HALEY
I'm looking through my photo album again, trying to decide which picture I want to leave with Brooke when they bury her today. I brought the whole album with me because I couldn't decide which picture. I still can't decide. There are so many good photos of her.
I can't choose between the photos her, Peyton and me at the senior Classic, and the one of us at mine and Nathan's wedding. Or should I choose a picture of her and Lucas together? All the photos of them together are beautiful. Damn…this is too hard. How am I supposed to decide? This is too soon. I never thought I'd have to prepare for a friend's funeral so soon. It's not fair.
Well, I guess I'll decide later because someone is knocking at the door. I leave the album open on the bed and stand up in my black dress to go open the door.
"Lucas," I say when I see my best friend standing there in the hallway. He looks so sad as he stares at me.
"Hi," he says. "I think I'm ready to talk."
"I sigh relief and say, "Okay…c'mon in."
He steps inside and closes the door. I quickly close the photo album on the bed before he can see it. Then, he walks over and sits down next to it. I stand across from him and in front of the desk against the wall of the room. We are both quiet, I think because neither of us knows what to say. I am waiting for him to say something so that I know what to say and where to begin explaining everything. Finally, he looks up at me and speaks.
"So…Brooke had a baby?"
I stare at him for a few seconds before I nod and say, "Yeah, she um…she had a little girl…your little girl."
I wait for him to respond, but he seems to just want to listen for now. So I continue.
"Her name is Chasedy, but Mouth said they call her Chase for short."
He still says nothing. I hope he's not getting angrier with me now that he knows all this. I really can't stand him being angry with me and not talking to me anymore.
"Luke, you need to know that I've only known about her for a few days. When Mouth called and told me about Brooke, that's when he told me about Chase. I swear, I never knew about her until then, not even when I saw Brooke the last time I was in New York. But if I had, you know I would've told you."
"Really?" Lucas finally says something. "Would you really have told me? Because you didn't seem to mind not telling me about your visit with Brooke when you were here."
"Of course I would've told you, Lucas." I'm surprised and angry that he doesn't know me better than that. "Had I known or learned that Brooke had had a baby back then, I definitely would have told you. But she didn't say anything to me about it, and now that she's gone and I'm thinking about that day over and over again, Chase is probably what she was trying so hard to avoid telling me about because she seemed so afraid to keep talking to me. Nine years ago, when I bumped into her, the way she acted, it was like she wanted to get as far away from me as fast as she could so I wouldn't figure it out. It was like she was so afraid that you were going to walk around the corner or something. And then she begged me not to tell you or anyone in Tree Hill where she was because she was finally moving on and getting over you and everything that had happened between you, here and Peyton. And I knew then that you were finally, or at least trying to get over her too."
I pause to catch my breath. And we are staring at each other…he's waiting for me to go on.
"You were so heartbroken for such a long time after Brooke left, and you still were when I saw her. And I didn't want you to hurt anymore, either of you, and you would've felt that heartbreak all over again had I told you. You and Peyton were both still hurting back then, but I knew you both were finally getting over everything…together, becoming close friends again after you both lost your best friend. I didn't want any of you to start hurting again. I was trying to spare your feelings, Luke. But now I wish I had told you because maybe you wouldn't be hurting this much."
"No," Lucas says, shaking his head. "I'd still be hurting this much. I mean it's Brooke…you know?"
I nod as I sit down next to him on the bed and I put a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah, I know. She was a good friend and a wonderful person."
Lucas nods and says, "I would've been there for her. If she would've just let me…I would've been there for her."
"I know," I say as I rub his back. His eyes are wet with tears and his lips are trembling.
"I miss her," he cries. "I miss her so much."
He lays his head on my shoulder as he cries and I hug him close. This is the Lucas I've needed…my best friend who talks to me and confides in me…and leans on my shoulder to cry when he needs to. And this time…we both need to.
A/N: i got a few chapters up to keep you guys going until i can write more. plus, now the story is all caught up here to where it is at the other site i post it. hope you liked what youread and please, please review!!!! i love to know what you think!!!