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Somewhere in Konoha (re-winded a bit)

Jiraiya grinned widely as he watched Naruto in the shadows with a telescope, and started scribbling madly as he watched Naruto crash into Tenten and tumbled into an alleyway.

"Yes!" he said aloud as he watched Naruto and Tenten struggle to get the blankets off them. He then quickly used a jutsu to eavesdrop on them. When Tenten got out and started to cut the blankets off Naruto, the super pervert summoned a small frog and gave it some orders, the frog used some thin string to tie Naruto's foot to some of the blankets and backed off when Naruto tried to stand up. His leg tugged on to the blankets he stumbled into Tenten while pulling the huge pile of blankets (With some help from Jiraiya who used his chakra to give the blankets a push from behind.) back onto him and Tenten. Jiraiya then started giggling madly and drooling as he heard Tenten's loud moans. His grin widened even more when he heard her mutter stuff like "don't stop" and "more".

'It's working better than I expected, you should be thankful I used you as my test subject, Naruto…' thought Jiraiya as he put away his telescope. He dispelled his eavesdropping jutsu and canceled his summoned frog, which had gotten stuck in the blankets when Naruto threw the pile off himself and Tenten. Jiraiya quickly left to discuss the results of the experiment with his partner in crime.

With Kakashi

＜In the evening.＞

Kakashi put his clothes back on, wincing as the clothing passed the places where Yuki had whipped him. He glanced back at Yuki, who was currently sleeping on the floor with her arms around a Kakashi-shaped doll. When she had unchained him from the chair to continue their "fun" after two hours of sexual torture, Kakashi had been whipped, burned, sucked, groped, and many other crazy stuff only Jiraiya could think of. Then she had tied him to the bed in the room (Kakashi was worn out from the S&M-ing and didn't have the strength to resist) and climbed on top of him, completely naked. Kakashi, who was also completely stripped of clothing, could only watch as Yuki entertained herself with his body, and after another three hours, finally fell asleep exhausted on Kakashi

Kakashi struggled with the ropes that bound him for five or six minutes before finally breaking free. He tried to move but Yuki had her slender legs wrapped around his legs and her arms around his neck, her body pressed onto his. With much difficulty, he formed the hand seals he needed and used the replacement jutsu, replacing him self with a Kakashi doll. He left the room and went to take a bath in the hot springs. He changed into a towel and went into the springs, wincing again as his damaged skin touched the warm water.

He sat there for a while, wondering what to do with his messed up life. Today, he had lost his virginity to a mad woman who was barely eighteen years old. He had failed his Anko-chan and cannot face her anymore. Kakashi looked up at the moon, remembering how he had first met Anko.

Flashback

Kakashi ran through the forest, heading to the forest at breakneck speed. He had just finished training on how to perfect his Chidori and was now rushing towards Konoha's lone cinema to watch the First Icha Icha paradise motion picture.

He had waited for three weeks to watch the movie. He had waited in front of the cinema for three days just so he could be the first one to buy a ticket. He had bought the one in the first row and used half of his salary to buy the special edition if Icha Icha Paradise Volume I, which had extra scenes and chapters, including illustrations of the inspiration which had caused the amazing author to write this masterpiece. It was strange since he thought he had seen those naked women somewhere before, but couldn't remember where, until he saw a group of them entering the bathhouse he was passing. He shrugged it off and entered the cinema,

It was there, in the seat next to him was Anko, who was watching the screen with extreme concentration while sucking on a piece of dango. She had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, which was filled with the same kind of innocence that only Naruto had. Even when she watched the most "exciting" part of the show, she didn't have any reaction when the whole group in the cinema (including Kakashi) fell to the floor unconscious from extreme bloodloss. When it was over, she got up and looked around the cinema, seeing everyone lying on the ground or hanging off their chairs. Then Kakashi stirred, mumbling something that caught Anko's interest. She carried Kakashi out of the cinema and laid him on a bench in the park she woke him up by stroking a sensitive area and giggled at the sudden yelp of Kakashi

. Kakashi shuddered when he saw who had woken him up, Anko was famous for her temper and behavior. She was very childish and dangerous at the same time, which was not good because the combination would make it a bomb waiting to blow up when somebody pressed the wrong button. He was thinking on how to escape when Anko spoke "Why were you lying on the floor with blood running down your nose?" she said giggling.

