Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But if I did, I would somehow bring Itachi to life and make him my personal slave. I don't own "Hips Don't Lie" By Shakira or "Barbie Girl" By Aqua. I don't own any items or brand names mentioned in the story and I don't own any college strips. I'm just a poor girl who works at a gas station and goes to school, who likes Naruto and Anime/Manga and also likes to write fics too. So don't sue me.
a/n: This chapter has been taken down and edited, because a dispute over a moment between Itachi and Sasuke which was in this story, that it featured in a comic. First, I don't know of the comic until later when a friend told about it and a review that someone kindly told that part sounded like a comic strip made by someone else. But now I'm getting numerous flames from bitches that don't have any manners that are making deal of it. And also people who don't like the playful Itachi x Sasuke in this story and the fact that I'm making the characters OCC and Random, too. And here's a little thing for people who don't like this fic and are going to bitch and be mean about it in my reviews: Shut the fuck up and don't read the fic!" This fic is supposed to be fun and random! Duh. So I've edited this chapter, the last part.
WARING, THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CRUDE HUMOR, BAD WORDS, BASHING OF PEOPLE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES.
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Recap.
But what really broke the silence was Sakura screaming "EWWWWWWWWW!"
Everyone rushed over to Sakura to see what was so disgusting.
And there it was Neji "Personal." pictures posted all over the internet.
"OMG!" Someone screamed, while Neji blushed 7 shades of red.
"NO. IT CAN'T BE." He screamed, before everything went black and darkness welcomed him.
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Neji was in heaven, where purple fluffy bunnies were everywhere. It was so heavenly. But then suddenly, he was in horrible pain.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He groaned. Someone was kicking him. "Finally you're awake!" said an enthusiastic, annoying voice.
"Who the hell are you?" Neji asked.
"I'm Naruto, you idiot! You fainted. And it's been two hours." Replied the annoying voice. Naruto, that name seems so familiar...
Then everything came rushing back to him, and Neji jumped up.
"What the fuck? I thought he was dead." Sasuke said.
"Aw! Damn it. He's alive. I was going to eat him." Chouji said, upset about not being able to eat Neji.
"WHO THE FUCK POSTED THOSE PICTURES? MY PRECIOUS PRIVATES ARE BEING EXPOSED TO EVERYONE. WHAT A SHAME!" Neji screamed, being a drama queen.
"Wow. I never knew you were so small." Sasuke said snickering.
"OH SHUT THE FUCK UP, UCHIHA! MY PRIVATES ARE BIGGER AND MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOURS." Neji Screaming frantically.
"Oh yeah, Hyuuga? Wanna bet?" Sasuke said angrily.
" YEAH!" Neji shouted smugly. He would defiantly win, he was bigger anyone than he knew. He had compared to the other men in the bathhouse and he was always the biggest.
" Hn." Sasuke said smirking, and then he pulled down his pants, giving everyone in the room a good view of his privates.
All was silent.
Gaara twitched.
Temari kept snapping pictures on her camera.
Ino was having a nosebleed.
An unreadable expression was on Naruto's face
Sakura was covering her eyes, screaming "MY VIRGIN EYES, HOW COULD YOU SASUKE?"
Tenten shook her head, taking out a specially sharpened weapon, preparing to kill Sasuke for doing such an indecent thing.
Shino, Kankuro, and Kiba just stared at Sasuke.
Chouji was shoving barbeque chips in his mouth.
Lee was dancing around, singing "OH THE YOUTHFULLNESS!"
Hinata fainted.
A few minutes past, and Sasuke still had his pants down, showing everyone his glowing manliness.
Then Kiba said. "You're a real bitch, Uchiha."
Sasuke replied, smirks. "Hn. You called me a bitch. Wow well... A bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is BEAUTIFUL! So thanks for the compliment."
"You are so gay, Uchiha." Gaara said, rolling his eyes.
"I'M SO NOT GAY!" Sasuke shouted, clearly offended.
"Whatever, Uchiha. And Inzuka, when you call him a bitch, he smirks, because he already knows he is a bitch." Gaara said.
"I don't care! Just pull up your pants, Uchiha!" Tenten said annoyed, ready to castrate Sasuke with the sharpened weapon, which she held tightly in her hand.
"No. Until someone confirms that I truly am bigger than Hyuuga." Sasuke said stubbornly.
"Fine. Someone precisely measure us, to see who is bigger. But it won't matter because, I will be bigger!" Neji said smugly, before pulling his pants down.
Kiba measured both of their privates. And the outcome was shocking. Neji and Sasuke were both the same length!
Everyone gasped.
