Learning As You Go

A/N: Thank you guys so much for your positive feedback on the last chapter. It really gave me the confidence boost that I needed to keep going with this story. I appreciate all you guys say so keep it up! Oh, and I promise, This story will have a happy ending!!!! But it's going to be a tough ride to get there.

"There's a constant contradiction with what feels good, and what feels right and you live with the decisions that you make in your life.-Randy Travis, Spirit of a boy, Wisdom of a man.

"COD was blunt force trauma to the chest. The blow caused his heart to go into arrhythmia and which eventually led to…" Alexx glanced up at the red head seated across the desk from her. He had his head resting on his hand and a far away look in his eyes. "Which eventually led to his heart short circuiting." She raised her voice to get his attention but he was still long gone. "Horatio! Hello, earth to Horatio!" She waved a hand before his face. Nothing. "Horatio, I'm going to do a naked belly dance in the middle of PD." Silence. Getting a little frustrated with his lack of focus, Alexx slammed her hand down on the desktop. Horatio shot straight up in his chair, looking completely started. Finally his eyes rested upon Alexx.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" He muttered as his heart returned to a normal rate.

"Oh nothing important, just the autopsy report." She replied sarcastically. Horatio sighed and ran a hand over his face as he leaned back in his chair. "What has gotten into you lately? I've never seen you so off your game before."

"I've just got all these wedding details swimming around in my head. All I can think about are tea sandwiches and table arrangements." He explained. Alexx raised an eyebrow.

"The wedding's still on?" Horatio looked at her as if she'd grown another head.

"Of course the wedding's still on. It was never off." He confirmed with confusion. "Why would you think it wouldn't be?"

"Well, it just seemed like you and Marisol were on the outs. But I'm glad to hear that things are better." Alexx said with a shrug. Horatio stared her down as leaned onto the desk.

"Who said we were having problems?" He asked accusingly. Alexx held up her hands in defense.

"No one. It was just an observation, that's all. I meant no harm. It just seemed like you were having second thoughts about it." Horatio sat back. Alexx stared at him for a moment. "Are you having second thoughts about marrying Marisol?"

"NO!...Well, I was. But I got my head screwed back on straight. There's no one I'd rather be with than her." Horatio's tone signaled to Alexx that this conversation was over. She stood and walked to the door.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I was going to stop by and see Cal after work. I was thinking since you didn't get to see her the other day that you might want to come with?" She offered. Horatio was already bent over his desk, absorbed in the file she had left behind.

"I can't. Marisol wants me to come with her to pick out the table settings." He muttered without looking up.

"Right." Alexx nodded, not real pleased. "You know, you've really surprised me, Horatio. Calleigh was your best friend and when the accident happened, I thought you two would be closer than ever. Hmph, shows what I know." Horatio watched her disappear down the stairs with a guilty conscience. He hadn't missed Alexx's use of past tense to describe his and Calleigh's relationship.

He tried to tell himself that it wasn't his fault that things were so bad between them. But it was just a lie. It was all his fault. That's why he sent her that note. He wanted her forgiveness though Lord knows he didn't deserve it. So he had to face the facts. Marisol was to be his wife and Calleigh….well, he'd just have to figure that out as he goes.