"Well…" said Kakashi slowly, he needed to choose his words carefully, because he wanted to live long enough to see the next season of Icha Icha Paradise. "It's because the movie is very good, so exciting that I had a nosebleed." he said uncertainly.

"Really?" she asked, "It seemed boring, it didn't even have any interesting stuff in It." the most non boring thing was the fact that the main character had blonde hair and blue eyes like the forth hokage.

"What?" said Kakashi disbelievingly, "What about the sex scenes? Surely you came to watch this movie because you want to see the magnificent novel in motion?" he said.

"Not really." said Anko, I just bought the wrong ticket and watched this because I was bored, and those scenes aren't that good anyway. Those positions are mostly impossible. I prove it to you some day." she said. Kakashi was so shocked that she didn't like the masterpiece of Jiraiya's work he took out his special edition of Icha Icha Paradise Volume I and shoved it in front of her face at the page of illustrations.

"Hey," said Anko looking at the pictures closely, "The illustrator sucks, Mimi's breasts are WAY bigger and Niko's skin is not that dark. Whoever did this sucks at it, he should change jobs."

Kakashi was stunned, Anko was talking about sexual stuff like it was food of drinks, not even a tiny hint of embarrassment in her voice and on her face." that was when Kakashi realized that she was the girl he wanted, a girl who wouldn't kick him in the balls for or burn his books whenever he read his books.

"But the scenes, they're fantastic, don't you want to be held like that? While a sexy man gave you the time of your life, like in the movie?" said Kakashi.

"Yeah, I do." said Anko, "But that crap in the movie sucks so much that I'll die of boredom."

"I'll prove that the technique the main character uses will have you moaning for more!" shouted Kakashi who couldn't stand people who insult Icha Icha Paradise, like Gai for example.

"Like you can!" Anko shouted back, annoyed. "I bet you that the next movie even crapper, and if it is better than this one, I'll become your personal slave, and do all that crap you call "exciting" in that crappy movie with you!"

"You're on!" shouted Kakashi, "If I lose, I'll never read a porn novel ever again, not like I'll ever lose to you!"

"You said it, and I'll personally burn those things you call books when you lose." she said before stomping away, scaring anything that breathes to death with her glare as she walks past.

End flashback

Kakashi sighed heavily, it was then when he started turning up late for everything. He went to the memorial stone to visit Obito evey day, not to grieve, but to ask him advice on how to sort out his feelings. He was in love and he was troubled. He could kill enemies in a blink of an eye and has copied more than a thousand jutsus but he can't handle his love life, and just lost his virginity to a mad girl who loves him because he wished it.

He had sat in the spring for so long that he was getting a bit dizzy, so he got out and went back to his sleeping quarters to rest. He would deal with the sex-loving Yuki tomorrow and then think about what to do.

At the Hokage's tower

"So is the experiment successful?" asked Tsunade, her hands on her desk and looking interested at her companion.

"Very successful, Trunade." said Jiraiya grinning.

"The washing materials we gave him are working very well. In fact, it's much more effective than I imagined. I think it has to do with something about Naruto, he seems to have some sort of charm or something that arouses girls. I bet he'll become the target of many girls after a few days."

"Good…" said Tsunade grinning

"Naruto is going to be fun to watch these days, I haven't seen stuff this interesting since Naruto accidentally flew over onto Shizune in the bathtub through the window where she was bathing by a punch from Sakura for "peeping" on her in the hot springs when he had misread the sign, I think Shizune has had a crush on him ever since because according to her, he is quite well built for a boy his age."

