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Chapter 5: Postponed Again…

At the North Gate

"Naruto! This is your lucky day! I, the legendary ninja of Konoha shall accompany you on your mission!"

With a loud puff of smoke a figure appeared in front of them. Slowly the smoke cleared, revealing a white-haired ninja wearing some weird costume, standing on a large frog.

Every-body apart from Naruto gasped when they saw the figure now standing in front of them. Tenten shouted "Oh my god! Are you Jiraiya-sama of the Legendary Three of Konoha?"

"In the flesh." the man replied grinning. Every Chuunin apart from Sakura and gathered around the figure looking at him with wide eyes but Naruto said "Um… What are you doing here, Konohamaru, Moegi, Udon?"

Everyone turned to him, but when no one answered his question, he pointed at Jiraiya saying "Konohamaru, Ero-sennin is taller than that! And you got his forehead protector wrong. Udon and Moegi, the frog you're impersonating is WAY fatter, and the necklace is purple, not pink!" he accused. "AND Ero-sennin would be ogling Tenten right away since she is so beautiful and cute." he added as an afterthought, making Tenten's face turn crimson at being called beautiful and cute.

"Jiraiya" chuckled and with a loud bang some fireworks exploded, consuming him. The smoke cleared revealing Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi who were coughing on all fours. They looked up at the others, and quickly stood up and began their opening speech.

"Prepare for Trouble!" (Konohamaru)

"And make it triple!" (Udon and Moegi)

"To protect Konoha from devastation!" (Udon)

"And unite all shinobi with our nation." (Moegi)

"To seduce all girls with looks and love!" (Konohamaru)

"And create a utopia under the stars above!" (Moegi)

"Udon!" (Udon)

"Moegi!" (Moegi)

"Konohamaru!" (Konohamaru)

"Konohamaru Corps blast off at the speed of light!" (Udon)

"Give in to us now or we'll bite! Bite! Bite!" (Moegi)

"You got it! That's right!" (Konohamaru)

All three did the nice-guy pose, their forehead protectors shining in the sunlight. Causing different reactions from others.

Tenten said "So cute!" Neji muttered something about being fated to meet idiotic people, Sakura and Shizune sweat dropped.

Naruto said "Hey! When did you change the speech?" and lastly, Gai and Lee burst into tears, Gai saying "Our comrades are so youthful!" He said, hugging Lee. (Sasuke didn't react at all.)

"Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted back, the scene turning into a green field with the sun rising slowly.

"Lee!" Gai shouted back, ruining Konohamaru's pose because his hugging caused the third's grandson to start vomiting at the hideous scene.

Udon knelt beside Konohamaru immediately shouting "Someone please save him!" while Moegi took out a large wooden rocket launcher and started shooting massive bombs (Think about DK's cannon in Donkey Kong 64 and the bombs are from The legend of Zelda)in Gai and Lee's direction, screaming "Stop! Stop! Stop!" repeatedly until she ran out of ammunition.

Gai and Lee had to dance around to avoid being hit and stopped when they heard the clicking sound which meant no bombs left. They let out a breath of relief and Gai shouted "Lee! We survived the bombs of our youthful comrades! We are so youthful!"

"Yes! We are so youthful Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted back, about to start hugging his sensei again, only to be knocked out by Moegi who threw the wooden rocket launcher at him which hit him on the head with a loud clunk.

"Lee!" Gai shouted, "What did you…" his stopped mid sentence due to the fact that Tenten had taken out the big pink hammer again and struck him hard on the head, knocking him out too making him land on top of Lee.

"Phew. I thought I was going to die here." said Konohamaru who had stopped vomiting at last with some help from Udon and Shizune. Naruto spoke up again.

"Um… We should be leaving for the Sand you know, but our team leader and one of our teammates are knocked out. So what now?" he asked.

Konohamaru grinned, replying "That's why we're here. We heard from hokage-sama that Jiraiya-sama would be accompanying you on your mission, so we wanted to impersonate him to go on the mission with you boss."

Right on queue, there was another loud puff of smoke. When it cleared, Jiraiya could be seen standing on a real toad and he began his speech.

Too stupid and long so I didn't type it… Actually I don't know the English version of the speech so I can't really type it….

Right after his speech, he dispelled his toad and walked up to Tenten, saying "Hello miss, I would like you to be my model for my next novel because your rack and your ass is very se… (Smack from Naruto)" Jiraiya was pulled away from a blushing Tenten by Naruto. After inspecting the lump on his head with a mirror, he turned to Naruto, stating "So Naruto, I've heard that you have become very popular with the girls (Tenten and Shizune blushed at this), so I have decided to accompany you on your mission to teach you some tricks and skills that will be useful later on."

