Warning this chapter contains adult themes and Controversial ideas not intented for a younger audiance this is a teen rated fiction.

After catching up on some sleep Wynnie stumbled toward Madeline's room for their jog. "Oh Wynnie I've got news for you," Madeline said opening the door. She bounded towards her friend and gave her a hug.

"It's good to see you too, and yes I'm fine and the mission went well." Wynnie answered.

"Yes I figured. Anyway I was talking too one of the scientists in the gateroom this morning…"

"Were you talking or flirting…" Wynnie looked over her friends beautiful body jealously and then looked down at her own flat chest and gangly arms. She always thought they were proportionally long to her petite form.

"TALKING," she replied adamantly while rolling her eyes, "we happened to be discussing the ANOVA statistics from one of his studies."

"Oh man I hate those…"

"Yes dear we all do…"

"No you miss psycho smarty."

"Yes Wynnie. Now if you'll let me continue, I was talking with a little flirting, he was Italian, with one of the scientists in the gateroom and I over heard Colonel Sheppard talking to some of the other gate team leaders. They were talking about letting you command your own gate team." Wynnie's eyes went wide.

"Really?"

"Something about a good report from Myles and the fact they've trained Jameson with the ship controls they want to let you command." Wynnie stood in shock for a moment before looking Madeline in the eyes and jumping up and down excitedly.

"I hope you're right. Things have been good since I got here. People actually seem to want to like me."

"Wynnie everyone's been like that you just never gave them a chance. It's not them it's you who had changed. I don't know what it is but you've seemed happier since you returned from your mission."

"I've got good friends," She replied looking warmly at her friend. Madeline smiled back and hurried her along for their run.

They had not been jogging long before Wynnie was called into Dr. Weir's office. She nodded courteously at Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard and Lieutenant Myles who were standing next to Dr. Weir who motioned for her to sit. "Captain Flynn as you know we have been running low on basic supplies and the Deadalus is not due back for another sixteen days. This leaves us with the need to once again set up trade with other planets to help us get some supplies. So with the recent demise of one of our gate teams," she paused for a second and sighed, "and the grounding of another for rest we need a new team leader. Even though you're still relatively new here, you've got a good record and," she added glancing back at the two men behind her," you were recommended, so with that we were hoping you would lead SGA-9." Although she knew this was coming Wynnie stood speechless for a second then nodded graciously.

"Of course Dr. Weir, Colonel Sheppard, I would be willing." The two women smiled gratefully at each other before Sheppard handed her a read out.

"Your scheduled to go in two days, these are these are your men here, Sergeant Kael Oryna Army, Lieutenant James Bestin Army, and Lieutenant Nelson Brickman Air Force, I believe you both arrived together. They're a pretty good team, Oryna has gene abilities so if you get in trouble or can't fly, he's able to, but well to put it lightly he lacks finesse. Bestin's good at tight situation, impeccable aim, and Brickmen's solid. They shouldn't give you any problems Captain. This is your gate address on top and a list of goods we hope to get. Admittedly we are not very familiar with the plane so play it by ear and get what you can."

"Yes sir," she replied as she left, "Thank you." She hurried out to meet Madeline who gave her a huge hug. The pair of them continued their jog before hitting the showers and grabbing dinner.

After dinner the two friends parted ways and Wynnie found herself making her way to McKay's lab with a note she had made for him. She knocked on the door and a fluster McKay answered slightly taken back. "Flynn how are you?"

"It's Wynnie if you don't mind," she said with a smile trying to be casual, "I'm fine." He motioned for her to come in. "Are you busy?"

"I'm always busy." He didn't even bother looking up. But she sat down at watched him for a moment.

"What are you working on?"

"The basics I'm trying to read some of these files and decipher some of this technology. The Ancients have technology we are just beginning to understand and we still haven't mapped out this who city." Wynnie nodded intently and he glanced up at her.

"I went for a jog with Madeline." He nodded his head and looked up at her, "and I talked to Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir, I'm going to lead SGA-9 on a gate mission." Her eyes brightened as she said this but McKay didn't seem impressed.

"That's good," he answered turning his attention back to the piece of machinery on his desk. She looked around and sat silent for a second.

"Well I guess you're busy," she said coolly and McKay just turned and looked at her.

"What do you want me to say, great, wonderful? I really don't know what else to say, last time I tried to talk to you about anything you ran off on me. I'm just preventing myself from further awkwardness. I tried to be friendly and yes I admit I liked you, but you rejected that. It's a fool who tried the same failed experiment over and over again expecting a different result."

"Well maybe you should reexamine your hypothesis. Its true Rodney, some irrational part of me actually has feelings for you. Despite my best interest and the advice of others I still like you. But there are just something that you wouldn't understand."

"Try me. I can process large amounts of information." Wynnie looked right at him with her eyes blazing; he actually flinched to momentarily escape her gaze.

"Do you want to know what happened between me and my parents? Do you really want to know?" Her voice was chocked up as she practically screamed at him. McKay didn't know what to say just sat down under her fiery stare. "Alright fine I'll tell you. My mother disowned me because when I was in college I had an abortion and can no longer have children… ever. That's right an abortion. My wonderfully Christian mother who could do no wrong, ripped me from my family wouldn't even let me back in the house to gather my belongings." Tears were pouring down her cheeks. McKay looked stunned.

"What… happened." He didn't know how to respond or what else to say. He wasn't even sure he was the right person she should be telling this too.

