Chapter 33: Just Not Yet
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Time crawled by for Draco Malfoy. He spend the majority of his time studying silently in Severus' office, listening to him teach his various classes throughout the day. Draco would try in vein to find the veiled enthusiasm for the craft that was always there before, but as much as he tried, it seemed that he was simply going through the motions.
Draco had grown tired of the Gryffindor tower very quickly. Frankly, he didn't have to see the place to know that he didn't belong there. As much as he liked to wake up curled up next to Harry and plot out a suitable way to wake him, it just wasn't the dungeons he had grown to know and love. It wasn't long before he asked Severus if it would be alright with him if he could continue his independent studies in his office.
Unfortunately, three weeks before Christmas break Draco finished all of his coursework and sat for his N.E.W.T.'s, and he had effectively ran out of things to do. Harry had bluntly asked for help, while Hermione was extremely pleased, having helped him study for his N.E.W.T.'s (and in the process study for hers as well,) while Ron had silently dropped hints so Draco would tell him how exactly he had cheated.
It was Severus who was the most helpful, however. "I got these for you," Severus said as he dropped a stack of books into Draco's lap the week before Christmas break. "You seem bored, re-reading your potions text in here. They aren't much, but it will give you something to do other than just sitting in here and pretending you don't exist."
"I could help you," Draco said, "I could…I don't know…sit behind a desk and take up papers or something. I feel useless."
"Draco, I need to talk to you," Severus said softly, sitting down across from him.
"You're not going to be here for me to help, are you?" Draco asked, his chest clenching. "You're leaving."
"Draco…"
"You can't leave," Draco said softly, "Severus, please don't leave." He didn't care that he was begging.
"I can't stay here anymore," he sighed. "Draco, I care about you and I would do anything in my power to help you, but this isn't…I can't. Not anymore. I've spoken to Professor McGonagall and I won't be returning after the Christmas holiday."
"Where are you going to go?" Draco questioned, trying his best to drum up anger and betrayal but finding none. "Are you going to be around for Christmas?"
The heavy sigh that followed was telling enough.
"So I take it these are a Christmas gift as well, then," Draco continued, blinking away the tears that were unwillingly beginning to gather behind his eyes. "I don't have anything for you, I thought I would have more time."
Severus stood, and Draco slid the books off of his lap. "Don't take this personally Draco. I'm not abandoning you."
"I'm going to go," Draco said, making his way to the door, abandoning the books. "You have a class to teach. I certainly wouldn't wan to be any more of a hinderance." He picked up his Desti-Pole and said 'Gryffindor tower' and it began leading him back to Harry's room.
"Draco…"
Draco didn't respond.
---
That evening Draco passed the news on to Harry. The first question Harry had was, "What about your potion? Is he still going to make it for you?"
"I'm sorry," Draco replied incredulously, climbing off of Harry's bed and stalking toward his voice. "My godfather just told me that he's leaving indefinitely, which sounds to me that I might not have a home; please forgive me if my potion wasn't in the forefront of my mind."
"I'm sorry," Harry said softly as he dropped his worn book bag, his tone tired. "I just want you to see again. I don't see why that's such a big deal."
Draco combed his fingers through his hair in frustration. "It's not, it's just not as bloody important as other things right now, or at least it isn't to me. I know you probably think it should be, but it isn't. I've got nothing to do up here but think, and I've thought about it. I have. A lot. There are things more important to me than my sight, things that I would have never had if I hadn't lost it."
"What on earth are you talking about?" Harry said, shrugging off his robes. "Are you saying you are glad you lost your vision?"
"If I hadn't, I wouldn't have a future," Draco said slowly, his voice thick. "If I hadn't, that would have meant that I would have accepted the Dark Mark, and I would be either dead or in Azkaban now. Most importantly, Harry; and I want you to listen to me carefully, I would have never gotten to know you. I would have never known what I was missing all of those years, and I would have never known the amount of love it was possible to share with another person." He lowered his head and took a deep breath, letting in out in one shaky gust. "How can you tell me that you aren't grateful for that?"
Harry wrapped an arm around Draco's waist and his head fell in its usual place. "I would have given anything to have you switch sides under different circumstances, Draco. But I know you, and you were always one for the theatrics. I wish I could hold back like you and not invest so much emotionally into this potion, but I can't. I'm I Gryffindor, investing emotionally is what I do."