"NO! HOW CAN THAT BE! YOU MEASURE WRONG, INZUKA." Neji and Sasuke shouted, who both refuses to believe the shocking news.
Kiba measured both of the again, only to confirm that they were both truly the same length.
"Hn." Sasuke said, clearly upset about being the same length as Neji. He still was convinced that he was bigger and Kiba had just measured wrong.
Neji was thinking along the same lines, but then the news that images of his privates that had been posted all over the web came flooding back in his head.
"NOW, WHO THE HELL WHO DO SUCH A VULGAR THING?" Neji said screaming, before shaking the laptop which was showing the pictures of his beloved privates.
Everyone was silent, trying to think who could have done such a vulgar thing.
Then Temari for once stop snapping pictures of everyone, that she planning to sell on eBay.
"What's the big deal? Why is everyone so quiet, she said board, then she went to where the laptop was, which was showing the pictures of Neji privates, that had been plastered all over the internet.
"Oh that's what is what everyone's making a big deal about? It's no biggie. I took those pictures a week ago and sold them to some crazy fan girls on eBay." Temari said as if nothing happened.
Neji jumped up, pointing an accusing finger at Temari, screaming over and over again, " HOW COULD YOU!" before everything went black and darkness welcomed him, for the second time that night, due to the shock of how one of his fellow comrades could do such a thing.
"Damn. He fainted again." Kiba said, poking Neji, who seemed to be unconscious.
"What should we do with him?" Gaara asked, looking at Neji.
"Throw him in closet for now, until he wakes up." Naruto suggested.
"For once, Good idea, Dobe." Sasuke said, while roughly shoving Neji's unconscious body in the closest.
"Hurry up and get back to the game. I'm bored." someone called.
"Yeah. Let's get back to the game" Naruto said.
"Whose turn is it, anyways?" Ino asked.
"Mine." Sasuke said.
"OK. Sasuke, it's your turn to pick someone." Sakura said.
"Hn. Fine, I pick Lee!" Sasuke said, pointing at Lee, who Lee was giving a lecture about youthfulness.
"Truth or Dare?" Sasuke asked.
"I pick Dare, to be show my manliness. No man would ever back down on a dare. More importantly, I need to show Gai-Sensei, my true strength and this would be a perfect chance to." Lee said determinedly.
"Hn. I dare you to dress up as a girl and dance at the strip pole at the Fluffy bunnies, Rainbows, And Candy club in Konoha." Sasuke said, smirking.
And before Lee could say a word, Temari, Ino, Sakura, and Hinata dragged him away.
Ten minutes later, Lee came back with Temari, Ino, Sakura, and Hinata.
Everyone gasped.
Lee was wearing a green lacy bustier, a frilly green g-string with a green garter belt. The outfit was complete with green fishnet stockings, orange legwarmers & green high heeled hooker boots.
His hair was in a tiny ponytail. And frilly pink, green, and red bows were everywhere in his hair.
He had red rouge on his cheeks and white foundation powder and concealer was caked on his face.
Black lipstick was on his lips, and he had green mascara and electric blue eye shadow on.
His fingernails were painted pink.
Basically it was Lee's clothes, only girly Hooker verison.
And he had a whip in his hand.
"We decided that this was the best outfit for him." Ino explained.
"It fits him so well!" Sakura gushed
"And it will totally go well with the club he's going to." Temari said.
"Don't I look, youthful?" Lee said, giving everyone one of his signature smiles.
All the girls sighed, proud of their handwork. Not aware Lee looked like a very ugly, strange-looking prostitute.
Naruto was laughing his ass off, while Sasuke just stared at Lee. Looks of sympathy were shared among the guys.
"Now off to the Fluffy bunnies, Rainbows, And Candy club to see Lee complete his dare!" Naruto announced. And everyone headed over to the Fluffy Bunnies, Rainbows, and Candy Club to see Lee complete his dare.
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The Fluffy Bunnies, Rainbows, And Candy Club wasn't a very popular club. But it was popular for all the lesbian, gay, pansexual, bisexual citizens of Konoha. All the crazy people or people who liked threesomes loved the club too.
You would see some of the strangest things there.
The club was bright pink with yellow flashing lights and a neon sign hung outside of the club, which said "Welcome to the Fluffy Bunnies, Rainbows and Candy Club!
Two men were passionately making out with each other at the entrance of the club.
Kiba nearly gagged seeing them.
The whole Naruto gang squeezed themselves in and found themselves in a strange place.
Classical music and strange songs were playing loudly. And Women were making out with Women, A man, a woman and another man were making out.
Pretty much everyone was freaked out.
"What do are we going to do here? All I see are weird people." Naruto said.
