Chap XI

This is the moment of our goodbye
Our distance...our separation...
What caused this to happen?
To us? To our hearts?
My heart screams for you...
My mind tells me to let you go.
You: left in darkness
I: walk toward the light
All these thoughts never seem to rest
I wonder, what do you think now as we turn away?
I felt nothing but you
I dreamt of nothing but you
My heart screams for you...
My mind tells me to let you go
My lies...my words...you
All reside in my memories
I know you will be safe in the darkness...
Shaded away from those who might bring you harm
Will you forget?
Will you feel nothing but me?
Will you dream of nothing but me?
At this moment I fall...
At this moment, I must let you go...

This time, it was his time to fall. It was his turn to watch all the pieces fall apart. His passion, his strength...he wished more than ever that they hadn't left him. Now, he was nothing. A simple Nobody...a meaningless shell of something that used to be. Those words...were they true? He felt like he could die. Fade away into everlasting darkness. Nobodies couldn't die from blood...this: this was how they departed life.

Roxas' eyes narrowed when he felt Axel's breathing nearly stop. He could feel his own body feel so lost. He would regret this for his life...

"W-what?" Axel asked in disbelief.

Roxas said nothing and slowly sat upright underneath their clothes. He averted his eyes from his companion and pretended to take interest in the floating symbols to the wall beside him.

"But...that's..."

"Betrayal...I know," the blonde intervened in a slightly pained voice.

"I'm not hearing you right, am I?" Axel abruptly sat himself beside Roxas, supporting his body upright with his arms. He stared at the back of Roxas' head as he nervously awaited his answer.

"Should I repeat myself?"

"I..."

"Should I!" Roxas' whole body shook vigorously. His anger was flaring again from within his empty chest. "I'm leaving the Organization, Axel. I'm...leaving."

What was this feeling overpowering Axel's body? He never felt anything like it before. Maybe he had...in a past life. His mind was cluttered with thoughts while his voice fell mute. He wanted to deny what Roxas' was telling him. He wanted to laugh now and call him crazy. Why couldn't he then? Why was it all he could do was stare?

"W-when?" He simply asked, lowering his head as he caught his voice beginning to shake.

"I...I really...I don't really know when. But, whenever my heart tells me to do so, I'll...go..."

"It's telling you to stay!" Axel blurted to Roxas' back.

Roxas slowly looked up, his eyes feeling heavy, and pieced together was Axel had said to him in a way he could understand. That's right...Axel was his so called 'heart'. But he couldn't listen to it now...no matter how much he might have wanted to, he had to escape from his heart...his prison cell.

"Where are you supposed to go?"

Roxas shook his head. "Anywhere but here." He had constantly told himself those words before. Each time he had, he always told himself he wanted to be in a place with Axel. But not this time...

"Who knows where you'll end up? You could...no!" In one swift movement, Axel darted forward to his unsuspecting friend. Desperately, he wrapped one arm around the blonde's neck while he allowed the other to hold Roxas' head close to his own. His face remained fixed to the floor, bright aquamarine eyes blazing with doubt and pain.

"You...want to stop me?" Roxas kept still in Axel's tight squeeze, refusing to embrace him back.

"You don't know this Organization, Roxas. They'll..."

"They'll bring me down."

"What?"

"Don't you get it? This whole time you've been here, are you completely oblivious to the fact that no one is willing to sacrifice themselves for you? When are you gonna figure out that they'll never treat you like one of them?"

"Roxas..."

"I've already found that out," Roxas broke away from Axel's hold and grabbed his clothes that once covered his body. "I've already figured that I deserve better than this..."

Axel remained silent on the floor as he watched Roxas begin to clothe himself back into the Organization uniform. Each time he opened his mouth to speak, he drew them back in, fearing that his tone of voice would give away his current emotions. What was he supposed to say? That he didn't want Roxas to leave because he loved him? What would he do then? As if something like that would stop him. Roxas was too determined. Not like he would be able to gather up enough strength to tell him what was on his mind.

As Roxas zipped up his cloak, he thought of nothing but regret for being this way to Axel. He didn't dare look over his shoulder at the shattered expression staring back at him. He stood still and finally broke the silence. "I'm still not sure about when..."

Axel shot his eyes up, a small bit of confidence sparking in his head. "So...it could be...whenever, right?"

Roxas nodded and stared unblinking at the wall before him. He thought of his dreams with that strange voice. "Best friends shouldn't forget about each other despite their differences and distance," he whispered to which Axel replied, "Best friends?"

"We're...best friends, right?" Roxas asked over his shoulder as Axel began to change back into his outfit.

"I just don't want you getting hurt or anything."

"Then, you'll let me go?"

Axel paused as he started zipping his pants up. "Let you go?" He repeated slowly. "You mean, let you leave the Organization?"

"Well...that and let me go from you?"

The red head let out a forced laugh and quickly dabbed the corner of his eye. "I-I didn't say that, you know. Don't go getting ideas."

"Regardless...I still want to escape from here."