Sasuke and Neji were jealous of Naruto for having a Sannin for a teacher but Naruto was not happy, replying "What? The last time you told me about teaching skills and tricks it was tying me to a pole and reading out your darn novel. I almost died from blood loss!"

"It's not like you didn't read them afterworlds…Yes I know you read them." He said answering Naruto's dumbfounded look. "Those books are my best creation so no doubt everyone here has read it."

Everybody except Neji and Sasuke blushed furiously, who said in unison "We are pure bloods therefore don't read crappy porn novels."

Then Drako Malfoy came out of nowhere and shouted at the pair of them "You two are NOT pure bloods you filth! Only the Malfoys are the purebloods and are superior to all other humans!"

After the author deleated him from the story Naruto started mumbling about how blondes were being abused by authors ans how he would contact S.H.I.T.

"Since when did you join S.H.I.T.?" said Jiraiya frowning. Naruto grinned.

"One year ago." he replied, surprising everyone. "Remember the time we went to the Sand before we came back Ero-sennin? Jiraiya nodded.

"When you were peeping at the bath house me and Temari were attacked by Itachi. (Sasuke gasped.) And he stuffed us into a small broom cupboard after he took all our money from us (Everyone fell over and Itachi sneezed somewhere far away.). We had to struggle for ten whole minutes before Kankuro finally found us and let us out. Didn't know why he tried to strangle me with his puppets though." he said looking puzzled thinking.

Sakura cleared her throat and said "Still doesn't explain how you joined S.H.I.T." Naruto looked up.

"Oh yeah! Um… after Temari told Kankuro something about we weren't doing something and I told him about Itachi, he let go of me and the next day Temari gave me this form about S.H.I.T. so I joined." he said.

Shizune, who was looking puzzled, asked "But why did Itachi push you and Temari into a broom cupboard and not kill you? Isn't he after you or something?" Everybody apart from Jiraiya looked shocked and stared at Naruto thinking why an S-ranked criminal would be after the idiotic blonde.

Naruto looked even more puzzled than possible. "That's what's bothering me, he could have killed me or kidnapped me but instead he stuffed me and Temari into the broom cupboard shouting about April fool or something (everyone sweat dropped). It was very cramped inside and Temari and I were squashed together, and then her towel slid off and…"

"What towel?" asked the group immediately.

"Oh yeah. We were at the hot springs and had just finished bathing and were in the changing rooms when Itachi attacked us. Um… where was I… Oh yeah, so her towel slid off…" Jiraiya and Neji drooled.

"…and I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see her (Jiraiya and Neji slapped their foreheads hard) but that made me couldn't get us out of there. Then Temari saw a yellow mouse behind her and pushed herself into me even more …" he blushed at the memory of her chest pushing hard against his as she tried to get away from the strange mouse.

"…trying to get away from the mouse and then I opened my eyes and saw the mouse turn into sand or something and then Kankuro opened the door and we fell out and then I was chased around by his puppets until Temari covered herself up and said it was a misunderstanding." he finished still thinking about Temari's soft creamy skin.

The others thought about what he said for a moment and then Shizune voiced a question that was in everyone's (apart from Sasuke) dirty part of the mind.

"Why were you in the same changing room as Temari?" she asked thinking about the possibilities. Naruto blushed again.

"Well the bathhouses in the sand are very expensive so I asked Gaara to let me use the private hot springs at his place."

"There was one? Why didn't I get to go in?" asked Jiraiya scowling.

"Well only Temari uses it so he told me to ask her instead so I went to her and she said it was ok. And you can't go in or you'll peek on Temari." said Naruto.

"Like you did, you mean." accused Jiraiya (Everybody looked wide-eyed at Naruto). Naruto coughed trying to hide his blush and continued.

"So we used the hot springs together and talked about things." everyone stared at him, but he continued calmly.

"I kept by back to her though, so I didn't see her." he said thinking about why she would let him bathe with her in the first place. (Oh my GOD! Naruto is actually THINKING that much, what next? Sasuke's gay or something? Wait… I think I have an idea… Grins evilly)

Everyone in the group was also thinking about the same question. Jiraiya grinned, saying "You must be a special kind of magnet Naruto, maybe even Temari seems to like you now. My my my… the list sure is getting longer and longer."

"What list?" said everybody while far away a blonde girl with her hair tied in four ponytails sneezed, spraying her drawing with spit.

Sunagakure

"Nooo!!! My Naruto drawing is ruined!!!" Shouted Temari trying hopelessly to clean her picture, But hurriedly hid it when Gaara walked in.

"Are you ok?" asked Gaara who had sat behind his desk next to his sister. Temari nodded. "Yeah I'm ok." she replied.

"So why did you call me here earlier today, I'm supposed to go and meet the guys coming here, and I want to see Na…" She covered her mouth blushing at the fact that she let slipped that little detail.

