Fry pocketed a simple looking laser gun device and shoved it into his pocket. Still without a plan or any impulse to pursue one, he returned to the first floor of the time ridden home. He crashed on the coach once again, the only thing that seemed logical, and easy was to sleep. After a few hours he woke up, looking at his watch it was past noon.
"Damn, late for work. Oh well, at least my record of being late is still intact." He muttered proudly to himself.
Returning to the surface of New New York, Fry once again felt out of place. He strolled down the many streets and blocks until he smelled the salt water of the New New York Harbor, and finally a view of the Planet Express building. He stopped dead in his tracks.
"Well, I am probably already fired for being late again! So this is going to feel pretty damn good" He thought to himself.
The front door was unlocked and he walked in and trotted up the stairs to the meeting area. Hermes was going through some sort of presentation and everyone was half asleep, except Zoidberg who was wearing what appeared to be a dunce cap. Fry walked into the room and must have caught Hermes' attention.
"Ah Fry. Glad ya could make it, mon. We were just explaining how a good company revolves around proper attendance." Hermes said, adjusting his glasses looking none to pleased. " I am sorry, but I had to set an example. You are no longer allowed on Planet Express property, consider yourself fired!"
Fry's palms went sweaty and his cheeks burned. It wasn't so much the part of being fired, he had expected that since day one. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his concealed weapon.
"Fry, no!" panicked Hermes. "Please don't shoot me, mon. I be having Manwhich for dinner tonight!"
" Don't worry, as long as you do what I say, nobody will get hurt!" Fry said.
Just an instant after his mouth closed he accidentally pulled the trigger and vaporized Dr. Zoidberg's shell. The lobster creature looked like a gigantic wad of chewed bubble gum.
"You, pervert!" Dr. Zoidberg yelled and scuttled out of the room.
"Fry, put that gun down. Its not worth it!" Leela tried to negotiate with him.
Fry edged toward Amy Wong and put the gun to her head, motioning for her to get up.
" Give me the keys, Leela." Fry ordered.
Leela looked to the Professor, who was amazingly still asleep through the whole crisis. She was capable of disarming Fry, as she was a master in various martial arts, but didn't want to risk Amy getting hurt, it was too risky. She tossed Fry the keys to the ship.
" I'm sorry I have to do this, but Bender is in trouble. None of you want to help, not a single one. So I guess its up to me, you should all feel ashamed of yourselves." Fry began to scold them.
"Uhh gluh, I didn't know. Geesh." Amy pleaded.
" Oh yeah. Sorry Amy." Fry said. "Whoops, heh heh."
"It was an honest mistake. Now lets go get Bender!" Amy cheered.
They both sprinted to the ship. Within seconds they where on a course to New Jersey. Fry put the ship on autopilot. Looking at the ray gun he decided he didn't need it. It wouldn't matter, robots probably were laser proof to begin with. He tossed it into a waste basket that was conveniently placed on an intergalactic spaceship, nothing out of the ordinary right?
"What's going on here. I'm trying to take a nap!" A raspy voice bellowed from the back of the cockpit.
"Who the hell are you!" Fry and Amy yelled in unison.
"I'm Scruffy, the janitor." The unknown custodian answered with a sniff.
Fry and Amy looked at each other and shrugged.
"I didn't know Planet Express had a janitor!" Fry exclaimed.
"Scruffy's been on strike." He proudly announced.
Finally after a long 2 minute slight from New New York to Hoboken, New Jersey the mint green ship touched down outside of an abandoned amusement park, crushing a squirrel who was innocently chewing on an acorn.
"Mmm squirrel meat " Scruffy said licking his lips.
"Your not really going to eat that are you?" Amy asked.
"Shh. We have to be careful, this is the entrance to Robot Hell." Fry said, analyzing the horizon.
"How do you even know he's here? And how would you know this is Robot Hell?" Amy whispered.
"I've been here before. Still have the splinters in my ass from last time" Fry said, scratching himself on his rear.
