Act three
A little while later, Gar is riding a horse with 'Rent a wreck' on its back. He has somehow found a whole new change of clothes, and is in the typical Robin Hood attire. He comes upon an area where Menos, Mas, Larry, Terra and Gizmo are beating up Cyborg. Gar pulls out the picture that Flash gave him and looks at it. It is pretty much wreaked after his 'swim' but you can just make out Cyborg grinning like an idiot.
"Achoo?", asks Gar
The losers pause in their beating to look up at Gar
"Bless you", they say in unison
They then carry on beating up Cyborg. Gar thinks this over for a second
"That must be him", he decides
Meanwhile, Cyborg has broken free of his captors and they surround him as they form a large circle. Gar runs in and joins the fight
"Watch my back", says Gar
Cyborg watches as Larry punches Gar twice in the back
"You're back just got punched", says Cyborg helpfully, "twice".
"Thanks", weezes Gar
Gar throws back a fist, tossing Larry away. Soon they both find themselves in the middle of all the losers, who are currently on the floor
"Hey, thanks man!" grins Cyborg
Gar holds out a hand
"You're welcome".
Instead of a handshake, Cyborg slaps Gar's hand. Gar looks at his hand before putting both hands on his hips
"Who are you anyway?" asks Cyborg
The rejects by now have all stood up and recovered, and are surrounding the pair
"I think now is not the time for introductions", says Gar
Everyone gets ready to fight when Cyborg suddenly makes a 'T' with his hands
"Time out. 'Scuse me bad guys. I am running out of air", he says, "Gotta get pumped".
He flips his wig back before stooping down to his trainers. He squeezes the tongues, which make little hissing sounds as everyone else watches dumbfounded. Cyborg finishes and smiles
"Ok, twits", he says, "Time in".
Gar blinks at him in confusion for a moment as the humans close in, Gar and Cyborg stand back to back.
"By the by", says Gar under his breath, "Do you know 'praying mantis'?"
"You're looking at him", says Cyborg smugly.
Suddenly, they start to make very kung fu like noises that resemble a cat being skinned alive. They beat up all the ninnies, who make a hasty retreat.
"Good work", says Gar
"Thanks man", says Cyborg with a nod.
As the pair head for the 'rent a wreck', they hear growling. They turn around to see Gizmo waving his fists by a tree.
"You haven't seen the last of us!", he vows
Gar gives him a deadpan look before reaching into his 'rent a wreck' saddlebag and pulling out a bow and arrow. Cyborg watches in amazement as the single arrow folds out to become six joined arrows. Gar fires his arrows, they all pin Gizmo to the tree
"Heh", Gizmo glances around with a nervous laugh, "...you've seen the last of us".
We move on to a little later, where Cyborg and Gar ride the 'rent a wreck' up to a big castle
"There she is. Logan hall", says Gar proudly, " When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. The home of my family for seven generations".
We see Le Blanc standing in front of the hall
"Lets go! Move it!", he shouts.
He waves his hands and four gargoyles start to lift the castle into the air. Gar watches dumbfounded. He jumps off his horse and runs to the castle, grabbing onto the door handle and trying desperately to stop it from flying away.
"Stop the castle! Stop the castle!" he cries as he's pulled up with it.
Le Blanc sighs and whistles, halting the moving of the castle. He puts an apologetic hand to the gargoyles before turning to look at Gar
"You there!", says Gar, putting his hands on his hips, "I demand to know what is going on here!".
Le Blanc sighs and reaches into his bag, which has 'tax collector' written on it, pulls out a scroll and hands it to Gar.
"Read 'em and weep green bean", he says remorselessly.
Cyborg comes over to have a look too as Gar reads the scroll.
"Hear ye, hear ye", Gar reads, "For failure to pay back taxes, all the lands, castle and properties of the family Logan shall be taken in lieu of payment. Signed Prince John's royal accountant HMR Blockhead! This is a SHAM! I vow here and now to restore my property to it's rightful place!"
"Yeah yeah, you vow, we move!" says Le Blanc, "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
"Is there someone else we could talk to?" asks Cyborg
"No, now go away before I taunt you a second time." Sneers Le Blanc.
Le Blanc laughs evilly and the castle is removed, just leaving small bits of wall and a few statues. In the middle, sitting on a toilet is Star Fire. He has dark glasses on and is leafing through a magazine..., which turns out to be a braille version of 'Playgirl'.
"Blinkin?" says Gar.
"Who's that?" asks Cyborg.
"It's Blinkin!" says Gar, "My family's loyal blind servant".
