day 600,4320...or there abouts...
Dear norrie
HEAT WAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its ben so hot for the past few days that ive resulted to walking around in my knickers...and who said spongebob wasnt cool...
ii have to say keira hasnt managed to keep her dignity either...considering she is the only one who wont take off her clothes, shes starting to smell slightly...which is off putting...but no one has the heart to tell her...
well...i say no one but i think she got the hint when johnny started calling her 'Betty BO' and then started flapping his arms like a chicken...and when she took great offence and started fighting with him, he put us all out of our misery and picked her up and over his shoulder 'hercules' style...and then threw her overboard!!!!
Well in the end gore told us to take 10...when orlando asked;
"10 what?"
we decided to throw him overboard aswell.
we ended up sumbathing on the beach and drinking margaritas in the sun!!! ... and i cant remember acting properly after that...although the alcohol only made johnny's character seem more eccentric and funnier than ever...which is really scary when you think about it...
A/N: PiratesSex Diary entry!
orlando
day:i lost count
god im gorgeous!
I passed a mirror today and couldent help takeing a glance at my reflection.
I am amazing.
I marvel at my beauty.
Honestly i think 'im to sexy for my shirt' was written for me.
Its my fave song ...
besides 'sexyback'by that hunkalicious justin timberlake.
god i would be soo ridiculed it anyone saw my diary especially kate.
we are haveing problems i think after the break up i will go out with uma thurman , she looks manly i like the manly gal.
love orli!
xoxoxoxo
Keira
day - The day johnny dies!
Dear I WILL KILL HIM ONE OF THESE DAYS!
after making myself a relaxing bath and making myself smell beautiful AND NOT LIKE A SWEATY OLD MAN! I dried myself off and sat in contemplation...
why me?
I ALWAYS end up as th butt of johnnys jokes!
..Well...ORLANDO ends up as the butt of johnnys jokes but when orlando isnt around its always me...me, me, me...
Its as if he fancies me or something...
AHA!!!
maybe he does fancy me..im not bad looking...i have a good complexion and im not too annoying...whats not to like???
Did i mention im beautiful??????
That must be it! He must really like me!!!
Everytime he makes fun of me its like hes back in school pulling on my hair braids in the playground!!
Would it be so bad if he DID like me?
...hes good looking...hes nice to me all of 2 of the time...
HOW am i going to be able to look at him now knowing this!
I bet it was the kiss that did it!!
Damn it! Not only did it convert all the Pirates of the caribbean fans, but it converted johnny too!!!!!!
I'll be branded a scarlett woman!!!!
A/N: PiratesSex!!
orlando
dear - whoever wants to be my dear
WHAT IS GOING ON?
i was in makeup this morning and everyone kept stareing at me and laughed when i looked away!!
they kept saying "sadsacks gaypoor fellow i wonder who he is" ...
Another strange thing that happend was when becky my makeup person put lipstick and eyeshadow on me ...
i asked her what she was doing and she laughed in my face and said;
"you dont know?"
DONT KNOW WHAT? WHAT IS THERE TO KNOW?
Johnny
Day - oh no!
dear ichy
The woman in dillusional!!
She keeps avoiding me now!
Her body odour was bad once...its not too bad now!
Orlando seems to think its because she has some obsession with me...i dont think he realises that we're NOT having an affair...
Honestly...just because the man has no love life to call his own, he has to muscle in on my imaginary one!
the cheek of it!!
Speaking of sad-sack, i decided to tell everyone about our homosexual chimp ... i think he may be a worlds first...
I told him i was absolutely delighted to have my pictures around his trailor inside their love-heart frames...but i think he didnt realised that the ones i have of him in MY yacht are the ones that i throw my darts at for practise...i get a bulls-eye everytime!!!
Johnny
Day - Hmmm...interesting...
Dear ichy
OH SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS!!!
victory tastes so sweet!!!
filming got posponed today for a few hours due to bad wind -
(We did tell orlando that his flatulance was unacceptable but does he listen? Does he crap!)
- so everyone decided we should do something that we've never done before...
WE ALL PLAYED A GAME OF HALF-NAKED VOLLEYBALL ON THE BEACH!
...ok so we've all done that before but we ran out of ideas on what to do...
i picked my team and obviously sad-sack wasn't in it...i did pick keira but everytime she went for the ball she looked behind her half expecting me to look at her ass while she was jumping for the ball!
Honestly, im a fully-grown man...im not orlando...
we did have a few good strikes but with kev out of shape and mckenzie smoking like a chimney we weren't really making much progress...
so we just decided to play dirty instead!
lets just say that after my last strike, Orlando is currently concussed and unable to film for the next two days...
so hes held up in his trailor being forced to watch re-runs of 'Lord of the rings', 'Elizabeth' town and 'the calcium kid' ... on repeat...everyday...