"Scruffy will guard the ship." Scruffy said crossing his arms, the dead squirrel waving around in the wind.
"Somebody should be the look out!" Amy also wussed out.
"Good idea, I'll go into the blazing inferno of Robot Hell all by myself and get Bender out. This plan is too easy!" Fry bragged.
He walked toward the entrance of the old, and long forgotten amusement park, suddenly the ground gave way! A trap door! Fry slid down the fun slide of Robot Hell, his ass in pain from even more splinters. He hit the ground hard with a loud thud.
"Good thing I landed on my head!" He thought to himself. "I could have really damaged something"
Out of nowhere a puff of smoke appeared, and Fry saw the Robot Devil walk into the room through a door, completely on the other side of the room, ruining the attempt of a dramatic entrance.
"Damn, I really need to work on that." The Robot Devil muttered. "Where you surprised any Fry?"
"Cut!" A voice yelled.
" Nope, not at all. Actually it was pretty stupid. It sucked." Fry said getting up and dusting himself off.
"That's putting it nicely. You really screwed up the dramatic emphasis I had planned." Matt Groening said walking into the frame.
"Yeah, I wasn't feeling it. I mean I wanted to laugh, that was bush league!" Fry commented.
"Maybe I should go with the HA HA HA HA, and some exploding flames" The Robot Devil asked Matt Groening.
"Ya know, I didn't want that earlier, but lets try some of that.Oh and Phil, on the slide scene, I also changed my mind, I want it to hurt now, the whole hard head joke, that's just too Homer Simpson, you know what I mean?" Groening added.
"Yeah, I wanted to say something about that before, I don't want to be typecast as just another Homer Simpson clone, I mean this is suppose to be a totally different series, not some rip off of the Simpsons, like Family Guy!" Fry said sipping a cup of coffee his assistant gave him.
"I know, I know. Your right. So lets start it from the top, ok? Lets make this scene the most memorable, ok?" Matt Groening pleaded with his star.
"Yeah, are you ready Robot Devil, cuz I'm ready" Fry said to the Robot Devil.
"Yeah, of course, I think we can do better." He said taking off a white robe that mysteriously appeared.
Fry climbed up a nearby ladder and back to the parking lot above.
"Fry, what are you doing back, this wasn't in the script" Amy Wong asked, smoking a cigarette.
"Robot Devil blew the scene, I hate working with this guy." Fry said.
"Yeah he tries to ham up the whole scene, ya ever felt that?" Scruffy said, spitting a glob of tobacco.
Amy stubbed out her cigarette and flicked it into the New Jersey wind, where it disentegrated into nothing.
"Ok, and, wait for it, wait for it, ACTION!" Matt Groening yelled from off screen.
"How do you even know he's here? And how would you know this is Robot Hell?" Amy whispered.
"I've been here before. Still have the splinters in my ass from last time" Fry said, scratching himself on his rear. This time a grimace on his face.
"Scruffy will guard the ship." Scruffy said crossing his arms, the dead squirrel waving around in the wind once again.
"Somebody should be the look out!" Amy also wussed out.
"Good idea, I'll go into the blazing inferno of Robot Hell all by myself and get Bender out. This plan is too easy!" Fry repeated himself.
He walked toward the entrance of the old, and long forgotten amusement park, suddenly the ground gave way! A trap door! Fry slid down the fun slide of Robot Hell, his ass in pain from even more splinters. He hit the ground hard with a loud thud.
"Yowch, argh. Ouch. Damn it, damn it. My head! I only have 8 brain cells left!" Fry howled in pain.
Suddenly the walls of the room burst into flames, and the room filled with smoke, a sinister laugh began to echo and thunder off the flaming walls.
"HA HA HA. Phillip J. Fry welcome back to Robot Hell!" The Robot Devil materialized.
Fry stumbled to his feet, his hands holding his throbbing head and a painful expression on his face. His heart was beating like a drum at a hard metal show. His eyes began to water as the smell of sulfer began to flood his nose.