"Stupid Dobe, this is a club. Where people drink, dance, and get intimate" Sasuke replied annoyed.
"What do people drink? And what does intimate mean?" Naruto wanted to know.
"You're an idiot." Sasuke said, getting red in face, clearly not wanting to explain to Naruto.
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"Snakes on a Plane" (Bring It On) By Cobra Starship was playing, and everyone was heading off to the dance floor.
And the Naruto gang (except lee) was currently at the dance floor, grooving to the beat.
"Snakes on a Plane? When did that happen? How is that even possible? I really don't understand this song. First, of all it's in English..." Naruto complained, while scratching the back of his head.
"Shut up, and let's get go." Sakura said dragging him to the dance floor by his collar. She dumped in front of Hinata.
"Here, you go Hinata! Dance with Naruto." Sakura said cheerfully and then headed off to go to dance where Sasuke was.
But no one really knew how to dance. Kiba was doing some odd motion, Shino was doing something with his knees, Kankuro was doing something, that looked like a pathetic attempt to do the disco, Tenten was doing something with her weapons, Sakura was punching and kicking the air, as if it were an enemy shinobi, Temari was just well... snapping pictures and was trying to get Shikamaru to dance with her, Ino was also trying to get Shikamaru to dance with her, Neji was doing spinning around on the dance floor, doing Hakkeshō Kaiten, which was pretty much destroying the dance floor and not letting any one near him. And Sasuke, he was just standing their twitching.
It was a shame they didn't teach Choreography in the ninja academy.
The only person, who knew how to dance, surprisingly was Gaara. But Gaara wasn't doing the right dance to the right song. He was ballroom dancing.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Screamed a person, who obviously hated Ballroom dancing.
"Ball room dancing. Got a problem with that?" Gaara said calmly.
"YES! YOU DON'T BALL ROOM DANCE IN A CLUB. THAT'S JUST UNHIP. GET OUT IF YOUR GONNA BALL ROOM DANCE." The persona screamed back.
"You get out." Gaara said coolly.
"YOU LITTLE BASTARD, YOUR GONNA GET IT." The person screamed back, about to tackle Gaara. But Gaara was cool and punched unfortunate person, sending me crashing to the other side of the club.
Gaara got off with ought a scratch. He smirked. That's what you get for fooling with me!" he thought smugly.
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Half an hour had passed since; Lee had been separated from the Naruto gang. He was trouble trying to dance at strip pole. First he needed permission to dance at the strip pole, and he needed to find the person in charge. He was having no such luck, except gay drunk men trying to hit on him.
"I will not give up! For the sake of youthfulness, I shall not give up. The flame of youth shall burn!" He though determinedly.
Then he bumped into a hard wall of flesh, which was more like muscle. Lee looked up. A massive muscled woman was peering back at him. "Gomen Nasei! I didn't know where I was walking" he cried.
"That's alright." The woman said. She had a deep masculine voice.
"I'm looking for the person charge, so I can show Sasuke-kun my manliness by completing the dare he gave me!" Lee said, flashing her, his signature smile.
"I'm the person in charge. You can complete your dare when the next show starts, which is in about 30 minutes." She said, with a huge smile.
"Thank You! I'm forever indebted to you." Lee said, clearly grateful.
"No problemo. But could you do I a favor before that, and be a doll?" She said seductively, winking.
Before Lee could even utter a word, she dragged them to the nearest empty room.
A few minutes later, Moans could be heard from the room. "Harder! Faster!" and "Ahh, that's the spot!" were heard. No one could have not suspected what was going on.
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"Oh, you're such an excellent massager! You even got that tough to reach sport somewhere near my back!" The muscular woman exclaimed.
"Nothing's a challenge for me! And even if I could reach it, I would never give up." Lee said, while massaging her shoulders.
She simply just wanted Lee to give her a massage. Lee agreed too, because he felt that he should return the favor.
And now he was currently straddling her lain down body, giving her a massage. The position was misleading.
Then suddenly the door burst open and two young looking girls came in. "Aw this room's already taken!" one said looking at Lee and the muscular lady.
"Oh well! We'll have our fun somewhere else!" The other girl said.
"You guys have fun!" They both said, winking, before leaving Lee and the muscular lady a massage.
"What was that about?" The muscular lady said puzzled.
"I have no clue. But those two had the fire of youthfulness burning in their eyes. I could see!" Lee said.
"Eh, oh well. Let's get on with the full-body massage. We only have 20 minutes left!" Muscular lady said happily, not really caring what had just happened.
It was amazing how she could only want massage and how both of them were not even aware of their current position.
