bring it on, bitch!
(Depth Dragoon attacks with 'Lightning Barrage'.)
Depth Dragoon - The guilty shall be punished!
X - In which case…
(The lightning strikes Depth Dragoon instead.)
X - Figured.
(They defeat him and eventually find Redips. As a matter of fact, they beat him in three turns.)
Zero - Blast! We lost R and Spider for this lousy creep!
(A.N. Major spoiler alert! To the bomb shelters!)
Redips - Ah, Spider. -uses Axl's changing ability and turns into Spider-
(After a little 'negotiating', they move on until Redips uses the Supra-Force Metal to turn into Great Redips. X and the group get their butts beaten, but jump back in action when Ferham returns and rips off Supra-Force Metal R.)
Great Redips - Meddling insects!
(Great Redips attacks with 'Momento Mori' and freezes the entire good party.)
X - Not… Cool…
(X and the group finally beat Great Redips.)
Great Redips - How could I lose!
X - 'Cause you suck at everything!
(After Redips dies, Ferham asks permission to dispose of the Supra-Force Metal, gets it, and jumps off of the platform. Oh, yeah. One more thing. Did I mention that they're IN SPACE!)
Ferham - I'll take it to a place so far away that no one will were find it.
X - NOOOOOOOOOO!
Axl - What's with you?
X - The bitch had my Ding-Dongs!
(The group lands on Earth and they open the hatch which was closed. They see that they're in the middle of the ocean)
Zero - Guys. I think that we've got a LONG swim ahead of us.
X - Ya think!
(The credits roll through and the data is reloaded.)
-Backtracking for Items-
(A.N. Despite the name of this part of the chapter, I'm going to make fun of basic enemies here, not items.)
(The group returns to Lagrano Ruins to build up on experience. The have 'Attractor' equipped, doubling their chances of running into a random battle. As a matter of fact, they just ran into one. There are two Wild Patrol Dogs and a Wild Rescue Dog.)
Axl - Hey, guys! Look at their little gun-shaped nipples!
X - Can we kill him too? Please.
(There's nothing much more to make fun of here, so on to Central Tower! Just kidding. Not yet, at least. For now, they go to Tianna Camp. There, they run into a regular, everyday Mettaur.)
Massimo - What's the verdict, boss?
X - -raises his hand-
Mettaur - Meep?
X - -gives the thumbs-up- We'll let this one slide for now.
Massimo - Aw…
(Again, nothing much more there. So, onward to the Gaudile Laboratory.)
(A.N. I'm not going to make fun of anything inside the Eternal Forest 'cause that would be too easy."
X - Get ready! It's another random battle!
Marino - What's this?
(The enemies consist of three enemies known as a Pararoid.)
X - I don't care. Just kill it. I'm up first.
(X uses the Nova Strike Action Trigger with the Ultimate Armor. After a walloping 112 hit combo, the Pararoid is still flying around, untouched.)
X -You're kidding me, right?
(The next random battle involves two Rabbids. Their first attack is a move called 'Spray Gun'. The one attacking hops around and shoots a barrage of bullets from a little hole in it's butt.)
X - RUN FOR IT!
(Dramatic 'run away' music begins playing as time begins moving in slow motion. The bullets get closer and eventually hits Zero. He falls to the ground.)
X - ZZZZZEEEEERRRRROOOOO!
(After running from battle, time going back to it's normal speed, and the group revives Zero with a "Backup', they decide to ditch that place and go to the Ulfat Factory. Their first battle involves a Preon Nurse. After slaughtering it's teammates, Preon Nurse uses All Life Gain 25 on X's party. Being the cruel beings that they are, they kill it anyways and move on to Gimialla Mine. There, they encounter a trio of Rush Loaders.)
X - Hey! Aren't those the annoying enemies from Megaman X7?
Zero - I think that they are!
Axl - Let's kill 'em all!
