Chapter 8 – Letting Go

Alex woke again; this was the forth time she woke up at three am in the morning. She shook her head and turned towards Bobby side of the bed. Then it all flew back to her, he was gone. Bobby's funeral was on today, it had taken three days before the Chief of D's let Bobby's body be examined by the M.E, and it was horrible because the Commissioner knew it was under police authority to not let Detective Eames see the Callahan's.

That morning Alex arrived with the body of Bobby, she didn't want to but she knew she had to. Deakins and Carver were already arrived at the cemetery waiting for the funeral to start.

When she got out of the car everyone was staring at her, she glanced at Bobby's coffin. She started to cry and closed her eyes to make them stop. As the priest of the funeral set up the stand, he tried to make jokes but everyone was silent.

The funeral started and certain people went up and talked. One of them was Bobby's mother.

"Bobby was my boy. He hated his father and didn't want to be like him. He was a very private person but loved his job…his partner Detective Alexandra Eames," she smiled. Alex looked up at his mother with a look of shock. She knew, Bobby must have told her or she guessed, either way it was good for her to know he had someone in his life. "Detective Alex Eames, I could tell he liked her from the start. She was the one who made him whole, as he put it. The way he talked about her to me when I was sleeping, he loved her so much. He would do anything for her, she was the only love of his life and she stayed with him," she smiled warmly and a silent tear rolled down her cheek.

Alex returned the smile to his mother. She never met his mother until now.

When she left the stand, Alex walked up silently to say the eulogy to Bobby. Francis didn't want to it because she didn't know Bobby as well as Alex.

As she stood up and looked at everyone, she saw Lewis, Bobby's best friend since junior high, he one of few who stuck with him.

"Bobby was the best detective I ever met. He once told me that I was the only partner that stayed for so long. When I first met him I thought he was like the rumors and it was true, although as long we got the bad guy I didn't mind," Alex smiled at the thought.

"I once filed a request for a new partner, which was a mistake in the end. I got to know him well and I stayed. I'm glad I stayed with him because Major Case was the best thing that ever happened; he was the best thing that happened to me. I remember in the first year he told me he loved to dance and he was good at it to. During one case he danced with a victim's best friend, I was actually jealous of her, which made me want to know him even more.

Every time I think of him now, it was like I knew him for ten years not five years; he was the best detective that I ever came across and the only man I've been with since my husband died in the line of duty seven years ago. Although he was hard to get on with I manage to understand where he was coming from, he was a sensitive person and studied human behavior to figure out the motives and thoughts of the criminal. Bobby was a gentle, caring and beautiful person that should have never been taken away from us, from the city, he was one of the greatest detectives of all time" She continued and she looked at the coffin with tears down her cheeks. "I know you're watching over me Bobby," she whispered. "I love you. Always will and always have," she sobbed and walked off to her seat and covered her face with her small hands.

She didn't want anyone to see her crying; the only time everyone saw her cry when she testified against the Garrets, when his lawyer took out the only thing that could break Bobby and her partnership, the letter. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked to see it was Lewis.

"Good speech," he told her softly. Alex picked up a rose she got especially for Bobby's funeral and put it. Lewis held her hand and squeezed it tightly. The coffin started to slowly get placed in the ground. Alex watched her partner, her best friend and her soul mate get lowered into the ground with the rose still in the place. Francis Goren stared at the grave and turned away. Her Carmel Ridge careers put her arm around her and lead her off to the car. Everyone slowly filed off, until Deakins, Carver, Lewis and Alex were the only ones standing.

"He a great detective," Carver said, breaking the silence.

"The best detective," Alex corrected, softly.

"The greatest Major Case Squad detective," Deakins added, they all glanced at each other and smiled. Lewis put his arm around Alex and she cried on his shoulder.

"C'mon Al," he said softly and walked her towards his car. Carver and Deakins were still standing silently at his grave. Deakins glanced up to see Alex been guided away, then a tear silently fell down his cheek.

Alex's Apartment

27 Beach Crest

Rockaway, New York

That night Alexsat on her bed that night with the funeral going through her mind, replaying the coffin lowering and the faces on the people Bobby knew. She looked at her laptop to see the picture of the Major Case Squad dance, she smiled at it warmly. She remembered it so well. She closed her eyes to the thought of Bobby's hand on her waist, the warm feeling of being safe then a doorbell rang, breaking her fantasy. She got up from her bed and answered the door. She opened it to find Lewis at her with flowers.