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40 minutes later and still, the rest of the Naruto gang wasn't making much progress for dancing, and were dealing with their own problems, like Kiba. Kiba was currently trying to convince a lesbian, he is not a female.
The only person, who was making progress, was Sakura. So far, she had mastered the basics, from observing how the other's danced and by copying them.
She had decided it was time to see where Sasuke was. Earlier, she had gone looking for him. But could not find him.
Finally, she spotted him away from the crowd, sitting alone on a barstool.
"Hey Sasuke-kun! Want to dance." She said excitedly.
Sasuke looked up, annoyed from being awaken of these thoughts about how to kill Itachi. Which, he found was the only interesting thing to do. He didn't want to dance, didn't want to get drunk or be an idiot in this strange odd place.
He glared at however interrupted his thoughts. It was Sakura. Her cheeks were flushed red with excitement, her cotton-candy hair disbelieved, her clothes were disheveled and a creamy ivory skin was shown.
"No." he said in a flat voice.
"Please Sasuke-kun! Only one dance…" She said pouting.
How could he ignore her? Those damn puppy eyes. Sasuke thought.
He could never resist her pouting.
"Fine." Sasuke grumbled.
"Thank You Sasuke-Kun!" Sakura said sweetly, before dragging him off to the dance floor.
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The loud and fast beat of "Tokyo Drift" By The Teriyaki boyz, which was currently blasting through the club, was giving Sasuke a headache.
First of all, he despised dancing. Dancing was for girls not for boys, was in his opinion. And the dancing that was going on right now was just a bunch of horny people shaking their asses.
Then he starts watching Sakura. She sensually dances to the music. She was entrancing him. Those red, plumps lips of hers. He thought, licking his lips.
Sasuke was imagining in his mind, the naughty things he could do to her. Stop thinking those things! , He firmly told himself. Sakura was a team mate, a comrade, just a friend... or did he feel something more for her?
Then he started noticing the lusty glances men were throwing Sakura. Sasuke growled and glared at them. Bastards! What they were thinking? She's hands-off. Sakura is my woman!" he thought angrily.
The song ended and "Show Me the Money" By Petey Pablo was playing.
Wait, since when was Sakura my woman? Where did this come from? He asked himself. And again, he reminded himself that Sakura was just a friend and a comrade.
Sasuke found himself watching the way Sakura's hips swung, as she danced. The way she spun around was so hypnotizing. Suddenly, she was dancing closer and closer to him. Too close for his liking. Her warm curvious body was against his hard and muscled body.
She was sensually dancing up and down his body.
Alarms were going off in his Sasuke's head. She was going to be the death of him. Voices in his head were telling him to get away from her, before something drastic happened. But he couldn't help it. It felt so damn good.
Then she started grinding against him, that's when Sasuke realized he had a little problem. A little problem in his pants. She had causes a huge tent to appear in his pants. Sasuke clenched teeth. He needed to have her right now or else...
Sakura turned around, and started grinding her perky little butt in his groin and he couldn't take in anymore, and let out a small groan.
"Sasuke-kun, are you alright?" Sakura asked concernedly, she had stopped dancing.
She snapped Sasuke out of his perverted thoughts about her.
"Yes... I'm alright." He said strained.
"Good. Then let's keep dancing!" Sakura said, shimming up and down his body.
"Sakura, that's the problem." Sasuke said, grinding his teeth.
"What's the problem?" She asked innocently, before twirling herself and Sasuke around.
"We need to STOP dancing." He said clenching his fists.
"Why?" Sakura asked, while grasping his waist, dancing sensually against him.
"Because you don't understand... what you're doing to me!" Sasuke yelled frustrated.
"What?" Sakura asked truly confused, her hands roaming up and down his body.
"You're so annoying!" Sasuke said fed up, before pulling himself away from her and heading to the men's bathroom, leaving Sakura all along upset and confused.
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"What did I do wrong? I'm sure I didn't do anything wrong." Sakura said tearfully. She was currently at the bar, drinking some sake. She was underage, but she didn't care. She needed something to drown her sorrows in.
"You didn't do anything wrong. Uchiha is just confused." said a deep voice behind her.
She turned around. It was Gaara. Sakura had little interaction with him and she didn't really know him. He had tried to kill her during the Chuunin exams. But she didn't really care at the moment.
"How was he confused?" Sakura asked him, desperate for answers.
"Uchiha is starting to feel some emotions, which he feels he shouldn't be feeling." Gaara said.
"..."
"A dance?" Gaara said, holding a hand out for Sakura.
She didn't know Gaara, very well. But what the heck?, she thought. She took his hand, and smiled at him.