"What? Shizune is into younger boys?" said Jiraiya surprised.

"Oh come on, She's only about nineteen years old, she was seven when I found her in a destroyed village twelve years ago." said Tsunade.

"And Naruto is fifteen years old. Anyway, he needs some fun, he nearly died the time he dragged Sasuke back from Orochimaru with two holes in his chest and the sword of Chiutai sticking out of his right arm. Barely anyone knew that it was Naruto who dragged Sasuke back. They all think that Sasuke came back on his own accord." She clenched her hand angrily thinking about the unfairness of Naruto's life.

"Anyway." said Jiraiya,

"I still don't know why Naruto didn't just kill Sasuke when they fought. I mean, if Naruto killed him, he could have left before Orochimaru turned up. Orochimaru was armless at that time, but still very dangerous. Makes me wonder how he survived."

"It's for some promise he made to Sakura." said Tsunade.

"He promised her that he will bring Sasuke back alive and he never breaks his promises even if it costs him his life. If Naruto hadn't found out how to destroy the cursed seal, I would have killed Sasuke anyway."

"How is Team Seven working right now anyway?" asked Jiraiya.

"Well they are working okay, but Sakura is still ogling Sasuke. She even thinks Sasuke came back on his own accord even when Naruto was in the hospital for three bloody weeks to recover from two Chidoris, deadly poison and that f#&king sword Orochimaru uses. Shizune had to strap him to the bed and watch him twenty-four seven to keep him from escaping." said Tsunade.

"Not that she didn't enjoy being the one to wash Naruto." she added with a small smirk. "I never thought I would see the day Naruto begging Shizune not to give him ramen, but after you eat the hospital meals, dog poop will seem like a feast." she laughed at the memory of Naruto begging Shizune not to feed him the "horrible stuff" in the bowl and Shizune had managed to convince him to eat it by threatening to tell Gaara that he saw Temari naked in the hot springs a few times."

"He did?" asked Jiraiya looking surprised.

"Apparently Naruto was finding certain a white-haired faggot to train him when he saw Temari in the hot springs. The time Gaara came to ask for a team to help deliver scrolls a month ago when they arrived remember? The mission was supposed to start today but Naruto was late for the meeting, which was because of our little experiment right?" asked Tsunade.

Jiraiya nodded. "The mission starts tomorrow now so it won't too bad." he replied.

"You might want to sent an extra person too because the bandits are increasing around the borders and Gai's team is more specialized in spying and informating gathering, even with the Naruto the super idiot on the team, it's still very risky against that big group of people. So I think it is best if we sign a medic-nin on the team, incase anyone gets hurt. Don't trust Sakura to be the medic, she'll just think of Sasuke the whole mission."

"I think I know the perfect choice." said Tsunade as Shizune walked into the room with some letters for her to read.

"What choice, Tsunade-sama?" she asked curiously as she set the letters onto the desk.

"Shizune, I am putting you on a mission to the Hidden Sand Village with your cru… (Clears throat) I mean with Naruto's team and Team Gai. You will meet them At the North gate at seven o'clock to leave, clear?"

"Um… Okay." Shizune said nervously, but inside she was celebrating.

'I'm going on a mission with Naruto-kun! Hurray! Hurray!' Some of her inner feelings must have shown on her face because Tsunade and Jiraiya were grinning evilly at her.

"What? Do I stink or something?" she asked, a bit unnerved to see Tsunade-sama and Jiraiya-sama looking at her in a creepy manner.

"Oh nothing much, have "fun" at the mission." they said at the same time, emphasizing the word "Fun" while still looking at her in that creepy way.

"Okay…" Shizune said unsurely.

"I think that I will go and pack for the mission tomorrow, bye." she left the room quickly eager to get away from the two Sannin's creepy gaze.

"How much do you bet that Shizune rapes Naruto during the mission because he is so handsome and sexy." said Tsunade grinning widely.

"Nothing." said Jiraiya.