(They get bored and move on to Vanallia Desert. On the Quicksand's North Side, they encounter a Golden B-Blader. X uses Nova Strike on it.)
X - Stupid bee-shaped helicopter!
(They're next battle is with a D-Rex. It uses 'Mini-Bomb'. A miniature D-Rex begins hopping very slowly towards X.)
X - Screw this. -kills D-rex-
Narrator - Later that day…
Axl - Hey, guys? Do you hear something?
(They all turn around and see the miniature D-Rex still hopping towards X.)
X - Run away!
(After escaping the miniature D-Rex, they move onto the Melda Ore Plant. There, they encounter a Gun Bit.)
X - Oh crap!
Zero - More butt bunnies! AHHH!
A(After escaping the battle, they run into a Gift Box. After seven turns, in gets ready to drop a pair of Kitty Gloves for Cinnamon.)
X - Ready, guys?
(The Gift Box runs away.)
X - NOOOOO!
(They decide not to go to the Grave Ruins Base again 'cause they killed of the Preons there. Instead, Nana tells X about Sky Room.)
Nana - You've been collecting figures, right?
X - Yeah…
Nana - Well, they're all displayed in Sky Room.
X - Really? Take me there!
(As X is being teleported to Sky Room, he says one last odd statement.)
X - Beam me up, Scotty!
(Nana and R exchange confused glances. Zero, who's been having a bad day walks up behind Axl and grabs him by the throat.)
Zero - Tell me where he is, bitch!
Axl - The Sky Room! Don't kill me!
Zero - Thank you. -drops Axl-
(As Zero is being beamed up to Sky Room, he to says something weird.)
Zero - Beam me up…
Nana - FINISH THAT SENTENCE AND YOU'RE DEAD!
R - -jumps away-
(In the Sky Room, Zero finds X playing with figures of himself, Zero, and Axl.)
Figure Axl - Please, save me, X!
Figure Zero - Yes! We need help!
Figure X - I am helping!
(X begins laughing as Zero says the first thing that comes to mind.)
Zero - When your finished playing with yourself, I'll be downstairs.
X - That was mean… And sickening.
-The Tail Clan Battles-
(A.N. I'm just letting you know that I didn't come up with this quite unoriginal names. So don't flame me. Flame Capcom.)
(X and the group begin going down a long, spiraling staircase and they run into a random battle with a kitsune-like being. His name is Onetail.)
Onetail - I challenge you to a fight.
X - Psycho…
(Onetail attacks with Annihilator Hadouken, killing two of the three party members. Onetail seems surprised, but continues anyways.)
X - Psycho!
(After numerous defeats, X and the group finally manage to beat Onetail. They move on and run into another reploid. His name is Twotails. To make matters worse, there are two of them.)
Twotails - I challenge you to a fight.
X - Oh no…
(The Twotails kill X's party with two consecutive Annihilator Hadoukens. Again, after numerous attempts, the group finally wins. After dragging their sore bottoms back to base to refill their health, they move one and find yet another reploid. His name is Threetails. Starting to see a pattern, aren't we?)
Threetails - I challenge you to a fight.
X - Not three of 'em!
Metal Sonic EX - Yes, three! Mwahahaha!
X - I hate life!
Life - And I hate you!
(After getting their hinnies kicked a dozen times, they run into another random battle with a reploid. Guess what his name is?)
Fourtails - I challenge you to a fight.
X - At least there's only one of him. -uses Analyzer- Hmmm… Oh, fudge biscuits!
Massimo - What?
X - He's got 380 power!
Marino - Meaning…
Fourtails - Meaning that you're all screwed.
Axl - Here we go again.
(After defeating the extremely powerful Fourtails, they run into Fivetails.)
Fivetails - I challenge…
Zero - We get the picture!
Axl - And we're back to three of 'em…
Cinnamon - Come on! How hard can it be?
(Everyone looks at her weird.)
Marino - We're so dumping her.
