Scene 25
Mount Doom
SAM: I'm so glad we finally got away from everybody else so we could be alone together, aren't you, Mr. Frodo?
FRODO: (uncomfortably, shifting away from SAM) Erm..twenty-seven?
SAM: You're so cute when you're stupid!!
FRODO: (panicking) Emc²!! A rose by any other name would smell as sweet!! Appetitus Rationi Pareat!! //Let your desires be ruled by reason :) //
SAM: Drat. Latin is smart.
FRODO: Augh...my brain...too much...pressure...Sam...I can't go on...take the ring...
SAM: I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!!
FRODO: No!! You can carry it!! Trust me!! Just take it and go!!
SAM: Mr. Frodo, you're ruining my only good line.
FRODO: I don't care!! Just take the ring!!
SAM: Okay, fine. No need to get all snappy about it.
FRODO: (rummaging around in his pocket) Oh, Elbereth Gilthoniel.
SAM: What?
FRODO: The ring, Sam!!
SAM: What about it?
FRODO: I think...I think I left it in Rivendell. (There is a pause, then FRODO breaks down in tears)
SAM: Don't worry, Mr. Frodo, things will turn out all right, you'll see.
FRODO: (sobbing) I spent the whole year with you...for nothing...
SAM: (putting his arms around FRODO) It's all right, we can go back for it...
FRODO: Sam, in my heart I've begun to understand...(puts his head on SAM's shoulder)...there is no going back.
SAM: (on the verge of tears) Mr. Frodo...
FRODO: Sam, I'm glad...you're here...in the end...
DUMBLEDORE: (appearing out of nowhere) Hi, guys!!
(Both SAM and FRODO scream and get up)
SAM: Why are you here?
DUMBLEDORE: I apparated, of course.
SAM: No, I mean, why are you here? Mr. Frodo and I were having a moment, if you don't mind.
FRODO: (panicking...again) No!! No, we weren't!!
SAM: But...Mr. Frodo...I thought what we had was...special!!
FRODO: The only special thing about it was you.
(SAM frowns, unsure if that was an insult or a compliment, and FRODO changes the subject)
FRODO: Seriously, though, why are you here?
DUMBLEDORE: I saw you leave the ring on the stand thingy back in Rivendell. I was going to say something, but then I forgot.
FRODO: (angrily) You knew...this whole time...and you didn't say anything!?
DUMBLEDORE: I forgot. You dirty people do not improve my already flagging memory.
FRODO: THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE!!
DUMBLEDORE: But I remembered a moment ago, so I apparated there and got it, and then apparated here with it.
FRODO: Wait a minute...if you could do that, why didn't you do it in the first place?
DUMBLEDORE: It's more amusing to just watch you not-clean people struggle.
FRODO: (makes as if to hit DUMBLEDORE, but restrains himself at the last second) Fine. Just give me the ring.
(DUMBLEDORE shrugs and gives it to FRODO)
FRODO: (to himself) At last I can be rid of this ring so that Sam will stop eyeing it and winking at me like he tends to do when he's creeping me out! (He gets to the edge of the cliff, and holds the ring out over the churning, molten rock below, then pauses.) You know, on second thought, this thing is made of gold. I could probably buy a house somewhere…far, far away from Sam! Yes! As far away as I can get! (He turns around triumphantly.) The Ring is mine!
(The shot shakes as if there is an earthquake. Suddenly, a small gray figure runs up to FRODO, grabs the ring, and runs off the edge of the cliff)
GOLLUM: (falling) MYYYYY PREEECIOOUUUUSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
FRODO: That was weird. Oh, well.
SAM: Come on, Mr. Frodo, let's get out of here before the volcano explodes!!
FRODO: And why would the volcano explode?
SAM: Because...well, you know, I really have no idea whatsoever. But it's in the script.
DUMBLEDORE: I can side-apparate you two to Gondor. Spiderman is throwing a huge party. Apparently they crowned him King.
FRODO: Spiderman? Wait...are you talking about Aragorn?
DUMBLEDORE: Spiderman, Aragorn, same diff.
FRODO: Whatever.
DUMBLEDORE: Okay, let's go!