"Couldn't have been a very good servant if she's blind", mutters Cyborg, then looks up as the 'rent a wreck' runs off, "I gotta go get the horse, man".
Cyborg bounds off, whistling for the horse to come back.
"Here horsey, horsey, horsey", he shouts.
"Blinkin!" calls Gar happily.
"Be right out!" says Star Fire, standing up.
Gar runs up to the other side of what is left of the wall and smiles happily.
"Blinkin!" he says happily.
"Master Gar, is that you?" asks Star fire.
"Yes", says Gar, holding his hands in the air.
"What, back from the Crusades?" asks Star Fire.
"Yes", says Gar, still smiling.
"And alive?" asks Star Fire with a grin.
Gar pauses for a long moment.
"...Yes".
"Oh happy day!", she cries joyously.
She goes to open the non-existent door, only to fall through empty space and hit a statue of an armless woman.
"I'm quite sure there was a door there", she mutters.
She gives the statue a hug.
"Master Gar! OH!", she pauses, "You lost your arms in battle! How terrible!"
She pauses again,
"...But you grew some nice boobs!" she gives the statue a hearty slap-slap.
"Blinkin, I'm over here", sighs Gar, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Oh...err…later", says Star Fire to the statue, before starting to walk away, only to have Gar grab her.
"Blinkin, listen to me", says Gar, "They've taken the castle!"
"I thought it felt a bit drafty", muses Star Fire, then sighs, "Gah, this never would have happened if your father was alive".
"... He's dead?", asks Gar, paling.
"Yes", says Star Fire.
"And my mother?", asks Gar.
"She died of the pneumonia whilst", Star Fire sighs, "… oh, you whilst were away".
"And my brothers?" asks Gar.
"Killed of by the plague."
"...My dog Pongo?" sobs Gar.
"Run over by a carriage", says Star Fire.
"My Goldfish, Goldie?", asks Gar hopefully.
"Eaten by the cat".
"My cat?", says Gar with a whimper.
"Choked on the goldfish", says Star Fire solemnly, then adds cheerfully, "Oh it's good to be home, 'aint it Master Gar?"
Before Gar gets the chance to cry, Star Fire pulls him into a bear hug. Gar winces and pulls away
"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! What is that?" he ask, poking something dangling from Star Fire's neck.
"My heart shaped necklace that I got from Control Freak?" asks Star Fire.
Everyone stares at Star Fire.
"What?" she asks.
Collective shudder.
"No! That!", says Gar, pointing again.
"Oh. Your father wanted me to give you this", says Star Fire, pulling out a golden locket, "He said that inside is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land...may I keep it?".
"Uummm", Gar pauses, "No, Blinkin. I think I'd better honor my fathers wishes".
"Of course", says Star Fire, she goes to put it over Gar 's neck, only misses and puts it around Gar 's arm instead.
Gar looks at it before putting it around his neck. He then puts an arm around Star Fire's shoulder
"Come, Blinkin. Let us leave this depressing foundation", he says, "We have much to do, and less time to do it in".
Suddenly, Cyborg shows up with 'Rent a wreck'.
"Hey, hey Gar, wait up", he pants.
"Oh. Well done, Achoo", smiles Gar.
"Yeah, he was running fast but I caught him", says Cyborg, stating the obvious.
"Who's that?", asks Star Fire, looking around.
"Blinkin, I'd like you to meet Achoo", says Gar.
"A Jew… here?", asks Star Fire.
"No….not A Jew", sighs Cyborg tiredly, "Achoo, put it there" he says holding out a hand.
Star Fire misses and hits Cyborg in the stomach.
"How do you do?", asks Star Fire cheerfully.
"I've been better", gasps Cyborg, doubled up in pain.
They are about to set on their way when they hear screaming. They look up to see Kole running at them, flailing her arms and screaming.
"Help me, help me. Arrrghhhh. Save me!", she screams
She runs up to the camera which zooms in on her tonsils as she screams, then runs up to the group, still screaming
"Looks like a runaway white girl!" says Cyborg
Kole clings onto Gar 's arm. Then pauses and strokes it
"Ooooohhhh...I could get used to this", she smiles, snuggling up to him
"MINE!" screams Raven from backstage
"O… k", says Gar, struggling to get his arm free, "Steady on, what's the matter?".
"They're after me!", squeaks Kole.
She points to where she came running from. Out ride a couple of people on horseback. As they get closer, we see on horseback are Slade, Chang, Mumbo and Mad Mod, who are singing, in the middle of them is Robin, who is NOT singing.
