Act seven
We go to nighttime in Jump City forest. Mammoth, Cyborg, Star and Speedy are all standing on wooden stage, which Gar also climbs up on. In front of the stage are a handful of characters
"I sent word throughout Jump City to send us the best men..and women they had", says Mammoth proudly, gesturing to the Jump City citizens, "...and these are 'em!".
Gar looks at the group. They all talk boredly to themselves, as Dr. Light picks his nose and wipes it on his jacket
"Uhhhhh...", says Gar, "We're in allot of trouble".
He steps forward to the front of the stage to address them
"Good people, who have traveled all over Jump City, lend me your ears!".
They look at him for a second before each pulling off one of their own ears and tossing it at him, resulting in Gar being bombarded with ears.
"That is disgusting", mutters Gar, not noticing the ear stuck to his cheek, he clears his throat, "Hear me. Men the likes of Prince John and Fruitland should be stopped!"
"Yeah!" agree the Citizens enthusiastically.
"Stopped from taxing us into poverty!" shouts Gar, the ear wobbles.
"Yeah!" they reply.
"Stopped from taking from us what is rightfully ours!"
"Yeah!"
"If we stand up to them, all together as one", says Gar, "we can win the day!"
"Yeah!" shout the Citizens.
"We shall go on to de end. We shall not flag or fail", says Gar, then begins to ramble...again, "We shall fight on the seas and oceans. We shall defend our isle...town whatever the cost may be. We shall never surrender. Then they shall say of us, never have so many, done so much, for so few".
"Churchill rip-off", mutters Cyborg.
Loud snoring can be heard as the group falls asleep.
"That was beautiful..." says Star with a sigh, then frowns, "What's going on?"
"They're asleep", says Cyborg, sighing and walking over to Gar, "Tough crowd. Why don't you let me give it a try?".
"...Okay", says Gar, stepping back.
Cyborg nods, standing on the front of the stage. He pulls out a huge pair of glasses, putting them on his face, making his eyes look huge. He shakes his head, crossing his arms.
"Um Gar? You, ah, you got something on your face." Say Mammoth
Gar wipes at the wrong cheek. "Is it gone?"
"Umm, yeah, sure." Says Speedy.
Mean while, Cyborg is doing his thang.
"Look at yourselves!" he snaps, causing the Jump City civilians to snap awake, "Go ahead, take a look around!"
The group looks at each other rather blankly
"Oh people of Jump City you've been had!", says Cyborg
"Yeah!" says the crowd
"Hoodwinked!"
"Yeah!"
"Bamboozled!"
"Yeah!"
"Run amuck!"
"Yeah!"
"We didn't land on Jump City Forest", says Cyborg, "Jump City Forest landed on us!"
"...That… must have been painful", muses Brother Blood.
"Yeah!", shout the group, ignoring him.
Gar steps back forward, thanks Cyborg then addresses the group again.
"Brother Achoo is right", he says, "And I say we fight back!"
"Yeah!", shout the group.
"Are you with me, yay or nay?!", asks Gar.
The group pause for a second.
"Eerrrrr...which one means yes?" asks Chang, holding up a hand.
Gar looks at the group before sighing.
"Yay", he moans.
"Yay!", shout the group.
We skip to morning, where the rookies are lining up by some tables, collecting their gear as the Merry Titans pass them out.
"Grab your uniforms and equipment and prepare for the training sequence", grins Gar.
"Alright ladies and gentlemen", says Star Fire from his uniform table, "grab your feathered hats, flair's, tie-dye shirts, platform shoes, mood ri..".
"STAR FIRE!", shouts dumas4, throwing a shoe at her.
"What?", asks Star innocently, "they need the shoes and rings of prettyness!"
"This is the middle-ages!" snaps Draconus, waving his hands in the air, "They don't wear that junk!"
"Fine then! Huh, I was just trying to put a bit of style in the story, jeez", mutters Star, then continues in monotone, "Grab your boring Robin Hood gear, boots, swords, quivers, and, oooooh, pantyhose!"
We go to an archery field, the targets are lined up and Gar is TRYING to teach the rookies archery
"Now, people, the object of this exercise is to hit the target", he says, rolling his eyes, "...duh".
He lets loose an arrow, which hits the bullseye. The rookies are amazed, then go to try it themselves. Chang can't reach the arrow pouch on his back to get his arrows. Gar watches this for a while, then turns to the camera, stares at it for a while, then looks back at the scene.
"Humph", says Gar, with a slightly bemused chuckle.
Chang, having got his arrow, tries to fire, only to drop his quiver, Mad Mod's quiver flies back in his face, Blood shoots his backwards, and a groan from Mod is heard, Red Star snaps his quiver in half and Spike bends the whole thing out of shape. We move to another field, where Speedy and the rookies are on horses, Gar and the others watching.