"I bet that all the girls that Naruto meets during the mission will try to molest him. He's already seduced Tonton… (Oink?) …I mean Tenten unknowingly this morning." said Jiraiya happily.

"And Sakura caught a small blast too, but she's too stupid to notice Naruto anyway, she's blind to everything except Sasuke." Tsunade said grimly.

"Naruto will become the women's dreams when I complete the experiment. All he needs to do is to use the shampoo for a week and the effect will last forever. " said Jiraiya proudly.

"Then he will be the happiest man on earth, with better looks than the fourth hokage and the heart of all the hokages put together, which he was born with. And I will become the greatest pervert in history to create the legend of an idiot who wins all the hearts of the girls in Konoha and creates a utopia with love and sex! Muahahahahaha!" He laughed crazily and was bonked on the head by Tsunade who was holding a familiar pink hammer.

"Wake up, Naruto won't create a utopia yet because he hasn't become hokage yet and he is not old enough to have sex too." she said casually.

"Though he is already very big down there." she added as an afterthought.

"And you call me a pervert…" muttered Jiraiya only to receive another whack on the head by the hammer again.

The conversation continued for a while about Naruto's stupidity while the rest of Konoha rested in peace… at least most of the village.

At Naruto's crappy apartment.

Naruto sneezed again for the hundredth time that night. He sat up looking at his fixed clock. It read Twelve o'clock.

"Darn, who on earth is talking about me late at night. Maybe it's Kakashi-sensei or someone…zzzz" he flopped back onto his bead, snoring loudly. Not noticing the young woman sitting at his table packing his things for him.

"Silly idiot…" the young woman said softly as she cleared away the rubbish under his bed, and taking his clothes out to wash them for him. She noticed the yellow book and took it out, reading the cover with the moonlight. 'Icha Icha Paradise part VIII: The power of Porn" was visible on the cover.

She looked at the innocent looking boy, who was drooling muttering stuff like "Ramen" and "ice-cream". She sighed and put the book back into the box and put the box back under his bed.

"Kakashi-san and Jiraiya-sama are starting to affect you, Naruto-kun." Shizune said softly while looking at his cute face, wanting nothing more than to kiss it. She leaned closer to Naruto, getting closer to his face. She breathed in the scent of Naruto's hair and started getting dirty ideas. Her soft lips almost made contact with Naruto's when Naruto rolled over, falling off the bed with an "Ouch…"

Shizune's apartment

Shizune reappeared in front of her table, breathing deeply while blushing like mad. "That was close…" she murmured to herself as she sat down on her bed thinking about what gave her those perverted thoughts. She took out a book from under her pillow and looked at the cover.

"Maybe I should stop reading these books anymore… I think that they are making me think inappropriately." she said to herself and tossed the book onto her table. She stripped herself and slid under her covers since it was mid-July and was too hot for clothes in her opinion. She drifted of to sleep mumbling how Kakashi sets bad examples for the people around him.

A weak ray of moonlight shone over the yellow book and you could just make out the words 'Icha Icha Paradise.'

At Naruto's crappy apartment

Naruto got back onto his bed sleepily, looking around for the shadow he saw. "That's strange, I swear I saw someone leaning over me…" he looked at his table to see his bag packed and his weapons and clothes cleaned. "What happened..." he murmured before flumping back on his bed.

"Stupid Kakashi-sensei saying people who break into your house are thieves. But I don't lock my door anyway…zzzz" he fell asleep again mumbling about mask-wearing perverts.

With Kakashi

Kakashi sneezed and woke up from his usual nightmare consisting of Cooking pots and TV remotes, but this time with Yuki chasing him around holding a whip and a red hot choker, trying to capture him.

He tried to get up but Yuki was on top of him sleeping. He sighed and closed his eyes wondering "How the hell did I get into this mess…"

Yuki tightened her hold on Kakashi and drooled onto his shirt. Kakashi fell asleep thinking if he would survive tomorrow without being raped or killed, back into the nightmares of his Doom.

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