Da, da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da, da da da daaahhhhh!
They ride up and stop in front of the little band. Robin puffs out his chest, showing complete control and pride. He is the man in charge. He is cool, he is collected.
"Over that girl hand!".
... He has screwed up his line. Gar, Cyborg, Star Fire and Kole look at him blankly
"Ugh", groans Robin, "Hand over that girl".
"Who demands it?" asks Gar, narrowing his eyes.
"The Sheriff of Fruitland", says Robin, smoothing his hair back then smoothes the mane of his horse for good measure. He looks at Gar and the others and finally notices something is wrong.
"Hey! I thought Star was gonna be Latrine! What happened?" demands Robin.
"Meh. We thought this would flow better." Says Draconus. "Now get back to work!"
"But who's Latrine?" asks Robin
"Oh you'll see." Says Draconus; "in fact I think you'll extremely happy with our new choice. Heh heh."
"And what has the girl done?" asks Gar, arching a brow.
"She was caught poaching in the Kings forest. She deered to kill the King's dare", says Robin, then groans, "...ugh, she dared to kill the King's deer".
"And this is an offence?", asks Gar
"One punishable by death", says Robin, crossing his arms, "Where HAVE you been?".
"Fighting with King Mento in the crusades", says Gar, then adds snidely, "Unfortunately MY father couldn't get ME into the National Guard".
Kole, Star Fire, and Cyborg snicker while Robin looks flustered.
"How DARE you talk to me in that fashion, who are you?!!!", he snaps.
"I am Garfield of Logan", says Gar with a dramatized bow.
"Oh yes, I've heard of you", scowls Robin, "They say you're pretty handy with a sword. LET'S FIND OUT!".
He goes to draw his sword, only to have it break, leaving him holding the hilt.
"Stupid small prop budget", he mutters.
As he stares at his hilt, Gar walks over and cuts the saddle, so Robin and saddle slip upside down, and are now dangling beneath the horse.
"I was angry at you before, Logan", he shouts, "but now I'm really PISSED OFF!".
"Ooooooooh, Boy Blunder said a naughty word!" grins Cyborg, then adds evilly, "If I was that close to a horses wiener, I'd be worried about getting pissed ON".
Star Fire and Kole have a laugh at this.
"You know...this wasn't a very smart thing for you to have done, Logan", says Robin, then vows, "I'LL PAY FOR THIS!"
He pauses, noting the others chuckling,
"Ugh!", he groans, "YOU'LL pay for this! KILL THEM!"
Gar puts his sword next to Robin's upside down throat.
"Wait I've", Robin gulps, "...changed my mind".
"Wise decision", says Gar with a nod, "So, until we meet again, have a safe journey".
He hits the horse on the rump with his sword, making it gallop off...we would like to say at this point that no horses were harmed during the making of this scene. We see Robin's head bobbing along as the horse runs
"Ow ow ow ow ouch!"
"Mind the big rocks!", laughs Gar
As Cyborg, Star Fire, and Kole laugh, Slade, Chang, Mad Mod, and Mumbo ride off after Robin, beginning to sing again.
Da, da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da, da da da daaahhhhh
"Shut up you bloody fooooooooools!", moans Robin.
"Good riddance to bad rubbish", says Gar, then grimaces as Kole begins snuggling his arm again.
"Oh, thank you for saving my life, milord", she says, "I shall tell all that I see that there is one man in Jump City who is not afraid to stand up to Fruitland and his … err men".
"Good. Tell them that. Tell them also that I vow to put an end to the injustice. Right the wrongs. End the Tyranny. Restore the throne", Gar pauses, considering, "...protect the forest... introduce folk dancing...demand a four day work week...and affordable health care for Meta-humans... and Humans".
Kole has been getting rather impatient
"Yes yes, good good", she says, "Well...it's getting dark, and I gotta go home alone now...bye".
She suddenly starts screaming again and runs off in the fashion that she came
"Mmm...what an unusual girl", muses Gar.
"Annnnnd CUT!", shouts dumas4
"Oh thank God!", sighs Star Fire, "If I have to wear these STUPID glasses any longer...".
She takes off the glasses specially made to make her unable to see.
"Arggghhh the light", she cries, rolling around on the floor, "All I can see are black dots!!!"
"I told you not to take them off quickly", sighs dumas4
"Can someone get me out from under this horse now?" asks Robin.
"I dunno, you look oddly comfortable there." says dumas4.
Thanks for all those wonderfull reviews. Glad ya'll like this. Next update will be this weekend.