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Sakura panted, wiping the sweat off of her head. "Well, Kazekage-sama that was quite a dance" she told Gaara.
She and Gaara had ballroom danced to many songs. She never had so much fun in her life.
"..Call me Gaara, please." Gaara said, smirking.
He also had a good time. Sakura was a good dancer. He had also realized she had matured since the Chuunin exams, so had her body. She had also gotten stronger. Sakura had truly blossomed.
He found her interesting. And he didn't find many people interested.
He had decided, that he was going to take her away from Uchiha and make her his.
This was going to be fun.
He smirked again.
"Gaara, then." Sakura said brightly.
"Sakura, would you like a drink? I'll pay." Gaara said.
"Sure." She replied. She held his hand and they both went over to the bar.
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After a couple drinks, they had both discussed what was currently going on in their lives and what they planned for the future.
Gaara sipped his chili pepper vodka and then deeply looked at Sakura. He then cupped her chin.
"You looked so beautiful tonight." Gaara said.
Sakura blushed. "T--thank You." she said meekly.
Gaara smirked. Everything was going the way, he wanted to. And he had seen that the Uchiha had left the men's room and had seen them. He was currently glaring at them.
Their faces got closer and closer, lips only a few centimeters away...
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Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. Gaara was going to kiss her. He was cursing Gaara, glaring at him, hoping that he would just die. Sakura was his. And no one touched his Sakura.
He stormed over their away, ready to break them up...
But before Sakura and Gaara could kiss, or Sasuke could move. A loud voice came bursting through the speakers, "WELL FOLKS, THE LONG-WAITED EVENT OF THE NIGHT HAS NOW STARTED! THE LAST STRIP POLE DANCING SHOW FOR THE NIGHT IS NOW OFFICIAL. AND HERE'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR."
A stage and poles had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Everyone's attention was at the stage.
Then Lee appeared on the stage next to the pole, still in the hideous costume that made him look like a strange and ugly looking prostitute.
Now, the only thought going through all the members of the Naruto gang was "Lee's dare..."
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Lee's heart was racing. It was time for his dare, the time to show his manliness.
"Barbie Girl" By Aqua starting playing. Lee waited for his queue.
I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.
You can brush my hair, undress me
Everywhere.
Imagination, life is your creation.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Lee sang. He fluttered his mascara covered lashes, and twisted and turned around on the pole. He threw his whip into the crowd.
The audience went wild.
I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.
You can brush my hair, undress me
Everywhere.
Imagination, life is your creation.
I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world,
Dress me up; make it tight, I'm your dolly.
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,
Kiss me here; touch me there, hanky panky.
You can touch; you can play, if you say: I'm
Always yours
Lee pretended to undress himself, touched himself all over, and threw kisses at the crowd. He did a funky dance on the pole. He took over the green garter belt he wore.
You can touch; you can play, if you say: I'm
Always yours
I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.
You can brush my hair, undress me
Everywhere.
Imagination, life is your creation.
Lee then started flaunting what god blessed him with, and started doing the robot. He removed his hooker boots and orange legwarmers, which he threw in the crowd. The audience went wild.
Suddenly, Kisame appeared on stage. He was wearing a black tuxedo and wore a blond wig.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Ah, Ah, Ah, yea.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
uu-oooh.. Uu-oooh...
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Ah, Ah, Ah, yea.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Uu-oooh... uu-oooh...
He sang, before taking his wig off and his black shoes and socks and threw it into the crowd.
At this point, the Naruto gang was in tears. Naruto's stomach hurt from laughing so much, that he couldn't even get himself up to go kill Kisame on stage, Gaara chocked on his Chili pepper vodka, Shino was rolling on the floor laughing, Neji was pointing a finger a Lee, before collapsing into a fit of giggling, Sasuke was laughing manically, Ino, Tenten, Hinata and Sakura was gasping for air, Kiba was convincing himself that this was a dream, Kankuro had one of his puppets dance along, Temari was snapping pictures with her digital camera, and even Shikamaru was laughing.
Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please,
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees.
Come jump in, bimbo friend; let us do it again,
Hit the town; fool around, andlet's go party.
You can touch; you can play, if you say: I'm
Always yours
You can touch; you can play, if you say: I'm
Always yours
Lee sang, moving his body up a down against the pole and pretended to brush his hair. He went on his knees and pretended to beg. He threw his green fishnet stockings and all the frilly bows in his hair, into the crowd.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Ah, Ah, Ah, yea.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Uu-oooh... uu-oooh...
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Ah, Ah, Ah, yea.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Uu-oooh... uu-oooh...
Kisame sang, jumping up and down. He swung around the pole a couple of times, before throwing his tuxedo jacket, his black tie, and his white shirt in the air.
