Chapter Fourteen: Beginning the Road to Healing
The trip to the medical centre was silent for the most part. Harry and Anakin sat apart from the others, with Harry attempting to keep Anakin from sinking into a deep well of self loathing. He knew the feeling all too well unfortunately and knew the signs of it. Snape kept an eye on both of them; he knew what Anakin was going through as well, perhaps even better than Harry did, as he was once in the same position as Anakin.
When Harry got up to stretch his legs and get a drink, the former spy approached him and spoke quietly. "Potter, do you want me to talk to Anakin? I have some experience in dealing with what he's going through and I want to help."
Harry looked at him, surprised, before looking thoughtful. "If you think it would help Severus then yes please. This is going to take a long time to heal I think, and I can't seem to get through to him at the moment. He thinks I don't understand what he's going through."
"In a way, you don't Harry. Yes you've come in contact with Darkness, and used it yourself once but that doesn't really compare to what happened to Anakin. He was forced to perform acts that deeply hurt him, and experienced being held prisoner by the person that he is supposed to defeat one day. He's likely feeling humiliated, unsure of himself and his worthiness to be a Jedi, and a myriad of other feelings." As Harry looked crestfallen that he couldn't really help, Snape offered a grain of comfort to him.
"If it's any help Harry, I'm sure he appreciates that you're there for him, even if he doesn't say it. Let me talk to him, see if I can't use some of my own experience as a reformed Death Eater to get him to start opening up."
Harry nodded and watched silently as Snape went over and sat down beside Anakin. After a few minutes they rose and walked off down the corridor and Anakin's door closed firmly behind the two of them. Shaking his head, Harry was made aware of a presence by his side when a pair of arms wrapped round his middle.
"Are you OK Harry?" James asked. Harry looked at his father and then slowly shook his head. Events were starting to catch up to him and he wanted nothing more than to curl up somewhere and let out his emotions but he couldn't.
"I'm not Dad, I just want to break down but I can't" he admitted. James looked at him oddly before asking, "Why not?"
Harry gave him a disbelieving look and said, "Why not? I have Damien to look after Dad, what's going to happen to him if I break down like I want to? I'll be out of action for a few days at least. For Anakin it will be months, if not a year or so before he recovers, and he may not recover completely. I'm not just talking physical recovery either, I'm talking emotional and psychological recovery, I"
He was cut off when James stunned him. James then lifted his son in his arms and carried him down to his room, followed by Lily, who sat with him. He then returned to the common area where he found Damien and Ginny looking at him with worry in their eyes. Padme had fallen asleep on the couch, with Ginny keeping an eye on her.
"He'll be OK guys; he just needs time to come to grips with everything that's happened. Give him that time, and all the support he needs. I am aware that he's not really used to having support but he's going to need it all the same."
"That's fine James but expect opposition from Harry when he wakes up. He's not used to asking for help all that much, even after being a Jedi ever since he was 17. He will insist that he's fine until he ends up in hospital and is forced to accept the help he needs" Ginny muttered with a small smile. She loved Harry but she could see his flaws clearly as well.
"Yeah, he once flew the Marauder home after a tough mission when he had a broken arm and a fractured rib, and when we got home he insisted that I be treated first, even though all I had sustained were bruises and the occasional cut" Damien chipped in.
James snorted. "Almost makes me wish that no, no it wouldn't work" he trailed off. Ginny looked intrigued. "What wouldn't work" she asked.
James shrugged. "There is a potion which will regress a person back to childhood while leaving their adult memories intact. It is used in trauma cases where the patient is having trouble expressing their feelings about it. Harry wants to let it all out but feels he can't. If he was regressed back to childhood, I'm betting that he'd let it out in a hurry. Kids are less inhibited about expressing emotion when greatly upset than adults are."
Ginny nodded. "Severus is a Potions Master but even I don't believe that he'd have two doses of that potion on him at the moment" she remarked. This caused a raised eyebrow from James.
"Two?" he asked. Ginny huffed impatiently. "Anakin. If anyone needs it as much as Harry does it's him. They could regress together and we could be responsible for helping them heal and then return them to their correct ages once they'd dealt with the issues."