"Here to save your friend, aren't you?" The Robot Devil sneered, the flames disappearing and the room turning back to normal.
"So he is here, I had a feeling." Fry said, his hands now fists.
"You dare challenge me to fisticuffs? I forbid it, I never, ever want your filthy hands touching me again. I'm still getting over that traumatic week I had them on my chassis!" The Robot Devil yelled.
"They do have a life of their own." Fry said, once again scratching himself.
"Don't remind me of those vile things." The Robot Devil shuddered.
"Let Bender go" Fry said, giving the Robot Devil a wet willy.
"Yargh! Please I besiege you, don't touch me with those, those things!" The Robot Devil howled in pain.
"Fine, let Bender go. Or else" Fry ordered.
"No." The Robot Devil responded.
"Aww, why not?" Fry asked.
The Robot Devil crossed his metallic arms, and gave Fry a surprised look. He never understood humans and their feelings. Bender is a thief, and the second most evil robot behind only me, Robotic Evil itself! But for whatever reason this moron doesn't allow me to grant the punishment that is due.
"Bender is evil, he fails to learn a lesson. He steals anything that isn't bolted down, even the stuff that is BOLTED down!" The Robot Devil said. "He even stole my wallet!"
"Yeah, he isn't a model citizen, but who is? Fry objected.
"I can name 4,000 convicts on Commander Ryker's Island accused of murder, rape and outstanding parking tickets who are better than Bender B. Rodriguez" The Robot Devil said, pulling out a scroll that rolled across the room. He put on a pair of reading glasses.
"Lets see. Oh here's a good one. Ted Bundy's head, Adolf Hitler's head wow, didn't know he was there! Wow, get this, Rosie O'donell's head." The Robot Devil casually read off the names.
"Ok, my mistake. Bender isn't as bad as that God awful woman!" The Robot Devil snickered.
"Look, I know Bender isn't great. But he's my friend. Isn't there anything I can do to get him out of here?" Fry offered.
"Tell you what, you can take his place for eternity" The Robot Devil sneered.
Fry's stomach felt like iron, worse than the time he drank his body weight in Slurm in just one day, or the time he ate Bender's Thanksgiving dinner.
"Fine, I'll do it." Fry said, hopelessness in his voice.
The Robot Devil and Fry walked to the pit of despair, which was really just an old break room located underneath the theme park, there was still trash from the 20th century within it.
"Fry! Ya gotta get me the hell outta here!" Bender collapsed to his knees and begged." There's nothing to steal and the only channel we get here is FOX and FOX news channel!" Bender began to wail, tears coming out of his robotic eyes.
" Don't worry, Bender. I'm taking your place." Fry said.
"Wow, Fry, you have truly taught me what a good friend is. It almost makes me want to stay here and sacrifice myself so that your insignificant life can go on" Bender said, lighting up yet another cheap cigar.
"Heart warming." The Robot Devil said sarcastically, as he chained Fry to a wall.
All of the sudden, a large thud echoed through the grimey room. The Robot Devil lay on the ground almost completely out, but not quite. Scruffy stood in the doorway with a large lead pipe and the same spaced out image he usually had.
"Oww, you imbecile. Who the hell are you?!!" The Robot Devil groaned, on the verge of blacking out.
"I'm Scruffy the Janitor." Scruffy announced in his familiar fashion.
"Who?" Bender asked.
"Get me down from here! I'll explain on the way back to Planet Express. I've already committed several felonies might as well make it 2 good deeds today." Fry muttered.
"Aww, I'm so proud of you buddy. 2 felonies is great!" Bender congratulated his friend as he tore the chains off the wall.
The trio wandered through the depths of Robot Hell, careful not to attract the attention of any of the Robotic Demons, or booby traps that were hidden throughout. They found their way to the abandoned parking lot where Amy was still waiting.
"Gleesh. Sure took ya long enough!" She complained
"Bite my fleshy human ass!" Fry yelled, causing her to instantly break down into tears.
