Freedom

"Maybe, maybe I should just die and leave him alone."

Pharaoh looks at me incredulously. "But he doesn't want to be alone," he says.

"Yes, he does," I retort, glaring at him. "He told me he wants his own life. He can't have his own life if he's constantly worrying about me."

"That just shows he cares. You can have your own life and care about others at the same time. In fact, Téa would claim that in order to have your own life, you have to care about others." He tries to cheer me up with a comforting smile, but it doesn't work. I snort and look away. For a few minutes we just sit in silence, watching the strange, little animals swimming in the pond. The breeze is lighter than it ever was in Egypt; the air cooler. I pull my legs up to my chest like I'm cold, but maybe I'm just scared.

Pharaoh suddenly sighs and places a hand on my shoulder. "Bakura," he says softly, but not like Ryou says it, "don't be a coward and kill yourself just because you think we'd be better off." The look on his face is so depressing, so…pathetic for a pharaoh. Though I guess it would fit him, the pathetic Pharaoh himself. "You're a part of that 'we' now, and how can we be better off when it's missing a part?"

I snort again. This is one of the sappiest speeches I've ever heard. Téa must be wearing off on him a little too much. I can't stand his attempts to cheer me up anymore. I stand up and put my hand in these things called pockets.

"I'm going back to the house," I say as I'm walking away. He knows I don't mean his house – The house. Ryou's house.

I try to walk away, at least. Pharaoh grabs my arm from behind, hard. A clamping grip.

"What?" I snarl, whipping around to face him. He staring at me so sternly, like he hates me, which I know he does. But, then, why is he saying such things to me?

"Bakura, don't be stupid. Please"—did he just say please? The mighty Pharaoh himself?—"please, don't kill yourself."

I just stare at him for a minute, matching his glare. "Don't order me around," I finally reply. I walk away and don't look back.

-----------------------------------

I see it. Every time he looks at me, at my face. A brief moment of utter fear streaked in Ryou's eyes, contaminating those innocent eyes of his. Of course, he quickly commands the fear to disperse, but I notice it. I always notice it. I don't think he realizes that I do, or how much it hurts me to realize that I'm hurting him every time he looks at me.

Never again, Ryou.

I wait until he leaves for school, a place where he can be alone – without me. I think, selfishly, that if he truly was worried about me he wouldn't leave me alone during the day. But then again, isn't that precisely why I'm doing this? Because he worries about me so?

Yes. He worries about me too much. Too much for him to have a life of his own.

Never again, Ryou, never again. I will no longer take this right away from you. You will no longer have to stare with fear into these eyes of mine. And I will no longer have to return the gaze with guilt.

The knife is sharp, delectably sharp. I run my fingers along the edge, giving almost enough pressure to cut my finger, but not quite. How ironic, my weapon of choice, considering Zorc's apparent fondness for knives.

I…I will overcome my fear of them; I will overcome my fear of him. I will overcome my selfishness, and leave Ryou to have his own life.

I will make Ryou happy. Whatever it takes.

I bring the knife to my chest. My heart beats faster with every passing inch, every passing second. Why am I so afraid? I must overcome this fear.

In one quick motion, I plunge the knife straight into my chest. It hurts at first, but the pain quickly goes away as my nervous system fades. I glance with one last look at the blood-spattered note on the floor, streaked with my slapdash handwriting:

This way, you won't have to look at my face ever again.

Signed, Just Bakura.