AN: alright, here's episode three. Beware or innuendos, violence, and extreme OOCness :D

Episode Three: Azrael and Natarle

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The studio in Orb was dark as everyone prepared for the start of the show. A spotlight shone on the host, as she turned towards the camera with a tight smile.

"Hello and welcome to another episode of Talking to the Couples. Remember me? I'm your lovely host MapleRose." The young woman paused and reached a hand into her pocket. Assured that her bottle of Tylenol was indeed there, she turned back to the camera. "Today, we have with us the captain of the Dominion, Natarle Badgiruel, and her, er, partner, the leader of Blue Cosmos, Murata Azrael."

As she said their names, the studio lights came on, revealing a dark-haired woman wearing a neat uniform. Beside her was a blond man in a baby-blue suit. The woman smoothed an invisible wrinkle on her uniform, and the man tried to put an arm across her shoulders, which she immediately swatted away. She shifted away from him, sitting at the very edge of the couch, as far away from him as she could.

"Ah, um, welcome you two," MapleRose started.

But neither was listening to her. Azrael moved closer to Natarle and extended a hand to touch her. Natarle narrowed her eyes, grabbed his hand and twisted his arm back.

"Oww, oww, let go!" he cried.

"How many times do I have to tell you, don't touch me!" she said through clenched teeth.

"Okay, okay, I won't, just let go, arms aren't meant to bent that way!" he cried mercy.

With an annoyed sigh, she released him, and he shifted to the other end of the couch.

MapleRose watched the exchange with a sinking feeling in her heart. She had a feeling that this could turn ugly.

"Are you guys done?" she asked tentatively, "Can we start the show now?"

Natarle looked at their host sharply. "Before we start, I just have one question."

"Sure."

"Why the hell am I here with him!" she pointed an accusing finger at the blond man, who was nursing his bruised arm and ego.

"Eheh," MapleRose smiled sheepishly, "Well, he's the closest guy that can be paired up with you."

Natarle narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well," MapleRose swallowed, "We couldn't really find anyone else to pair up with you… Unless, you want to be paired up with Neumann, at least your hair would match, sort of."

"Neumann?" Natarle exclaimed, then paused as if to consider the idea. "Well, at least he's better than that -bleep- over there."

"Woah Natarle-san, watch your language please." MapleRose flipped through her notes, looking for some information on the couple. "He can't be all that bad, I mean, it says here that you've even kissed him once."

Azrael's eyes lit up at the mention of that incident. He sat up straighter and looked as if he wanted to say something, but Natarle gave him a death glare that made him swallow his words.

"You kissed him Natarle-san, so that means you at least don't mind him, right?" prodded MapleRose.

The woman looked flushed, and MapleRose wasn't sure whether she was embarrassed or angry. The host was starting to regret her question when Natarle spoke up.

"There's nothing between us! Okay, I kissed him once. But that was during the Dominion reunion, and I was drunk at that time! But ever since then, he's been trying to get me to sleep with him," she told the host indignantly.

"Oh… I see…" MapleRose looked away, mind whirling to figure out a way to get out of this one alive.

"So, uh, is there someone that you'd rather be paired up with then?" she blurted out, trying to steer the conversation away from Azrael and bed.

Natarle sighed, almost in defeat. "I just don't understand why everyone else got paired up with someone good, and I had to get paired up with this insane maniac! I mean, why couldn't I be paired up the sane blond guy instead of this crazy one!"

" 'Sane blond guy?'" MapleRose repeated, trying to remember the blond males in the cast, and which one was sane.

"Yeah, you know who I'm talking about," Natarle continued. MapleRose thought of the blond guy with the mask, but ruled him out, because he was insane too. "I mean, he's nice, funny, and not to mention really good-looking."

There was just one more blond male left on MapleRose's mental list.

"You mean Mwu la Flaga?" she asked incredulously.

Natarle blushed and nodded, and the host continued to look at her in disbelief. "Wow, I never knew you felt that way about…"

Natarle looked up, indignant now. "Why couldn't I be paired up with him! Why does Murrue have to have all the luck? It's not fair I tell you. I mean, we both met him at the same time!" she grumbled, "Just because she's the captain and I'm only vice captain…and that her boobs are bigger."