"Fry, my friend, I have taught ya well. You truly do have a CPU not a human heart." Bender said proudly.
"Cheese it soup can!" Fry slapped Bender upside the head.
"Maybe a bit to well." Bender said to himself glaring at Fry.
The red headed loser, the robo-criminal,the typical rich snobby girl that everyone loves, and Scruffy the Janitor all boarded the ship. Fry took the helm and set a course back to New New York. After a few minutes the ship was safely docked in the Planet Express building, where Leela the Cyclops, Hermes the buercrat, and the Professor waited all 3 with their arms crossed, and a stone like expression on their faces.
"You are lucky I didn't call the police." Hermes yelled. " The only ting that stopped me was da fact that all of the paperwork would have set us back weeks!"
"Calm down. You've always been a tight ass." Scruffy said.
"Scruffy, I haven't seen you in 15 years. I taught you had quit!" Hermes yelled.
"Scruffy was on strike. I broke the picket line." He announced.
"Then get to work! Time is money!" Hermes yelled tossing a broom to him.
"Scruffy's on break." He said, watching the broom sail into a window, cracking it.
"Maybe what I did was wrong. Ok, it was really wrong. I took a hostage, stole a spaceship and took it across state lines, into New Jersey none the less"
Everyone shuddred at the words New Jersey.
"Yes, it was horrible, but I've already paid a price for that. I went to Robot Hell to save my best friend. More than I think you would do for each other." Fry lectured on.
The supervisors faces changed from motionless to emotional, a tear formed in Leela's one eye, the Professor's heart started beating a little faster, 2 beats per minute almost. Hermes could no longer look Fry in the eye.
"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I was wrong and you were wrong so it didn't make a right." Fry concluded.
"I wont press charges against Fry. He only took me hostage with a hair dryer." Amy declared.
"Yes, yes. Fry did an honorable thing. But he did steal, threaten and deceive us all." The Professor began to lecture his own opinions.
He stopped and sighed, he didn't really want to do this, at his old age his judgment wasn't where it used to be, his senility had almost taken over 100 at his unbelievable advanced age.
"I don't know if this is the right decision, but I think everyone will be happy about it. Fry, your reinstated here at Planet Express and promoted to first mate right behind Leela in rank." The Professor announced.
Everyone except for Leela cheered. Deep down she was happy for Fry, but as the second in command on the ship, how would things go? They couldn't go smoothly, could they?
Fry was speechless. He had never been promoted anywhere, this was a thousand years in the making. He looked at everyone smiling. The Professor, Hermes, Amy, Bender. He looked at Leela though. She looked kind of doubtful as always with Fry.
A few hours later, the fiasco had been long forgotten and the crew returned from a simple mission to the moon delivering a small package of moon pies to a horrible gelatinous green blob with somewhat of an attitude problem.
Bender clanked down the ramp into the docking bay and began rummaging through a near by tool box pretending not to steal anything. Fry followed him down, hands in the pockets of his familiar red jacket admiring his "crew" a single, poorly programmed Bending bot. Leela was finishing logging something into the ship's log, and making sure all of the reactors were shut down. After a few minutes of procrastinating she departed the vessel.
Fry was still waiting in the bay waiting for her. She slowly walked down the hydraulic ramp towards him.
"Excellent job, first mate Fry. That promotion was well deserved." Leela patted him on the shoulder, and than just gave him an all out hug.
"Thanks" Fry said.
He watched as she walked out of the docking bay and down the hallway. A smile formed on his face. Bender noticed his buddy smiling and walked toward him, his metallic feet clanking on the concrete floor.
"What?" Bender asked curiously.
"Sucker." Fry said, amused. Holding up Leela's wallet that had exactly enough cash to cover their over due rent and end their eviction.
Meanwhile, Dr. Zoidberg sat in his office staring at his computer screen, watching the cursor blink on and off.
"Ugh, writers block! So much for Zoidberg's great American fan fiction!" He snarled, knocking his computer to the floor.
THE END
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