The Random Megaman Parody Show
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
In this chapter, the X series mocks Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. My friend came up with the idea for a single scene involving a dead body and a golf cart and I decided to make a parody from that. Anyways, here's parody number seventeen!
Parody #17
A Parody of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
By: The X series
(The setting is Gig… I mean, Vice City. Zero walks out of his apartment with a briefcase. He casually walks into his garage and gets into a golf cart. He starts it up and drives out of the garage. He turns right and goes to get out of the driveway when a random civilian steps onto the grass.)
Zero - Sonabitch! The Negro's on my property!
(A.N. Oh yeah! Before I forget, this is in NO way whatsoever intended to be racist. It's here merely for comical purposes. I apologize in advance to anyone I may offend with this.)
(Zero stops the golf cart, gets out of it, pulls a magnum out of nowhere, and shoots the civilian, who was obviously African-American. You know, those weird guys with the pink suits who walks like everyone else? In the game I mean. Anyway, Zero smiles and the gun vanishes into thin air.)
Zero - That'll teach those Negroes to stay off of my lawn. They are the little bastard children of God I tell ya!
(Zero gets back into the golf cart and drives off. He turns into the street, then onto the sidewalk. He begins to drive over the bridge and also any people who are walking in the path.)
Zero - I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! I can't stop! Hello! Goodbye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! (reference to Alice in Wonderland)
(Zero turns off of the bridge and begins to drive towards the golf course. Once then, he drives the golf cart up to the entrance.)
Guard #1 - I'm sorry, sir. You have to park that in the lot.
Zero - What lot? It's just a loop. I've got a better idea. How 'bout you kiss my ass and I drive over yours.
(Zero drives over the guards and through the metal detector.)
Zero - I shouldn't leave them here. Hmmm… Maybe I could…
(Minutes later, Zero is driving down the path with his briefcase on the passenger's seat and Megaman X3's Zero Theme playing on the radio.)
Zero - This song kicks ass biscuits!
(Zero slows down as X holds out his thumb.)
Zero - Normally, I wouldn't pick up a bum. But in this case…
X - Bite me. Now move this thing and let's go.
(Zero puts the briefcase into the little basket behind the seats and drives off.)
So, when's the parody starting?
Zero - It already has.
X - Really?
Zero - Yeah. So far I'm apparently anti-Negro, I don't like driving on roads, and I killed two guards back there.
(X remains silent for a second.)
X - You did what?
Zero - Yeah, ran 'em over. Ya know, I'm gonna like this parody.
X - So… What's in the suitcase.
(Zero begins to glance at X uneasily.)
Zero - Muffins…
(X slowly looks back to the briefcase before looking forward again. He forces a smile and looks around. He hears a siren and spins around.)
X - The police! Thank God!
Zero - What?
X - I mean… The police. What do they want?
Zero - Right…
(Zero pulls over and the officer walks up to the driver's side of the golf cart.)
Officer - Sir, would you know anything about the break-in up front?
Zero - Break-in?
Officer - Apparently, some psycho drove through the metal detectors.
(All heads turn to the metal detector which is stuck in the front of the golf cart.)
Officer - Sir, what's that?
Zero - Hood ornament…
Officer - Eh, good enough for me. And you?
X - No, I didn't realize someone broke in.
(X then mouths the words 'Help me' behind Zero's back. He turns to X and he immediately stops. Zero raises an eyebrow and turns back to the officer. X then places his hands together and mouths 'Please'.)
Officer - Right… I think everything's… Wait a minute. Sir, do ya mind opening this for me?
Zero - All that's in there are muffins.
Officer - One of the guards' bodies is missing. Please open the briefcase.
(Zero sighs and pulls the briefcase onto his lap. X looks excited that Zero's about to get busted and, oddly enough, everyone leans closer. He opens it and six steaming muffins are inside.)
Zero - Happy now?
X - Then what happened to the body?
Zero - Oh, that! I left it in some guy's trunk.
(Zero stops and turns towards the officer.)
Zero - Oops.
Officer - Sir, do ya mind stepping out of the… vehicle?
Zero - Do you mind turning around so I can take your picture?
Officer - -turns around- What for?
(Zero pulls out the magnum and shoots the cop.)
X - Zero! That's an instant two-star felony!
Zero - I know. Let's go for six! Hahahahaha!
(Zero takes off like Speed Racer, leaving the muffins next to the officer's body.)
X - Zero!
Zero - Hold your horses.
(Zero begins to swerve maniacally for a second or two before slamming the gas down and heading for a ramp.)
X - Zero… Zero… Zero!
(They hit the ramp and land in the water. Somehow, the wheels of the golf cart turn themselves sideways.)
X - Like, what the crap?
Zero - Hehe… It's called a 'Cars Float On Water' cheat!
X - We're making fun of the cheats?
Zero - Of course! Do you know how many people use them on this game? It would be insulting not to!
X - So… how d'ya do this again?