"O-kay…" MapleRose said slowly, "I see that somebody's jealous."

"Well wouldn't you be?" she retorted, "She get the nice guy while I'm stuck with this psycho maniac. Explain that one!"

"Um, Karma?

Natarle glared in reply.

"W-Well, now that you're a captain too, so uh, at least you guys are even there," MapleRose added quickly.

"Hmph. Now that I'm a captain too, maybe I should steal him from her," she grumbled. Then as if suddenly remembering an important detail, she quickly shook that idea out of her head. "Maybe not…Murrue is quite scary when you get her angry…Especially when she has the Lohengrin near…"

Her eyes lit up as she spoke those words as if an idea occurred to her. "Hmm, you know, maybe I should borrow her Lohengrin, that ought to keep that maniac away," she jerked her thumb at the blond man sitting on the other end of the couch.

"Eheh, yeah…" MapleRose trailed of, wondering how dangerous it was to continue the interview. "So I guess there's no way that you will agree to being a couple with Azrael-san then?"

"He threatened me with a gun and shot me," Natarle stated flatly.

"Oh."

"But that's how I show my affection, Dear," Azrael explained.

Natarle glared at him coldly. "If you want to keep your arms, I suggest you stop calling me 'Dear'"

"What about 'Honey' then?"

"No!"

" 'Sweetie'?"

"No!"

" 'Sugar'?"

"Eww, no!" Natarle looked as if she wanted to hurl.

"Then what am I supposed to call you? You don't like 'Miss Captain', and you don't allow me to call you by name either."

"Just don't talk to me at all!" she cried.

"Oh come on, at least I pay attention to you. That Mwu la Flaga won't give you a second look, you know."

Natarle gave him a withering look. "It's unwanted attention."

But apparently he didn't seem to hear her. "Besides, that guy's only a Lieutenant Commander, and a deserter at that. Me, I'm the leader of Blue Cosmos, the most powerful organization on Earth. So you could say I'm the most powerful man in the world, you know, the king of the world. And I," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "Can make you my queen."

Natarle looked disgusted. "No, thank you."

"Oh come on! I'm a powerful man in the bedroom too you know!"

MapleRose gagged and tried very hard to push out that mental image.

"Ugh, there he goes again…" Natarle rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you, no, I will not sleep with you!"

"But why not? What does La Flaga have that I don't have?"

"Ur, like sanity?" Natarle replied sarcastically, "That can be a big advantage you know. He's not a psychopath like you, and he doesn't have an obsession with nuclear weapons nor a superiority complex."

"But I gave all that up!" Azrael objected. "Since the war is over, and after a few counseling sessions, I no longer have the obsession with nukes."

"Seriously?" MapleRose found this new piece of information hard to believe. "You've given up your obsession with creating a 'blue and pure world'?"

"Of course not," Azrael replied. "That's the whole doctrine behind Blue Cosmos. I'm just going to find a new way to do it, I mean, since we're not allowed to use nukes anymore. We're thinking along the lines of meteors and other large 'natural' space objects."

"See," protested Natarle as if Azrael had just proven her point, "You're still obsessed with coming up with schemes to destroy things."

"But I'm a changed man, really! I've stopped stealing the drugs meant for the boys, and, and I'll even resign as the leader of Blue Cosmos if it'll make you happy. I'm willing to change for you Baby!"

Hearing that, MapleRose felt sort of…touched. She felt that it was kind of sweet, in a really strange way, that he'd be willing to give up his habits so that Natarle would sleep with him.

Apparently, Natarle didn't find it sweet. She merely looked away, gagging.

And Azrael didn't know when to give up. "You know, with me, you, and the boys, we'd be like a family."

"A very dysfunctional one," MapleRose mumbled.

Natarle shuddered. "I've told you, I want nothing to do with you and your stupid boys!"

"Azrael-san," MapleRose interrupted. "If she says that she doesn't like you, then why don't you stop bugging her and leave her alone?"

Azrael looked at Natarle's angry face and laughed.

"Heh, she says that she can't stand me, but in reality, what she means is that she can't stand not having me around."

