The Random Megaman Parody Show
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
What's a parody show without a parody of one of America's most beloved sci-fi motion pictures? Nothing, that's what. By the way, the X series is in this parody and it's going to be filled with guffaws, snickers, giggles, and just downright explosive laughter. So, here it is. My parody of… The Matrix!
Parody #13
A Parody of The Matrix
By: The X series
(As the parody starts, the camera remains black and a conversation is heard.)
Female Voice - Is everything in place?
Male Voice - You weren't supposed to relieve me.
Female Voice - I know, but I felt like taking a shit.
(Stuff happens and the camera now shows iris sitting in a chair with a bunch of police officers behind her. A one slowly walks towards her, she whips around, jumps into the air, and kicks the guy's head off.)
Police Officer Who Wanted To Become A Doughnut Salesman - I knew that I should've been a doughnut salesman.
(Once leaving the room, she looks down the hall and sees Sigma dressed in a tuxedo and sunglasses worthy of a Men In Black movie appearance. Iris starts running and Sigma takes off after her.)
Sigma - You can't run forever! You have to pay your phone bill sometime!
(On the rooftops, Iris makes a literal leap of faith across a street and to another rooftop. However, she smashes into a Starbucks billboard. Then, she does a backflip and lands on the roof.)
Iris - Those things are everywhere!
(As Sigma begins shooting at Iris, she jumps into the air and holds her hands in front of her like Superman. She smashes through a door, a bathroom with an old lady in the shower, a kitchen, and another door before falling down the stairs. After the scene changes, Zero wakes up to find his computer making odd messages. They read: 'Go to Starbucks! BBQ ribs now only $3.45! Oh yeah, one more thing: GET YOUR ASS UP!')
Zero - Talk about creepy.
(More messages pop up until one reads: 'Follow the crazy ass white guy named Jimmy Bob Crackle.')
Zero - Jimmy Bob Crackle?
(After answering his door and finding a bunch of people there, he asks the leader something.)
Zero - Have you ever had the feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?
Person - Yeah. All the time. It's called retarded.
Zero - Thanks for the support.
(As the girl turns a little bit, Zero notices a tattoo that reads: 'Look behind you.' Zero does so to find a hillbilly with a shotgun standing in his apartment with his face in Zero's.)
Person - HI! I'M JIMMY BOB CRACKLE!
Zero - Holy shit!
(Zero runs out of the apartment, closing the door behind him. After running into a night club, Iris walks up and starts conversing.)
Iris - I know why you're here. I know because I was looking for him once too.
Zero - You were looking for Mickey Mouse too!
(The conversation continues.)
Iris - You know the question just as I did.
Zero - Let me guess. Do you know… the muffin man?
Iris - The muffin man?
Zero - THE MUFFIN MAN!
(A.N. Warning! The following material may offend someone or, in other terms, kill them due to laughter. Let's hope for the second one.)
(The next morning, Zero goes to work and begins conversing with his boss.)
Boss - This is one of the top bran muffin companies in the world because employees understand that they are a part of a hole. Thus, if an employee has a bowel movement, the company has a bowel movement. The time has come to make a choice, Mr. Omega. Either you decide to be on the toilet on time from this day forth or you can find another job! Do I make myself clear?
Zero - Yes sir.
Boss - Good. Now go fetch me some toilet paper. I'm almost done.
(A.N. Let's see… One… Two… Three whole casualties! Alright!)
(Zero returns to his cubicle and is soon delivered a cell phone via FedEx. The phone rings and Signas is one the other line.)
Signas - They're coming for you.
Zero - Who?
Signas - Look over your cubicle. Move slowly.
(Zero does so and he sees Jimmy Bob Crackle with some hillbilly friends looking around. Zero quickly ducks down.)
Zero - -yelling softly- Oh shit!
(After being captured, Zero is interrogated.)
Sigma Agent - It appears that you live two lives, Mr. Omega. In one life, you are Mr. Zero Omega, executive for a respectable bran muffin company. You have a social security number, you pay your taxes…
(A brief pause follows.)
Sigma Agent - And you even helped your landlady dispose the body of her murdered husband.
(After waking from his nightmare, Zero receives a phone call from Signas.)
Signas - Do you still want to meet me?
Zero - Yes.