Zero - It's simple! You just press L1 L2 R1 R2 left right up down… oh shit.
(The car slowly begins sinking in the water.)
X - Turn it back on! Turn it back on!
Zero - Okay… uh… L1 L2 R1 R2 left right down up… oh double shit.
(Zero suddenly changes into an old woman with herpes.)
Zero - Um… Cancel?
(Zero changes back and the golf cart starts rising again.)
Zero - Eh…
(Zero drives the golf cart to the dock behind his mansion and they climb out.)
X - What about this?
Zero - I can summon another in a time of need.
X - So, what now? I mean, the boats are starting to come.
Zero - Boats? -hears siren- Curses! It's the coppers! Follow me!
(Zero and X run up the stairs and hurry towards a small helicopter with a machine gun on it.)
Zero - Say hello to the Sea Sparrow! Now get your ass in here!
(Zero and X get in and Zero starts it up.)
Zero - Up, up, and awaaaaaay!
(Zero lifts the helicopter off the ground while holding the gun firing button. Another African-American walks by and is shot in the head.)
Zero - Damn Negroes! They pop out like rabbits!
X - What's with the almost-racist speech?
Zero - How the hell should I know? Now, I've always wanted to do one thing.
X - Something tells me it involves killing.
Zero - Well, sort of…
(Moments later, X and Zero are flying towards and massive cruiser filled with crates of all colors.)
Zero - A harbor. Add one machine gun and a deranged psychopath and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. Observe.
(Zero holds the fire button again and begins to shoot at the random civilians.)
Zero - Hahaha! Oh, head shot! Wait! Is that… Yes! Run, Negro! Run! Oh, didn't run fast enough, did ya!
(Zero opens his door and yells 'Didya!" again.)
Zero - Did you ever getting the sensation that your falling?
X - Do you know what happens when the driver exits a helicopter in this game?
(They both look down and scream as they land painfully on the road. Then, they stand up.)
X - We're still alive?
Zero - Let's hear it for video game inconsistencies!
(X and Zero go to get back in the helicopter when they see Chill Penguin dressed as a prostitute,)
Zero - That's a lovely image.
Chill Penguin - Hey, big boy. How'd you like to become the luckiest man on earth?
(A truck stops and Rainy Turtloid steps out of it.)
X - LET'S GO! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! BAD IMAGES! BAD IMAGES!
(After making a hasty exit, leaving the helicopter behind, X and Zero run off down the street. Eventually, they slow down.)
X - Wow. I think I'm scarred for life.
Zero - Ditto. But at least we're on the other side of the island now.
X - Is this an island?
Zero - I really don't know.
(Zero stops, perks up, and begins sniffing the air.)
X - Zero?
Zero - -sniff- -sniff- You smell that? -sniff- -sniff- Smells like Negro!
X - Come on, Zero. I swear. You're gonna get the author into a lawsuit.
Zero - So?
Big, Booming Voice - So you should be concerned for your life!
Zero - So what. I'm afraid to say Ni… -lightning bolt appears in front of Zero's face and hangs there- …geria. -lightning bolt disappears-
X - Who's voice was that?
Big, Booming Voice - Who do you think it is, Arthur?
(The clouds part and the Monty Python God appears.)
X - Sweet Juju Jesus! It's God!
Zero - What are you doing here? There's no Arthur here.
God - There isn't? Sorry, I must be on the wrong set.
(The clouds close together again.)
X - Odd…
Cop - There they are!
Zero - -looks up- Oh, yeah! I forgot I had two felonies. Well, now I've got three, so…
(Zero turns around and began jerking in every direction, occasionally throwing a punch wherever he's facing. Suddenly, three pink words appear and the cops blink.)
Cop #1 - What were we doing?
Cop #2 - Who knows.
Zero - Hehe… No stars cheat. Now let's fix that.
(Zero swiftly pulls out a rocket launcher and blows the cars and cops to smithereens.)
Zero - Sweet! I instantly got my felonies back! Woohoo!
X - Isn't that bad?
Zero - Sort of. Let's get a move on!
(X and Zero start running towards the bikers' bar and they run inside.)
Zero - Whoo! This place stinks worse than my ass after taking a fifteen minute crap after eating Mexican food for an hour.
X - Ew…
Zero - Who owns this dump!
(A big heavy-set guy walks up and cracks his knuckles. His hand is the size of Zero's head.)
Biker - I am. Now, what were you saying?
Zero - Yeah, what were you saying X?
X - What?
(After X got a painful beating up and Zero snuck away, he realizes where his muffins are.)
Zero - Son of a bitch! Damn coppers probably have them. Stupid… cops… muffins… cops… muffins… Negroes… muffins… Negro muffins…
X - I… loath… you…
Zero - Where'd you come from?
X - Hello! You're standing outside of the bar!
(Zero turns around and looks at the bar door.)
Zero - Hey, you're right. Anyways, sorry 'bout that. Now, let's go get those muffins!
