Hello again! I was really busy at work – or I would have uploaded sooner….Anyways, thanks to everyone who reviewed!

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It was warm.

Warm and cozy, just the way he liked it. Goku inhaled deeply, burying his head in Sanzo's chest. The faint scent of Sanzo's cigarettes on black leather, plus Sanzo's own spicy essence was what normally drove Goku insane, the need to be as close as possible to it always overpowered his entire body and mind.

Long and slender fingers came up his back, stroking his skin in delicious yet comforting movements. Goku let out a purr of contentment, as he moved impossibly closer towards the source of warmth.

Something was tugging at the back of his mind, something that seemed urgent. Goku tried to ignore it, he just wanted to relax and enjoy this rare moment.

But the more he tried to dodge it, the more persistent it got. Goku finally let out an exasperated sigh, and lazily went through the events of the day. Or was it yesterday?

Goku suddenly jerked, moving to a sitting position as his memory finally clicked in.

Homura…Sanzo…his diadem…

What happened?

A small noise reached his ears, and Goku looked down only to find Sanzo chuckling softly, as his hand reached up to play with the chocolate locks of hair by the side of his face.

Goku gulped. Was this who he thought it was?

"Bakasaru."

Goku released his breath that he had unconsciously held. So everything was back to normal.

Or so he thought.

"Sanzo…you…you're…laughing."

Sanzo's lips stopped its flow of the rich, melodious laughter almost immediately. Instead, he shook his golden head, the sides of his mouth twitching.

"You should have seen your face."

Goku blinked owlishly as he moved back down, slipping his arms around Sanzo's waist. He positioned himself so that he was resting his chin on Sanzo's shoulder blade, his cheek brushing lightly against Sanzo's.

So what if he looked totally ridiculous? At least now he needn't have to worry about being too close to the priest.

"You've just woken up, and now you want to sleep again?" Sanzo's voice was teasing in his ear.

"No, it's just that…", Goku swallowed, before continuing. "I missed you, Sanzo".

It was a miracle that his voice didn't crack.

"Do you mean that?"

Sanzo's own baritone voice was quiet, as he pulled Goku back to gaze into the molten gold.

Goku nodded, trying his best to keep the tears from falling. Of course he missed Sanzo!

Of course he missed just being able to be held like this, without having to worry about being fucked too hard.

Of course he was happy beyond words to have his sun back.

Sanzo pushed him further away, before turning so that he had Goku pinned beneath him. He took Goku's face into his hands, cupping the smooth cheeks lightly.

"I missed you too".

The last sentence was breathed out, barely above a whisper. Goku's heart raced as Sanzo lowered his face, so that their noses were touching. They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment, before Sanzo diminished the space between their lips.

Eagerly Sanzo ravished his lips, as his hands moved to discard of Goku's clothing. Goku let Sanzo's tongue in without hesitation, as it danced sensually in his hot mouth.

Sanzo's hand grazed his hips, and Goku involuntarily shuddered. It's okay, he told himself. This is Sanzo, not Homura.

Sanzo's taunting lips left his mouth, only to explore the skin on his neck, the smooth tanned skin that the monk could not get enough of. His hands once again grazed Goku's tight ass, as he his hips ground against the youth.

That was too much for Goku. Letting out a sudden yelp, Goku twisted his body away from Sanzo's eager hands.

/ It hurts. /

Homura was dead, but the scars that he left on Goku were yet to heal.

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Sanzo pulled away from Goku so fast that the room was in a blur for about a second. His eyes widened in shock, as he took in the scene before him.

Goku was wearing a guilty look on his face as he brought his knees up to his chess, hugging them.

What the-?

Goku had just stopped him.

Goku had just resented his touch.

Goku had just rejected him.

Sudden hurt welled up in Sanzo's chest - hurt he never thought he would feel. Not once had he thought that Goku would ever reject him, push him away. It just didn't seem possible.

And yet, here he was, experiencing it for himself.

He fought to keep an emotion-free face as he looked at Goku, his eyes cold as ice.

"Get out."

Goku blinked, as if he had heard wrong. "S-Sanzo?"

He sounded so young, so innocent, so confused. And yet his actions had just betrayed him. No, Genjo Sanzo would not fall for that fake innocence.

"You heard me, get the hell out of here". Sanzo tried not to choke as the words sliced through the air. How strange, he sounded perfectly fine, his voice strong and steady, cold and emotionless, not even shaking once. The complete opposite as to what he felt inside.

He turned away from Goku. He could not bear to look at him. He could feel Goku's eyes boring into the back of his head, and he tried his best to ignore it.

Was this how Goku really felt?

Did Goku really want to cringe every time Sanzo touched him, was Goku just faking it every time they had sex?

Goku's hand reached out to touch Sanzo's back. "Sanzo-"

Bad move. Sanzo reacted as if he were scalded. He slapped Goku's hand away, his eyes murderous.

"Don't you fucking touch me, itan."

The words were out before he could register what he was actually saying.

Goku backed away, his eyes filled with hurt and watering as he clasped a hand to his mouth. Turning around, he dashed out of the room in a blur of dark chocolate.