(The group destroys two easily and take the third one down to almost Final Strike-type health. However, Fivetails uses self-destruct on Cinnamon, killing her off.)
X - No one likes her anyways…
(They move on and run into Sixtails.)
Sixtails - I…
Axl - Say and we hurt you!
Sixtails Defeat me in ten turns… or else!
Zero - Or else what?
Narrator - Nine turns later…
X - Alright! He's got 6000 life left! We're gonna…
Sixtails - Here I come! -Uses Life Gain MAX-
X - NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!
(A.N. What's with X? Well, when you fight Sixtails, if your power isn't high enough, you'll be lucky to take half off his health in ten turns. Trust me… He's one hard pain in the ass.)
(After defeating Sixtails at long last, they move on to Seventails.)
Seventails - I challenge you to a fight.
X - We know!
(Not much here that I can parody, so let's move on. The group wins and descends lower into the room where Eighttails is held.)
Eighttails - I challenge you to a fight.
Marino - Can we just get to the killing now?
(A.N. At long last, I've reached the Ninetails battle! I've longed for this day!)
(The group continues and finds the Tail Clan leader, Ninetails.)
Ninetails - My strength is unparalleled.
X - Oh, dear…
(Ninetails attacks with Annihilator Hadouken and kills two party members and seriously wounding the other. Ninetails looks at the camera funny and gets a goofy grin.)
Ninetails - Let's do it again!
Zero - No!
(Ninetails uses Regeneration, reviving X and Axl and giving them 25 life energy back. He then attacks with Annihilator Hadouken again and kills everyone.)
Ninetails - Aw… I did it again… Now I have to wait another century for a friend to come. Or…
(The battle restarts and Ninetails kills ever5yone again.)
Ninetails - Hey! This is fun!
(The battle restarts again and he dashes towards Axl, turns around, and attacks with Nine Fragments. This attack is a nine-hit combo and does 999 damage for each hit.)
Zero - Why don't you just call it 'swift kick to balls'?
Ninetails - 'Cause this is swift kick to balls!
(Ninetails dashes towards Zero and attacks with Puncture Arrows, reducing Zero's WE to… Well… Zero.)
Zero - Why you dirty rotten pig monkey!
Ninetails - No. This is dirty rotten pig monkey! -attacks Terra Fire-
Zero - Bastard!
Ninetails - No! This is…
X - Cut it out!
(After getting the crap kicked out of them, they retreat back to base.)
X - How the hell are we supposed to beat someone at Level 99?
(There is a knock at the door. X opens and finds…)
X - You!
Ninetails - You dropped this.
(The 'Psycho' theme begins playing as he holds up a piece of toast. Nana gasps when she this and everyone but Ninetails stiffens.)
Ninetails - What?
Nana - WHO THE HELL'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!
(Cinnamon looks around nervously and, by doing so, gets booted out of the ceiling by Nana.)
Marino - Yes! No more retards!
Ninetails - Oh, yeah. One more thing.
(Ninetails attacks with Annihilator Hadouken, kills everyone, and brings them back to life, running away afterwards.)
X - That's the last straw!
(The battle begins anew.)
Ninetails - My strength is unparalleled.
Zero - Until now!
(The group proceeds to kill Ninetails off once and for all. However, his body remains intact.)
X - HELL YES!
Zero - What do we do now.
Narrator - Months later, at Christmas…
(The group is outside, enjoying the snow and decorating the makeshift tree. Ninetails is the makeshift tree, just so you know.)
Ninetails - I hate life…
Life - And I hate you…
Narrator - Meanwhile, in the Grave Ruins Base…
(Cinnamon falls into the base and is immediately surrounded in Preons.)
Cinnamon - Help…
And thus ends the Command Mission parody! In the next chapter, the Classic series is back and one of the Robot Masters is the main star. Although, it might take a while for me to write it seeing as I've never seen the movie before, but I've got a plan. Until then, Read and Review so I don't kill anyone!