"What!" Natarle glared at him.

"Why else do you think she told the crew to abandon ship and then locked the two of us in the bridge, alone?" Azrael waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

MapleRose arched her eyebrow. "I thought it was so that you wouldn't get away."

"Well, she told me that she wanted to die with me, that counts for something doesn't it?" he replied casually.

"No," Natarle interrupted through clenched teeth, "I told you that you deserved to die with me."

Azrael shrugged. "Same difference."

"No, it's not the same thing you -bleep-!"

"Whatever. What's important is that you wanted to die together with me."

"So why did you shoot her then?" MapleRose interrupted, exasperated.

"Like I said before, it's how I show affection," Azrael answered matter-of-factly. Then he started to laugh, as if remembering something.

"Why just the other day, when I did leave her alone for a week, she couldn't stand it. She actually came to find me," Azrael grinned smugly.

"What the…" Natarle looked panicked to MapleRose. "I found you because I needed to talk to you about business matters!"

"Right…" Azrael still had that smug grin on his face, and Natarle looked like she wanted to wipe it off with her fists.

Seeing this, MapleRose gulped, worried now. "Uh, but Azrael-san, I think she's quite serious," she gestured towards Natarle's clenched fists.

But Azrael didn't know how to take a hint. He just laughed it off.

"Nah, that's just how she shows that she cares."

"Like how you show affection with a gun?" MapleRose raised her eyebrow.

"Exactly! Our whole relationship is based on pain and threats, and that's how I like it. Right Sweetheart?" he tried to put his arms around Natarle again.

"NO!" she bent his arm back again. "Don't you ever learn you stupid -bleeping- -bleep-?"

"See, she does care," Azrael told the host through clenched teeth due to the pain being inflicted upon him.

"O-kay…" replied the host. "Ah, Natarle-san, if you want to break his arm, please don't do it here, we don't want any lawsuits."

"Oh. Okay, fine," she sighed and released his arm reluctantly. "But can we like duct-tape his mouth shut or something?"

MapleRose laughed nervously and checked the time. She heaved a sigh of relief as she saw that their time was almost up.

"Uh, I don't think that's necessary, because that's all we have time for, for this episode. Ur, thank you for coming."

"You're welcome," Natarle smiled sweetly.

"Yeah," MapleRose turned to the camera. "So that was another episode of Talking to the Couples. Um, Natarle-san and Azrael-san sure make an…interesting couple, don't they? And who knew Natarle-san has such a crush on her former comrade... I sure hope Murrue-san isn't too upset about it, because she's supposed to come in next week. Anyway, tune in next time as our guests Mwu la Flaga and Murrue Ramius reveal all! And hopefully there won't be violence or anything..." she trailed off, hopeful.

As the camera cut to the credits, MapleRose pulled Natarle aside.

"Um, Natarle-san, you know that this show is going to be aired, right?"

Natarle raised an eyebrow. "And?"

"And there's a chance that Murrue-san will be watching, I mean, she is on our guest list."

The black-haired woman gulped nervously. "Why, why didn't you tell me that at the beginning?"

"We did, when we invited you here, remember? It's in the waiver that you've signed, stating that we will not be responsible for any injuries or damaged resulting from anything said during this program."

"Oh." Natarle palmed her face. "Oh crap! Murrue's gonna kill me now, she and her Lohen—"

"No! No more Lohengrin jokes, please!" MapleRose pleaded desperately.

AN: it was fun making Natarle so OOC :D But I don't blame her for being jealous or violent... I kinda feel sorry for her that her closest match was the crazy Azrael... though I do think that she did have a slightest crush on Mwu... dunno, just a theory of mine.

Oh yeah, about the Dominion Reunion thing, that came from a game on IMDB boards, where we were playing a game of survivor, and when all the members of the Dominion crew were taken out, LainEverlasting wrote a little skit about the Dominion Reunion, and the whole Azrael trying to get Natarle to sleep with him thing started.

MapleRose addresses both Natarle and Azrael with honourifics because they're both older than her, just thought I'd point that out :)

Yay Mwu and Murrue are up next! -fangirlish squeal-