Scene 9
We see everyone sitting in a circle
ELROND: We are gathered here over the body of... (Pauses, clears throat sheepishly) Um, I mean...hear ye, hear ye! Doom is at hand! We must burn the one called Martha Stew... (Everyone looks up from various states of consciousness with startled looks on their faces.) I mean, (cough) discuss calmly and rationally what to do about this evil ring. Doom.
FRODO walks up and puts the Ring on the table. Spectators murmur in wonder.
ELROND: We must throw it in the fires of Mt. Doom. One of you must do this. Doom.
All point at FRODO.
FRODO: (Unaware that everyone is pointing at him) Not me.
ELROND: Thanks for volunteering, Frodo!! Doom.
FRODO: YESS! I mean... what? Oh well, as long as Sam doesn't...
SAM: (Coming out from bushes) Oh! I'm coming too! I must protect Mr. Frodo! I will carry him up mountains and offer myself up as food if the need arises!!
FRODO: Um... well, okay... at least Merry and Pippin aren't...
PIPPIN: And me!
MERRY: I better make sure Pippin doesn't hurt himself...again.
FRODO: ?#$&!$
ELROND: All right. Anyone else? Doom.
Aragorn stands up.
ARAGORN: Oh all right. But only because it's in the script. I think we should just burn the script. (starts muttering incoherently)
ELROND: Shut up and get in line. Doom.
GANDALF, DUMBLEDORE, and GIMLI do the same. LEGOLAS stands up with an air of superiority.
LEGOLAS: I will defend the hygienically challenged midgets and their jewelry with my life.
GIMLI: I'm not a midget.
LEGOLAS: I wasn't talking to you...midget.
GIMLI: No one tosses a dwarf!
LEGOLAS: ??