Signas - Then go to the corner of Fifth and Madison and ask for a guy named… Pedro.
(After being picked up by Iris, Alia, and Axl, Zero is offered to leave and he opens the door. Iris stops him.)
Iris - Trust me. You don't want to go down that road. You know where it leads and you don't want to be there.
(In the distance, the group can see the blinking neon sign of Starbucks. After arriving at their destination, Zero meets Signas.)
Signas - At last. As you've probably guessed, I am Morpheus. Please, come. Sit.
(Zero does so and a loud farting noise is heard. Signas and Iris both try to compress their laughter as Zero pulls a pink cushion out from under his butt.)
Zero - A whoopee cushion. Har har.
(The conversation continues.)
Signas - You know something's wrong but you don't know what. Like a foot in your ass, driving you crazy.
Zero - Okay…
(As the conversation comes to a close, it deepens.)
Signas - This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. -opens left hand- You take the blue pill, the story ends; you wake up in your bed and believe what you wish. -opens right hand- You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and I show you how big your cornhole can be.
(A.N. Remember the word 'cornhole'! I'll be using it a lot more in later parodies.)
(After taking the red pill, Zero is transported to the 'real world'. Zero looks around and climatic music plays as it shows that their are endless towers covered in Starbucks.)
Zero - Holy hell. I'm in hell.
(After a bunch of interesting, yet boring crap happens, Zero is placed on a table and is injected with many needles.)
Zero - Where am I?
Signas - You're in the real world.
Zero - It's more like an acupuncture salon.
(One night and an extremely long explanation later, Signas concludes his narrative.)
Signas - The Matrix is a computer-generated dream world to keep us under control. In order to change a human being into this…
(Signas holds up a danish and Zero raises an eyebrow. Signas then realizes his mistake and lifts up a battery as he pops the danish into his mouth. Another night comes and goes and, after learning many styles of martial arts, Zero begins sparring with Signas. During the fight, Zero is knocked down and rolls away just as Signas' foot comes crashing down where his genitals were.)
Signas - Consider yourself lucky.
(After Zero wins the second sparring, some random person loads a 'jump' program. They are standing on top of a huge skyscraper and the nearest one is about a thousand feet away.)
Signas - Let go of your fear.
(Signas takes off and jumps. However, he falls short and begins plummeting. For no reason whatsoever, Signas pops up back at Zero's side.)
Signas - I swear, I did that better last time.
(After making the second jump, Zero makes his leap of faith. However, he looks down and sees giant letters on the ground that spells: 'You're screwed'. After more really interesting, yet boring crap happens, Zero begins talking to Ground Scaravich.)
Scaravich - I created the jump program.
Zero - Really?
Scaravich - What do you think of my 'you're screwed' sign? I made it for newbies.
(After entering another program, Zero and Co. drive down a street.)
Zero - God!
Iris - What?
Zero - I used to eat there. Their haggis was…
(Zero doesn't finish, but instead, does the kissing motion that Italian chefs like to do.)
Zero - Fresh from the sheep.
Iris - Thank you. I will now hurl all of my innards out.
(After arriving at their destination, Zero enters a room where Sting Chameleon is standing by an oven. Don't ask why he's the Oracle, he just is.)
Chameleon - Do you know what that means?
(Zero turns around a sees a plaque above the doorway.)
Chameleon - It means 'bend over and kiss thine ass for thou is screwed'.
(Zero raises an eyebrow.)
Chameleon - Just kidding. It means 'Thou who smelt it, mostly surely has dealt it'.
Zero - Right…
(Before leaving, Chameleon holds up a tray of cookies.)
Chameleon - Take a heroin-laced cookie. I guarantee that by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel like a sledgehammer just made off with your goods.
(Zero reluctantly takes one and looks at his crotch as he leaves. A bunch of crap happens and the good guys find themselves inside a small pipe. Someone coughs and a nearby police officer yells, "They're in the toilet!' After attacking Sigma through the wall, Signas asks Sigma a question.)
Signas - Who are you?
Sigma Agent - I am Momma. Yo Momma.
(After being betrayed by Dr. Wily (He had a cameo in X4 and X5), Zero and Iris watch in horror as Wily goes to 'unplug' Axl.)
Wily - Any last words?
