Dear Princess Peach,
Look, I'm doing the best I can. Fighting goombas, defeating bosses, and dodging fire isn't classified as easy. I've already died 7 times, in the desert world alone! It's not like I have any weapons like that pretty boy, Link, or can throw a poke' ball and my freakish pets to do all the work. I'll I get is a tail, and maybe if I am lucky, I can shoot fire balls. But that's it. So I would say I am doing pretty darn well.
I know Bowser doesn't hand out chocolates, but would you just be patient! I am sure there is a do in that castle; you're just being a big baby. Just use your imagination. Why don't you learn to knit, or read a book, or put rat poison in Bowser's food?
By the way, I know which castle you're in but it's the last one and the most guarded. Plus, Luigi refuses to help; he's too tired of saving you with no reward and he thinks Bowser smells weird. Also, Yoshi is on vacation in Europe. So just be patient!
Sincerely, Mario
PS: If you want me there faster, don't except me to do your shopping!