Sanzo dropped to his knees, his head bowed.

How did it all go wrong?

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It was hard to breathe.

Goku choked as he tried to inhale. Running non-stop at full speed for a full mile was not something he did everyday. It was no wonder his leg muscles had all cramped up, and his lungs burning, his side causing him a sharp stab of pain each time he tried to draw in air.

Perhaps he could just stop. Just not take in oxygen. Then maybe it would be easier for everyone.

He diminished the thought as soon as it entered his mind. No, that would be stupid. He would not waste his life like that. He would not throw away his entire existence for …for…

His savior.

His only love.

His sun.

Goku hit the hard ground with a dull thud as his knees gave away. He clutched his face, trying to stop the dam of tears that were making their way down his cheekbones.

What did he ever do to deserve this?

Perhaps Homura was right. Perhaps it was because he was an itan, and all that itans were ever going to get was pain and suffering.

Because itans deserved no happiness.

No, scratch that as well. Son Goku was not going to give up just like that, letting every mishap just happen, or blaming all the misfortunes that bedeviled him throughout his life be blamed on how he was born.

/ Yeah, keep telling yourself that. /

Or did Sanzo act like that because he thought Goku was no longer pure? Because he was stained, scarred forever with Homura's lust?

Goku crawled over to the edge of the rock, and peered into the lake. The water was as still as glass and Goku could see his reflection as if he was staring into a mirror, the stars and the full moon providing ample light.

Maybe he should have just kept his big mouth shut and let Sanzo fuck him. That was what Sanzo wanted, right? Yes, Goku should have just kept silent and bore the pain.

But Goku knew Sanzo, and sex was not the only thing that Sanzo wanted, it was not the only thing expected from him on a silver platter. Goku had always seen lust in those hazy pools of violet; he had seen the look in those eyes before he was kissed. And Goku had felt the way Sanzo caressed his body, the way Sanzo stroked him…it was always in passionate yet gentle way, as if Goku were a fragile piece of glass and Sanzo was afraid that he might break.

Was all that a lie?

If yes, then that made Sanzo no better than Homura.

Goku's heart weighed down as this new piece of information displayed itself in his befuddled mind. His reflection on the calm water showed his miserable features, his eyes sad and ancient.

Pathetic.

He looked totally pathetic. Heck, he probably was pathetic. Nothing but a whining, sniveling little brat with no past, and no future. Ah yes, and he was a heretic too, born out of a rock. Just a coincidence?

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Sanzo stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan as it spun around in lazy circles. He was on his second pack now, and beer cans were littering the entire room. And yet he was still awake, perfectly sober. Perhaps he should ask the innkeeper for the strongest liquor in the house.

Then maybe Goku's haunting golden eyes would just disappear from his mind and leave him alone.

Goku had been gone for almost five whole hours now, and Sanzo didn't know whether he should be thankful or not that Hakkai and his kappa lover had been too busy with each other to notice the disappearance of their youngest member. No, wait, the eldest.

Well, certainly the most beautiful, either way.

Sanzo let out a small groan. He was not supposed to think like that. He was supposed to forget all about the teen, he was not allowed to lust after that sexy lithe body, nor the smooth tanned skin, and certainly not the golden pools that he always drowned in. That would no longer happen.

But the more Sanzo tried not to think about it, the more Goku's hurt filled eyes and pained face entered his mind. Sanzo tried to visualize taking his gun and blasting the face into a gazillion pieces.

Nope, that didn't work. The only thing that accomplished was to make Sanzo even more miserable with his life.

Why did Goku push him away, anyway? What was it that went wrong?

The alcohol must have finally taken effect, but in the most bizarre way.

Sanzo let out a silent gasp as he remembered how he had stumbled Goku and Homura together, with Homura all over Goku in the most disgusting way. Only he could touch Goku like that, not some bastard kami.

" Oh fuck."

Goku was forcibly raped, wasn't he?

Sure, Homura was still in his body, but that doesn't mean that Homura would have treated Goku any gentler.

Sanzo suddenly felt like throwing up.

He had just destroyed the most precious thing in his life.

Goku was hurt, Goku was in suffering in pain, all because of him. If he hadn't stalked into that damn forest just a few days ago, all of this wouldn't have happened.

And it was Goku's unrequited love for him that the earth spirit had allowed to be humiliated like that, to be stripped off his pride and dignity.

And when Homura had been finally gotten rid off, the first thing he did was to jump on the youth.

And when Goku had pushed him away in pain, probably for the very first time, what did Genjo Sanzo do?

He should have just taken Goku's heart and sliced it up before burning them up till the ashes. It would have hurt less that way.

And he had said that he loved the him.

The guilt made him feel like he was suffocating. Sanzo stumbled out from his room, not bothering to put on his priest's robes. He had more urgent things on his hands.

He had someone to find.

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A/N: Hahaha……I planned that this would be the last chapter but…

Let's make it a nice even number, shall we? Twelve should do just perfectly.

And I know, I know. This chapter had absolutely no action, and it was as if I was stuck, trying to swim in peanut butter. With extra nuts. o.O