Im a generous soul really, aint i:D
Disclaimer: Once again i own nothing AND what is more...these diaries are FAKE and none of it is true...its just me haveing fun at other peoples expense...
Ted
Day Eleven
Dear Riddles
The bloody cheek of it!
I wouldnt mind but he started off as a dogs body to begin with!
I'm so pissed right now i cant tell you.
Mr -i'm-orlando-therefore-i-deserve-more-action-scenes-and-i-want-to-wear-my-blond-wig-Bloom has only tried to have his cake an eat it!
He strolled into the office like he was floating on air...his hair whipping around his face...i should have turned the fan off, really.
He DEMANDED-Yes, DEMANDED that his character be more heroic and more 'sparrow-like' in the film...
I think he's missed the concept of 'money maker' ...and Will was never the money maker to begin with...
But Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Just for reference: That was an evil laugh and i did not intend to try and communicate with Bwa ha ha on the boards in any way...not after i put the restraining order on her, anyway...)
Little does Orlando know, but there may be a few...erm...'cut backs' in the future...and we've got to think of a way to do it...
wouldn't it be really coincidental if Will's name just happens to get 'redundant' by the side of it...
hehehehe...yes im an evil bard...but just remember that if you try to piss on my bonfire, then i will piss on yours!
DayTwelve
Dear Ichy
Shes been asleep for about an hour now...after practically feeding her that malt whiskey she was out like a light!
She got the hump about me having the boys over for a 'games' night...i told her it was never easy living with a man!
The electricity board called and told me that the boat wouldnt be ready for another week or so...so ive taken camp in Keiras lving area in her Trailor...to her utter disgust.
To HER utter disgust!
I'M the one who should be disgusted!!!!
Atleast i dont leave my booby-vests lying around the place! I tell you, the amount of pink frilly thongs i've found myself making friends with, its amazing that she can have house guests!
Kev went about an hour ago...i think he still had a hangover...he was turing green...so either he was still suffereing or he's been on the 'wackie-baccie'... which wouldnt be the first time, if you get my meaning...
And now theres just Ted left...who is finding it hard to actaully put down the control pad...even if i killed him i wouldnt be able to prise it from his lifeless fingers...hogger!
Maybe i should throw a frilly thong at him...that'd be enough to cause a heart attack...
Jack D
DayThirteen
Dear Norrie
What a day!
I did my first drunk scene! i think i handled it quite well considering i WAS actually drunk!!
It was johnnys fault...i said i needed the rum in my hands, and obviously he saw fit to give me a REAL bottle...but i didnt care after the first few gulps...strong stuff!!!
So there i was frollicking about in the background when Keira and johnny were having this really intense scene about some stupid bloody compass...i really find it hard to understand storylines in this film...how a child is supposed to understand, i dont know!
I dont really remember much after that i'm sorry to say...although when i did eventually come around from my alcohol-induced coma everyone said it was the best work i had ever done!
Bloody typical!...it'll just teach me to get absolutely Legless in the future...
hehe...legless...isnt that the character orlando played in lord of the flies??? ...damn, sorry..i think im still a little tipsy...
Zippidy do dar...Zippidy Ay...
and i bet that song sticks in your head now that you've read it!!!!
See...i'm babbling again now...
need sleep...or alcohol...or both...
you know what they say...in for a penny, in for a pound...
Keira
Day Fourteen
Dear Diary that isnt ichy
Have you ever woken up to a man snoring so loud that you thought there may be a possible earthquake outside??
Times that by 1000 and you have Mr Depp in the mornings!
I mean honestly...how Vanessa puts up with him is beyond me!
AND to top it all off i found him lying there clutching one of my thongs!...hes getting weirder and weirder as time goes by...
I made eggs and bacon this morning...for myself considering i wasnt planning on johnny getting up BEFORE midday...and then i suddenly remembered that he had a date with 'the kracken'...
they've decided to do the slime scene early because everything is hectic and up in the air at the moment...even my few scenes with orlando have been put on hold!
So i attempt to wake the beast...but when he's asleep its like he's died and gone to heaven...theres no waking him at all!!!
So i decided to eat my breakfast AND turn on his playstation...but i must have done something wrong with the memory card because i deleted something called 'do not delete or i will chop your bollocks off' ...
...well...considering i HAVE no bollocks it obviously did not apply to me...
so i deleted it...and it was as if a siren had gone off in the room!
JUST from pressing that tiny button, Johnny was fully awake and absolutely furious with me!
Honestly, you wouldnt think he was a man!
actually...yes you would...that is exactly what you would think he was...
Hes not speaking to me now anyway...and hes put little post-it notes around MY trailor telling ME what i can and cannot touch!!!!!!!
The only thing post-it free is my pavaroti disk collection...
wonder why...
SailorLeo's diary...she is a Norrie obsessed fan!
Jack D
Day 27
Dear Norrie
Guess who has to fight Bloom, you gusses it, me. And it isn't bad enough i have to fight him, it's that...well... I HAVE TO DO IT ATOP A BLOODY GIANT WHEEL! Oh the indignity of it all, oh well, I hope the fans appreciate this.
On another note, I'm beginning to suspect that I'm not alone, and yes i know i'm a celebrity and all (even a minor one at that), but I can't shake this feeling that I'm being followed, I mean even my stuffs beginning to go missing, it started small, pens paper, now enitre bed sheets? Maybe it's Keira trying to pull a fast one over me...Yeah that's it...I'm getting tired I'm going to go to bed before i accidently discover the secret to life, that made no sense what so ever...GAH! I must sleep!
Johnny
Day sixteen
Dear Ichy
I am in protest people!
I have gone four days without speaking a word to the irritating little toe-rag, and i am not going to stop now!