I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.
You can brush my hair, undress me
Everywhere.
Imagination, life is your creation.
I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.
You can brush my hair, undress me
Everywhere.
Imagination, life is your creation.
Lee sang again, doing some kung-fu moves in the air and went spinning around in a circle, before climbing up and down the pole. He took off the green lacy bustier he was wearing and threw it into the crowd.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Ah, Ah, Ah, yea.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Uu-oooh... uu-oooh...
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Ah, Ah, Ah, yea.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Uu-oooh... uu-oooh...
Kisame sang, doing a back flip before throwing his undershirt in the crowd.
Oh, I'm having so much fun! Oh, I love you Ken.
Lee sang, while doing cartwheels. Finally, he took off his green g-string. He didn't face the crowd, only giving them a good view of his ass.
Well Barbie, we've just getting started.
Kisame sang, while doing a couple of somersaults, and then he took of the checkered boxers he wore into the crowd. Like Lee, he didn't face the crowd, giving them only a view of his very blue ass.
The song ended and the crowd went wild. But then Kisame and Lee suddenly turned around, giving everyone a good view of their manliness. Then they both bowed and walked out of the stage.
The Naruto gang was in shock. Naruto's eyes were bulging; Shikamaru was muttering "how troublesome?" Ino was in complete shock, Sakura had covered her eyes, so she was spared, Sasuke was twitching, Gaara looked like he was going to kill someone, Kankuro, Tenten, Kiba, Neji, and Shino both looked very grossed out, and Temari as usual was snapping pictures.
"THAT WAS ROCK LEE AND HOSHIGAKI KISAME WHO BOTH SANG, POLE DANCED, AND STRIPPED TO "BARBIE GIRL" BY AQUA. BUT THE SHOW ISN'T OVER YET..." Said a booming voice, which blasted through the speakers.
Then suddenly Itachi, who was just wearing an old worn Levi's jeans, came on stage. The whole audience went extremely wild, except Sasuke and the rest of the Naruto gang.
"What the hell is Itachi?" Sasuke said shocked at hell but at the same time he wanted to go on that stage and kill Itachi.
"This for all my fans!" Itachi said, throwing kisses at the crowd. And then "Hips Don't Lie" By Shakira started playing.
Ladies up in here tonight
No fighting, no fighting
We got the refugees up in here
No fighting, no fighting
Shakira, Shakira
I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, Bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira
Itachi sang as he shook his hips and danced.
Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
He waved his arms around in the air, before doing the hamster dance.
Hey Girl, I can see your body moving
And it's driving me crazy
And I didn't have the slightest idea
Until I saw you dancing
And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move
Your body, girl
And everything so unexpected - the way
You right and left it
So you can keep on taking it
I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, Bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira
Suddenly Kisame came on stage again; Itachi grabbed him and started doing the tango with him.
Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel its right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
Itachi let go of Kisame, and started moving his hips a sensual way, like a belly dancer. Then he turned around and started doing the hula.
Hey Girl, I can see your body moving
And it's driving me crazy
And I didn't have the slightest idea
Until I saw you dancing
And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move
Your body, girl
And everything so unexpected - the way
You right and left it
So you can keep on taking it
I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira
Itachi grabbed Kisame again, and did the tango with him.
Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel you boy
Come on let's go, real slow
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto
Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel its right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira
Itachi spun Kisame around, and then Kisame gracefully lifted Itachi in the air, and set him back down.
Oh boy, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half man
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing
But you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint
Have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so
You know
That's a bit too hard to explain
Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de dia
Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de dia
I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, Bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira
Itachi let go of Kisame and started doing strange dance moves and gestures with his hands, which suspiciously looked like Bharatanatyam.
Oh baby when you talk like that
You know you got me hypnotized
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body.
Itachi grabbed Kisame again, doing the mambo. Then he dipped him low, and Kisame gracefully arched his back.
Señorita, feel the conga, let me see you
Move like you come from Colombia
Mira en Barranquilla se Baila asi, say it!
Mira en Barranquilla se Baila asi
Itachi let go of Kisame and started shaking his upper bare chest.
Yeah
She's so sexy every man's fantasy
a refugee like me back with the Fugees
From a 3rd world country
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for
Humpty Humpty
I need a whole club dizzy
Why the CIA Wanna watch us?
Colombians and Haitians
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction
No more we do snatch ropes
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our
Own boats
Itachi was now shaking his pelvis and his lower body, like a mad animal, but it gave everyone the impression he was humping the air.