"There's one problem with that Ginny. Anakin may be dealing with this for a long time. Do you intend to keep him in his child form for months, if not years?"
"Of course not, just until the initial emotional outburst has passed and the healing has at least semi begun. Harry will be easier; he doesn't have as much to deal with" Ginny snapped back. Damien had quietly left while Ginny and James argued the pros and cons of the plan with regard to their two possible subjects. He had got his emotional outburst out of the way once Anakin was restored to his mind and with the resiliency of youth, had bounced back. He was still shaken over the Temple invasion but knowing that the Jedi Order had mostly relocated with the exception of that unlucky group of Padawans helped him a lot. Harry had not neglected him either, and had remained open to him if he wanted to talk. So far, Damien had not taken advantage of that, feeling that Anakin needed Harry more. Now that Anakin was talking with Severus though, it was time for Damien to return the favor and sit with his master the way Harry had with him every time Damien had been scared or upset about something.
Opening the door to Harry's room, he saw Harry cuddled up with Lily and paused, feeling like he was intruding. He was reassured though when Harry gave him a watery type of smile and motioned him further into the room.
"Hey Damien, are you feeling OK?" he asked. Damien nodded. "Yeah, I just thought that you might need help" he replied. Both Harry and Lily smiled, and Damien walked closer, squeaking slightly when Harry reached out and pulled him into a three way hug.
"Just because I'm getting help with dealing with my own feelings doesn't mean that you can't come to me Damien, OK" he said, wanting to reassure Damien of the fact that Harry would be there if needed. The Padawan nodded, hugging tighter, just thankful that no one had died in the duel on Mustafar. Vibrations in the ship caused them to look up and Harry frowned.
"Must be landing at the med center" he muttered. This was proven correct when a knock came at the door. A wordless, wandless spell later and Harry was looking alert and any trace of his emotional breakdown, however small it had been, was erased. Gently disengaging from the hug, although reluctantly, he opened the door to find Ginny on the other side.
"We're here Harry; Anakin has been taken to one of the treatment rooms while Padme is being checked over as well. Do you need treatment?"
Harry shook his head vigorously. "No I'm fine, Ginny, I just need emotional treatment, not physical. Is Anakin going to be OK?"
"Physically yes, emotionally, and psychologically, well, we're not sure. It will take time as you've said Harry. However, James and I had an idea of how to sort of short circuit that a bit."
"How?" Harry asked, intrigued. Ginny shook her head. "Into the med center and on a bed Mister, then I'll answer questions. You might feel fine but I want to make doubly sure, as I know your habit of avoiding hospitals at any and all opportunity."
Harry groaned, and mock glared at Damien as his apprentice gave a small chuckle, before smiling ruefully in acknowledgement of his wife's very accurate observation. With a theatrical shudder he allowed himself to be led into a treatment room for a check up. Lily gave Damien a check up as well, just to make sure. Finding both Master and Padawan in general good health apart from a few superficial cuts and burns on Harry, they were let go and they all moved to a waiting room. There they found Bail Organa and Severus and they sat down and waited for any news on Anakin and Padme.
Half an hour later Padme walked into the room looking tired. She sat down on the chair provided for her and looked round at the somber faces around the room.
"Is something wrong with Anakin?" she asked. Lily smiled at her. "He was hurt in the duel Padme, but that is being fixed now. We're more concerned with his mental state right now and we're trying to find a way to fix it. James and Ginny have put forward an idea and we're trying to work out the associated issues with it, to see if we can improve on it or find another way."
"What issues and what idea?" Padme asked. Snape looked intrigued as well, when Ginny explained that they'd need his help to make it work.
"We want to regress both Harry and Anakin back to their childhood while leaving their adult memories intact so they can work out their initial emotional reactions without being overly embarrassed about it. Then they can return to their present ages and begin healing properly" James explained, looking at Harry with a half longing look as he said it.
