WENDSDAYJUNE 27TH 20172:30 p.m.

The services have been going on for about half an hour now. Not many people have shown up yet. Well, my grandparents have. They hugged me and kissed me and told me how sorry they are. I'm so tired of hearing people say how sorry they are. It doesn't help make me feel better…it's not going to bring mom back.

I haven't been able to go into that show room yet. 'Show room'…like we're seeing a movie or something. They should think of another name for it. I guess the name doesn't really matter. It's just a place for us relatives and friends of the deceased to say our final goodbyes. But I still can't bring myself to do that again…say again.

But…this is my last chance to see her. Her casket will be closed after today and then she will be cremated. And I think maybe I should go say goodbye now…before mom's old friends, including my father, all of whom I've never met, show up.

Chasedy Faith Davis-Scott

I don't feel like doing anything but write right now. It lets me escape the world and situations around me, which is exactly what I want to do. I don't feel like being around anyone. That's why I'm sitting back here in the quiet room, away from the soft chatter going on in the show room.

I like staring out the window back here too. It's sunny out today, though it doesn't seem appropriate. There's a beautiful garden right outside too with all sorts of wonderful, colorful flowers. Mom loved flowers. I have to turn away from the window. It's bringing back memories of mom, like the time when I was four and we started our own flower garden on the roof of our apartment building…

"Mommy," I said, holding her hand as we stepped onto the roof. "What are we doing up here?"

"We, my precious angel," she replied as she knelt in front of me, "are going to make our own little flower garden up here."

"How are we going to do that?" I wondered as I looked around the concrete roof. "There's no grass."

"Well, I know that. So I thought we would plant the flowers in flowerpots and then arrange the flowers to make pretty designs to decorate this boring roof. It'll take us a while, but it'll be something you and I can do together…just Chase and mommy."

"Just me and you?" I repeated with a smile. I loved doing things like that with her.

Mom smiled back at me, chuckled and said, "Yep…it'll be our special project."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, baby girl."

And I hugged her.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks as Uncle Mouth enters the room.

"Hey," he says as he walks over and sits down next to me. "How're you doing?"

"I need my mom," I whisper to him. "I've never been without her before."

"I know. I know this is really hard for you and I wish you didn't have to go through any of this. Do you want a hug?"

I gave him a tiny crack of a smile before I hug him. It's really nice having him around. He makes me feel a little better when I cry like this. I don't know what I'm going to do without him when I have to leave New York to live with total strangers in North Carolina.

We pull out of the hug when we hear aunt Rachel and Molly walk over to us.

"How're you doing, sweetie?" Aunt Rachel asks.

"As well as can be expected, I guess."

Uncle Mouth stands up to hug Rachel as Molly sits down next to me and says, "Hi Chase."

"Hi, Molly." I return the smile. She is so adorable with her big green eyes, button nose and short red hair…I can't help but smile when I see her. She cheers me up too.

"You look very pretty in that dress," I say. "Is that the one my mom got you for your birthday?"

"Uh, huh…I wanted to wear it for her." She pauses for a minute, like she is deciding what is the right thing to say next. She's only nine, so I understand.

"I'm sorry about your mommy, Chase." She finally says and I hug her. She's a good friend too, like a little sister even.

When we're done, I look back up at Mouth and I ask, "Are they here yet?"

He knows who I'm referring to because he shakes his head and says, "Not yet, but they'll be here. I'll let you know, don't worry."

But I'm not worried. I'm just not ready.

Okay…I've finally made it to the showroom. Wow…there is a lot of people here now. I'm not surprised though…everybody loved mom. All their eyes are fixed on me with each step I take, then, I stop when I see it…her open casket.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Uncle Mouth asks me.

I shake my head and say, "No, I can go alone…I need to go alone."

"Go ahead then, sweetie," Rachel says. "We'll be here if you need us."

I look ahead and stare at that casket a moment longer from where I'm standing. Then, I begin walking toward it again. And I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks again as I finally reach it.

Her face looks much paler than it was the last time I saw her. But now her face is all made up with lipstick, eye shadow and blush. She doesn't look like herself…they put too much on her. And this casket…it's too small…she needs more room. I can't take it anymore…I need to help her, someone needs to help her.

"Help," I say loudly as I continue crying. "Someone help her, she needs help. There's no room for her in there…she needs her bed. And her make up…it's all wrong…she hates that color. And this isn't her home; she wants to be at home. Please—"

"Chase! Chase!" Uncle Mouth pulls me away from the casket and turns me around as I'm struggling to get away from him and back to her.

"Uncle Mouth…she needs our help…she wants to be at home, remember?"

"No, honey," Mouth says, making me face him again as everyone else in the room watches me panic.

"She's gone, Chase…she's gone. But she'll be okay now because she's not sick anymore."

I shake my head. He's wrong.

"No," I say, pulling away from him finally. "She won't be okay because she's not here."

I can't be here anymore right now. I just want to run and hide, so I do.

a/n: FINALLY!!!! i got you guys an update. i hope you enjoy it. sorry it took so long...i've been busy