I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel you boy
Come on let's go, real slow
Baby, like this is perfecto
Oh, you know I'm on tonight and my
Hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
The attraction, the tension
Baby, like this is perfection
Itachi grabbed Kisame and started dancing with him, again. Kisame then lifted Itachi in the air and spun him around.
No fighting
No fighting
The song ended, and Kisame and Itachi dramatically did the finishing dance movie and bowed.
The crowd went crazy. The clapping didn't stop. Kisame and Itachi were showered with business cards, and fan girls and fan girls wanting an autograph.
By now the entire Naruto gang, except Sasuke was drunk, on the floor laughing. Sasuke on the other hand, was frozen in horror, his jaw dropped in shock, and his eyes were filled with hatred, which was directed at his brother.
Itachi and Kisame finally made through the crowd and went over were the Naruto gang was. But this time, both were clad in their regular clothing, the Akatsuki cloaks.
Itachi was intently talking to Ino about nail polish and Kisame was talking to Chouji about which brand of potato chips was the best.
Sasuke fist was clenched, his hair covering his eyes, and the expression on his face was unreadable.
"...Iiiiiiiiitaaaaaaaachiiiiiii...I will kill you..." He shouted, and a vein on his forehead popped.
That seemed to get Itachi's attention, and he stopped talking to Ino.
" Huh?" Itachi said obliviously.
"I WILL GET MY REVENGE NOW!" Sasuke screamed.
"FOR OUR CLAN AND I'M ALSO GOING TO KILL YOU FOR EMBARRASSING THE HELL OUT OF ME! YOU'RE A DISGRACE" Sasuke continued to scream.
". Ah, don't be such a big baby about it little brother, and that's what big brothers are for, embarrassing the hell out of you." Itachi said, cheerfully while drinking his pink Cosmo.
Sasuke deadpanned. And then continued to rant and scream about the numerous ways how he was going to kill Itachi.
Itachi ignored him and then focused his attention on Sakura. Then he rushed to her side and kissed her hand. Sakura blushed. "You must be Sakura! One of my brother's wonderful acquaintances. You're quite a pretty girl, I must say! I wonder how Sasuke hasn't notice such a pretty blossom like you!" Itachi said, winking at Sakura.
"Do you want to know why?" He whispered in Sakura's ear.
She eagerly nodded her head.
"It's because…" He stopped and trailed off with a dramatic pause.
"HE'S GAY!" Itachi shouted, while screaming and jumping up and down.
All was silent. Jaws dropped and gasps could be heard.
Everyone in the Naruto gang had this slight feeling deep down inside that Sasuke was gay, but they assumed that it couldn't be. A man like him, who had this ego this size of Texas, couldn't be gay. But with Itachi screaming it, it pretty much confirmed the fact that Sasuke was gay.
"THAT'S NOT TRUE! Sasuke sputtered his face fire-truck red. "YOU GUYS KNOW I COULDN'T BE GAY! GAY MEN DON'T SHINE WITH THE MANLINESS OR HAVE BIG EGOS LIKE ME! AND WHY THE HELL WOULD LISTEN TO HIM, A NAIL-POLISH WEARING MAN FREAK PYSCHO WHO KILLED ALMOST HIS ENTIRE FAMILY EXCEPT ME." He screamed.
"It's
true, Sasuke. You have to accept the fact you gay." Itachi said
solemnly.
"And there are two reasons why I wear nail polish"
Itachi continued to say. "One reason why because it's fashionable
and PRETTY!" He squealed. "And the other reason why is top
secret, but it does with one of Akatsuki's secret rituals." He
said matter-of-factly.
"But Sasuke, you are gay and I have evidence." Itachi said, whipping out pictures of Sasuke and Naruto. One of the pictures showed a kiss shared between Naruto and Sasuke, in their gennin years. Naruto didn't look too happy; neither did Sasuke, but if you looked closely it looked like Sasuke forced his lips upon Naruto's lips.
Everyone gasped.
"N-no-way, I thought that was an accident." Naruto said chocking on his beer.
"It wasn't, Sasuke was tempted by your innocence, and he took advantage of you." Itachi said seriously.
"OMG. HOW COULD I HAVE NOT REALIZED THAT? WHAT IF HE RAPES ME?" Naruto screamed a terrified look on his face.
"SAKURA-CHAN, SAVE ME FROM THAT… PERVERT!" Naruto yelled, hiding behind Sakura, and pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke.
"I DON'T LIKE MEN. AND THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! AND FIRST OF ALL, THAT WAS NARUTO'S FAULT. HE TRIPPED AND SMASHED HIS FACE AGAINST MINE." Sasuke screamed, his eyebrow twitching.
"Little brother, you have to realize it. You wanted him, that's why." Itachi said wisely.