"Hi, Lewis," she said awkwardly, glancing at the flowers. Lewis nervously smiled at her.

"Detective Alex," he replied, handing over the flowers to her. Alex gave him a strange look and smiled.

"Thank you," she said, letting him in.

"I see everyone keeps bringing food along," Lewis observed, as Alex lead him in to her apartment.

"Yeah, it's quite nice of everyone," she answered seeing him looking at the chocolate cake her neighbour brought over after the funeral.

"That looks tasty," he commented and glanced at Alex.

"You can open it if you want to," she offered him and went to the kitchen to get a knife. She gave it to Lewis and he unwrapped the glad wrap around the cake and cut a medium slice for himself. Alex got two small plates from the kitchen before Lewis decided to put it on the table.

"You want one," he offered.

"Sure, just a small piece," she smiled at him, as he cut the piece half the size of his piece of cake and put it on her plate. She smiled at him and he sat down next to her.

"The last thing he said to me was 'I will always be with you' and 'I love you'" Alex suddenly told Lewis. It was the last thing Bobby said to her, she didn't even tell Deakins about it. Lewis stopped and put down the piece of cake back on his plate.

"Sorry," he said softly.

"I heard him talking to me when I was in hospital," she told him, suddenly looking at Lewis to see his reaction.

"What did he say?"

"He said 'Alex, be strong. I'll be watching over you," she sobbed. Lewis stared at her in amazement and shock.

"Bobby told me 'keep Alex safe'" Lewis told her. Alex stared at him and gave him a smile. Bobby visited his best friend as well as her. She wasn't the only one Bobby wanted to keep safe. Suddenly Alex started to cry before she even realized herself. Lewis stared at her in sympathy; he got up and hugged her. His warm body reminded of her Bobby's although he wasn't the same build but it she felt so close to Bobby. Maybe it was because Bobby was around them, she could sense he was there, keeping her safe and making Lewis made her feel safe. Suddenly he broke away, with a shy look on his face. Alex knew he liked her, especially when he knew she loved cars.

"I better go," he said softly and stood up. Alex smiled at him, she stood up with him.

"Thank you for coming," she told him, softly.

"No problem," he answered, and kissed her on the top of the head, without realizing. "Sorry," he quickly said, backing away from her.

"Lewis, its ok," she laughed. "I know you were Bobby's best friend, I know you miss him as much as I do," she told him, getting on her tip-toes and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. Lewis blushed in embarrassment.

"I better go," he told her, they hugged again and then he left. Alex sat down at the couch and was about to call for Bobby. Then she realized he wasn't there. He hadn't come back even though she said goodbye. Every time she saw something it reminded her Bobby, her Bobby. The Bobby that saved her; the one that made her feel safe and secure. Tears sprung in her eyes and she let them flow to the couch. She didn't want to believe he was gone, but suddenly Lewis proved to her that he was. He would have never kissed her if Bobby was around, although they were best friend, he would never betray him even if he did like Alex. She sighed and stretched out on the couch, letting the feeling Bobby's presence over her. She closed her eyes and cried herself asleep.

Three Weeks Later….

One Police Plaza

Major Case Squad, 11th Floor

When Alex arrived at one police plaza, it looked different to her. Maybe it was because she hadn't been there for three weeks already. As she walked in, her colleagues seemed to be working as normal as possible.

She could see their desks still together; facing each other so they could discuss the case they were working on and give each other feedback. She sat down at her desk, looking across from her was empty.

She knew why it was empty and she hated the silence of Bobby. His spirit was around somewhere she could feel it so strongly she could smell his cologne. She couldn't believe no one had touched his stuff, not even his folder. The folder he kept everything about the case they would have found and was trying to find.

She stared at his desk for at least five minutes before she noticed Deakins was talking to someone in his office. He looked medium height, with blond wavy hair and Caucasian. She started to wonder if that was her new partner, replacing Bobby. She hated to think of the word, replace, because she could think of anyone to take the place of an amazing detective.

Then Deakins glanced up and saw her and waved her to come to his office. The person with him didn't attempt to turn around, which made her think he was rude. She went to his office and walked, still the men talking.

The blond man had a smooth sort of voice, which reminded her of a French guy she worked with in police academy.