X - Yes, my lord and master.
Zero - Hey, that looks like a nice ride! Let's take it.
(Zero walks across the street, punches a window in, and takes out a dirt bike. X gets on the back.)
X - Why do I have to sit here?
Zero - "Cause you're my bitch! Now silence.
X - Screw you.
Zero - Silence, bitch!
(Zero raises his 'pimp' hand and X merely aims his buster at Zero's face.)
Zero - Right. Point proven.
(After returning to the golf course, Zero discovers that the body is still there, but the muffins are not. He screams 'Son of a bitch!' and it echoes throughout the course, making birds fly into the air. He jumps back on the Sanchez and drives to the police station.)
Zero - I've got to report a crime! Some bastard Negro took my muffins!
Officer - I'm sorry. You'll have to… Hey! You're that guy everyone's after!
Zero - Oh… Forgot about the felonies again. No matter.
(A chainsaw appears in Zero's hands and he jumps behind the desk. Screams, chainsaws revs, and not-too-pleasant noises are heard.)
X - Ew…
(Zero stands up and jumps back over the desk. He is covered in blood.)
Zero - Alright, let's go! No one can help us now.
(They exit the police station and he finds a note on the bike.)
Zero - 'If you ever want to see your muffins again, then follow the redhead'. Damn the government! They've probably made some sickening twist between Negro and redhead!
X - Actually, I think they mean him.
(X points to Axl, who is covered by a trenchcoat. Axl glances backwards and begins skipping around the corner.)
Zero - Right then. Onward!
(A police car crashes in the bike and spins into a tree. The hunters stand up and get back on the bike.)
Zero - Assholes! Get off the damn cell-phone. Now, onward!
(Zero and X take up the chase as Axl begins driving away in a semi. A few minutes later, the semi stops at Zero's mansion. Axl continues driving and drives into the water. The car sets on fire and explodes.)
X - Odd.
(Zero keeps driving and drives into his mansion.)
Zero - Now who the -bleep- took my muffins!
Unknown Voice - There you are. So, you followed the redhead. To your grave! Ahahahaha!
X - I know it's you Sigma.
(The hunters turn around and Sigma's cloaked figure is seen.)
Sigma - Huh? Oh… Damn…
Zero - What's up, ass-chin?
Sigma - God dammit! Stop that!
Zero - Never! Now, where's my muf… Wait… I know why you're cloaked. You're a Negro, aren't you!
Sigma - A what? What's with him?
X - Dunno. He's been obsessed with Negroes this whole chapter.
Sigma - Ah…
Zero - Give me my muffins, you Negro bastard.
(Zero jumps on top of Sigma and stabs him numerous times with his saber.)
Zero - My muffins!
(Zero reaches down and picks up the briefcase full of muffins.)
Zero - Now, I must deliver these.
(Zero turns to X.)
Zero - Here you go.
X - Wha?
Zero - I am part of the Muffin Delivery Team. It is my duty to deliver muffins to those who need it.
X - Right… Thanks… I guess…
(X opens the briefcase and stares at a sawed-off leg of one of the golf course guards. He promptly has a heart attack.)
Zero - Huh… Ah well. My job here is done!
(Back at the MDT HQ, Zero takes another order.)
Dynamo - Why am I working here? McDonalds is better than this place!
Zero - Shut up and give me the order.
Dynamo - Here.
(Dynamo hands him a pizza.)
Zero - What kind of muffins this? Wait! This must be the legendary muffinus pizza…sis…nerectum…dingy…maflob…Negro…
Dynamo - Huh?
Zero - Never mind. Onward!
(Zero drives off in his golf cart, stops, and backs up.)
Zero - Almost forgot.
(Zero shoots Dynamo in the head with the magnum.)
Zero - Ha ha! Loser!
(Zero drives off and stops in the middle of the road. There, he happens to glance up.)
Zero - Hey! I finally got to six stars! That means that…
(Zero slowly looks to the left as a Rhino tank heads straight for him.)
Zero - Oh snap…
(Zero quickly drives backwards and out of the tanks way.)
Zero - Now this is thrilling! Onward!
(Zero turns and proceeds to attempt to evade the army by driving away in a golf cart. The tank, however, is stuck in the front end of the pizza/ muffin place.)
Zero - Ha! You'll never catch me, you cold-blooded…
(Without watching where he's going, Zero drives straight into another tank and blows up. Sigma, who's hobbling up, stops.)
Sigma - Odd… Ah well. Dumdedumdedum.
(The tank's turret turns and wipes Sigma of the map. The hatch opens up and Signas pops out of it.)
Signas - Ha! I got him! I finally got you, Whitey! Haha! 'Never trust Whitey' they say. Well, I killed Whitey. Haha!
I repeat, this chapter is in no way intended to be racist. It's just meant to be comical. Tune in next time when the Classic series takes a little trip to a mountain town named South Park. Until then, Read and Review and I'll continue!