Scene 15
Death of Boromir
ARAGORN: (Running after MERRY and PIPPIN) Stupid halflings!! Always getting themselves into... (looks over at BOROMIR) Oh. Hello.
BOROMIR: (picking arrows out of his chest) cheerfully Hello there!
ARAGORN: Do I know you? You look familiar... oh, I got it. Ranger school, right?
BOROMIR:...
ARAGORN: No... cooking class! At the Y!
BOROMIR: I'm in the fellowship.
ARAGORN: Oh. Have you been here the whole time?
BOROMIR: Yes.
ARAGORN: Are you sure?
BOROMIR: Yes.
ARAGORN: Since you're my fellow—uh—son of a king type figure... does this mean I have to kiss you?
BOROMIR: No.
ARAGORN: Well, then, now I will send you down the river and over the falls. With your sword in hand, and the weapons of your enemies at your feet.
BOROMIR: I'm not dead yet!
ARAGORN: What?
BOROMIR:
I'm not dead!
ARAGORN: Yes you are.
BOROMIR: I'm not!
ARAGORN: Well, you will be soon. You're very ill.
BOROMIR: I'm getting better!
ARAGORN: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
BOROMIR: I don't want to go over the falls!
ARAGORN: Oh, don't be such a baby.
BOROMIR: I feel fine!
ARAGORN: Well, do us a favor and just die already.
BOROMIR: I can't! I think I'll go for a walk.
ARAGORN: You're not fooling anyone you know. Look, isn't there something
you can do?
BOROMIR: singing I feel happy... I feel happy.
ARAGORN: (hits BOROMIR on the head with the pommel of his sword) Ah. That's better. Now, what was I doing? Oh yes. MERRY!! PIPPIN!! GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID HALFLINGS! WHY MUST I BABYSIT YOU ALL THE TIME!! MAYBE I SHOULD SEND THE BOTH OF YOU TO... hmm... what's an obscure foreign country... I KNOW!! MAINE!! NO... ALASKA!! YOU BETTER GET YOUR PARKAS READY!! (runs out of scene) PARKA!