"I went to a very strict, all girls, Christian school. My father was a guidance consular for the school, my mother worked at our church as our priest's secretary. I was raised in a good, loving, nurturing home and life was great really great. I was loved everything about my childhood and I actually loved my high school and going to church every Sunday. I had this personal relationship with God and everything was really great… until I left for college. I went the usual route of oh my gosh my parents aren't here any more and started to try new things. The major change was now there were boys. I was friends with quite a few boys in my church group but they all had the same morals I had. Now there were boys around who drank, smoked and had sex. I even joined the Christian fellowship and groups like that on campus but I wasn't the same.

In the beginning of my sophomore year I met this guy in my group who I thought was amazing and we started dating. To make this long story shorter, one night we went back to my room and he asked me if I loved him. Please remember I was young and this was the first guy I had ever dated. I told him yes of coarse I loved him and he pulled the if you really loved me you'll have sex with me. At first I was appalled and carefully explained to him that I had made a promise to myself and Jesus that I would wait until marriage for sex. He pressed again but I firmly said no. Then he asked if we could just fool around for a while, no sex, and I didn't think there was any harm in that so I agreed. I'm not sure what happened next, but we were both naked and he pushed me on the bed and started kissing me everywhere. It was exhilarating, the first time I'd done anything like this, but then he started getting more physical and before I knew it he…" She paused embarrassed, tears still streaming down her face and continued. "Well you know, despite my best intentions we started having sex and I didn't protest it. In fact I kind of liked it so I didn't say anything. But after we were done I became mortified and disgusted with myself. I had made a promise to my self to GOD, that I was going to let myself wait, but I broke that promise. I sat there and cried to myself while my boyfriend tried to comfort me, tell me it was natural and normal what happened, but I forced him out. Well a couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. The first person I told was my brother, he understood and listened while I told him what happened. He went through the options with me but couldn't do anything else; he was older than me and had his own family to worry about. I told my boyfriend but he ran away while throwing money at me, telling me to get an abortion. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't tell my parents they would have KILLED me. So I though it was best to try and make it as if nothing happened, so I went to the clinic and did what I had to. But the clinic screwed up and something happened that shouldn't have but they left me bleeding. I didn't realize anything was wrong until I got on the bus to go home and I passed out.

I woke up a week later in the hospital and the doctors told me due to the scare tissue I would never be able to have children again. Everyone knew what had happened. My mother refused to even come in to my room; it was my poor brother who sorrowfully told me that my parents were removing all my belongings from the house and that I was never able to come back.

Then four years ago… my father called telling me he forgave me, but that I was dead to my mother, she even wrote down the day I had my abortion in our family bible… as the day I died. Two days later my brother was killed in a car wreck and I wasn't permitted to attend the funeral. It was devastating. You asked you wanted to know, that's why I never speak to my family again. And now you'll hate me just as they do. If my mother can't accept it I can't expect anyone else too." She looked at McKay who looked bewildered and shockingly sympathetic. His mouth opened a couple times before shaking his head.

"I… I'm sorry I didn't know." He handed her a tissue before continuing. "If it makes you feel any better I don't hate you, and I honestly don't think any less of you. I've made horrible mistakes in my past we all have. The truth is I think if you can forgive your self people will understand." He silently recalled his incident where he blew up ¾ of a solar system. It took a long time before people could start trusting him again. "I'm not a religious man myself so I can't make any judgments on that, but your still a good person. Scientifically it was a clump of cells with no hope of survival without you it wasn't a baby."

"That what I think now, after this whole ordeal I became… well not so much atheist but more agnostic. I still feel that there is a higher being I can't shake that, I just don't feel like he really cares about us or if he does, can't really do anything about it." She was still sniffling and drying the tears from her eyes but had calmed down significantly. At least she was no longer screaming at McKay. Then she looked up at him with red eyes "You really don't hate me?"

"No not at all. However I will admit I'm kind of surprised you told me all this. I'm not one people normally come to confide in and I can't give you advice or anything."

"I'm surprised I told you as well." Wynnie took a deep breath and wiped her nose. "The only other person who I ever told about this was Maddy. She was the one I ran to after it happened, well besides my brother who finished putting me though school. God I miss him. But Maddy she's my rock, who else would sit with me while I cry myself to sleep because I was so homesick, and guilt stricken? She made me take one day at a time and pour my focus in to school and sports. Slowly she started taking me out and got my at least partly back to normal." Confused and sympathetic, he responded by pulling her into a tentative hug. Girls liked hugs right? He thought to himself, but it seemed to be working she was quiet and comfortable. He knew how to deal with almost any physical problem but emotions were not something he knew about. Uncertain of himself he pulled back and looked her over. She had calmed down and now just looked exhausted.

"Why don't I put you to bed and maybe you could talk to Dr. Heightmeyer tomorrow."

"Rodney, I took psychology, maybe not to the extent she has but I pretty much know everything she's going to tell me." It was slightly defensive. She sighed and looked him square in the eye. "I told this to you, because… well basically because you pushed to me tell you, but I didn't want to push away anymore. I've been forcing people away for a long time now and just being here has giving me a way to rethink things over. Rodney I… well I trust you." He smiled and took her hand while walking towards her room.

"I think you should get some sleep." They stopped at her room and he opened and led her in. With big eyes she turned to him.

"Stay with me? Please at least until I fall a sleep. I wasn't lying when I told I trusted you."

I had some trouble writing this chapter because I wanted to be senstive to people's feelings and ideas. I just want to let people know that ideas expressed by the characters are not nessassarly the beliefs of the author. Anyone experiancing any of problems should talk to a professional or someone they trust who can help.