Gaara smirked, not that I-will-kill-you-now look, but one that is an amused one (at least close to it). "Naruto is still at the Leaf." he said, making Temari shout "WHAT? Does that mean I stood out in the sun for 13 hours for NOTHING?"

"Yep. Konoha sent a strange bird with a message saying they are still arguing about something at the north gate."

"I'm going to kill him when he arrives!" she said clenching her fists in fury.

"No you can't or you won't be able to have his kids in the future."

Temari, who was still mumbling about the ten-thousand painful ways to kill Naruto, looked up, saying "What did you say?"

"I said no you can't kill Naruto or you won't be able to have his kids in the future."

Temari blushed pink, saying "Why would I want to have Naruto's kids in the first place?"

Gaara took out a simple recorder. He pressed the play button and Temari's voice rang out. "Zz…Naruto…zz...want… (Snore) Naruto… babies." the mumbling went on and on for about ten minutes before it stopped. By then Temari was as red as a tomato. "W-wh-when d-did you r-record that?" she stuttered like Hinata did when she was talking to Naruto.

"I don't sleep so I needed something to do. You were mumbling something about Naruto so I recorded it. I even recorded what happened on the day I fooled you and Naruto in Itachi's form." Temari looked shocked.

"You mean it was YOU who attacked us while we were changing and stuffed us into that broom cupboard?"

"Yes. I even provided a mouse to give you a nice excuse to get more skin on skin contact with Naruto." he said calmly. That made Temari want to stick her head in the fridge to cool her face down.

"Here's a fridge." said Gaara pulling a full-sized fridge from out of his gourd. Temari immediately stuck her head inside the upper layer of the fridge and piled lots of ice around her.

After a while Temari emerged from the fridge and asked "What else did you record about me?" she said suspiciously. Gaara took out a key and unlocked a safe he took out of his desk drawer.

"Let's see…" he rifled through the mess inside. "There's the one where you were singing about your love of Naruto in the kitchen." he put the tape on his desk. Temari tried to destroy it at once but was blocked by Gaara's sand.

"This one here is the talk you two had in the hot springs." he put it on his desk too.

"This is another one about you and Naruto fighting about who is the better blonde…" he smirked. He rummaged for a while before finding a video tape.

"Ah! This one is a video which recorded every single prank he pulled on you and some of the stuff you two did together, from dusters to chasing you around and fighting over food, you two sure are childish. Everyone thought you were possessed by two four year olds." he put the video and the other tapes back into the safe and took a laptop computer out of his gourd.

"I posted the video on the internet and 69 of the audiences thought you were lovers, 13 thought you were siblings and the rest of the 2334 thought you two were insane."

He watched Temari's look of severe embarrassment as she stared at the scene of Naruto hugging her in broad daylight in the crowded streets when he first saw her when he arrived.

She tore her eyes away from the embarrassing scene on the screen and tried to change the subject.

"So why did you call me here today anyway?" she asked.

"Oh yes." said Gaara. "

The first reason is to embarrass you with those tapes…" Temari's eyes twitched and she wanted to smash the laptop with her fan.

"…And the second is to inform you that you will move to the Leaf with me and Kankuro permanently as ambassadors since I was fired by the council because I burned all my paperwork which needed to be handed in yesterday."

"You did?" said Temari stupidly.Gaara ignored her.

"We leave as soon as Naruto's Team arrives and takes those scrolls of ours. Baki will take over and when we get settled in, I'll help you see if Naruto likes you back." Temari shouted "I DON'T LIKE HIM!"

Gaara nodded. "No, you are obsessed with him and can't sleep without having dreams of him doing "Stuff" to you." Temari blushed, saying "If you ever tell Naruto that, I'll dye your gourd pink permanently."

"I don't need to, because I am going to force Naruto to live with us and he will stay in your room with you."

"WHAT!"

"Like my plan?"

"Yes…Uh I mean NO I don't like it."

"Yeah right…"

Back with Naruto and Co

"So what now?" asked Naruto who had been talking with the group for 8 hours. They had knocked Gai and Lee out over and over again to stop them from interrupting their arguments.

"We have no choice but to postpone the mission again." said Neji.

"Yeah, so who is going to take Gai and Lee to the hospital?" asked Shizune.

No one answered, Shizune sighed. "Then we have no choice but to leave them here."

"I wonder where's Kakashi sensei." said Naruto out of the blue.

"Who cares, he'll turn up soon. Let's go home and rest." replied Sakura. The others nodded and they all left for some rest.

With Kakashi

Kakashi was slumped in a corner sadly, thinking about why he didn't get more than 60 words in this chapter, until he heard a voice cry "Kakashi-kun!" and he started to run away as fast as possible, but he was worn out from the day's "events" and was soon dragged to the bedroom by a very energetic Yuki for another session of touture..

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