"EW, HELL NO. I TOLD IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT" Sasuke screamed, clutching his head.
"Whatever. But how do you explain, this little brother?" Itachi said, whipping out a TV and a video tape.
Itachi popped the video into the VCR and pressed "play".
Gasps and could cries of disgust could be heard!
It was a sex tape! Featuring, what looked like two men doing sex with each other!
"OMG! IT'S SASUKE." Kiba screamed excitedly, and pointed to the screen.
"NO WAY! I TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE MEN." Sasuke yelled stubbornly.
"Look closer, you idiots, its Lance Bass from NSYCN!" Kankuro said, squinting at the screen.
"OMG! HE'S LIKE TOTALLY GAY!" Someone shouted.
"NO, LOOK CLOSER, IT'S THAT PEDOSPHILE THAT WAS ON TV, THE OTHER DAY." Some one else screamed.
Everyone huddled around the TV, wondering who the two people were. George Bush and Sasuke, and Sasuke and a half-monkey man were just some of the people that some of the Naruto gang thought was featured in the sex video.
"NO, IT'S PARIS HILTON AND HER OLD BOYFRIEND!" Ino shouted.
Neji took a closer look. "She's right!" he said in amazement.
"Oops, wrong video." Itachi said. "I must have left the one with my little brother in it and burger king when I was eating lunch or at the Akatsuki headquarters." He said apologetically.
Itachi snapped his fingers and the TV suddenly disappeared.
"I don't have the right video, but let me assure you my little brother is gay." Itachi told everyone.
This was the limit, for poor Sasuke who had endured too much humiliation.
"THAT'S IT. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW AND I MEAN IT." He shouted, he started running toward Itachi, chidori in hand, ready to kill his brother right then.
Only Sasuke didn't notice the banana peel on the floor.
He tripped, chidori went out and he grasped what was the nearest thing that was close to him, to keep himself from falling.
Sakura's breasts.
Hmm… whatever I grabbed are really soft and gushy." Sasuke thought, not noticing what he was grasping. He laid his head down on Sakura's chest, and snuggled between her breasts.
The perfect place to lie my head down for a minute." Sasuke thought. Then he looked up and realized it.
"Oh Shit." He thought.
Everyone froze. Sakura twitched. "SASUKE, YOU PERVERT!" She screamed, before bashing his head, and punching him against the wall. He banged against the wall hard, where he lay battered.
Naruto winced. "That's gotta hurt" he thought. Most of the Naruto gang silently agreed with that.
Itachi manically started laughing. "MHWAHAHAHA! Nice try, little brother. But you can never kill me." He paused for a dramatic effect.
"BECAUSE I HAVE THIS!" He yelled, whipping out a picture.
Everyone gasped.
It was a baby picture of Sasuke. He was cute, his eyes were laughing in the picture, and he was sucking his thumb, but he was bare-naked, only in his birthday suit.
"HOW CUTE!" screamed the rabid fan girls.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NO, THAT PICTURE. IT RUINS MY REPUTATION." Sasuke screamed, clutching his head.
"I saved it, little brother. It's the ultimate weapon." Itachi said smirking.
"And when you do hate me enough to kill me, which you can't do, because you love too much, I shall do this!" Itachi declared, whipping out a red button.
"I will click the button, and when I click the button, this picture will be pasted all over the internet!" he said evilly.
"And, so little brother, unless you can conquer this, you will never be able to kill me." Itachi continued.
Then Kisame rushed over. "We've got another mission. It's urgent" He told Itachi.
"Aw, it can't wait?" Itachi asked Kisame, pouting.
"Nope." Kisame said.
"Dang. What's the mission?" Itachi said, disappointed.
"One of our clients wants us to steal all the Barbies from Mattel and give it to him. The reward is very promising. 200 cases of red bull, pink cake, a paid for tea party, and best of all, 100 bottles of Black Silk Chanel nail polish!" Kisame squealed.
"OMG, No way!" Itachi said excitedly.
"Sorry, little brother. But this will have to wait. But until then, remember, to runway and cling to life, hate me and despise me to kill me." Itachi said cheerfully.
Then suddenly a gigantic bat swooped down, and carried Kisame and Itachi on its back.
"Until, we meet again, little brother. Sayonara!" Itachi cried from the bat's back, waving good-bye.
The entire Naruto gang and the rest of the club waved good-bye to the two Akatsuki members, except Sasuke. Who was battered and lay slumped against the wall.
"What did I do, Kami-sama? to deserve a brother like him?" he thought, before shutting both of his swollen tired eyes and falling into darkness.
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END OF CHAPTER THREE