"R-right...I-I know." Axel, still without a shirt, nervously shot his head down and shut his eyes tightly. He continued to wipe away what ever was escaping from his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, they continued to flow. No matter how hard he tried, his voice remained shattered. "That's your...that's your decision, right?" He added in an attempted steady voice though he clearly failed.

Roxas blinked at the sound of his voice and he questionably began to turn to face him. He wanted to run away the moment he saw Axel resisting to cry. He wanted to punish himself for what he was doing. Did wanting to leave seem selfish or did it just not make any sense?

"A-Axel..." He whispered, raising his hand slowly toward the frustrated teen.

"Oh, you're...you're still here? You could have left you know..." Catching sight of Roxas' hand, Axel quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and turned away to continue clothing himself.

"What about you?"

"What're you worrying about me for? You're just...just confusing yourself, Roxas!" Axel laughed again and hastily began to zip his cloak up.

"Oh...I...guess so.," Roxas muttered, staring absently at the aqua floor.

"There? See? You should just..." He paused to wipe his eye again, "You should just..."

"Go?" Roxas implied.

"...y-yeah." Axel lowered his hand and gazed up at Roxas when he lowered his head halfway. Even to his moment Roxas amazed him beyond explanation. He wanted to know more about him...they both wanted to know everything about each other. Now, he felt those goals were meaningless. He knew a Nobody was never supposed to feel or think like this.

Without saying anything more, Roxas' mind filled with thoughts of the darkness he had seen in the world of the Nobodies. He pictured those neon signs that had laughed at him, those amber eyed shadows that had chased him, and those high building walls that appeared to trap him in endless twists and turns. Beyond his darkening flames, sapphire fell upon teal once more where they remained until he could see no more of that precious color.

With a faint smile drawn upon his face, Axel, unable to do a thing, followed the movement of the darkness as it swallowed his lover into the ground and out of sight...away from him. By now, he had given up on trying to stop his eyes from watering. Still, he smiled while the sadness flowed down his face. So this was what it was like...to cry. Whether he liked it or not he did not know. He shut his eyes and pictured Roxas' beaming face in his mind.

"Let you go from me...? That's suicide."

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It was now or never. Roxas repeated Axel's seducing words in his head as he strolled down the street of darkness. He figured that leaving now was better than suffering through anymore the Organization had to offer. Yes; now. His eyes had now grown attached to the darkness to his surprise. Before, he had been blinded by it completely. Now, the brightness of the neon lights seemed so much clearer. The distinctive features in the building walls struck his eyes. But, just beyond those lights and buildings: a familiar face...a familiar body.

"Axel?" He questioned himself but he continued to walk. He kept his eyes forward to the corner he wanted to turn at the end of the road. Still, his eyes often wandered to Axel as he leaned casually against a building to his right with arms crossed. He was staring seemingly uncaring at the ground with his face quite straight.

As he passed the quiet teen, Roxas' mind fluttered. He revisited those words they had shared, those moments they had experienced, and those ways of showing emotion to each other. Only seconds to his turn around the corner, he was stopped in his tracks.

"Your mind's made up?" He heard from behind him.

Roxas paused and glanced over his shoulder. "Why did those two blades choose me? I have to know..."

Axel knew Roxas better. He knew Roxas indeed was interested in his unknown power but there had to be another reason. Roxas couldn't have been bothered by the Organization. He was spending most of his time away from them anyway. All he had to do was ignore them and remain by his side...he didn't understand it and his anger suddenly exploded. Swiftly, he pushed off of the wall and faced Roxas' back.

"You can't turn against the Organization!"

Roxas knew this was the Axel he had wanted to see for the longest time. This was what Axel was feeling, what he was keeping inside. Now, he was hearing it all. With his head turned away from him, he kept silent.

"You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" He yelled helplessly at Roxas' back.

He wanted to break in a run at this point. Either that, or somehow wake from this dream to find himself beside Axel again. But he had to keep moving. He had to remain on course to where he wanted to be. He couldn't be afraid anymore. He couldn't be lost in an embrace or a kiss anymore. He couldn't be trapped in fire any longer. This was now...the past was over. If he wanted to find where he truly belonged, he had to sacrifice nearly destroying his treasured heart and let it go.

"No one would miss me," he responded monotonously and strode off, finally meeting the corner and turning behind it.

"That's not true! I would..." Axel slumped forward where he stood and nearly fell to the ground. He felt so incomplete now. What was his life now? What was his goal now? Would he just have to move on as he had before Roxas ever crossed his path? That Nobody...that attractive Nobody was all that could make him feel like somebody. Staring back toward the corner where Roxas had gone, he slowly clenched his hand into a fist.

He did have a goal...to bring Roxas back.

'I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing?
And I know what I going through

In my head there's only you now
And this world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seemed real to me
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go...'

I love that song. :) Well, sorry for the wait on this chapter! I've been having sleepiness lately for staying to literally 3 in the morning to get chapters done! I'm just very persistent... :D As to when this story will end, I have no earthly idea! O.O -runs off laughing maniacally-

kokoro77