She deleted it..she ACTUALLY deleted it! And she SMILED at me afterwards too...oh the indignity of it!!!!
Sadsack told me to cool down...but in fairness it WAS his idea to do the post-it notes...he does come to some use sometimes...
AND to top it all off SHE used all the hot water in the shower this morning! ...I mean i know the girl can smell a bit, but come on! Half an hour showers?! ...Atleast she didnt hear me screaming like a little girl when the cold water hit me...
Keira
day seventeen
dear diary that isnt ichy
He screamed like such a girl!
Orlando told me that johnny isnt talking to me...honestly, what are we? 5 yearolds?
Well if he wants to play it like that...things are going to get VERY tense around here...
But i know for a fact the post-it notes were not johnnys idea...even he isnt THAT immature...
So fine, two can play at this 'i'm-ignoring-you-for-aslong-as-i-can-until-you-crack' game!
I've told orlando to tell Johnny that it wasnt MY fault that i deleted the game...It was a slight technical fault...
And i also told Kev to tell orlando to tell johnny that he smells funny...not literally, but just because acting like a child suits me right now...
Nw...wheres jack gone...and that strange looking gremlin-like girl that keeps following him in the shadows...atleast they're still kinda talking to me...
Orlando
day seventeen
dear nobody
So im supposed to tell who to let them know what now?
I hate being piggy in the middle...but i guess thats what the 'second man' is really...the one thats there to fill the gaps...
I'm a bitter, bitter man...
On set before with lee and mckenzie who were signing autographs for the costume department...oddly enough the women put their pens and paper away when i arrived and quickly walked off...probably too busy to get any more autographs, i suppose...
I'm going out tonight with kev, lee and mackenzie... should be a good knees-up considering kev walks funny the morning after the night before...actually...come to think of it...i'm not so sure thats a good thing...
Damn theres jack again...since hes ditched the ice-cream look hes got more ladies honing after him than i have!!!!
Life hates me...i'd end it all, but why waste such a pretty face??
Right...i'd better go and give johnny keiras message...
what was it again...
oh yeah!
Kev
day seventeen
dear diary
...johnny told keira to orlando to tell me that i smell like a farmers overalls...
i dont know how to take this news...I mean,
being called insane? I can deal with...
Being called old? Well...its better to be over the hill than buried underneath it, i always say...
But being called smelly??
...i think i need to be alone with my thoughts right now...
and take a nice long bath...
johnny
Day seventeen
Dear Ichy
Apparently I'm a crazed loonatic who portreys my characters as being gender confused...oh, and i forgot to mention that when i eat i make a really noisy sound!
Geez, i wish people would say it to my face!
Kev's told keira to tell orlando the wonderful news...
and also, apparently i think Gore Verbinski is a blockbuster wannabe...
All evidence to the contrary...
Gore
Day whatever
dear diary
Why the hell was i brought into your petty little arguments??
Children...
Keira
day seventeen
dear diary that isnt ichy
I'm very surprised nothing has been said about me...
...Although ALOT of the female staff have been eyeing me up inappropriatley...so ive decided that instead of changing into my costume in the costume department, that i will use the womens lavatories instead...atleast that way there are no prying eyes...
I'm going to KILL Johnathan Christopher Depp!!!!
Jack D
Day Eighteen
Dear Norrie
...I feel like their are little men chizzelling away at my brain inside my skull...
Apparently 'the hair of the dog' is supposed to cure any hangover...but one look at that bottle of rum and that was it...i was staring into the bowl of my crapper for yet another half an hour!
I've kept away from all the little tattle-tailing that has been going around...peoples sexuality and bodily odour is none of my business...unless i decide to make fun of it...which i most probably will do later...
A pretty young lady chatted me up at the bar last night.
she was everything i look for in a woman...blond, blue eyes...leggy...easy looking.
But her name was a little strange...
Martin
...We will never mention this again.
Johnny
Day eighteen
dear ichy
Jack is GAY?!
Whose this martin fellow hes supposed to be going around with?
...and what happened to that hobbit-like creature that keeps following him around...
curiouser and curiouser...
Keira and i have come to a mutual understanding...so whilst she was doing a scene with the beckett man (im not sure of his actual name...i think hes a newcomer to hollywood...) i decided to split the trailor right down the middle, so we would both have our personal space!!
I have;
the fridge the couch the TV The bed The playstation The guitar
Keira has;
The beanbag
...All is fair in war and war...
Speaking of war, i wrote me a little song today...It goes like this;
Welcome to Newyork,
yeah we'll steal your car.
But someone's tabbed your petrol so you won't get very far.
Atleast your not in Florida Where the locals are green.
Yeah if you live in Newyork,
you'll know what i mean.
Trying to have a laugh round here's just turned into a chore,
Used to go down the 'Cherry' dancing on sticky floors.
Surrounded by druggies and fifteen yearolds.
And dirty old pervs thinking they've just struck gold!
Welcome to Newyork,
its a great place to leave.
Thanks to all the chemicals you'll find it hard to breath.
We're not as good as Texas, louisiana or Los Angelese,
'cause all the kids do drugs round here and never stay in school.
Now i dont have anything against newyork or anything...but obviosuly you can see i have a few problems with it...
Keira
day twenty
dear diary-that-isnt-ichy
I have cramp in my leg...last night i slept under the kitchen sink on the beanbag...
its the only place im allowed to actually go in my own trailor!
I came back to find bright green tape separating Johnnys section and my puney little spit of a corner...and everytime i tried to step past it he would start singing; 'bohemian rhapsody' so loud that it could be possible for only dogs to be able to hear him...
Apparently im only allowed the bathroom from the hours of 3am till 3.15am ... so ill have to pee,shower and brush my teeth all at the same time...
oh, the joys of sharing living quarters with johnny...
...continue to page three...