Oh god paybak is a b!tch!
Keira
day- whatever
dear snuggles
I woke up this morning to the glorious sound of heavy metal...oh sorry did i say glorious? I meant to say;
OH MY GOD WHO EVEN LISTENS TO THAT CRAP ANYMORE? AND FIRST THING IN THE MORNING? HES BORDERING ON INSANE!
Having only got to bed at 5am this morning because i was up allnight learning my lines-
(they had re-writes...apparently alot of the stuff in the script implied too much of a jack/elizabeth bond...well durrr! they're like MADE FOR EACHOTHER!)
- i thought i may be able to have a lie in considering i wasn't due into the set until the night shoot...but i was wrong...
At 7.30am the sound of Led Zepplin screeched into my ears with their electric guitars and their very weird sense of rhythm...needless to say i was mightily p!$$ed off and he knew it too!!
I threw my pillow at him...he just laughed more...
ive decided that he doesnt fancy me...he HATES ME AND WANTS ME TO DIE A VERY PAINFUL DEATH!!!!!
begrudginly i got out of my sleeping bag and went into the kitchen on his yacht to make some breakfast...bad move considering johnny is very picky about people being in his kitchen...so he booted me out and told me to get in the shower and clean myself until i was free of 'germies' ...
hes gone mad.
Im supposed to be going shopping this morning with Jack...but whether he can sneak out of the trailor without Sailor setting Gladys on him is a different matter completely...
poor man...talk about ball and chain...
Orlando
Day- HELP!
Dear nobody
MAKE IT STOP!
i promise ive seen the error of my ways!!!
Its horrible!...i didnt realise how FAT i looked in 'Elizabeth Town' !!!
Its so unfair! Having to lie here day after day ...completely forgotten about...watching myself flaunt my sexy backside on my television screen...
the second thing isnt so bad, but the first thing is driving me up the wall!
I should be up and about tomorrow...if anyone cares, that is...
Oh but they would miss me if i was gone! You mark my words!
I can just imagine it now;
Johnny standing beside my coffin telling me how I was the best and that he was nothing compared to me!
Keira telling me shes always been inlove with me but i was too much of a big movie star and my fans would kill her if she even made a pass at me.
And gore telling me that Will WAS the main hero of the films...
...what a good way to go...
Johnny/
day - i feel like ending it all!!
dear ichy
SWEET BABY JESUS AND THE ORPHANS!
ive had it upto my pretty little eyeballs with that woman!
Shes driving me up the wall and back down it again!!!
i told her it was deffinately time to move on now considering she was getting too familiar with her 'habitat' ...when your a man and you find bikini wax-strips by the soap dish in your bathroom you get more than a little freaked out!!!!
...especially when you have the lads over for your weekly polka night and they question your masculinity...
she told me that technically if i kick her out i would have to pay for her new accommodation!!!
...apparently her insurance policy claims that i am her main money clause!
women...nothing but money grabbers!!!
speaking of money grabbers...i got a letter through the post today...
its funny how many women are claiming im the father to their children and are asking me for money now that the sucess of 'pirates' has made me 'invincible' to the celebrity world...
...its also funny how many MEN are claiming im the father of their children, too...
on set today and we were doing an action sequence...Miss im-keira-and-either-give-me-a-sword-to-play-with-or-i-swear-to-god-you-will-see-the-spoilt-end-of-a-hissy-fit Knightly was once again throwing a big fat paddy because no one trusted her enough with a sword...
In the end they gave up and let her have her own way...and then told her to go and practise with Orlando because his insurance is running out...the last time i saw him he was being carted away in an ambulance...i hope they found his missing finger...
Keira
Day - lost all sense of time
Dear snugges
Me and johnny did a really weird scene today...everyone keeps referring to it as the 'curiosity' scene...apparently it was supposed to play out alot different than how it actually ended up...
its funny how as soon as you realise your 'flirting' in a scenewith one of johnny's characters that you find yourself actually flirting with him aswell!!
The man is a woman magnet!
How come a man with dreadlocks and a beard is so irresistable???
When my friends went to see the first movie they were going for the thrill of seeing orlando in action...and they came out of the movie wondering WHY they found johnny so attractive in his eyeliner and his overly-poofy hair...
madness, i tell you!!!
dont get me wrong...when hes in his normal garb hes just johnny...but when hes in his 'jack' outfit hes...
well...lets put it like this;
Austin Powers has found his Mojo, baby!!!!
Damn that sinister attraction that captain jack sparrow has over me!!!
... im officially insane...
to be continued...when i can be bothered to copy and paste the next two pages!!!!!