Axl - Why… Yes… Yes I do… MADIA HEEEE, MADIA HOOOOO, MADIA HAAAAA, MADIA HA HA! (The opening to the infamous Numa Numa song)
Zero - OH GOD! JUST KILL HIM NOW! PLEASE!
(After Zero prevents Signas from being 'unplugged', he explains why he's going back into the Matrix.)
Zero - I now know that I must go.
Iris - Why?
Zero - Because I believe in something.
Iris - What?
Zero - Santa Claus.
(Once Zero enters a blank program with Iris, his operator asks him something.)
Operator - Ya need something?
Zero - Yes. Furbys. Lots of Furbys.
(Endless rows of Furbys rush up to the two.)
Iris - No one's ever tried this before.
Zero - That's why it's going to work.
(Zero picks up a Furby and acts like he's cocking it. Because of this, it goes, 'Me love you.' Both Zero and Iris shudder after this. Once Zero enters the agent's base, he sets off the metal detector.)
Security Guard - Sir…
Zero - I'm a robot. What do you expect?
Security Guard - Sir, this computer ignores that fact and scans any other metallic objects you may have on you.
Zero - Oh…
Security Guard - Now, I'd like you to remove any metal you may have. Like keys, loose change…
(Zero opens his trenchcoat to reveal that he doesn't have any clothes on and guns are duct-taped to his body.)
Security Guard - Holy shit!
Zero - I know. -smirks-
(As the gun battle starts, Zero begins ripping the guns off of his body.)
Zero - -RIP- Ow! -RIP- OW! - RIP- Dammit! -RIP- MCNUGGETS!
(There are four pillars with three spaces on either side of the room. Zero begins running from the first as people shoot at him. Things begin moving in slow-motion as Zero rolls behind the pillar and returns into view with no clothes on. He dives behind the third pillar and he has clothes on when he emerges this time. Time moves at it's normal pace. Soon, Zero is on the roof with Iris and a Sigma agent.)
(A.N. Prepare yourself for I am about to make fun of one of the world's greatest movie scenes!)
(Things move in slow-motion again as Sigma shoots at Zero and he does the infamous bullet dodge scene. Zero dodges all of the bullets except for the last one which nails him between the legs. Iris winces as he falls to the ground.)
Zero - AH! DUDE! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! I NEED THOSE!
(A.N. Hehehe…)
(After killing two of the three Sigma agents in the room with Signas and killing the one on the roof, Signas roars as he farts and the top three floors of the building explode. Oh yeah! His handcuffs break too. Some more crap happens and Zero is now in a subway with a Sigma agent. They just stand there until a newspaper flies by and Sigma gets excited.)
Sigma Agent - OOH! Farmer jack's has a two for three sale on chickens! The hell with this!
(Sigma runs off only to return moments later looking sad.)
Zero - What's wrong?
Sigma - According to the producer… -sniff- That paper was from three years ago.
(After the brief gun battle, Zero goes through an elaborate series of flips to get up. Sigma just stands up normally, scratches his butt, and belches.)
Sigma Agent - Man, those burritos are coming back on me.)
(After beating Zero, Sigma notices something on the ground.)
Sigma - A toupee! Yah! -places it on head-
(Zero gets up, raises his fists in the air, and farts, blowing Sigma's toupee off.)
Sigma Agent - My toupee! NO!
(Some more crap happens and Zero stands up after being supposedly killed. Sigma fires numerous bullets at him. Zero holds up his hand, but they all go through him.)
Zero - That's it! You're gonna get it now! That hurt like a mother!
(In the real world, instead of Sentinels trying to get into the ship, clones of Bill Gates, one of which is dressed like the Burger King king, get inside the ship. Signas pushes a red button and the clones die as the words, 'Me love you.' are heard. After a phone that has seemingly lasted the whole movie, Zero places sunglasses on that look like they belong to Elton John.)
Random Onlooker - Freaking loser!
(Zero quickly runs over and stabs him to death, then takes off into the air with a continuous farting sound and a long trail of greenish gas coming out from behind him. However, in mid-flight, Zero goes through a jet engine and is turned into sushi.)
How 'bout that? I like that one, I really do. Anyways, I continue making fun of famous movies by making fun of Rocky in the next chapter. So, Read and Review and I'll continue.