"Bloody Gryffindors," Draco muttered against Harry's neck. "Speaking of said Gryffindors…"
"Downstairs waiting. Are you ready? You don't have to come to dinner if you don't want to, I can bring you something, or…"
"I'm fine," Draco said before pulling away. "You're the one who got all teary-eyed, not me, and I swear on my bleeding life Potter if you tell anyone any differently you will get nothing tonight."
"No need to get hostile," Harry replied with a chuckle, leading the way down the staircase to the common room. "Oh, and Draco?"
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
---
"I really would rather not be subject to this sort of talk," Draco said flatly, his nose wrinkling as he speared a string bean. "If you could keep you disgusting fancies to yourself, I would be most obliged."
"Disgusting fancies..." Ron echoed, tearing a roll in two. "Malfoy, I was asking Hermione to pass me the butter, you nit. Stop eavesdropping on our conversations if you are so concerned for your virgin ears. Wouldn't want the heterosexuality to catch."
"Yes, I hear that it, just like homosexuality, is contagious," Harry said with a chuckle. "Ron, you're a git. Hermione, please tend to the git."
"I'll do no such thing," Hermione said, sounding affronted. "Your git was the one who started it."
"Draco's not a git!" Harry huffed. "He's sensitive."
"Am not," Draco spat, flinging his remaining string beans in Harry's direction. "I prefer git, thanks. Ron, could you be a doll and pour me more pumpkin juice please?"
"Bloody pumpkin juice..." he muttered, but did as Draco asked.
Hermione snickered, Harry rolled his eyes, and Draco smiled sweetly and said, "Thank you ever so much. I'll give you a hand job later if you like."
With that Ron muttered, "I've got...loo..." and stood, his entire body nearing the colour of his tie.
Hermione's head disappeared under the table, making an unnatural wheezing sound, and Harry said, "I hope you're happy."
"Ecstatic," Draco said with a smug grin. "He's probably in the lavatory, having a..."
"Draco..." Harry snapped.
"Bath," Draco finished lamely. "You're no fun, Harry. Hermione, if you'd care to rejoin us. Weaslette, I know you are somewhere close, eavesdropping. Might as well take your brother's place."
"Yeah, alright," Ginny's voice called as her flaming head appeared a few seats away from Hermione, rising and dropping down in Ron's vacated seat. "So are you all coming to the Burrow for Christmas, then? I'm sure you are all invited...yes, even you Malfoy."
"I don't want to go back to Grimmauld Place unless I have to," Harry said grimly, pushing his plate away. "I've actually thought about selling it. I don't think I can live there anymore. Too many bad memories."
Draco's silent nod from beside Harry made Harry smile sadly. "I've been thinking, actually..."
"Don't injure yourself..." Draco said, patting the back of his hand. Hermione giggled, and Ginny seemed to be shaken from her staring at Luna-induced stupor by the shrill noise.
"I was going to ask a certain someone if they wanted to move in with me," Harry said lightly, folding his hands under his chin. "But he just wants to be sarcastic..."
"Are you asking me because you sincerely want me to move in with you or are you asking because you feel sorry for me?" Draco said slowly. "We've had the talk about you feeling sorry for me, Potter."
"Yes, and I seem to recall telling you that I find it rather hard to feel sorry for you," Harry replied. "Draco, I want you to live with me. You've become such a part of my life, and I can't imagine it without you. Who would be there in the morning to hit me with a pillow and grumble 'Get up, you're laying on my leg', or who would tell me that I look like a street urchin even though you can't even bloody well see me? I need you, Draco. I want you, Draco."
"You're such a girl," Draco replied in a soft, unsteady tone, although he reached for his hand, grasping it tightly.
"That's not a girl," Ginny said with an eyeroll. "That is uniquely gay male. We don't claim that."
"Oh, shut up Ginny," Hermione snapped, surprising even herself, it seemed. "You've been a lesbian for what, three months? That doesn't instantly make you an expert on girls. You're ruining their moment. Keep your snide little dyke-isms to yourself. Honestly, next you'll have a mullet..."
Ginny flushed and nodded, muttering, "Fine, I've got...Luna needs help with homework...excuse me...Sorry to interrupt your moment..."
"That was a bit harsh, Hermione," Harry said softly as he watched Ginny go. "She was just joking."
"I'm tired of the joking, though!" Hermione snapped. "I'm tired of everyone thinking that everyone else is different when we are all the bloody same! I'm the same as Draco who's the same as Ron who's the same as you who's the same as Ginny who's the same as Professor Snape. We are all ALIKE! None of this 'I'm a lesbian so that doesn't apply' or 'he's gay, so he doesn't count'. It's asinine." She let out a deep breath and released the death grip she had on her flatware. "And I'm going to stop ranting now. Sorry."