"Now, people, I want you to keep your eye on Will, and do exactly as he does", he says, then pauses to consider, "...except for the maniacal laughing."
Speedy gives a maniacal laugh, then has his horse gallop towards where several dummy jousters are standing. He manages to knock his dummy off the horse with no problem. The Merry Titans cheer him on, while the Rookies scoff.
"That's not so hard", snorts Panthra, "we can do that!"
The other Rookies agree with her. Speedy rides up to the Merry Titans, and Gar puts a biscuit in his mouth
"Good boy", says Gar, patting Speedy on the head, "Ready men? CHARGE!".
The Rookies charge for the dummies, every one of the Rookies being knocked off their horses. Gar puts his head in his hands, trying not to cry.
"Man, Garfield, maybe we should just take the dummies into battle", mutters Cyborg.
Gar laughs, then pauses, stroking his goatee thoughtfully.
We go to the castle, where, once again, Robin walks into a room.
"Sire, I must speak with you!" says Robin.
Adonis, who's mole is now on his left cheek, is lounging around naked in the bathtub, four happy looking women using pipes to blow bubbles into it, making it a Jacuzzi.
"Darn it, did I have to be naked in this scene?" he mutters, then looks at the women, "And who are these people?"
Robin walks up to the bathtub.
"Nice", he states, grinning from ear to ear.
"Uh-oh", coughs Adonis, putting a toy sub-marine in a very helpful place.
Robin looks at the bubbling tub before sniffing.
"What are you smelling?", asks Adonis, "These aren't my bubbles, they're from the pipes!".
"Your majesty, I have terrible news", sighs Robin.
"What?", snaps Adonis.
"Struck has Logan again", says Robin gravely.
Adonis blinks.
"...What?".
"Logan has struck again", sighs Robin.
Adonis sighs and looks at the pipe-blowers.
"I need a little privacy, so you girls can blow".
The pipe-blowers blow harder on their pipes
"Not blow", he snaps, "blooow".
The pip-blowers are forcibly moved away by dumas4.
"Am I right to feel weird about being naked in the same room as Robin?", asks Adonis.
"Why?", asks Robin, "... do you feel weird?".
"I don't think we should be having this conversation", says Adonis pointedly.
"You started it, I'm not ashamed of your beautiful body", says Robin with a sniff.
"Stop it!", screams Adonis, covering his ears.
"Just read the script!" snaps dumas4, "As funny as this is, stop making Adonis uncomfortable, and do this right!"
"I'm so depressed", whimpers Adonis.
"Your majesty, come with me and I will show you something that will make you very happy!", grins Robin.
"...Ok", says Adonis, blinking, "...now I really feel weird".
"I'd like to get this scene done before lunch!" cries dumas4
"Fetch the royal robe!", orders Robin, before pausing, "Majesty, stop me if I'm wrong about this...but wasn't your mole... on the other side?".
Adonis stares at him in horror
"I have a mole?!!!!".
We move to outside, where Robin is sitting on a catapult next to a pile of rocks, Adonis watching.
"What is it?" asks Adonis, cocking his head at it.
"It's what we've named a 'stealth catapult'", says Robin proudly, "We've been working on it secretly for months".
"It can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected over a hundred yards completely destroying anything it hits" says Robin.
"That... really doesn't sound 'stealthy'", points out Draconus.
"Wow, how does it work?", asks Adonis.
"It's quite simple really", says Robin, "You just take one of these heavy rocks, put it here where I'm sitting and then pull on that lever."
"...Wile E. Coyote syndrome coming up", says dumas4 with an evil grin.
"You mean like this?", asks Adonis.
With a tiny look of glee in his face, he pulls the lever, catapulting Robin into the air. We cut into Aqualad's lair, where he is kneeling by his bed, praying.
"Oh dear lord, if you see fit to send me my one true love...", he sighs
Suddenly, Robin falls through the ceiling, landing on the bed. Aqualad blinks, before looking up.
"Thank you", he grins.
He makes a purring sound and climbs onto the bed, straddling the panicking Robin.
"Ooooooh let me work my magic on you", he purrs.
"No no no… I", stammers Robin, "I've got a headache, I've got a headache!".
He struggles free and runs off, leaving Aqualad on the bed.
"Ooooooooohhhhh BUGGER!", he snaps, pinching his thumb and forefinger together, "I was THAT close, I touched it!".
"We are done!", grins dumas4.
"Good, now where did Robin go?", asks Aqualad,
"Robin has left the building", says Robin, "...he's not here... I'm his stand in ... please leave me alone".
"It's the ugly make-up, isn't it?", whimpers Aqualad, "I HATE you!".
"Awww, young love", sighs Draconus.