Scene 11
On Caradhras.
GANDALF: STUPID MAP!! It's got a hole in it!!
DUMBLEDORE: Where should we go?
GANDALF: (slowly and deliberately) I DON'T KNOW!! THE STUPID MAP'S GOT A HOLE IN IT!! (throws the map to the ground and starts beating the crap out of it with his staff)
ARAGORN: (Watches Gandalf for a moment with an odd look on his face, then looks up) Let the ring bearer decide!
FRODO: Well, I was going to decide to go through the Mines of Moria, but the cheap producers gave me this twenty dollar, I mean, it caved in. And then there was a flood. And then it burnt down, I mean it burned in, I mean, well anyway, it burned. Then a herd of rabid cow-type mammaloids stampeded in and died from the smell of burnt dwarf. And then, a swarm of flesh-eating locusts came and feasted—FEASTED I TELL YOU!—on their rancid corpses.
SAM: Locusts, eh?
FRODO: Yes, and they're still alive, see. And that's why we can't go through the Mines of Moria. And don't mind the fresh, crisp, oh-so-green twenty dollar bill that just fell out of my pocket. If you want to bring it up with the producers, though, you might want to bring your torches, pitchforks, and chainsaws with you.
GIMLI: Works for us!!
PIPPIN: PITCHFORKS!!! What's a pitchfork?