Piglet bought a small, pink, linen, sheath dress, from the pro shop. Once she bought the dress she needed a pair of pink high heel sandals to go with it, and then she needed the baby pink quilted handbag. You can't buy a kick-ass handbag without a kick-ass pair of Fendi shades, and she bought a pair of pin diamond earrings and a pearl choker to match.

"Are you finished pissing away our money yet?" Tigger asked. "This Daniels guy will be done with his lunch by the time you get done shopping."

"What if he spent the money?' asked Pooh.

"Then I'm going to fucking murder them," Tigger growled.

"And then the bookie will murder us," Eeyore chimed in.

Dressed like a preppy, country club rat, Piglet took a deep breath and entered the crowded restaurant.

"Can I help you?" asked the host who was dressed in a fine tuxedo and had a French accent.

"I am looking for two old men," Piglet said in her academic tone.

"Well this is a country club. We have a lot of old men," barked the host.

"They are with a little boy," explained Piglet. "One of them is Mr. Harold Daniels. He's a partner in my friend's law firm."

"I know Mr. Daniels," replied the host. "Right this way."

"She better not fuck this up," Tigger ranted.

"Well she got into the restaurant," said Eeyore. "Better than what we could have done."

"But I'm hungry," complained Pooh. "She'll get to eat all that good food and I won't get a single smackeral."

"I'm going in there," announced Tigger.

"How? They don't let bums in," said Eeyore.

"I'm going to go in trough the employee entrance," said Tigger. "I can pretend I'm a waiter. I've been a pizza delivery boy, I can figure out how to wait tables."

"Let me go with you," Pooh pressed. "I have to get something to eat, even if it's a left over rotted carcass. I'm wasting away!"

"Pooh you could be stuck on a dessert island for five years and you still wouldn't waste away," said Eeyore.

"You can go with me," said Tigger to Pooh. "But if you fuck anything up I am not going to cover your ass for you. They can report you to authorities."

"I may be a bear of minute brain, but I promise I won't fuck up," Pooh said. "I'm just going to go in, grab a dinner roll out of the trash and bring it back out here to eat."

"You promise one dinner roll," said Tigger firmly. "You swipe it out of the trash and then you don't eat it until you are back out here. Promise?"

"Promise," Pooh nodded.

"If you two get your asses thrown in the pisser, don't expect me to come bail you out!" Eeyore yelled.

"Yeah, whatever Eeyore," said Tigger as he and Pooh started towards the back entrance to the restaurant building.

"I can't afford dick! If I had a child I wouldn't even be able to afford child support!" Eeyore ranted on even though Tigger and Pooh were not listening. " I'm just lucky that I can't find a lay, or with my luck I'd knock up the first chick I slept with! Shit like that is always happening to me! Not only would I knock the ho up, but she'd be knocked up with twins! Now just who is going to pay for all that?"

"Eeyore shut up!" Tigger screeched and disappeared into the building.

Tigger and Pooh were greeted by two doors, one that said Ladies, the other Gents. They were employee locker rooms.

"Quick in here," Tigger instructed and pulled them both in the boy's room.

"There's no food in here," Pooh moaned.

"We need a uniform stupid," said Tigger. "They aren't going to think you work here wearing that gay little red shirt."

"But I like my red shirt," protested Pooh. "Tis comfortable."

Tigger reached into a huge canvas laundry tub. He fished out a pair of size 48 khakis.

"Try these on fat ass," he said and handed them to Pooh.

"But I don't like wearing pants," complained Pooh. "They are so tight and itchy around my waist. I'm just stealing a dinner roll. Can't I wear my red shirt?"

"No!" yelled Tigger who found pair of 32s for himself. "We are doing this the right way. Now quit your belly aching and put your pants on!"

Tigger also located two white button down shirts. They were smelly and stained, but it was all they had, and Pooh's was snug.

"Now let's go," said Tigger.

They walked through the busy, bustling, kitchen. Tigger quickly grabbed a water pitcher and made his way to the actual restaurant. He realized that Pooh was no longer behind him. He didn't have time to search for that waste of space either.

Tigger found Piglet, Mr. Daniels, his croanie, and the brat sitting at a table at the far end of the restaurant. Carefully he made his way.

"Take this to table twelve," a server said and placed a tray of eight bowls of soup in Tigger's arms.

"Where the fuck is that?" Tigger asked, but the server had already floated right on by. "Fuck this shit!" Tigger grumbled and placed the tray down on the floor, in the corner. He made his way over to the table. Fortunately, everyone at the table needed more water.

He began to act like he was pouring the water when he heard some very disturbing news.

"Well like I said, you can check with my wife up at my house if the money is there, but I haven't seen it, I haven't seen any envelope. Would you fancy a drink Piglet?" asked Mr. Daniels.

"A Kir Royale sounds nice," Piglet replied.

"Very well then," replied Mr. Daniels. "Boy," he said to Tigger. "Get this fine lady a Kir Royale please, and ad it to my account."