Catching the look Harry raised an eyebrow. "I assume there's more behind this idea than simply helping myself and Anakin begin to heal from this experience" he asked. James nodded reluctantly. "Yes. Lily and I, well, we sort of wanted the chance to hold you as a child and this would help you as well as Anakin. What do you think?"
Harry looked thoughtful. "What about Damien?" he asked looking towards his Padawan. Damien wrinkled his nose and growled in frustration. "There are documented cases where a Master is out of action for a while and other Masters step in to help out. I'm sure Master Kenobi wouldn't mind looking after me, nor would Master Windu. I think it's a good idea Master, go for it."
Harry looked round, and then locked eyes with Severus. "How long would it take to make" he asked quietly. Snape shrugged and answered, "A few days. If I return to Earth I can begin work on it straightaway and then I can bring two doses back with me, as well as two doses of the antidote. Just survive the next 4 days and I'll be back."
Harry nodded, before saying "Wait. I agreed to this yes, but what about Anakin? I hated having decisions made for me and so does he. He has to agree as well, before you get started."
"That won't be a problem" a tired voice said from behind Harry. As one the group turned round to see Anakin standing in the doorway, holding onto the frame to remain upright. Harry immediately jumped up and helped him into a chair, before retaking his own.
"How much did you hear?" he asked. Anakin chuckled and answered, "Enough. I think it's a good idea too. At the moment the guilt is just crushing me and I can't let go of the fact that I'm an adult now enough to let it out and I need to. It would be helpful to both of us and Damien's right, Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon would be more than happy to help out while the two of us are rediscovering our inner children as it were."
Harry laughed briefly and looked at Severus. "Looks like we require two doses of that potion Severus. We'll be on Yavin 4 when you get back, just use the Portkey I gave you earlier." Severus nodded and after bidding the rest of the group goodbye he silently vanished, using the transportation system set up by Hermione. The system could return him to Earth from wherever he was but was only set up for return trips to Coruscant. That was why Harry had told him to use the Portkey which was set to take him to Yavin 4.
The others looked at each other and were preparing to go back to the Marauder for the journey to Yavin when Padme suddenly gasped in pain. Anakin looked at her, worried.
"What's wrong Padme?" he asked. She smiled through gritted teeth and hissed "It's good that we're in a med center Ani because I think our children are finally going to make their arrival."
Ginny and Lily promptly rushed Padme to a private room, while ordering the males to stay outside. Once she was settled, Anakin was allowed in to be with Padme, which Harry thought was patently unfair since he'd been forcefully kept out while Ginny gave birth to Tamsin. He had some satisfaction when Anakin was also ejected when it came time to actually deliver the twins. He and Harry watched through the glass viewing window as first one twin, and then the other was delivered.
"Congratulations Anakin" Harry said softly, as the twins were given to Padme and he and Anakin were finally allowed in to welcome the new arrivals. Anakin gulped and tightened his hold when one of the small bundles was placed in his arms.
"Meet your son Anakin" Lily said gently, as the new father looked at the baby in his arms with something akin to wonder. Padme smiled at him and said, "Anakin, meet Luke and this other one is our daughter, Leia." Harry moved to help as Anakin and Padme exchanged babies and Anakin got the chance to hold his daughter. Finally the two new parents looked at the others in the room, both wearing identical joyful expressions, although Anakin's looked a bit shell shocked as well.
"Congratulations once again you two" Harry said quietly before leaving the room, with Ginny and Lily in his wake. Once outside and back in the meeting room, he pulled Ginny to him in a tight hug. "Please tell me Tamsin is on Yavin 4" he whispered. At Ginny's answering nod he trembled with relief, and finally acknowledged that he wasn't going to be able to shove all his emotions to the side this time and pretend that nothing had happened. He half collapsed into a chair and muttered, "When the babies are strong enough to travel, tell me and we'll go to Yavin 4. I need to see for myself that the evacuation worked as planned. Right now I want to sleep."
Ginny merely held him tighter as he succumbed to exhaustion and fell into a restless sleep. Soon afterwards, she curled up with him and the two slept, for all intents and purposes dead to the world.