"Thank you," Harry replied with a weak smile.
"You were scaring the children," Draco added. "And I'll move in with you, Harry. That is, if that's what you really want."
"It's what I really want," Harry repeated, a large smile warping his features.
Draco massaged his temples and said, "Wipe that stupid grin off of your face, you moron," although he himself was fighting back a smile.
"I'm going to bed," Hermione sighed. "I can't take much more of this...this...there are no words..."
And with that she left Harry and Draco to their arguing about the colour scheme of the flat: green and silver or crimson and gold, wondering if she was wrong to have thought that they were all alike.
Maybe it was a gay male thing after all.
—
Christmas came and went faster than anyone expected, bringing Ron, Hermione, Ginny (Luna hadn't been able to accompany her for Christmas because of a previously scheduled Yiffuclk hunt with her father), Harry, and Draco back to Hogwarts laden down with freshly knitted jumpers and freshly baked pies.
In the spirit of the season Hermione and Ginny had called a truce and were back to being friends again, which seemed to lighten everyone's mood, as well as the long train ride back to Hogwarts.
They were halfway back when an owl swooped in, clutching a thick envelope and a small package. The envelope was addressed to Draco, whilst the package had a small card with Harry's name scrawled across it attached.
Draco had fallen asleep as soon as civilization gave way to countryside, and Harry didn't have the heart to wake him, so he simply lay the letter aside, opening up his card instead.
It read:
Potter:
I'm giving this to you because I know that Draco will be irrational with it, but I feel that it is important in case any problems should arise. Keep this on your person at all times. Take it off and toss it into a fireplace and it will bring you directly to me. Please use it only in emergencies, and please don't tell Draco you have it unless it is just that: an emergency.
I know it isn't a very good Christmas present, but you've no idea how impossible you are to shop for. If you didn't catch that, it was a joke.
Happy Christmas, a prosperous New Year, and best of luck.
-S.S.
Harry opened the box to find a simple, thick chain that was, upon closer inspection, serpentine in nature. He slipped it on quickly, just as Ginny's head lolled over onto his shoulder. He started to straighten her back up, but instead wrapped an arm around Draco and closed his eyes, stretching his legs out in the empty space beside Hermione's sleeping form, settling in for the long ride back to school.
—
It took Draco weeks to read the letter Severus had sent him after Christmas break. It took even longer for him to break the habit of waking up and thinking, 'Wonder what Severus'll want me to do today?'
They had replaced him with a lanky woman whose name Draco couldn't remember, but who Harry assured him was a well-suited replacement for Draco's godfather. Draco hadn't met her, but he could already beg to differ.
The letter hadn't contained anything that Draco hadn't expected. Apologies. Instructions for the sale of Snape Manor. Legal documents stating that Draco was to receive all the profits of said sale. Draco didn't want the money nor need the money, but he knew better than to argue with Severus. He simply wrote back a thanks, and told him that he no longer saw just black.
He saw grey, and that was a step in the right direction.
When he had told Harry this, on a brisk March morning, Harry had sounded like he was near tears. "It's not dark anymore," Draco said with a grin, taking off his sunglasses and squinting against the sunlight. "My world it brightening up."
"Can you see outlines?" Harry whispered, almost reverently?
Draco shook his head, and Harry pressed a kiss to his temple.
"Not yet," he said. "Just not yet."
—
Classes ended. Just like that, they were over. For Draco, they had been over for a long time; mostly he had been reading up on how to make the potion for his vision for himself and writing letters to Severus. He had yet to pry from him where he was, but he sounded better.
"We should pack," Harry said vaguely, watching Draco shuffle through a stack of papers.
"I'm packed," Draco muttered. "You can pack. This potion is very difficult, I'm not sure if I can do it..."
"I'm sure you can."
Draco shook his head but said nothing. "I'm through anyway. Is Weasley packed? Why don't you hit him with you 'we should pack' speech. I'm sure he'll be as rivetted as I was."
"He and Hermione packed earlier," Harry said as he started up the stairs with an armful of Draco's papers. "Which translates out into Hermione packed for him. Why couldn't you pack for me?"
"Because I'm not your maid," Draco replied. "And I'm not Hermione. You'll learn to appreciate me one day, I'm sure."
Harry chuckled before saying, " I think I already have."
The End
And epilogue will follow this chapter. Thanks so much for your support and your reviews!