What the fuck was Piglet doing sitting around drinking with these people? They had a mission to accomplish! The money was still gone and she was sitting around with these pompous bastards drinking!

Tigger gave Piglet a dirty look.

"Can I have cherries in that too?" Piglet asked.

Tigger was just about to pour the water pitcher over Piglet's head when he heard someone yell.

"Stop that thief!"

Tigger and Piglet whirled around to see Pooh at the far end of the restaurant. He was standing at the table of fine French and Bavarian pastries. The pockets of his pants bulged with éclairs, napoleons, apple strudels, and cherry tarts. His cheeks and mouth was stuffed full with honey-caramel crème brulee.

A server started to run toward Pooh.

"That bear raided our whole pastry table!"

Pooh took off like a bat out of hell. The only time that Tigger had ever seen Pooh run that fast was up to the buffet line at The Warf's when there was only one crab leg left.

Pooh ran through the maze of tables careful not to loose any of the loot he had stuffed in his pockets, whip cream and caramel had drizzled down the front of his shirt. He grabbed a bread basket stuffed with mini muffins and mini croissants and clutched close to his chest.

"He stole our bread basket!" a woman yelled.

"Jesus!" Tigger yelled. "I'd know that toad would fuck it all up. We have to go Piglet!"

Piglet thanked Mr. Daniels for his help and followed Tigger as he ran out of the restaurant. With all of Pooh's commotion they did not notice Piglet or Tigger.

Pooh ran out into the parking lot. A mob of people were behind him.

"You have to pay for those pastries! You must be a member!" they shouted.

"Drats," thought Pooh as he began to run through the parking lot. "What did it matter anyway that he had eaten those pastries? What did they want him to do? Puke them up and put the vomit back on the desert table?

Pooh knew he couldn't run forever. He didn't remember where Piglet's car was. Whatever would he do?

Just then Piglet's Lexus SUV pulled up in front of him, and came to a halt with the tires squealing. Eeyore was in the driver's seat.

"Happy Returns Eeyore," Pooh greeted. "Want a berry and chantilly tartlet?"

"Get in the car ass fucker!" Eeyore shouted. Pooh began to fiddle with the door handle.

"Oh piffle," he muttered.

Tigger Piglet came up behind him. Quickly Piglet pushed Pooh out of the way and with her perfectly manicured nails got the back door open. She, Tigger, and Pooh leapt into the car and pulled the door shut just as one of the restaurant managers had grabbed the door handle himself. Tigger hit the automatic door lock button, but the manager kept clutching onto the door handle.

Eeyore floored the gas pedal, the tires squealed.

"Easy those are my Pirelli tires," Piglet screamed.

Another restaurant employee jumped up onto the SUV windshield. Eeyore kept the gas floored. Two other managers had climbed up onto the top of the car.

"Did you have to take those fucking pastries?" Tigger asked. "I thought you were only going to take one dinner roll."

"I was," said Pooh as he bit into a croissant. "But then I saw all these fabulous pastries. The crème brulee is to die for."

"Apparently so," Eeyore yelled as he pulled out in front of traffic onto the road. Car horns blared but Eeyore didn't dare slow down the SUV. One of the managers had fallen off, but there were still three managers hanging on.

They came to a red traffic light.

"I can't stop," announced Eeyore. "If I do they'll break the windows and get us."

"Go for it!" Tigger yelled.

Eeyore buzzed through the intersection at 60 miles an hour. A semi truck blared it's horn. Piglet began screaming and reciting Hail Mary's.

Sparks from the tires flew through the air.

Now only one tenacious manager held on. Eeyore merged onto I-75 so he could go even faster.

"Piglet you have your gun with you?" Tigger asked.

Piglet had always been afraid, especially at night, so she had gone out and bought a pistol for protection.

"No," she replied.

"But I thought you were always paranoid?" Tigger said.

"I don't carry it with me when I'm going to a picnic at The Thoughtful Spot," she retorted.

"Well we could have sure used it on these fuckers," Tigger growled. "He's never going to let go!"

All of a sudden Pooh hit the sunroof button and began to crawl out the sunroof, but just so that his head was visible.

"Pooh what the fuck are you doing?" Tigger exclaimed.

"You thief!" the manager yelled and stood all the way upright on the top of Piglet's SUV. "I'm reporting all of you to the cops!"

"I can give you the pastries back," said Pooh. "But you will just have to wait."

"Why the fuck do I have to wait?" the manager snapped. "You took what was mine."

"You'll have to wait for me to take a dump and shit them out," Pooh explained.

The manager was just about to pounce on Pooh when the SUV went under an overpass, knocking the manager who was standing up off of the vehicle. He fell onto the highway and was immediately run over by a truck in the next lane.

"Oh dear," sighed Piglet.

"Nice move Pooh Bear," Eeyore grumbled. "You got us into a fine kettle of fuck with this one! Now not only are Gopher's drug bookies after us, but the authorities are as well."

"Trust me Eeyore," Pooh said with a mouth full of gateau. "This cinnamon cake is absolutely, decadently, worth it.