"Alex Eames, meet your new partner, Detective Jeff Collins from Narcotics," Deakins said, this time the blond guy turned to her and smiled. His teeth were white and he reminded her off one of the dental floss commercials.

"Nice to meet you detective," he said warmly and put out his hand to shake. Alex stared at the hand for a moment and then looked at his face.

"You too," she said sarcastically and glanced at Deakins. "Can I speak to you Captain," she asked him, glancing at Jeff.

"Thanks Jeff," he smiled at him. He turned and glared at Alex. She knew it was a bad impression but she didn't give a damn at that moment.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," he said, now his voice was flat.

She rolled her eyes before she knew it and he left Deakins office.

"Detective what is your problem? This is your first day back and you've had appalling behaviour!" he yelled loudly at her. Alex was shocked by the suddenly yelling, he hardly ever yelled, just talked firmly.

"Don't you think I have a good reason? I thought I was going to work alone, but now I have to work with that Owen Wilson wannabe?" she shouted back. Deakins shook his head.

"Look, Alex I know the funeral was hard but its time to move on," he said softly.

"Me! Move on," she screamed at him. "I hate the fact that he's dead, I can't seem to sleep anymore because he's gone!" she started to sob.

"It's not just about you, detective, everyone had been affected by it," Deakins said firmly. "No one can't believe he's gone, Alex. Not only he was the best detective here, but because we all loved him for who he was and what he did in Major Case," he replied, sitting down at his desk. "You have a case to work on with him now anyway," he continued. "Here it is," he gave her the case file and she looked at him in shock. She saw the case file and it was a cold case. They never usually got cold cases, but she suspected Deakins didn't want her to see dead people anymore.

"I thought you didn't want me to do these sorts of cases," she asked him, firmly.

"You are now," he replied. "Take Jeff around and then move Bobby's stuff over to your own desk. Make sure he had enough room for his stuff," he said flatly. Alex nodded, she wanted to argue but she stopped before she could make him even more annoyed at him.

"Yes, Captain," she replied and opened the door. Jeff turned around and saw Alex. She had a dark look on his face, which reminded her of Zane Callahan, which wasn't a pleasant sight. Deakins was beside her and gave Jeff a smile. .

"Detective Eames will take you to your desk," he told them; before Alex could say anything he shut the door and went back to work. Jeff stood their awkwardly, waiting for Detective Eames to take him to where he was supposed to be sitting. She suddenly left and headed towards two desks, which were pushed together, and also he noticed they were the first desks he saw when he arrived earlier that morning. She sat down and gestured to the desk, she sat across from. He reached for a brown folder, but before he could touch it she snatched it away from his hands. He gave her a strange look then sat down.

"I'm sorry for what happened to your partner," he said softly. She stared at him.

"So am I," she replied.

"What happened?" he asked, politely.

"Doesn't matter," she snapped.

"I know he was a great detective, strange but great," he smiled at her. She glared at him in reply, which made him believe he hit a nerve.

"If you knew him well enough you would've been talking crap what you don't know about," she answered angrily.

"I'm sorry I've never lost someone I loved," he said. She looked up at him, this time in shock. "You were on the news about the Callahan case, the trial was horrible. I can't Judge Kelly let them off, I actually felt sorry for you but now I don't," he said angrily.

"You know what? I don't give a flying fuck what you think of me," she hissed at him. "If you hate me fine, I don't want your god damn sympathy anyway," she added, feeling herself getting taken over by some sort of darkness inside of her. "And clap, clap for actually deciding to not feel sorry for me," she said sarcastically.

"It's been three weeks and you're already pissed off at me for taking Bobby's spot," Jeff told her. Alex glared at him; she hated anyone else calling him Bobby, only she could.

"Detective Goren in your case," she snapped at him.

"Now I can't call him by his nickname?" he shot back.

"Shut your mouth," she yelled suddenly, making the squad room go silent.

"Make me," he challenged, glaring at her. Before she could reply, Deakins came out and broke the fight.

"Detectives," he ordered, making the both of them stop and turned to him. "If I hear you to fight again I'll straightened this out," he said firmly. "Eames, I thought you would have more respect than that," he shook his head. "If Bobby saw you like this he would drop dead," he said angrily and went back to his office, slamming the door. Tears welled up in her eyes at the mention Bobby. She couldn't believe he said that. Of all people, he said the worst thing. She looked at Deakins and saw him with his hands in face, covering and looking at his hands. Jeff looked guilty and glanced up at her.

"I'm so-" Jeff started to say.

"Don't," she cut him off and grabbed her coat then went out of the floor. She went to the elevators and pressed the ground button. She couldn't stand being at work anymore, without Bobby it seemed pointless and silent. When the doors opened she let other people out and went in. she was the only one in and she was glad. The doors started to close but a hand stopped them. Jeff Collins walked without speaking and let the elevators doors close. She rolled her eyes.

"What do you want?" she asked, irately.

"I want to apologize," he said, lightly. Silence evolved around them, Alex was waiting for him to say those two words. After a minute she rolled her eyes again, what the hell was he expecting for her to say? "Look I know you were Goren's partner and everything but I want you to know that I'm not taking his place in the squad," he told her, glancing at her face to catch her eyes. "I don't anyone could take his place, he was the best detective in Major Case no doubt about it," he smiled. "I saw you doing the eulogy on TV, it was beautiful. Was he there?"

Alex looked at him strangely. Of course he was! He was in the coffin, remember? She thought angrily.

"In spirit I mean," he added.

"I think he was," she answered softly.

"Has he visited you?"

"A couple of times, I can feel him when I'm alone," she smiled weakly. "Sometimes he talks to me," she laughed. "He reminds me why I'm here but sometimes I'm god damn angry he left me," she added, tears silently going down her cheeks. "He got killed by trying to save me; he gave his life for me. For me? I didn't want him to but I couldn't stop him he was too late," she sobbed and slid to the ground. Jeff stood at the other end of the elevator, studying her and seeing her cry. It looked like she hadn't done it in ages. Every time the elevator stopped no one on the floors came on this was good for him. He sat down next to her, he could smell her sweet perfume it was probably the same one she always wore when Bobby was alive.

For some reason Jeff wanted to hug Alex because he felt her breakdown was his fault. It seemed to him that everyone loved this Bobby Goren, but Alex loved him the most, after all was sleeping with him for all those months of the trial.

"You can always talk to me," he said to her softly. She glanced at him in annoyance.

"Now you're having sympathy for me?"

"No, all I am saying that is you can talk to me about…him," Jeff said, lightly.

"Goren?"

"Yes, I want you to know that I'm sorry," Jeff told her quickly. He wasn't that good with apologies, especially with women, they always got to emotional. In his opinion, he thought he would never get along with a woman detective, but his chef wanted him to take the job of Detective Goren.

When he first heard he was working with Detective Eames, the partner of the infamous Detective Goren, he knew it would be hard. She was one of the only people that believed his theories and understood for some reason. He couldn't believe how well their solve crime rate, it was best ever in the city for ages. He didn't believe how he got them, but he always didn't like Goren.

On TV, Detective Goren always got most of the credit for the cases; Detective Eames was usually in the background, like a mouse he always thought. Now meeting her was different, she seemed to be smart, sarcastic and sexy. He knew about how she was in Vice before coming to Major Case and how men usually melt over her the second they look at her. This was true as well because she was a very attractive woman on a man's job, that's what he thought anyway.

"You wanna go for coffee," Jeff asked, suddenly and held out his hand to her. She stared at him for a second to study him. Only moments ago he was a complete asshole to her and couldn't care less about her feelings, now he was being a gentleman. She smiled at him and took his hand. She never thought she would smile again, especially without Bobby. "I'm really sorry, I should've been more considerate," he said softly.

"Just don't be an ass likes that again," she teased him. He laughed.

"I heard about your sarcasm and your pessimistic view of the world," he told her. "And Bobby was the complete opposite, well almost…. How did you do it?

"Being his partner and or being crime fighting partners?"

"Both."

"I didn't understand him at first because I thought he was like what they said: a freak. Which was only half true," she laughed. "But anyway I finally got him in one case and we clicked. We were like peanut butter and jelly, we strengthened each other so much we couldn't believe we done it. He was my one true friend, my only love," she felt tears go down her cheek silently. She glanced at Jeff and he was still holding her hand. He put his arm around her and held her tightly. This time she embraced him and silently cried on his shoulder. She never thought she would cry on her new partner.

"It's okay to let go," he whispered to her. She nodded and closed her eyes.

The End

A/N: I'm sorry for not updating for so long. I appreciate the wait for everyone who's reviewed and has who been waiting. Hope you enjoy the ending, I think it's a bit crummy but tell me what you think. I couldn't think of anything more to do, remember to review!